Back and Better book

Chapter Thirty Two

Amira POV

Insane.

Insane I'm going f*****g insane. Is this what having a psychotic break is like? As soon as I saw the bodies, something in me snapped. Because I knew it was my fault.

I don't remember much, other than an all-consuming sorrow. A sorrow that very quickly morphed into an absolute rage.

Since it was my fault, I wanted to punish myself. So after setting a bunch of s**t on fire, I was ready to hurt myself.

Teven thought about suicide, but couldn't leave little Meda behind. My mates sensed that, and managed to calm me down.

That was about two days ago, and I've been mentally and physically checked out. I've wanted to go out and destroy S**t, but at least one of my mates is constantly with me.

I know they're at least somewhat happy, because they get to totally take care of me with minimal protests on my part.

I don't have enough energy to protest I don't have enough energy to do anything.

"Amira, love, you need to eat. Please. You need your strength if we're going to take down those motherfuckers," Christians voice penetrates my mental fog.

I blink my way out of my thoughts, looking down at the dining room table. When did I get here?

In front of me sits a delicious-looking chicken parmesan dish, and Christian is holding up a forkful of it in front of my mouth.

I reach out to take the fork, and slowly start to eat.

As I'm chewing, I attempt to think about all the s**t I've been missing. Responsibilities I've been neglecting while I've been off in Lalaland.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as soon as I'm full. I look up to make eye contact with Christian, who's furrowing his eyebrows.

"For what, baby?" I sniff.

"For failing you. For being out of it the last few days. I'm so f*****g sorry."

And I genuinely am. I know that I'm going through S**t that no human should have to go through. I know I'm having a stupid difficult time with everything around me right know, and know that there are hundreds of people targeting me and wanting to either kill or use me. But that doesn't excuse me being out of it.

I lean in, pecking Christian on the lips before standing up. "Where are you going?" he asks, standing with me. I offer him a smile. "To see our babygirl." His grin pretty much lights up the room as he follows me towards Meda's room.

I wipe away a tear of my own as I offer her a big smile. She looks at me, tears welling up in her eyes, and I realize. She assumed 1 abandoned her. Just like mom and dad did when they passed. God, 1

f****d up. I'm gonna have to spend a lot more

time with her to make up for the last

few days.

Meda tentatively glances at me before holding up her hands in a gesture letting me know that she wants to be held. I smile widely at her.

"Anything for my babygirl," I say,

picking her up. As soon as I have her

in my arms, the tension seeps from her limbs and she rests her head on my chest. "Her sleeping schedule has been off for the five days you were out." I freeze. Five days? I thought it was two, maxf**k me...

"She's been giving the nanny a difficult time, and she'll only respond so much to Erebus, Damon and I while you're not there."

T hear two pairs of footsteps come into the room, and turn around to see that Damon and Erebus have arrived.

"f*****g hell, it's good to have you back," Damon whispers. Both he and Erebus are looking at Meda and I with adoration.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I totally checked out. I just... I guess I felt like it would be stupid for me to say anything since I know that all of you have seen way worse."

Erebus steps closer to me, carefully wrapping his arms around me-making sure he doesn't smother little Meda. "Please talk to us next time. Vent, scream, yell, anything other than shutting down. It's been hell without you."

peck him on the lips. "I promise I'll talk to you next time." Because I'm positive there will be a next time.