Beautiful Sinner: a standalone forbidden romance (Beautiful Series)

MY SISTER’S sleepy face on the screen of my phone screen makes me want to cry. Her long brown hair is draped over her face as she holds the phone at an angle so I can barely see her eyes.

“Good morning!” I sing into the speaker as she groans.

“Time differences, Cadence. It’s 5:46am here.”

I see my sister’s husband walk by in his running shorts. “Morning, Alex.”

He leans down so I can see his face on the screen. He’s still as handsome as ever, but he doesn’t have the rugged texture that Callum does, something I never thought I’d appreciate before. I haven’t told Sunny about Callum yet, not really, and I’ve never kept a boyfriend from my sister. I literally tell her everything, but now how can I possibly tell her that I’m in a very happy, semi-committed relationship with a priest?

When I hear my brother-in-law leave the house, I yell at Sunny to wake up and talk to me. As good as it is to see her, I’m not just calling for anything. I’m having a crisis. A real crisis.

“Sunny, wake up. I need you.”

Her head peaks up and she stares at the camera with one eye open. Sisters can tell when someone is not right, and right now, her sensors are going off. “What’s wrong?”

“I need something.”

“Sure, yeah what is it?”

I take a heavy breath and I remind myself this is what sisters are for. We answer the call no matter what.

“I need you to send me some birth control.” The moment the words are out of my mouth, Sunny’s face goes blank for a moment before the disappointment sets in.

“Cadence,” she drawls, dropping her head back down on the pillow.

“Listen, it’s not what you think. I’m in an actual relationship.” My cheeks burn from the width of my smile as I say those words out loud.

“You’ve been there for two months.”

“Three, actually.”

“Still!” My sister places the phone on the nightstand giving me a view of her ceiling while I hear her climb out of bed. I worry my lip as I wait for her to respond.

“Ireland has universal healthcare, Cadence. Go to the doctor there.”

“What if they don’t have the one I like? Can’t you just get one of those fake scripts you used to get and send me some?” I know my voice is taking on a whiny tone, but I don’t want to see a doctor here, and I don’t know why. I still feel like an outsider, and while I know I do have rights to the system since I have my visa, there is something holding me back.

“You’re staying, aren’t you? Mom said she couldn’t get you to come back.” My sister finally picks up the phone and I see her face in the dim light. I forgot how cute my little Sunny is, with her freckled cheeks and austere eyes.

“So that’s why she came?” I ask, sitting back on my bed. “I had my suspicions.”

We don’t talk for a moment as the sound of her coffee maker whirs in the background and she picks up their orange tabby, George. Then, she looks at me in the camera with a blank expression. “Who is he, Cadence?”

“Well, you’re going to love this. He’s a lot older than me. Older than Alex even.”

“It is the priest then, isn’t it?”

My stomach plummets. “Mom sure did tell you everything.”

I’m not quite used to Sunny and Mom having this sort of open relationship. The two never got along when I was growing up. I was mediating between them constantly, up until the point that Sunny moved out and Mom quit drinking.

“Cadence!” Sunny’s voice is tired sounding as she scolds me.

“I didn’t call you to be lectured on the decisions I make with my own life.”

“So what are you going to do? Be his mistress forever? How long can that possibly last? If he really loved you—”

“Don’t say what you’re about to say, Sunny. You don’t even know him.” I didn’t expect our conversation to get so heated and emotional. I thought I could confide in my sister, spill my heart and let her feel how genuinely happy I am, but it’s clear that judgement comes first here.

And I get that she’s trying to protect me, but it’s too late for that. I’m already long gone, so at the point, she might as well wave me off and wish me well because there is no coming back.

“I’m just calling it like I see it, Cadence. I want to be wrong, and I want to think that he’s sleeping with you because he cares about you and not because he can have his cake and eat it too.”

Tears fill my eyes. My sister feels like a traitor at the moment. She doesn’t even know him. “I love him, Sunny.” When I look up at her through my tear soaked lashes, I see the pity in her expression and I want to scream. I am the girl who cried love one too many times. How could anyone believe me now?

