Bitch: Puncture (book 2)

Apoc climbed over the tailgate and snuggled in next to me. His scent pulled me down to the present. The new car smell of fresh plastic, grease, adhesives, and new steel washed over us with the constant whorl of wind. I had no idea which direction we were headed, possibly south but I wasn’t sure.

I looked up into the heavens. I realized that a dog was never meant to look at the stars. As a human I had taken for granted my view of the world, a world in which I was suited for many things to see above and below. But a dog was built for the ground, designed to track on the dirt and the surface, to sniff out and find the buried. I couldn’t lay back and gaze upon the inky canvas. Oh sure, I could howl at the moon if I sat back on my haunches. My eyes would close and my mouth would open and I could give my voice back to the heavens. Not words but more likely a yowl of frustration, loss and sadness.

I practically had to roll onto my back or tilt my head to the side to see it all. I looked for familiar constellations, but wasn’t able to remember any that looked familiar. But, I saw the milky way glittering across the night sky and was overwhelmed for a moment with the beauty of it all. That same feeling would have given me goosebumps I’m sure, now it just made my hairs tingle. One by one, I remembered all the steps in my journey since my escape from the lab and again felt that I was being chased by my circumstances, never quite landing on my feet.

Trapped by the necessities of survival, as if I was running through a maze desperate to find the exit from this nightmare. Finding walls in front of me only to backtrack to yet another path without the opportunity to really get ahead. We’d been successful in Slab City in outing the existence of the genetic testing and the fact that I was an unwilling participant. Perhaps Alex James had been so doxxed that it didn’t matter what he said. Still Dr. Shen had somehow avoided being the subject of any investigation. How could anyone person in a authentic society be impervious to it’s laws? In fact, it looked as if he was personally in charge of the governments response to the revelation of my existence. The absurdity and irony in their choice of expert advisor felt like steel bands around my rib cage cinching tighter with each breath. How had I not managed to implicate him?

I realized that I knew nothing about Dr. Shen and his outside operation. It hit me that I needed to return to the beginning, to where this had all started. I felt the bands constricting my chest tighter and tighter as that thought circled around in my mind.

I had to find out who took me, and why. That meant returning to the little po-dunk nothing town in rural Idaho where I’d first encountered Dr. Shen as the town vet.

I’d been driving back to college when my dog Blossom got sick. I knew she had little time left and that was why I was bringing her back to college with me this year, so I could spend as much time with her as I could. She’d been my best friend for almost my whole life. At 20, she’d been mine since we’d gotten her as a puppy 13 years ago. She’d been my confidant, my teacher, my companion up until the year I went away for college. It had hurt so much to leave her last year, but this year I was going to be living off campus and found a place that allowed dogs. Again I was reminded of some long forgotten memory that “you only really appreciate things when you’ve lost them.”

When I’d finally gotten away to college was the first time I really started to appreciate my family. I still wanted to explore the world, my friends and I had talked about driving across country for the whole summer, but my dad had nixed that idea. “Three young girls alone on the road would be too much temptation for the wrong sort of person.” I smiled to myself as I was almost 100% certain that it was my friend Marissa that he was referring to as the ‘wrong sort of person’. I was the responsible one, the one he trusted. I wondered what he’d done when I didn’t check in from Seattle? I hadn’t done anything wrong, a feather of guilt fluttered in my gut.

And yet here I was alone, hitching no less, with a male...uh, something, and traveling cross country. ‘Just to be clear, Dad’, I could see his pinched mouth and furrowed brow in my imagination, ‘I’m only doing this because a sociopath had decided to perform surgery on me to turn me into something that wasn’t even human anymore. And to top it all off was trying to kill me since I ran away from him’. The truth I assured myself was far worse than my dad could have imagined. ‘Or was it?’ I wondered.

I mean I wasn’t dead. And no matter what Shen had done to me, I was still me. ‘I am a good person. Inside. Where it matters.’ I still didn’t feel convinced.

And I would never have met this sociopath if I hadn’t stopped to get help for Blossom. I would have driven right by the small weather beaten vets office down a little street named hilariously enough “No Kids” drive. I never would have asked directions from the little coffee stand. I never would have met Chris, or Dr. Shen.

Chris.

Suddenly, I remembered Chris was the kid who was working the front desk at the vet clinic. In my head, I sound like my dad. ‘Kid, Ha!’ I was only a year older than him. He was the local high school football star which probably didn’t mean too much in such a small town. He was a nice guy, he was 19, a little old for a senior, but he said he was eager to get to college. And he was nice to me, he helped me with Blossom. He gave me a hug the day I brought her in. I was crying in the empty lobby and he came over and without asking just put his arm around me. He even brought me some of the cheap tissue from the counter.

He smelled all woodsy when he put his arm around me. His leather jacket crackled and he felt warm and strong.

I remember Dr. Shen came out after he finished his exam of Blossom, and found me there in Chris’ arms.

Dr. Shen seemed unhappy. His mouth turned down and his eyes narrowed.

At the time I thought he too was upset by Blossom’s condition, but now I wasn’t at all sure as I watched the memory in my mind. He’d spoken sharply to Chris and sent him away. I didn’t remember what exactly. Something tickled my mind, but I couldn’t remember past what he’d said to me.

“Blossom is dying and there is nothing to be done.” Even now my eyes welled up at the thought. I remember him blinking like the shutter of a camera, as he examined my grief, standing there alone in the lobby. He just watched me cry. “Take a moment, and then come and say your goodbyes.”

I tried to make it a happy memory. I imagined Blossom in doggy heaven running through bright fields of fragrant flowers. I imagined people in white robes playing with her, petting her and her running... and running. She never got tired or sad or hurt anymore.

Chris.

Chris had given me another quick hug after Dr. Shen left. He’d had to go to practice, but he punched his cell number into my phone and the name of a good hotel in town. He said to call if I needed to talk even if I was already at college by then. He’d kissed me on the head. A strange surprising touch, I still remember how it felt. His lips made my scalp tighten, even through my hair. And then his warmth was gone.

I remembered standing outside of the door to the back half of the vet clinic, trying to slow the tears. I wanted to be strong for Blossom. I wanted to tell her all things that I had to say. I wanted her to know, everything.

I remembered standing next to her and pouring out my heart. I told her she was loved. I hurried as I saw the needle going in... she didn’t flinch. She licked my hand. She knew I was trying to tell her how much I loved her.

She knew.

I kept petting her after she sighed her last breath.

I knew she was gone, but just in case she could still hear me I kept telling her. Wherever she was I wanted her to know that I would always love her.

Always.

I remember telling Dr. Shen that I would have done anything to save her.