Black Blood

‘Earth to Celeste.’ I jerk up from my thoughts and look at Novak in surprise. My heart is racing like a horse on the loose. My hands are clenched into fists with excitement.

Every time I think the tension around men is easing, it strikes back just as hard. I let Novak touch my body, enjoyed it. Yet Nelly’s comment scares me. I’m not familiar with a love affair, don’t know how that feels or should be. I feel things for Novak, but can’t place them. He has a sweet smile on his face.

‘Sorry I was... distracted,’ I mumble softly. I didn’t catch the story of his day, my head was too far gone. Novak holds out his hand to me from the table. I let my eyes slide from his hand to his face. His eyes are expectant, questioning. In doubt I take his hand.

He opens his legs and gently pulls me towards him. His legs, dressed in black trousers, hang from his knees over the edge of the table. His feet, covered only in black and white socks, barely touch the floor. He has removed his jacket, leaving his upper body covered only in a black jumper. His blond hair is still as it was this morning, only a few tufts stick out. I come and stand in front of him between his legs.

‘What were you thinking of?’ he asks softly. I look at our hands. His thumb slides over the back of my hand. His skin feels slightly rough from the calluses on his thumb.

I would like to lie to his question. Lies have, in the castle, rolled over my tongue often enough, but this situation is different. Novak’s eyes are genuinely interested in my answer. His gestures and body language are friendly. His muscles seem relaxed, his breathing normal. He doesn’t have an aggressive attitude like Christian.

‘Nelly asked me if we.... Ummm... If we... Well,’ I mumble. I can’t get the words out of my mouth. I am afraid of Novak’s reaction. Will he laugh? Get angry? Make me look like an idiot? Realistically, I know the last two options aren’t going to happen, but the little voice in my head is trying to convince me of the worst case scenario.

‘Whether we have a relationship?’ Surprised, I look at Novak. His questioning eyes have changed to an amused expression, have a twinkle in them.

‘How do you know?’ I ask in surprise. How he knows about the subject is beyond me. ′

‘Vampire, remember?’ he reminds me. Still sometimes I forget that Novak is a vampire.

Sometimes there are moments when he lets it shine through, moments like this. Sometimes he tells me to relax when I didn’t know I was tense. He tells me that my heart rate is higher. Moments like that remind me of his vampire side.

A blush appears on my cheeks. Novak laughs. The sound reverberates through the echoed room. Novak doesn’t laugh often, but as soon as the sound leaves his mouth it sounds like music to my ears. It is so sincere, so cheerful. Automatically, a smile appears on my face. He puts his hands gently on my cheeks. His blue eyes bury themselves in mine.

‘So Cell, what are we to each other?’ he asks in a whisper. This is the first time he’s called me by my new nickname. It’s sweet, new.

I look at him a little defeated. The question I can’t answer myself is now being asked of me. It feels uncomfortable to admit that I don’t know the answer. It’s vulnerable, something I find scary. Because I don’t know what to say, I don’t answer. I remain silent.

Novak continues to look at me intrusively and hold me. His gaze tells me that he has no intention of not answering. I have to say something. I sigh deeply.

‘I...I don’t...know,’ I mutter as I fix my gaze on his legs. I don’t have long to observe his trousers. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my head. Again our eyes meet.

‘What would you like us to be?’ he asks directly. In the castle I was hardly ever asked what I wanted or thought. The directness makes me uncomfortable. I start picking at my nails and rocking back and forth on my feet.

I can’t answer this question either. I want a friendship with Novak anyway, but a ‘normal’ friendship does not include intimacy, at least not on the level we are doing now. In the castle, there were men who had a mistress next to their wife, I don’t want that kind of situation either. I always thought that was inappropriate and disgusting.

A relationship with Novak is something that does not seem to be an option in my mind. Officially, I am still married to Christiaan, not that I am completely faithful to that.

I am afraid to start a new relationship on that level with a man, especially afraid of what is involved in such a relationship. I don’t know what it’s like to be in love, to have a normal relationship. I don’t know if what I feel is love. I don’t know if I want to put myself in that situation again.

‘I don’t know,’ I finally answer again. It remains silent. Novak’s eyes remain on me.

‘What do you want?’ I ask softly. Novak’s eyes light up slightly. A smile appears on his lips. To be honest, I am afraid of his answer. I don’t know how I should react or feel to either answer.

‘I don’t want to put a label on it,’ he replies after a while of silence. That is the best answer he could have given. It takes a weight off my shoulders.

I am not ready for a new relationship, nor for the obligations that come with it. Despite my marriage title, I have no idea what a good relationship entails and right now I don’t want to find out. I’m not ready to deal with anyone on that level.

‘Looks like you agree with me.’ I am pulled out of my thoughts. Novak’s blue eyes twinkle, a smile graces his lips. I smile with him and nod. He gently grabs my hips, pulling me closer to him. His drooping legs touch my thighs. I wrap my arms around his neck and bend towards him.

Until now, every kiss has been initiated by Novak, this time it’s my chance to take an integral part.

Without saying another word, I press my lips to his. I feel him smile against my lips. Our lips slide synchronously over each other, scanning and lusting. The passion and desire can be felt throughout my body.

His hands slide over my sides. He pushes me back a little, steps away from the table himself. Before I can think about Novak’s action, I am lifted off the floor by my upper legs. I have no choice but to wrap my legs around his hips. My arms are around his neck as I press my lips harder to his. Novak’s tongue slides over my lower lip. By now I know he is asking for permission with that action.

I open my lips without hesitation, willingly letting his tongue enter. Automatically I push my legs tighter around his body, searching for something, I don’t know exactly what. Licking, sensing, my tongue goes along his. My hands disappear into his hair, pulling at the roots.

Apparently, my action is appreciated as a soft, pleasurable sound leaves Novak’s mouth. This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone make a sound during something intimate and not be disgusted, in fact, it encourages me.

‘The food is on the counter! I’m going home.’ I startle and almost fall out of Novak’s grip as soon as I hear Nelly’s voice echoing through the room. I slap a hand in front of my mouth to keep from laughing. Fair is fair, I had forgotten she was there. I look at Novak, who looks at me with startled eyes. It takes me a few seconds to realise that his eyes are not blue but red.