Black Blood

Instead of walking towards the pack house I turn around and start walking towards the end of the city. Maybe this is all I should be doing, but Rave is still hiding in the woods. I want to go to him, I want to get away from the ground and my problems. I am well aware that going into the air is dangerous with the army behind me. Yet I feel that I am far enough away from the castle.

I walk at a brisk pace through the streets of the pack. As soon as I reach the gates, I give a nod to the guards. They give a single nod back before I walk out of the pack. You would expect that the forest and the sound of the birds

would calm me down, but that is not the case.

For the first time in years, I feel an anger rising within me that I do not recognise. The feeling that I want to throw a glass against a tree, to scream until I have no voice left.

This is the first time in months that I am really alone, the first time ever that I am alone in nature without Rave. Somehow the silence frightens me. I often try to believe that I am not afraid of the unknown but the truth remains that I am. I have seen the bad sides of people so often that I hardly believe there is a good one. The images I have seen of the bad sides of people flash before my eyes. My father’s filthy practices, everything Christiaan did, and the huge number of executions I was forced to watch. I have seen the skin of people’s bodies being cut off, people being burned alive and torn to pieces.

The horror images that flash past my eyes inflame the anger in me. I walk at a brisk pace deeper into the forest. I do not pay attention to where I am walking, which results in my arm bouncing against a tree. The pain only makes my ankle wider. I ball up my fist and without thinking hit the rock-hard trunk. It results in only more pain but that doesn’t seem to matter to me at the moment. I start screaming as my fist hits the trunk again. The anger cannot find its way out of my body.

As if a black haze of anger has formed before my eyes, I think of nothing else but all the trouble. As soon as my hands start hurting too much from the pounding, I push a whirlwind of air from my hands against another tree. The force causes a crack in the trunk and the leaves fall partly into the grass.

I repeat these movements until there are no more leaves hanging from the branches. I shout, push all the energy in the wind against the tree and break it down until it is almost on the verge of collapse.

As soon as the tree seems to be falling apart, I turn to the next one. Without looking I push a gust of wind against the tree on the right.

‘Fuck.’ I wake up from my trans at the sound of an unexpected voice. I turn towards the tree and to my surprise see Novak sitting on the ground. His back is against the tree and his hands are in his hair. A small trickle of blood runs from his head down his cheek.

I am startled and realise that I have just thrown Novak against the tree. I had not seen him, had not even heard him. Immediately I rush to him and kneel down before him. The anger has made way for guilt and concern.

‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you. Did I hurt you? Of course I hurt you, you’re bleeding. Are you alright? Should I get help?...’

‘Celeste, stop,’ he interrupts my rattling. I immediately shut up. His hand touches the spot where the blood seems to be coming from. As soon as he removes his hand from the spot, a small amount of blood is visible on his hand. I feel so guilty. I have just hurt the person who helps me without wanting anything in return. It was not my intention, of course, but I blame myself for letting my anger take over.

‘I’m sorry,’ I repeat softly. Novak looks up.

‘It doesn’t matter, I shouldn’t have sneaked up on you,’ he says.

’Are you in pain? Novak slowly shakes his head.

‘A bit dizzy but that will go away.’ He pushes himself off the ground and slowly stands up. He tries to hide it but it’s clearly visible that he’s not completely stable.

‘Are you really okey?’ I ask again. The look he sends me tells me I’d better keep my mouth shut. He keeps his hand on the wound near his head.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asks. A sigh leaves my mouth.

‘I was going to ask you the same thing,’ I admit. It strikes me that Novak always appears in strange places for no apparent reason.He gets a small grin on his lips.

‘Vampires have to eat too.’ There’s the first thing I hear out of his mouth about his vampire side. He never talks about that. All I ever saw of his vampire side was the speed. I never noticed the teeth, eyes or his blood lust. It’s a weird image in my head that the blond boy in front of me drank blood a few minutes before he was here. I can’t tell by looking at him.

‘But what are you doing here? These woods are not safe for a woman alone,’ he reminds me. Nowhere seems safe for women in this world. That brings me back to the incident earlier. I decide not to say anything about it.

I hold out the list I have been holding in my hand to Novak. He takes it with a questioning look. The list was not my direct reason for being here in the forest, but it was the simplest explanation.Novak unfolds the wrinkled piece of paper and lets his eyes run over the words. His gaze becomes more and more frowned upon as he reads on.

‘Why do you want this?’ he asks, looking up. I start telling him about my visit to the shop and the woman. The whole story about the herbs, her story and the assignment comes out. Novak listens attentively, staring at me with his blue eyes. At the end of my story, I look at him expectantly.

‘Do you know what wolf cherry is? What it does to you?’ he asks. I slowly shake my head. I don’t even know what it looks like, let alone what it does.

‘It is a plant that is not dangerous in itself. If you make an extract of it, with the other ingredients on the list, it is poison. Not just poison, very strong poison.’ Only then does it occur to me what the woman has asked me. I went to dozens of shops, asked dozens of people for ingredients, to get things to make poison.

Only now do I understand why these ingredients are not for sale in shops, why nobody knows about it. If only someone had recognised it, they could have branded me a murderer straight away. How stupid can I be? Floris’ reaction is suddenly a lot less strange. I can beat myself up about it.

‘Ooh,’ is all I get. Novak laughs briefly. He gives me the list back. The things you are looking for are only to be found in the forest. I know what most of it is and where to look for it.

‘If you still want it after this discovery, I can help you,’ he offers. Do I want to make poison with an unknown woman? It sounds so crazy in my head. Why would I want to make poison? I don’t want to poison anyone.

The woman told me earlier that poison is a strong weapon for women, one that everyone should have with them. I can find myself in those thoughts. Although I have no intention of poisoning anyone, you never know what it might be used for. It goes against my principles to kill someone after all I’ve seen.

Still, my curiosity wins out over my principles. I nod slowly.