Between Desire and Denial: Chapter 17
Dimitri might have had a lapse of sanity when he got home. Maybe he’d missed screwing around with me, which had him considering more. Yet, after that, we fell into a perfectly cordial, friendly routine for a whole week. We ate quietly together while we both worked, went to bed at about the same time every night, and made small talk.
But he respected my space. He held my hand during our scheduled daily walks around the neighborhood but did nothing more. He even made sure to sleep with his head at the foot of the bed and mine at the top.
Not that it stopped my body from gravitating toward his every night. I hated myself for it too. I’d specifically told him I didn’t like to cuddle, and the statement was true in that I didn’t want to get attached.
Rufford had never cuddled me, and so I told myself it was unnecessary. Still, somehow, I would wake up with my ass tucked into Dimitri’s crotch every single morning, like I was hungry for his touch even in my sleep.
Today, I moved faster than lightning to get out of bed and put on a sweater and leggings, got ready in the bathroom by throwing on a bit of concealer, mascara, and the pink flower in my hair before I pulled it back into a ponytail, and went to make myself coffee.
I didn’t look his way at all, didn’t stare at his perfect bare chest, didn’t wonder what he was dreaming about. Not even for a second.
“I can handle anything if I keep my legs closed,” I mumbled to myself as I went to the kitchen and opened a dating app. “Or I’ll find someone else.” I’d swipe right as much as I could for now. Maybe I’d start communicating with someone fun and forget all about Dimitri.
I lowered my head on the counter and groaned for a second.
“I feel that way about mornings too.” Dimitri’s groggy voice sounded from the hall, and when I looked up, I wanted to groan all over again. He’d left his shirt off when he walked out of the bedroom. And I practically had to wipe drool from my face.
I needed to focus on something else. “Actually, I’m feeling that way about helping Lucille with the finishing touches on the article at the moment.”
And about my eyes traveling up and down his abs. And about me wanting him when I should have been trying to find a not messy date.
“That hard to throw an article together about how good it will be to have more offices nearby?”
“It should be snappy and cute, Dimitri. The whole magazine is that way. The information you sent me was not. Plus, people won’t just be entertained with your data.” I hated that Lucille was right that they would probably enjoy a family piece more. I busied myself by going to check for breakfast food in the refrigerator. “Want me to make breakfast? I need to stop at the grocery store—’
“Isn’t there a delivery service for residents?” He shrugged. “I’ll have coffee for now. And you did read the email I sent, right? It’s a green energy building with mostly companies that HEAT supports which are all reputable. Anyone moving into the condos for work will contribute to local consumerism.”
“Most everyone who lives here doesn’t care about a few stores in your strip mall.”
“Plaza of boutiques.” He rolled his eyes and grabbed the coffee pot to pour some into a mug. “Anyway, spin the narrative then. Those working there will mingle, be a part of the damn country club, and offer investment opportunities.” Then he smiled and side-eyed me. “Or put you and me on the front and talk about what we want for our new family.”
“Stop.” I held up a hand. “Not in the morning.” He was laughing at, I’m sure, what looked like disgust on my face.
“Kids in the morning are a little difficult, but we’d make it work, Honeybee.” Then he sipped his coffee while he looked over the mug with his green eyes staring at me.
“I’m not even going to respond to that. Your first idea might just work. This town was always mulling over money.”
His eyes twinkled with mischief still. “My second idea would work better.”
“You’re incorrigible.” I stared into the fridge like there was something really interesting in there before announcing, “I’m going to go to the grocery store and maybe for a walk so I can consider options to write about.”
“A walk without me? We’re supposed to go together.” He set down the mug and stood next to me until I had no other choice but to close the fridge and meet his eyes. He pulled at a loose curl that must have escaped my ponytail and came to stand beside me so we were both leaning on the counter, looking out over the island toward the living room window. His bare shoulder touched mine and I almost gasped at how electrifying it felt after being against him in bed this morning. Then he murmured, “Our walks are supposed to be every day together. We’re supposed to be holding hands, kissing in the streets.”
My heart picked up speed, but I shook my head fast. “I don’t think our PDA needs to be that intense. I’m doing a good job establishing us by just talking to people around town. Reggie even stopped me the other day to tell me he was actually happy with the security measures you’ve implemented.”
