Aur Child

Tieri-Na’s first experience in the endoworld was an overwhelming sensation of smell. Upon waking, she didn’t recall her capture in the cave. Flowers, she thought instead, like those piled up high in the yard before midsummer festivals, but some foreign mix of blooms that she had never known before. Before hearing, seeing, tasting, or feeling anything else. Only the smell of flowers. Indeed, she couldn’t really feel anything as she regained consciousness.

Then came an orchestra of nature. A buzz of bees. A hush of a breeze. A hawk calling from the distance. Other nondescript noises in developing layers. As she took in these sounds, Tieri discerned a bright blur of green and blue, one beneath the other. The light rushing into her slowly opening eyes should have been painful, but it wasn’t. She blinked drowsily; her vision filled with dots of many colors. Yellows, reds, pinks, purples, all waving gently, but still mostly green and blue. Gradually, she began to define a luscious meadow of deep green grass, studded by countless wildflowers flowing away from her down into valleys behind which climbed steep, meadow-bathed mountains, capped in snow, shining brilliantly against a cloudless sky.

Tieri had never seen a place like this before. It was so beautiful, so overpowering in its splendor and tranquility, that before any terror returned to her, she felt comfortable and at peace. For several minutes, adjusting to this strange world, she lay still on her back, head rotated to one side, watching the alpine scene.

She pushed herself up to a seated position. A numbness pervaded throughout her body, keeping all the sensations of touch some far distance away, almost imperceptible. She saw a woman walking up the hill through the flowers and grass. Her head and then her tall, slender body glided closer. The woman wore gowns of flowing white cloth that glowed mesmerizingly in the sunshine. The tiny meadow flowers bowed to her stride. High above the woman, sparrows of jet black flew in repeating, weaving patterns. Tieri felt as if she was being nudged, like her sleeve was being tugged by an invisible child, telling her in whispers that something beautiful was about to happen.

As the woman approached, Tieri thought she could hear the voice of the woman, despite the apparition’s closed mouth.

“Hello again, Visitor Human-Na. It is a sincere pleasure to share my avatar with you for the first time. Please allow me to formally welcome you to Yellow Reserve. As Majordomo, I am your steward, and it is my responsibility to ensure your comfort and enjoyment during your visit.”

The woman leered at her, as if Tieri’s thoughts lay completely exposed before her.

The same voice, Tieri thought with a shiver. Freyja, wasn’t it? From the cave.

The woman seemed to listen intently as Tieri continued to think through her circumstances. Again, she caught a flicker of suspicion that her thoughts were presented to the woman as if they were freely offered for all to take.

I will not speak to her. As before. She knows nothing about me. Nothing about Rik-Na. I will give her nothing…until she promises to release me from this…this cage.

The woman was about to speak but seemed to hesitate at another convulsion of Tieri’s thoughts forming. She grinned with delight, revealing the perfect mouth of a siren.

“Dear Visitor, Tieri-Na,” she said, “Please do not be afraid of me. I will not harm you.”

How does she hear me?

“You must learn, first of all,” the woman continued, assuming a look of conquest, “that here in the endoworld, we can each hear one another’s thoughts if they are not intentionally hidden.

That’s impossible. She’s lying. But Tieri’s trembling hand contradicted her stubborn mind.

“It is not impossible, Visitor Tieri. You refuse to speak with me, yet I can still hear you.”

Shaman-talk, Tieri thought.

The woman pouted condescendingly.

But ... how did she find out my name?

“I learned your name just now because you spoke it in your thoughts without guarding them.”

Tieri felt stunned. Her lip quivered. She struggled to not think.

The woman tittered. “I am no shaman. It is simply a rule of the endoworld. In time, you will learn the rules. You will learn to guard your thoughts from others. Before then, I will prevent others from eavesdropping. But as a Majordomo, I will still hear you.”

How do I get out of here? How did I get here?

The woman waited quietly. She floated a few steps away just above the meadow, with the sparrows chirping playfully above her head. The warm sun seemed to toast fragrances from the flowers all around. With a wave of her hand, potpourri swept into Tieri’s head, along with a sense of calm. Tieri relaxed her shoulders and looked down at her clothing. She was not wearing the rough forest garments familiar to her; instead, she was clothed in a lightweight banyan of minimal cut that covered her from wrists to ankles like a loose-fitting tube. She shifted awkwardly in the realization she wore no pantlegs.

“Yes, we met in the cave previously. My name is indeed Freyja. It has taken some days to perform the procedure we call endoport and complete the testing, but your soul has been successfully and safely transferred to the boule cluster of Yellow Reserve.” Freyja folded her hands into her lap. “That is how you got here.”

Tieri looked at her arm. She reached around to touch it, barely feeling the contact. Freyja observed as Tieri tried to avoid thinking, to prevent Freyja from hearing her. But that effort itself generated thoughts.

