Blood and Ruin (Blood and Ruin Series Book 1)

I open the door to find an agitated Kai frowning right at me.

“Tell me the truth?” his deep voice demands.

My stomach drops, thinking he somehow found out about the switch. But how could he possibly know?

“What are you talking about?”

Kai pushes past me, making his way into the centre of the small room, his frown deepening the more he looks around. “This deal you have with your contact. How trustworthy are they?”

A glimmer of relief passes through me. He doesn’t know.

Closing the door, I turn to him. “If you’re worried about Luna—”

“I’m worried about you!” His voice raises as he steps toward me, the intensity in his tone surprising me. His eyes are filled with an affection and worry I’m not used to.

“You don’t need to be, I’ll be fine.” Famous last words, but they should hold on long enough until they all leave, then my mind can acknowledge the truth.

I’m not fine and haven’t been in a long time.

“You’ve been keeping something from us. We can all see it.” Kai fists his hands, his frustration reaching a boiling point.

Yes, but it’s to keep you all safe.

I wish to tell him those words, but know his stubbornness, similar to my own, would disagree.

“I—” I swallow the hard lump in my throat, threatening to choke me.

“It’s something to do with King, isn’t it?”

King is forever my tormentor but telling him would only ruin what was left of the plan. Luna and Alana deserve their freedom.

“I don’t know what you want me to say?” I try to change the subject; the emotion is thick in the room. I need to escape, to be free from this new pain tightening around my heart.

“All you have to do is open up to us. Let us at least try to make up for leaving you here.”

I give him a sad smile. There is nothing he can do, nor does he own the guilt he feels is his.

“There’s nothing you need to make up for.” I tell him the truth, at least with this.

His chuckle is hollow and cold. “We thought it was you who left us, but it wasn’t. It was us who left you.”

“No—” I shake my head, vehemently disagreeing. We were only kids. Of course, they assumed I left them. I might have jumped to the same conclusion if roles were reversed. But he doesn’t hear me, continuing on.

“We abandoned you when you needed us the most. We left you to that monster and many like him, and we never once questioned why you would leave. We thought you betrayed us, but it’s us who betrayed you—”

“I never felt you betrayed me, any of you,” I say with as much certainty as I could, needing him to know the truth in those words.

It was never their fault.

 Kai looks to me with so much guilt I could taste it on my tongue. I couldn’t let him leave, thinking any of this was his fault.

“Kai…” I start, taking a step forward, but stop, not knowing what to say.

If I involve any of them in this, King will hunt them down and kill each of them. An icy hand wraps around my throat at the thought.

I convince myself they are better off not knowing and that staying out of it is for their own good.

“Maybe… maybe this is how it was always meant to be.”

“No. I don’t believe that. I can’t! We should never have been parted,” he says, stepping close enough that I can feel the heat from his body. The emotion in his eyes scares me. It’s not just lust or passion, it’s so much more. More than respect or friendship.

He cares. More than I could comprehend.

No one has cared about me in a long time. Not about me or my feelings. Not about what I did or where I went.

I’ve been on my own for so long. Seeing Kai and the others has made me feel things I never thought I would again.

I had built a wall so high and thick around my heart, promising myself that no one would ever get the chance to break through. But I could feel small cracks forming. With my plan in ruins, all it would take is one slight knock and it would shatter completely.

The wall is my armour, one that protects me from King’s torment. I couldn’t afford to let anymore cracks form, not with them leaving. I would not be able to hold on to whatever piece of myself I had left.

I left pain and suffering in my wake, Alana’s constant torment evident of that.

They deserve someone who can be their light, someone whole. Not a fragmented shroud of shadows that drags them into the dark.

Maybe it is luck that I won’t be going with them after all. They are better off without me and the broken shell I’ve become.

Although the truth of those words rings loud and clear throughout my mind, my heart begins to form its own cracks. Several that I know I will wear long after they leave.

“What do you want from me?” I plead with him, feeling drained.

“Everything!” His breath comes out in short shallow pants.

Reaching out, he pulls me forward, my body a breath away from his.

Lifting my hands, I place them on his chest ready to push him away, but he takes hold of them with one hand keeping them in place while reaching up to thread his fingers through the side of my hair and face, tilting my head to the side as he slowly leans in.

Warm tingles rush down my neck, straight to my core.

“Kai—”

I start but stop. We shouldn’t be doing this. He’ll be leaving with the others tomorrow.

His voice grows as silent as a whisper.

“I want everything and more, and I want it until we’re old and grey and have hundreds of happy memories that spill out to make thousands more. I want a family. One with my brothers and one with you. Where we’re all together, happy and content. I want love, I want your love. And I want it to be as boundless as time itself. Endlessly. Infinitely. And forever yours. Now and always.” His eyes dilate and fill with a soft tenderness.

His words and the intensity behind them tear me apart. Any strength I think I have, withers to the floor between us.