“As he should be since he’s the sheriff. If you’re going to the store, maybe we can go to the furniture one and—”
With him this close, I didn’t want to do anything but jump his bones. “I am going to the grocery store by myself. And I already ordered a bed frame and mattress for upstairs and a desk. I’ll move right up there when they come and be out of your way.”
He hummed and walked over to his briefcase near the couch to pull out his laptop and sat down there. Still without a shirt on. “Who said you’re in my way?”
“When I moved in here, Dimitri, I told you I would live upstairs.” Sliding on my shoes, I rearranged my sweater and made a mental note that we needed a mirror in here too. “Then you’ll get the bed back to yourself and—”
“But then I won’t get to wake up with you right against me,” he said without even looking up from his laptop.
I froze. “What?”
“You told me you don’t like cuddling, Honeybee, but I wake up at sunrise to your body plastered against mine. I’ve always been an early riser. But did you know I go back to sleep with you against me every morning?”
“I … I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I murmured, backing away from him. I needed to leave right now because if I didn’t, I knew I’d do something I’d regret like straddle him on that couch. “I have to go.”
“Take my car if you’re getting groceries,” he yelled after me as I rushed to grab my purse.
“What car?” I glanced outside and didn’t see anything in the driveway or on the street. All I saw was Lucille digging a very large hole in her backyard.
“The one I had brought in for when I got back from the airport.” He shrugged. “It’s in the garage.”
I wasn’t staying to talk to him for a second longer. I needed to find another man and not try to make Dimitri fill Rufford’s shoes. Or I needed to be on my own. I flicked on the lights and gasped when I saw the most expensive-looking car I’d ever laid eyes on. And I’d been in a Rolls-Royce, a Bugatti, a Porsche, you name it. This was something else though.
I grabbed the keys from the hook. I circled the front and then back. It was a sleek matte black, and every angle was a curve of perfection. My parents always had nice cars, but this was one of a kind. I pulled the handle and the door freaking lifted into the air.
When I got in, I let out a sigh of pure ecstasy as I brushed a hand over the white leather. All custom interior with lighting along the dashboard that turned on when I pressed the ignition.
“You like it?” Dimitri said, standing in the doorway.
“Maybe. What is it?” I rubbed my hand over the wheel.
“A Pagani Utopia.”
“It’s pretentious.”
“Yep. Just like the town you grew up in.” I wouldn’t argue with him there. “You know how to drive stick?”
I snapped my gaze to his. “I learned how to drive using stick shift.”
“If you say so.” He pressed the button to lift the garage door. “And you don’t want company?”
He was leaning against the doorframe in those sweats and combed a hand through his thick dark hair.
“I don’t think so. Although, you sure you want me driving this? I might crash it.” I gripped the steering wheel and twisted my hands over it a few times.
“I trust you, Honeybee.”
“I’ll be gentle with her,” I reassured him.
“What pretty thing with this much power wants to only be treated gently, Honeybee?” he asked and winked at me. “Pushing her to her limit will be when she’s most beautiful. If I were you, I’d take the risk …”
“’And enjoy the dance?’” I took a shaky breath, listening to his words. “We still talking about the car?”
“Maybe,” I heard him murmur. “Maybe not.” Then, I eased off the clutch and gave her some gas quick, backing out of our garage and leaving him behind.
It was only a few winding blocks to get to the local grocery store, Santelli’s. It was another family-owned business that had carpeted grocery aisles, fruits lined up perfectly, and only sold organic produce. My mother used to say it was ostentatious, then she would feed me grapes right there while my father shook his head at us and said we were going to get him in trouble.
She was the logic and light in the family, the one who kept us grounded. I tried not to well up, but my eyes became blurry thinking about it. I swiped a few different frozen meals, some chicken and beef, and some produce before checking out. When I packed up my car, I saw Esme across the street walking into the library and thought I should say hi and maybe ask if she knew anything about my brother doing business outside of town.
Yet, when I got in there, she was nowhere to be found. I went past the sleek oak shelves and finally reached the quirky front desk employee to ask if she’d seen her. The woman in her early twenties wore red glasses and had her brown hair tied in a high ponytail.
“Oh, she’s um …” She glanced at the back wall. “I’m sure she’ll be right back. She went to the bathroom.”
So I went to the bathroom to check but didn’t see her. When I came back out, though, she was standing right there. “Hey. Zen up front said you were looking for me.”
