Big girls don't cry

“Aleida!” I jolt awake from the scream, rub my eyes and look outside the small window; it’s dark. “Get up now if you know what’s best for you!”

I slowly rise from the bed and rub my tired eyes. My dirty jeans and sweatshirt lie on the floor. I quickly pick them up and dress as fast as I can. Even though I know it’s no use; they’re going to scream at me anyway. It never matters if I’m up in time or not; nothing I do is ever enough. I know that now. Once upon a time, I may have thought that, which was stupid, because these people are not gentle or friendly. But, ever since I was a little pup, I’ve lived through hell on earth; I’ve taken every beating and bullying without so much as a scream.

“Now, Aleida!”

I’m always screamed at, no matter what I do, this is just the beginning of every day; I’m used to it. Even though I know I shouldn’t be, it is what it is. I begin to cook breakfast for my pack. Others see and acknowledge our crew for its strong connection between the members within it. I belong to the Rose moon pack, which is one of the more miniature packs in town. My father was the alpha before he died, which means that I have alpha blood in my veins. But, unfortunately, no one cared about that when he died, even though they had promised him to help me become a good alpha for the pack, which is rightfully mine. They betrayed him the second he died. Since that day, my rank is an omega, which means that I’m like a slave to the pack. The other omegas work like housekeepers, and that’s how it should be, but not for me; I’m the slave. So if someone gets mad and needs to release some rage, I’m the one who takes the beating.

“Come on, you dirty bastard!” shouts a voice from the dining room.

I hasten to finish the pancakes and begin to serve. First of all, it’s the alpha who shall have food first, then the luna; after that, I can help the others. I do it quickly and correctly; despite this, I get angry glances. Some mutter that it takes a long time, while others just growl low at me. I’m used to being poorly treated, but when I hear the parents tell their children to treat me this way, it actually hurts my heart. The children have no reason whatsoever to participate in the way others treat me. Why can’t they just leave the kids alone? Why do they teach their children to be evil to others? I’ve never misbehaved, even though I’ve had every reason in the world to do so. Despite that, I accepted that I wouldn’t be an alpha when my father died. I can take that they beat me and yell at me, but I can’t endure when they force innocent people to participate in my daily torture. When I serve Patricia, who, incidentally, is my greatest enemy, she begins to growl at me and whisper that I should hurry. That’s when I make one of the stupidest mistakes in my life, I growl back. It sounds ridiculous because my wolf hasn’t turned up yet; I’m seventeen years old and is still without. I have talked to some elders who don’t hate me as much as the others do. They told me that it might be because I haven’t achieved my full potential yet or that I need to force it out with a strong feeling. However, which of the options it is, they can’t answer. Nor what emotion I should try to use. The alpha’s gaze lands on me with a look of anger, he’s angry about what I did, and even if I know he won’t do anything to me, I’ll have to pay for the mistake I just made. Since they classify me as an omega, I have no privileges whatsoever, above all, not to contradict the orders I receive from those above me or growl at the other members.

“You, Aleida! This afternoon there’ll be four hours of extra training for you with the warriors. But, first, you’re going to fight Sam and Thomas. That’ll teach you not to growl at those above you!” He spits out angrily.

I have to nod to show that I hear what he’s saying. I’m not allowed to talk unless they tell me to speak. As I said, I’m the slave around here. Nothing I say or do will remove the injuries I’ll later get. I know Sam and Thomas, they don’t mind me, but they don’t like me either. One might well say that they’re neutral to the situation. But, on the other hand, they’re not going to argue with their alpha, he’s the boss, and we all know that. Nothing can take that title away from him, as long as no one challenges him to take the alpha position. I’ve been dreaming about that moment for many years, but I know I don’t have a chance. Our alpha, whose name is Jonathan, always plays dirty and doesn’t bother to clean up his own mess. So it’s still someone else who has to take the blame when he does something he shouldn’t. Usually, it’s our beta, Emil, who has to take it. However, a few years ago, it was a stupid young wolf from our pack who challenged Jonathan; it didn’t take long for the alpha to bite his throat and watch as he bled to death, even though he showed that he gave up. If you establish clear signs that you’re giving up, the fight should immediately stop, and the injured should go to the hospital. It’s the law for us werewolves, which we all have to comply with. Our alpha didn’t give a shit, and I could only watch while the life slowly disappeared from the young wolf’s eyes.