Sunny puts George down and bites her lip as she stares at me. “I believe you, Cadence, but you called me asking for birth control when you can easily get it there. Maybe the reason you don’t want to go to the doctor is because you don’t really want the pill.”

My face twists in confusion as I stare at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you constantly making decisions based on what other people want. I can see what you want, Cadence. You want a future with a man, a future this man can’t have with you.”

“I’m not trying to get pregnant, Sunny. That’s insane.”

“Someday, don’t you want that?”

My throat is filled with needles as I swallow down the words she’s saying. The long held truth, layered with the truth that only Sunny knows, the secret she’s held for me for so long. She’s digging up skeletons to serve me with the dose of reality I need. Yes, that is something I want someday, more than anything.

How long will I do this with Callum before my waiting becomes too much? If he can’t give me what I want, then why am I torturing myself with it now?

“I’m sorry, Cadence. I hate to make you cry.”

My beautiful, sweet Sunny. So blunt. So harsh, appropriately named for being a ray of sunshine that will literally burn you if you’re not careful. She’s also painfully wise, and I hate her for it. I hate that she fell in love with Alexander so confidently, never looking back, never second-guessing. I hate that I’m four years older, and I make every dumb decision in the book. I’ll probably be married ten times without ever finding the real one, and maybe there is no real one for me.

It would be Callum, I know it. I could see myself growing old with him, making him laugh, pushing his buttons because I can. Arguing with him late into the evening and making up in only the best ways.

I find it laughably unfair how I’ve probably met the only right man for me, and I can’t have him.

“I’m fine,” I lie, wiping my tears and turning on a fake smile.

It doesn’t do much to convince Sunny. “I won’t let you go without the pill, so if you really don’t want to go—”

“I’ll go to the doctor,” I say, interrupting her. “Don’t worry about it. I need to just go anyway, so I’ll do it.”

“So you’re really staying, huh?”

With a subtle grin, I nod. “I’m staying. For now. I’m working on a new social media plan for the B&B. We’re getting ready for the fall break, and I hope to have the house full by next summer. Hey, we’ll probably need an extra pair of hands around here.” I wink at her, but she shakes her head with a frown.

“No thanks. I’ve done enough international travel for a while. The only thing I want to do is stay home.”

It’s still so hard to think of my sister married, and I can tell she’s still uncomfortable even saying it. I won’t be that way when I get married. I’ll want to scream it from the rooftop, wearing that badge with pride.

I found love. It’s mine, and I’m keeping it.

The thought makes me sad again, but I don’t let Sunny see it. “Okay, I gotta get back to work. Sorry to wake you. Have a good day. I love you.”

“Wait, Cadence.” I pause and look back down at my phone. “You’re stronger than you think.”

She blows me a kiss a moment before the phone goes black. My sister’s words echoed from the first time I called her ring through my mind. As I make my way back downstairs to help Bridget in the garden, I think about what my sister said.

Why am I dragging my feet about the doctor? Is it because I don’t see myself staying in Ireland? Finding a doctor is definitely something a settled person does…not some long-term tourist.

Or am I holding off for another reason?

“What’s on your mind?” Bridget asks as I rake up the leaves around the yard.

“Huh?” I pause and look up at her.

“You’re about a million miles away right now.” She laughs playfully.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t sleep much last night.” As I shake my head and get back to work, I hear her almost silent scoff. My eyes glare up at her.

“What was that?” I ask.

“Come on, Cadence. It’s not like you two are very subtle about it.” When she looks up at me, my cheeks flush hot. His sister knows. My sister knows. This has only been really going on for a month and already too many people know.

“I—um, I don’t—” I stammer, but she laughs again.

“Listen. I don’t care what my brother does, and his vows are his vows. I’ve honestly never seen him so happy, but I’d be a little more careful if I were you.”

“You’re not mad?” My voice sounds so small.

“Why would I be mad? It’s your life.”

“I know, but Callum…”

“Always was a terrible priest.” She sniggers. “I can’t say I saw this coming though. Callum was always so focused on work and duty, that I worried he would miss his whole life. I always hoped something would change his mind…”

Something heavy lands at the pit of my stomach. “He’s not changing his mind.”