Freyja smiled with awareness. “Stay calm, Tieri. These first moments in the endoworld can be traumatic. There is much with which to acclimate. You’ve noticed that your sense of touch is limited. Some describe it as being ‘far away’ from earthsense. That is a temporary condition common in all endoports and, in your case, set intentionally by me to prevent an overload to your experience. When you are ready to experiment with touch, and other senses, we can do so.” Freyja attempted the most maternal face she could muster, slightly downturned smile, cocked head, gently squinting eyes.

Tieri remained quiet, focusing on silencing her thoughts.

“Please let me also assure you,” Freyja continued, “that your human body handled the endoport successfully and, you will be happy to hear, is in perfect health. There were no consequences of our encounter in the cave’s antechamber to speak of, aside from a small bruise or two. We ran complete diagnostics.” Freyja raised her chin to look down upon Tieri as if she were a doctor issuing a prognosis, “You are a healthy one, Tieri. Although…” she added with a bit of condescension, “…we did take the liberty of correcting a few longer-term anomalies which we can talk through when you are ready.”

She speaks about my body as if it is not here, Tieri could not avoid thinking.

Freyja contained a small, knowing laugh so that it only ran silently through her alabaster-hued nose.

“Your body is not here. It is a physical thing that cannot be here in the endoworld. Your soul, as I said, has been carefully removed from your body and ported here to the endoworld within the boule cluster at Yellow Reserve. Your physical body was safely managed in another part of Yellow Reserve.”

Tieri reached for her arms. They were there. She leaned forward and grabbed her legs. They were also there. Freyja watched these actions and seemed to be bored by them.

“Well, Tieri,” Freyja said, assuming a familiar tone with the woman, “Our world is at your disposal. What would you like to see? To have? To do?”

Tieri opened her mouth and spoke in a shaky voice, “I ... I want to leave. Please let me g-go ho-home. Please.”

“I am able to grant you so many wonderful things here. Things you will surely want to experience and explore. I understand you want to leave.” Freyja waved her hand around at the dazzling scenery. “I understand this is strange.” She sat down on the soft meadow grasses, gaining a common vantage point with Tieri’s wide-open gaze. They peered into each other’s eyes for the first time, Tieri having managed up until this point to avoid contact. Freyja aimed her jeweled eyes into Tieri’s. They were crafted to appear like enchanted beams of forest-filtered sunlight. Her powdery white cheeks colored rose with signals of care and affection. “I understand you are frightened. I can help you very much. Tell me how I can ease your concerns. Tell me how I can make you more comfortable and your desires will be instantly fulfilled.”

Tieri could see Freyja better as she leaned closer. She trembled at the beauty. The Majordomo seemed to recognize this reaction. Her image fit the description of so many childhood fairy tales spoken in awe-inspiring whispers to young Tellurian girls.

But Tieri pushed these impressions aside. She straightened her back and answered, “I would like to leave.”

Freyja’s thin lips reddened as she pressed them together, “It is one of the very few things I cannot offer you, Tieri-Na.”

Tieri thought about her knife being taken. I could crush this fragile twig.

“Let us each remain calm. There is no kill here. You cannot die. I cannot die. There is only dialogue or no dialogue. Engagement or no engagement.” She added with a shrewd, sideways glance, “Much more civilized than the forest, don’t you think?”

Tieri closed her eyes to avoid the confusion of this idea. She was baffled by the simultaneous emotions of helplessness and safety. Tieri almost believed Freyja, and that was the scariest thing.

All the while, Freyja seemed to listen quietly to Tieri as she reasoned through her circumstances.

I am at a terrible disadvantage here. I don’t even know where to run. And, oh yeah, she hears my thoughts.

“Yes, I do,” Freyja said. “But you are a smart woman. Believe me, it truly saddens me that I cannot fulfill this initial request. Please accept my apologies. I am your servant. I want to make you comfortable. You are very generous to give me this modicum of trust.”

A breeze blew over their gossamer clothing. Tieri attempted to hold back her tears. She looked away to hide her face from Freyja, but her sobs could not be contained or disguised. Freyja looked away to avoid disturbing Tieri. She hugged her own slender legs and gazed over the meadow.

Tieri sobbed quietly. She didn’t even notice Freyja sitting there. She fought her tears but understood the emotion that caused it, even though she could not feel it as strongly as she thought she should. “Far away,” Freyja had said. The wrenching in her stomach was also there but subdued. She recognized that, too, was an effect of this strange world within which she found herself.

She turned back to Freyja, “You said I could guard my thoughts from others?” She prompted Freyja to offer an explanation.

Freyja rotated her torso towards Tieri, leaning back on her arms and assuming a pedagogical expression. “Oh ... yes. I expect you want to have that privacy. It is not the most tangible control to learn first, however. Before that, would you allow me to teach you to attune your senses? Those are somewhat easier, and controlling your senses makes guarding thoughts more intuitive.”

Tieri wondered if her nod could hide her scowl.

