Aynsefian

I can’t believe it. I’ve got endless moments to think again. I wonder how he is doing this. Well, to be honest, it’s probably not surprising. If Ralieshen created those pieces, and they put me in a void, then why can’t Lanemu do it? It seems logical. I relax and wait. Then I wait some more. There’s no in-between place. I might have expected that, but it doesn’t happen. There’s just straight-up silent, dark, nothingness.

After a length of time that I simply can’t measure because there is no time, my senses slowly return. I remember to keep my eyes closed. I’ll wait for Lanemu’s word.

Open eyes, he says.

I do. I’m back in Nikse’s lounge. I look at Arlyss and Cindlyss for a moment. They are slumped back in their seats, regarding me quietly. I’m not sure what just happened, or how long it took in real time.

You not time travel. Memory link. I meet Ralieshen. She nice lady. Good Aroventian. You travel with Zarasena. Together, but in mind. Not time travel.

I turn around to face Lanemu.

But… how? I ask. How did I feel that cold air, go through that courtroom, meet those people…Hon, Erishijea?

All memories. Locked into device. Cannot time travel. Lanemu’s tone is of absolute certainty.

I can’t?

No. Forbidden. Destroys timelines. Creates anomalies. Can go forward only. Not back. Unless we do it. Only Aroventian control make it work right.

I think I understand. I don’t really. I just have to believe him. I have another question though. Were those people we met real? You said you met Ralieshen in my mind?

Met memory of Ralieshen. Is how I know her. You not time travel. Lanemu’s greyish eyes are regarding me solemnly.

What about that piece we brought back? The ninth piece? If we didn’t time travel, where did that come from? I’m not disputing Lanemu’s assessment of my experience. I just want to know how this piece fits into the whole scenario.

Me not know. No answer. I know you not time travel. That for sure.

Is it possible… I ask, that the dematerialising Zarasena and I did also created that piece?

Is as good answer as any, replies Lanemu.

Those people we met? We can bring them forward to us, though? I ask.

Yes. They come forward to us later. If you want. If we want. I know for sure that they want. So we try. We escape MGC first.

“Yes!” I say, starting to get up. I want to help.

Wait, says Lanemu. One more thing must tell you. You have memory implant. Your people put it there.

I… what? I have my own memory implant? My employers did it? Or someone else? What does this mean? I’m quite disturbed now. How much of my life is real, and how much of it is fake?

My whole world threatens to crash down on me, including my feelings for Zarasena.

Your employers do it. Back when you sixteen. Mother dies in accident on board ship. Father you not know ever. They invent all and implant. They make you asexual. Then implant die when you have no water on planet surface here. You see parents in dreams. You remember girlfriend from past. Blonde hair.

Myralin. That was Myralin. He’s sending all of these thoughts to me quickly, and now he’s paused. The reality of it hits home. My past is all a lie.

I repeat that thought again. My past is a lie.

Before I can think any further along those lines, Lanemu speaks again.

Feelings pass. I fix. Do for you like Zarasena. This not same. You ask for it.

I what? I asked to have my memories altered? How?

When your mother die. Very upset. You break up with blonde girlfriend. Good people counsel you. See talent. Propose explorer role, with implant memories. You accept. They make fake father. The make girlfriend into ship. Heal sadness over mother. Make you asexual. Now you understand?

I do. I get it all now. When the implant died due to the effects of dehydration, I suddenly regained my sexuality, and then started having those dreams about Myralin and my parents. I remember her a bit now. Vaguely. Some of the effects of the implant must still be present, blocking the memory of her.

I could swear I had a father, though. Maybe I just truly wanted that. Lanemu says I did not know my father. He also said he fixed me. I want to ask about that.

You fixed me? I think I know what you mean but could you explain? I ask.

Take away confusion. Loss felt from implant. You can move on now. Into future. Not sad from old memories.