“What do you mean?”

It feels like my chest won’t let me take deep breaths and I’m stuck sucking in short shallow ones. “I mean it’s just sex.”

Bridget flinches. I know being so flippant about sex isn’t for everyone, but now I’m frustrated. Between this conversation and the one I just had with my sister, it feels like everyone on earth wants to me to know what a stupid decision I’m making.

“Really?” Bridget asks.

“Yes. Now maybe you’re not so supportive, huh? Callum and I are having sex, and he’s still a priest, and he’s going to stay a priest.” I turn in a huff and start raking again, this time a little more aggressively.

She doesn’t respond, but Bridget isn’t a bold woman. She accepts my answer with an apologetic expression and gets back to her gardening. I feel her eyes glance up my way every few minutes, and it only grates on my nerves more.

At dinner, the tension is thick. Callum walks in from work with a pleasant expression, and he immediately reads the room, looking at both of us like he’s missing something. There are guests in the parlor and an older couple joining us for supper.

We make small talk and I do my best to pretend that everything is fine. They love talking to Callum like he’s some feature of the hotel, dine with an authentic Irish priest. Thankfully, I’m good at hiding my sour mood with fake smiles and engaging conversation.

When we turn in that night, I avoid Callum in the bathroom, stepping out just before he comes up the stairs. It’s not that I’m not in the mood tonight. Actually, quite the opposite, but since I’m on my little white pill instead of the pink ones, I’m on my period. Not that I think he would care at this point, but my stupid cycle and those pills and that conversation just spike the anger in my mood reminding me that I am still a booty call. This is just sex. My life remains on hold.

The gentle tapping against my door after I crawl under my covers is expected. My room is dark, with only the light from the moon illuminating it.

“Come in,” I whisper, and a moment later, it creaks open.

Feeling his presence makes my chest constrict. I want to scream, mostly because I agreed to this. I was part of this arrangement, and I have no one else to blame. He asked me if I would stay for him, and I agreed. Of course that was before we started doing what we’re doing now.

But I’m still mad at him. I’m mad that he’s going along with it, treating me like a piece of ass when I thought I meant more to him. I had myself convinced that he would change his mind and abandon the church for me. It was a stupid thing to think.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” he whispers after closing himself in.

I turn onto my side, facing him, but not moving to get up or welcome him into my bed. “I’m on my period.” For some reason, I hope it turns him away or makes him leave, but of course, it doesn’t.

“What’s bothering you?” He steps closer. Instead of getting in my bed, he kneels on the floor next to it so that his face is not far away from mine. Seeing his tan skin in the moonlight makes me want to kiss him so badly.

I get choked up as I answer. “I just told you.”

His callused hands stroke my hair away from my face with so much tenderness that it reminds me of the day I watched him hold that baby in the Christening. “Cadence,” he says as a warning, and it’s all it takes to break me. The way he reads me, knows when something is wrong and pushes for answers even when I don’t want him to make something in me bend.

“What are we doing, Callum?”

When he hears the strain in my voice, he leans his head down so that his lips are against my cheek. “I thought this was what you wanted,” he whispers.

“I thought so too, but how long can we do this? What if I wake up one day, and my whole life has passed me by?”

“We’re taking it one day at a time,” he moans.

There are so many things I want to tell him, things I’ve been holding back afraid if he knew about them he would never truly love me. My lips fall silent when I have the chance.

When the quiet consumes us, he stands and moves toward the door. His distance starts to feel like actual pain, so I sit up in a rush. “Please don’t leave.”

I watch his shoulders rise and fall with a heavy sigh. Without another word, he turns around and pulls off his shirt, revealing his sculpted chest with the spatter of hair that leads down to his boxer shorts. Then, he climbs into bed next to me and lets me nuzzle my face against his chest.

He holds me all night, never moving to touch me for more. I think he’s feeling the weight of this situation the same way I am. We didn’t choose this, but we’re stuck in it together.

I don’t want to take his life from him.

He doesn’t want to take mine from me.

But at the moment, we can’t live without each other.