Black Blood

Novak’s blue eyes change to their red colour for a single second. With one blink his eyes change back to blue. The colour is gone just as quickly as it came. His throat moves, revealing that he is swallowing. He doesn’t speak, he just stares at me. This is clearly not the reaction I had expected to receive, let alone the one I wanted.

His stare makes me uncomfortable. I pull my knees to my stomach, sit up straight on my buttocks. I push my knees closer to my body, my breasts hidden behind my bare legs. My arms are wrapped around my legs. I want to beg him to say something, but I don’t. I don’t want to. I have never been in this situation before and don’t know how to react.

It takes Novak a few minutes before he seems to wake up from his transgression. His arms, which have been hanging limply along his body all this time, place themselves next to me on the bed. His penetrating blue eyes look at me inquiringly. I admit it, I am afraid of what is coming next. I’m a lot less sure of myself than I was a few minutes ago.

‘Fuck Cel. You should know how long I’ve wanted to do that.’ His words make my muscles tighten. I don’t know whether to be pleased or frightened by those words. His head bends slowly towards my knee. Gently he plants a kiss on my skin.

‘As much as I want to, this is not the right time,’ he murmurs against my skin. His eyes are closed and his tousled hair lies on his forehead, partially covering his eyes.

‘Why?’ is all I get out. I don’t know if it’s my fear, ignorance or small amount of disappointment that speaks. If I’m honest, I couldn’t imagine a better time than now. He has transformed this dusty musty basement into the most romantic thing a man has ever done for me.He opens his eyes, looks at me from under his long lashes.

‘You may not be a virgin physically, but you are a virgin mentally. You have been raped, more often than you care to admit. What that jerk does to you has nothing to do with sex. Maybe I won’t be your first physically. I want to be the first one you choose because you want it, not because you think you have to do something in return. I want to be the first one you choose because you can’t handle the tingling sensation between your legs. The first to show you how nice sex can be, that it doesn’t hurt. The first one who makes you make sounds, makes you close your eyes, makes your mouth fall open in pleasure and the first one who gives you an orgasm.’

I look at him with my mouth half open. I can hardly comprehend that he just said this. It makes my blood run faster through my veins, makes me feel warm and turns my cheeks pink. He has read my intention of tonight like an open book. His words mean more to me than I can comprehend. He is right, in my mind I am a virgin. I have no idea how sex works, how it should be or feel.

Novak lifts his head from my knees. His gaze is fixed on my face, searching for a reaction.

‘That doesn’t mean there aren’t other things I want you to feel. I want to do anything with you as long as you really want to and don’t hesitate,’ he adds with a small grin on his lips.

Thanks to his words, I am no longer aware that I am sitting in my lingerie in front of him. A strange feeling bubbles up in my lower abdomen, one I hardly recognise. I remember the night he gave me my first orgasm with his fingers. At least that is what he called it. Most of all, I remember that what he did was nice.

‘What are you thinking about?’ I look up confused, unaware that I had drifted away in my thoughts. A warmth spreads across my cheeks.

‘The night you... did something... with your fingers.’ I felt highly uncomfortable admitting my thoughts. It felt like something intimate and I was taught not to talk about it.

A new grin plays on Novak’s lips. He puts his hand on my lower leg. Slowly his hand slides further over my skin, further and further up. He bends forward, making me lower myself backwards onto the bed. His warm fingers slide further towards my thighs. My breathing speeds up without me realising it at first. I suck in the air through my nostrils.

‘Did you like that?’ he asks softly. I don’t know why he asks it in English, but it’s clearly more meaningful than in Dutch. He pushes himself further up the bed so that his hips are between my legs, his head a few centimetres from mine. With Christiaan this position had made me anxious, with Novak only warmer.My throat is dry, my breathing rapid. His fingers slide further down my thighs, more towards my pants. His blue eyes look at me penetratingly. His tongue slides over his lip.

‘I asked you something,’ he reminds me. I swallow and dare do nothing but nod. A smile plays on his lips. It’s true, I liked it. Scary, uncomfortable at first, but fine.

‘Do you want me to do it again?’ he asks as he hides his head in the back of my neck. My tongue slides over my cork-dried lips. For a moment I hesitate but eventually I nod. My body cries out to be touched. My skin is so warm I can hardly hold it. My belly tingles like Novak described earlier. I had planned to please him but now I can’t bring myself to refuse his offer.

Before I realise what is happening, Novak presses his lips against my neck. My eyes fall shut, my mouth opens a little. I love the feeling of his lips against my neck. It’s warm, soft and at the same time it gives me goosebumps.

Softly he sucks on the spot where it always feels better than the rest. His fingers hook behind the edge of my pants, pulling them down.

He takes a moment to remove my pants from my legs before pressing his lips to mine. I don’t even have time to hesitate or get uncomfortable. The kiss is fierce, lustful. It doesn’t take long for our tongues to come into play. My hands slide around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I want more, I need more.

His hand slides down my side, to my belly and between my legs. I stop breathing for a moment when I feel his fingers sliding over my most intimate part. My hands grip his hair, squeezing it gently. His fingers start making the same circular motion as last time. I lose my focus on the kiss and let my head fall into the pillow.

The pressure and speed seem just right. The discomfort from last time is completely gone. The only thing that remains is pleasure. I regularly pinch Novak’s hair, hear my quickened breathing through the room. After a while, I want his movements to speed up, but I don’t dare ask him. As if my body understands what I want, I automatically push my hips closer to his fingers.

Novak seems to have other plans. His fingers leave the spot and slowly slide further down. I open my eyes and look into two dark blue eyes.

‘Tell me if it hurts or if you want me to stop,’ he says hoarsely. Immediately a panic hits my body. We’re not going to have sex, are we? He just said that. And I am no longer as sure as I thought I was.

Fortunately, that doesn’t seem to be Novak’s intention. His fingers slide to my opening. I keep looking at him. The panic hasn’t gone away and actually builds more when I feel a finger move along my opening. I unconsciously hold my breath and prepare for pain. For a moment, I think about stopping Novak but something in me doesn’t want to. I squeeze my eyes shut in fear as I feel a finger sliding in.

Everything that ever went in there caused me pain. I am surprised when I feel no pain at all. I open my eyes slowly. Novak looks at me with a questioning expression. I only have to nod before he understands the message. Slowly I feel his finger moving. Again, I expect pain but it does not come. It feels strange without the pain, a feeling I am not used to.

His finger slowly slides in and out. I don’t know what he does next but it makes my mouth fall open, my eyes close and a soft sound leave my mouth. A wave of pleasure shoots down my spine. Novak doesn’t give me much time to wonder what he’s doing before he presses his lips to mine. It bodies me off as he brings a second finger inside.

He repeats the movement he made with. My breath is taken away again and it feels even better than with a finger. I can’t hold back any sound. The only thing smothering my moans are Novak’s lips. As soon as he starts twirling his thumb around, the feeling in my stomach builds.In no time at all, the feeling continues to build.

‘N-Novak,’ I mutter, not knowing why. It is the only thing that comes to mind as I get closer and closer to climax. My whole stomach tingles, my hands squeeze his hair hard while I do my best to keep kissing him. Novak seems to notice that I am not paying attention to the kiss. He detaches himself from the kiss and looks at me briefly as his finger picks up speed.

‘Let it go,’ is the last encouragement my body seems to need before my climax. My muscles tighten, my head goes completely blank. The best feeling I’ve ever felt goes through my body. A final, harder, moan leaves my lips before my entire body relaxes.