Oh. Thank you. I think I get what he means. I might be sad at the life I had, that it wasn’t perfect because I had no father. Then my mother died. I don’t remember that either. Nor much of Myralin. Memories of both her and my parents did get through the veil, however. Well, my fake parents. Or my real mother and my pretend father. Whatever. It still seems like I had parents, and a happy childhood, even if I didn’t.

I can feel some of that confusion and loss at discovering that much of what I thought was real about my life, actually wasn’t. It’s not pleasant. Lanemu said he fixed it, but I can still feel regret at my real life as opposed to the fake one. I imagine Zarasena had it tougher, though. She didn’t choose her fake mental state. The MGC trapped her when she was still a child. That must have been horrible. If I can help her in any way, and it seems that I am, to get over all of that, then I will.

It’s been quite a day.

So my feelings for Nikse came from Myralin. I get it. I wonder what happened to her? Perhaps it’s best I don’t find out. I can feel a few more traces of our break up. Vague memories of hurt. I expect this is where my insecurities and paranoia comes from with respect to my feelings for Zarasena.

I’m miles away, staring into nothing. I snap out of it.

Thank you so much Lanemu. That explains a lot, I say.

Welcome. We go now. We get out of here. He’s already up and moving. So are Arlyss and Cindlyss.

To the bridge, it seems.

One more thing. Lanemu! I yell.

He turns around. He’s such a small being.

Do you know why I had a feeling of “knowing” Aynsefian? After my language surgery or implant or whatever. When I woke up I felt like I knew that place. I’d been there before.

He pauses in thought. Ah, he says. You have past lives there. More than one. Not important now. That’s why you have trace memory.

That makes sense. Thank you again! I pause in thought, but he’s already out of the room and heading to the bridge. I rush to catch up.

Nikse’s engines are warming up. The familiar hum of the beginning of a journey strikes me again. Her engines in this craft sound the same as her old one. I still don’t know why that is. We take off and start heading away from the Aynsefian city. I can see it disappearing quickly. I hope to see it again someday very soon.

The adrenalin hits me. We are about to make a dash for our lives. There’s a plan involving exhuming dead bodies and crashing IR84U, who I have still not met. I can’t get to Nikse’s bridge fast enough.

I enter and almost run headlong into Jinekali, who is accepting a drink from Lanemu. He moves quickly. Still doing his fake role, it seems. I finally now know what his real capabilities are.

“Careful, Mr. Fernea. I would like to die in one piece, if I may,” Jinekali jokes, a wry smile crossing his pleasant features.

“So sorry, Mr. Suen. I’m keen to see what’s going to happen and if I can help or…”

“Nothing yet, Fernea. Hang tight.” Zarasena’s voice is back in Captain Fen mode. It shocks me for a moment. She’s over at one of Nikse’s main screens in the centre of the bridge, reading something.

Slowing myself down mentally and physically, I head over and give her a hug while she’s reading. She turns a little and smiles, her lovely brown eyes connecting with mine. Joy flows through me once again. She turns back to the screen.

“What are you reading?” I ask.

“Catching up with comms from 84U.” She’s still speaking a little slower.

“Anything worth noting?” I wish I was still staring into her eyes. I want to kiss her so badly. Now is not the time.

“Nothing major. He’s just reporting what is going on back at HQ. It seems that some nasty shit has gone down over in the Inner Fifth Band. You won’t know what that means. It’s just a way we describe regions. Two planets have recently obtained intergalactic flight and they’re not getting along. It’s a distraction that will benefit us.”

“Sounds good.” I feel at a loss. I probably can’t offer anything to this whole escape mission.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I ask.

“Not really. Just chill for now, bud.” She turns and kisses me quickly on the left cheek before returning her attention to perusing the screen.

Maybe I’ll ask Nikse about Myralin. Then again, perhaps not. I still feel guilt at not talking to her. It’s reasonably bothersome. I’ll just have to ride it out.

I know. I’ll see if Anathusa or Jinekali needs help. I look around the bridge. They’re both gone. Maybe I’ll talk to Salvation? No, he’s charging.

I hate this.

I feel useless. I want to do something.