“Very well. Let’s start with the environment. Look around. The meadow here, the mountains there. You see the village down below? They are all a construct, merely a scene chosen by me as a comforting place for us to meet. Our theater. Any of these things can be adjusted to your preferences. That is, in terms of your perception, your preferences overrule any that I may choose. For example, it has been very comfortable here in the meadow, wouldn’t you agree? I have chosen a comfortable temperature. You might even say it is neutral, to reduce confusion. But, say you prefer it to be warmer? Easy! To do so, you must simply will the temperature to increase.” Freyja pushed her two open palms forward as if she were giving something of great value to Tieri. “Try it!” she said, “Imagine the temperature is a bit warmer and will it to be so.”

Tieri scoffed at this suggestion. In response, Freyja laughed. “Yes, it sounds silly, but go on. Try. Imagine a bit warmer temperature and will it to be so.”

Tieri assumed a serious expression. Her brows furrowed slightly over her blue eyes and high cheek bones. She imagined the meadow to be warmer, like on an August day in a forest clearing, standing directly under the sun.

Freyja laughed with joy and clasped her hands together, rocking back and forth in the soft grass on the fulcrum of her tailbone. “Oh, wonderfully executed!” she said with all the enthusiasm of a proud parent, “Now that is an excellent result, Tieri!”

Tieri tried to repress a smile and said, “I can’t believe I can do that.”

“Oh, of course you can! It is your endoworld, Tieri. You choose how you want it. It is the same for all other senses. I dare say you could already attempt a more critical one.”

Tieri was piqued by the suggestion. “What’s that?” she asked.

“Pain.” Freyja replied in a nonchalant tone as if the word had no further implications.

Tieri slightly straightened her body and face in concern. She wasn’t sure if she trusted Freyja with this new subject.

“Oh, you can trust me, dear. The only risk with pain is being too aggressive with the adjustments. But I am here to help with that. I will protect you. If you go too far, I will adjust it for you if you allow me?”

Tieri gave a hesitant nod.

“Yes? Good!” Freyja leaned closer to Tieri and swept a hand back and forth across the blades of grass and small meadow flowers between them. “As you’ve noticed, you can hardly feel the grass. Or…” she reached up, “a gentle hand on your face.”

Tieri pulled back instinctively. Freyja settled her hand to the grass, pushing past her misstep.

“This was my doing,” Freyja continued, talking about the touch of the grass. “Now, use the same technique as before. You know what blades of grass should feel like upon your fingers. Imagine that feeling and will your sense of touch to increase and match it.”

Tieri held her hand nervously over the grass. She closed her eyes and began sweeping her hand back and forth across the tips of the blades. She began to feel the grass more vividly. She smiled at the sensation. Freyja looked at Tieri’s face, indulging in the opportunity to look upon her delightful features as she experienced something completely new. She savored the lashes, the lids, the brows, the strong nose, and the voluptuous lips.

Tieri pushed her will more. She yelped with fright and snapped her hand away from the grass. Overwhelming pain flared across her entire body as the ground, the sunshine, even the breeze pressed upon her with crushing force.

In another moment, the pain was completely gone. There was no reverberation, no tapering of the sensation as she had expected. She only felt a normal pressure of the ground against her body, rather than the numbness of earlier. She noticed she was breathing faster. She looked up at Freyja.

“I‘ve got you,” Freyja said. “You did very well with increasing your sensitivity to pain but perhaps lost yourself in the moment. Try to focus on individual sources; you unintentionally shifted all elements at once. So, I returned it to what would be a normal level of sensation when you got distracted by the pain.”

Tieri nodded in understanding. She was relieved to return to a normal sense of touch.

Freyja looked down. She swept her elegant hand over the grass again. Tieri was watching her dainty wrist, still somewhat flustered by her last experience.

“Tieri, you are doing very well. I am pleased with our first attempts together. You are learning to attune your senses to your preference. And, as you can see, I can also influence your senses if you allow me to. You are in control here, not me.”

“So,” Freyja continued, “it is the same with other senses. Anger, fear, happiness, hunger, desire. They are all within your ultimate control here in the endoworld to decrease or increase the sensation.” Freyja hesitated. The fanciful fingers of her hand continued to stroke the grass. Then, she looked up at Tieri and added, “...also sybaritism.”

“What…is that?”

“Oh,” Freyja offered a placid smile and leaned closer to Tieri-Na. “I’ll show you. Just tell me when to stop…”

Tieri gasped with surprise in a gush of pleasure. Her fists clenched tight around bunches of grass at her sides. She breathed in heavily, looking up into the sky - unknowingly exposing her fully extended neck to Freyja’s delight - and then exhaled in a deep hush. Her heart pounded inside her chest. She lost herself in a sudden, unmatched sensation of joy.

“Just ...tell me ...” whispered Freyja mischievously with soft breaths into Tieri’s ear, “...when to stop.”