“Hi. Yeah, I saw you come in and just thought I’d, well, say hi and see how things are going.”
“Good. I have a part-time job here, so I’m just about to start my shift.”
“Oh. Well, maybe you’ll be seeing a lot of me in the coming months.” I sighed and looked around. “I’m doing research on the sociology of a small community for my thesis.”
Esme laughed and nodded. “Oh, because of our families? I’m guessing your father told you that you had to keep it anonymous, am I right?”
“He did,” I answered, not knowing why he would say that, but it seemed she was going somewhere with it and I wanted to know where.
“With each of our families having such a rich history here, it’s so interesting. I’ve found that many private, upscale communities have these secret groups embedded in them too. Were you coming to grab a book from the society stacks? Zen was concerned about whether or not you knew about them, but I told her you did, of course.”
“Right.” I had no idea what she was talking about, but this was how Esme was. She shared way too much before she realized she shouldn’t. I knew now I had to know. I pried further, even though I shouldn’t have. “What book do you think has the best information in it?”
“Here.” She turned on her heel. “I’ll show you.”
Esme had never been good at keeping secrets. I knew she was in love with my brother the moment she stepped foot in my house, and this was no different. She was blurting out things, totally assuming I knew them all.
“Honestly, I think your brother is barking up the wrong tree with the people your father is having him meet with. My dad too. This was never in the society’s partnerships, you know?”
“I know Knox isn’t doing well, that’s for sure.”
She shrugged as she glanced around, making sure no one was with us, and then she pulled an older-looking book against the wall, and a doorway swung open to a back room. Stacks and stacks of older books lined the walls and there was a table and leather chairs in the center of it all. She walked to another book on the far wall and pulled that to open yet another hallway. She then used her key to unlock the door on the other side.
“So the book I like best is only because my great-great-great grandfather is in it. I haven’t read them all. You’ll probably like it, too, because I’m guessing your great-great-great grandparents are in it, considering they were a huge part of the Diamond Syndicate coming over to the United States and influencing the spread of the society across the nation.”
“The Diamond Syndicate?” I murmured but then I cleared my throat and nodded vigorously. “Yes, of course, the Diamond Syndicate.”
Esme had caught me though. I saw how her eyes widened immediately. “You know about the Diamond Syndicate, right, Olive?”
“Mm-hmm,” I said, but it was quite obvious from my tone that I did not.
“Olive,” she hissed, stumbling back, “how do you not know but your brother does? Oh my God. My dad is going to kill me.”
She tried to snatch the book she’d handed me back, but I wouldn’t let it go. “Stop. I won’t tell anyone,” I reassured her.
“Are you kidding?” Wildly, her eyes ping-ponged around the room while she combed her hands through her hair. “You need to leave.”
“Why? I’m supposedly a part of whatever secret society this is.”
“We’re never supposed to talk about it unless it’s with each other. I thought that your mother would have…This is bad.”
“How do you know and I don’t? Why was this kept from me? And … you said Zen knows? She hasn’t even lived here her whole life.”
“She’s from a different community where the Diamond Syndicate is also based.” Esme waved me off as she took deep breaths. “You can’t tell anyone and—”
“I won’t. It’s not a big deal.” It felt big, like my mother and father had kept a massive secret from me my whole life.
“It’s a huge deal. You don’t understand. Cousin Ricky started spreading rumors about this, Olive. He ended up gone. My dad keeps saying he’s vacationing in Bora Bora, but he’s gone gone.”
“What?” I whispered.
“Ricky was working with those men your dad and Knox are working with. In the mob. Ricky was selling drugs for them and I told Knox this. He got mad and now he won’t even look at me. I’m telling you—”
“You think Knox is selling drugs with these men?” I repeated softly.
“I don’t know what he’s doing but it’s something. And he’s doing it to make your father happy. Yes.”
“You can’t be serious. If that’s the case, we should go to the c—”
“Sheriff Reggie Boone lives across the street from us, Olive. He was the one talking to my dad about Ricky.”
“I …” I glanced around and everything felt dizzying. “I might be sick.”
“Don’t you dare throw up back here,” Esme yelled, and she rushed me out. “And don’t you dare tell anyone that you know. Not your dad, not your brother, not anyone in this town … and especially not Dimitri.”
Well, that wouldn’t be a problem … or so I thought.