“Sam! Thomas! You shouldn’t under any circumstances be cautious or soft on her, she must learn, and if she can’t learn by being told, it’ll be by force. So get active and be ready in thirty minutes; I changed my mind and want to see her bleed now!”

I see both warriors looking sadly in my direction, I know they don’t want to hurt me, but they can’t go against their alpha’s orders. If they do, there are four possible punishments. The first is collaring; that’s when you get a silver collar around your neck; silver is dangerous for a werewolf, and at gravest, you can die from it. The second is segregation, they dig a hole you get thrown into, and there you get to sit without food, water, or sunshine. The third is to be banished, then you no longer belong to the pack and are classified as a rogue, which leads to the fact that you can lose your mind and start murdering innocents for no reason. Finally, we have death, and I don’t think I have to explain that one. Which of the penalties you get and how long they should last determines the highest rank, which in our case is the alpha. I have a strong body, and I’d probably manage one of the younger warriors. But there isn’t a chance in the world that I’ll cope with the two best warriors in the whole pack and, above all, not at the same time! I’m not very tall, just about 4′11. Although I have strong muscles in my legs and arms, my height is a weakness in fights. I can move fast, but I don’t have as long-range as those taller than me. There isn’t much more to do than getting ready and prepare to get beaten up. So I walk down into the basement to my room, which really can’t be called a room. It’s rather a nook; the only thing that fits in here is my old, dirty, and ruined mattress that I sleep on. Once in there, I start to stretch my muscles and softening my body for a fight I already know that I won’t cope with. I hope I don’t get too severe injuries; I have to work tonight at Clare and Matt’s tavern. The only two in our pack who don’t participate in the beatings or the mean nicknames. They’re kind enough to arrange a waitress job for me, which alpha also agrees to, as long as I give the pack seventy-five percent of my salary. I gladly accept it because, at least, it’ll give me an opportunity for a reasonably ordinary life, even though it happens to be in the vicinity of drunk people with poor table manners. Okay, Aleida, you have to do this. Come on, just go out there and give everything you can; it’s all about your survival! My thirty minutes are over, and I have to walk out there now. I know what to expect; both Sam and Thomas are strong wolves. During the training, it’s allowed to shift to your wolf if you want; the only problem is that my wolf hasn’t appeared yet, which makes me at a disadvantage. Also, fighting in human form against a wolf isn’t the easiest thing to do. A wolf, the size of these warriors, can weigh anything between 220-330 pounds. Me, in my human form, weigh no more than 110 pounds. You probably understand for yourself the difference in weight, especially when it’s two against one. But, unfortunately, I don’t have time to think any further before my alpha stands in front of us on the lawn. Jonathan looks at me with disgust but grins towards the warriors.

“Show me what you can do, boys,” he says and claps his hands, which is the signal to begin.