“Kiarra…” He moves his hand slowly down my neck. With a tortuous graze, he slides behind my shoulders and down my back, leaving a trail of fire with every brush of his fingers.

Without warning, he pulls me into him. I feel his hardness against my stomach, making me ache in need. A surge of desire sweeps through me, craving more.

This moment is selfish. I know it and I will pay for its consequences later. But right now, in this room I keep hidden from everyone, all I can see, feel and breathe is Kai. His hands on me, his enticing ashy scented flames as the storm wraps around them, and his warm body as it embraces me.

Releasing my hands, I run them down his stomach before trailing back up to rest on his chest. I can feel the sharp rise and fall of his chest and the strong beat of his heart as it quickens under my touch.

Glancing up, I clash with eyes filled with so much desire and hope, I lose myself in them.

He keeps his eyes on mine, as he slowly leans into me. They flutter closed as he runs his nose up mine, softly kissing my face, my head, before leaning his forehead against mine.

The only sound I hear is our mingled breaths as they fight for air.

“I want you, now and always and then, beyond that. I never want to be without you again. Not in this or the next life or any thereafter.”

And then, without a second thought, he dips down, his own lips softly brushing my own. Once, twice, before we surrender to each other, getting lost in each sip, each taste, each caress.

“You taste like sunshine and destruction wrapped into one. It’s fucking delicious.”

I barely hear his words, my whole attention on the taste of his lips. Fire and ash invade my senses, filling me up, trying to heal my broken shards.

Our movements turn hasty, not able to get enough. I could breathe him every day and not get my fill.

All the pent-up passion and frustration is released like a tidal wave, every brush of his lips is sweet torture, every lick, like fine wine.

I never want it to end.

“Let me in,” he pleads.

Reality comes crashing down with his words. I can never truly let him in, his departure approaching soon.

Pulling back, I try to move away, but he stops me.

“Don’t do this. Don’t pull away from me. Not now.”

“I’m sorry, this was a mistake.” I pull back.

He reaches for me, but I step further away.

He grinds his jaw, gripping his fists. “Don’t lie to me or yourself. I felt it. I felt you. That kiss was…”

Everything. It was everything and more. No words can describe the feeling of being surrounded by him. I feel safe and warm. I feel cherished and cared for and, for just a moment, slightly less broken. As if a piece is trying to mend inside me, but that can’t be true. Nothing can fix the dark broken shards inside me.

Kai shakes his head. “You’re our mate and if it wasn’t clear before, it’s crystal now. You were made for us. Every inch of you, inside and out. My soul reached out to yours and found its match. You know it too. I know you felt it.”

I shake my head, not able to give him the answer he wants to hear.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out strands of dark hair.

Luna. Right, the spell.

I reach out to take it, focusing on what I must do.

“Be at the docks by midnight. There will be a woman that goes by the name of Jazmyn, purple hair and grey eyes, she’ll sense you as soon as you’re near. Tell her Kiarra sent you. If she doesn’t believe you, open your intentions to her, she can read you, and she’ll complete the spell for Luna.”

Kai’s voice deepens to a growl, his grip tightening on the hair. “Why does it sound like you won’t be there?”

“I will.” For a moment, at least. “I just… have to get someone first.”

“Who?”

“A friend, she’s in a similar situation to Luna. She’ll be there tonight as well.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about her?”

“Everything with Luna happened so quickly. I just didn’t get the chance. She’s always been part of the plan.” The main part.

“She’s in trouble?”

“She’s…” I shake my head, not finishing.

“Damn it, Kiarra! Don’t be so damn stubborn! Just let us help you, with whatever you need.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“We all can, but family looks after one another, or have you forgotten that we used to be also yours?”

“I…” Biting my lip, I look down, avoiding the heated look in his eyes.

Family. I swallow down the heavy guilt of what that word has now come to mean to me. Alana was my family, but she suffered because of it. My mother finding the same fate before her.

Sometimes family means more than just being there for one another, it means sacrificing for those you love.

If I don’t let them go, they will also succumb to a fate similar to my mother and Alana. I can’t let that happen.

Even if they don’t realise it, even if they think of me as selfish, I will look after them.

Kai releases a harsh breath, handing me the dark strands.

I go to take it from him when he flashes forward, lining every delicious hard angle of his body up to mine, setting me alight once more.

“I can live on your scent alone.” He runs his nose along my neck, sending warm tingles down my back and straight to my core. Tilting my head to the side, I can feel his warm breath curl around my ear, a deep growl vibrating straight to between my thighs as his rumbling deep voice speaks.

“Get used to having us around, Kiarra.” Placing the strands of hair in my hand, he gives my neck a soft kiss, making me shiver.

Pulling back, the smirk he’s wearing is wicked, knowing exactly what he’s doing to me.

 “I’m not letting go, not ever.”

With one last soft kiss, he leaves, taking a piece of my heart with him.