Both of them start circling me in each direction. I do my best to predict what strategy the warriors will use, which is difficult because they use two different ones. Thomas almost shifts right away and throws himself at me. I just get off his big paw before Sam gets a hit on my right side by my ribs, and I grunt before kicking Thomas, giving him an impact with my foot on his nose. He whines for a second before putting his wolf claws into my calf muscle. I scream from the sudden pain and feel the blood pulsating down my leg. No one knows that I’ve been training secretly at night for the last few years in combat, knives, and other weapons. I’m like a war machine. At the moment, it doesn’t matter; I can’t use what I’ve managed to learn. I must show that I’m submissive to my alpha and that I can’t defend myself. With my new knowledge, I have already decided that I won’t use it unless it’s an emergency. Because I know that the second the others find out what I can do, it’ll be a snitch and brawl. I don’t want to get jumped any more than I already am. Besides, our alpha is paranoid and continuously believes that everyone is conspiring against him; I guess that’s why he behaves like an asshole all the time. He probably feels that he has to show others that he owns the place for them to know their position and stand in line. As I already knew would happen, it doesn’t take long before I lay down on the ground bleeding from all my wounds. Alpha Jonathan just laughs at me; practically, everyone does. Not Sam and Thomas, though; they look ashamed. I know they really didn’t want to hurt me, just like me; they knew I didn’t have a chance against one of them, especially not both. The four hours my alpha ordered me to practice are concise, maybe like thirty minutes. Jonathan knew I wouldn’t last that long. When the alpha decides it isn’t funny anymore, he forces me to get up with his alpha voice. However, it doesn’t affect me since I’m born with alpha blood in my veins. But there’s no one else in the pack except the alpha and luna who knows about it, which is why over the years, I’ve decided it’s just as good to submit to their will to be left alone, hopefully. Both Sam and Thomas tries to help me up but don’t even get close before a loud growl echo from Jonathan. They immediately back away, and I desperately try to get back up on my feet. It takes a little over a minute before I succeed. The blood loss makes me dizzy, but it isn’t severe enough for me to be allowed to go to the pack hospital. Of course, everyone else is welcome to go there if they need it, but not me, because... Well, I won’t even try to guess why I don’t get to do it; it’s something the alpha has decided, and what alpha decides, you follow if you desire to keep on living. I’m limping into the omega’s bathroom and examine the big wound I got after Thomas’s claws. The only thing I can do to improve the situation is to wash it clean and wrap the paper around my calf. My dirty and now also broken jeans I take off before I pick up the showerhead. It takes a little while before the water gets hot, and I can begin cleaning my wound. I almost yell from the pain moving through my entire leg as soon as the water jets hit the injury. I clench my jaws together and hold my breath; blood, dirt, and gravel flow over my damaged skin. The initially transparent water is now a mixture of dark red and brown when it eventually moves down the drain. When I’m satisfied with how it looks, I turn off the water and wipe my leg. I have time to wrap the paper around it and put on my pants when I hear a voice in my head through the pack’s mindlink.

Where the hell are you, Aleida!? Why is it still dirty dishes on the dining room table? Clean it up now at once!

It’s our luna, Cathrine, who yells at me. I rub my temples when I walk fast to the dining room; her screaming gives me a real headache. I would never have made it through her voice longer in my head; it’s high-pitched and ear-cutting, like a fork on a chalkboard. I’ve just taken all the dirty dishes into the kitchen and washed them when I feel a hand around my neck. I turn around quickly and look into Patricia’s eyes.

“Hey, little bitch, you should watch your steps in the next couple of days. I’m going to make your life a living hell!” she whispers, angry at me, and I look around to be sure that no one else but the two of us is here before I whisper back.

“I’m already there. There’s nothing you can do to make my life worse than it already is. Go ahead. I have nothing left to lose anyway.”

She takes a firm grip on my head before slamming it into the sink. The blood flows down my head while she just laughs at me and spits in my face before turning around to walk away. The rest of the day passes slowly; the pain in my body makes it feel like the hours will never end. In the end, it’s time to go to the tavern and work.

When I walk inside, I wave to both Matt and Clare; they smile at me but seem worried. It only takes a few hours before I begin getting dizzy and weak for real. Suddenly the pain takes over me, and I fall to the floor. My whole body is screaming at me to rest. I try to get up, to no avail. My gaze lands on the blood trail I left behind on the floor.

Clare and Matt run up to me, they try to talk to me, but I can’t hear a single word they’re saying. The pulse in my ears blocks out all the other sounds. Everything spins, and before I know it, my eyes close, and I drown in the darkness.