Artificial Heart

The next two days were a painful blur. Prisha hardly moved. She hardly spoke. It felt like she barely breathed. Lying in bed like she was dead. Like she was already a corpse. People entered. Food was left behind. Men asked her questions. Gentle hands took her face and shone light in her eyes. Her arms were pricked for blood. Her pulse was taken.

They were concerned and why shouldn’t they be? Alf seemed to have taken her appetite along with him. Her zest for life. Her care about her child and herself. It felt like a heavy weight was pressing down hard upon her chest. She was weak. She was dizzy. She was vomiting again.

The only good thing was Dr Embry’s return.

Prisha stared up at him questioningly.

‘They need me,’ he told her. ‘But they have me on a very tight leash now.’ He glanced towards the back of the room, as though somebody was waiting there.

His forehead screwed up. His smooth-shaven scalp shone against the light. ‘They tell me you haven’t eaten. You know how important it is to nourish yourself, Prisha. Especially with what you’re carrying.’

Prisha stared up at the ceiling without response.

His frown deepened. ‘What’s wrong? What’s going on? Why aren’t you answering me?’

Somebody cleared their throat from the back of the room.

Embry sighed and shook his head. ‘Let’s get on with it, then.’

He examined her gently and methodically. The light above glared into her eyes and she closed them.

‘You’ve lost weight,’ he said. ’This is not good, Prisha. You could die. You will die.’

‘So?’ Her voice was a croak.

‘You’ve given up.’

A tear slid down Prisha’s cheek.

‘If you don’t start eating, I’m going to have to medically treat you, whether you like it or not.’

Prisha turned her face away.

It wasn’t long later when another familiar person entered—Lucy. Prisha had mixed feelings about the woman but she didn’t fight when the nurse told her to get up.

‘You need to wash. You need to brush your teeth. You need to stop being pathetic. You need to start normalising again.’ She was a fierce old woman, Prisha gave her that.

‘Nothing about this is normal.’ And Prisha rolled away.

The nurse ripped off her blanket. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself. There is more to think about now than just you.’

Prisha rolled her eyes and scoffed. ‘You mean humanity?’

‘No. Your baby.’

Prisha blinked. The woman was standing by her bed, arms folded. She was shaking her head. ‘You are far too old for this garbage.’

Prisha’s mouth quirked despite herself. ’I’m not that old.’ She sat up. The room spun and she grabbed her head.

‘Take your time,’ spoke the nurse. ‘But you’re not going back to bed today. We have a new room for you. This place is unfit.’

Prisha was shaking as she stood. Her knees bowed. ‘Oh. I don’t feel good.’

Her vision turned dark.

‘Are you okay?’ the nurse asked anxiously.

‘Give me a moment.’

Her vision cleared but Lucy’s face remained fuzzy. The room spun again. Then the walls were falling.

‘On the bed!’ came the nurse’s yell.

Then everything turned black.

The black didn’t last long. Now everything was blurry with muffled voices shouting at each other. There were several figures, though it was hard to know. She rolled her eyes, trying to see but nothing would come into focus.

She thought she heard her name. A dark face leaned over her. Light shined into her eyes. What was their obsession with that damned light? The figure was saying something but she couldn’t hear what it was. Then strange images infiltrated her mind. Alf was there, standing in the corner of the room, holding a baby in his arms.

Their baby.

Prisha blinked. Alf disappeared. Then they were lifting her up and shifting her to another bed. One that rolled down the corridor. That face kept looking down upon her. It was a little clearer now. That deep frown in his forehead was familiar.

The wheels banged rhythmically against the floor. She swore she heard Lucy saying her name but there were so many voices.

She rolled her eyes. They closed. They opened again and she found herself in another room. A familiar one. The damn medical room! How she hated this place.

A sickening sensation in her stomach made her sit up. She burped. Someone thrust a bowl in front of her but only spit came out. She fell back down again. Everything was swimming. There was a blinking light that made her want to tuck her knees up into her chest and curl into a ball.

She turned her attention upwards and saw bags of fluid, machines that connected them, lines that snaked down towards her arms. When had all that happened? The muffled beeping turned to squealing. Lucy pressed something on the machine. Their eyes met.

‘Embry,’ came Prisha’s voice, so distant sounding.

Then Embry was there, leaning over her again. ‘You’re awake. How do you feel?’

‘Sick.’

‘Do you have pain?’

Prisha shook her head. Even that took effort. She tried to lift her arm but it fell back, as flaccid as a worm.

‘Tired,’ Prisha murmured. She closed her eyes again.

’Prisha!’

She was back on the ship with Alf. They were naked, holding each other. Prisha’s belly had swollen to the size of a beach ball. Alf’s hand looked strangely small against it.

‘They can’t have it,’ Prisha said.

‘They must.’

‘No.’

Prisha looked him in the face. His organic eye was gone. Two red eyes beamed back at her. Soulless. Hard. His face was almost completely metal. Even his teeth which grinned from a face without lips.

Prisha’s eyes snapped open. The room was more quiet now. Not so many people. Two. Someone was sitting hunched over in their chair. A second person was leaning against the wall, arms folded.

Prisha rolled over with a groan. The man in the chair jerked his head up. It was Embry. His face was more clear this time, not so fuzzy, though Prisha had to blink away the sleep.

‘Am I all right?’ she croaked.

His face was kind—and worried as he stood over her. ‘I don’t know.’

‘The baby?’

‘It’s okay. Alive. Stable. I’m more worried about you.’

Prisha looked up to see several machines and at least five different bags of fluid, some large, some small.

‘Am I dying?’ she said.

‘Not yet.’ He paused. ‘This is what happens when you give up.’

‘Mmm.’

She tried to sit up. Embry helped her with her pillows. Even such a small movement made her breathless.

‘So tired,’ she said.

Again, she tried to lift her arm up—successfully this time. Though her whole body shook at the effort.

‘Need the bathroom,’ she said.

‘I’ll get Lucy.’

He left and the nurse entered. She was holding a pan.

Prisha shook her head in disgust. ‘No way. Toilet. I can do it.’

‘Not a chance. Not after last time.’

Lucy helped her with it and Prisha finished up. Lucy left to wash up, then returned. She went over to check Prisha’s pumps and her lines. She was stiff and a frown pinched her forehead.

‘Maybe … maybe I wanna eat something,’ Prisha said. The nurse looked at her. Prisha forced a pained smile. ‘I’m not pathetic.’

The woman sighed. ‘I know. I’ll get something.’

She left. Embry didn’t return. That man leaning against the wall remained. It wasn’t the man who had helped her escape with Embry. This one looked mean. He didn’t acknowledge her. Acting like a statue. Pretending he wasn’t there.

Tobias entered.

‘You again,’ Prisha croaked.

Tobias studied her and the medical equipment. His nose pinched. ‘Embry tells me you’re very unwell. Maybe even dying.’

Prisha didn’t say anything.

’Such a weak thing—to give up. Just for a man. Not even a man.’

‘Fuck you, Toby.’ Prisha laughed. ’Toby.’

His moustache twitched. His hair was glistening against the light, as though gelled up. ‘You need to get better. We need you to contact him.’

‘I can’t contact him. It doesn’t work like that. I told you. It’s over.’ Prisha closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. It was exhausting to talk. To argue. It was exhausting to think and breathe. When she opened her eyes, the room was spinning again. ‘He’s not coming back.’

‘You’ve said that before. If he’s a good man, like you said, he’ll come back for you.’

‘Mmm … Good men.’ Her eyes fluttered shut. ‘Not so good.’

Her eyes rolled in her head. They snapped open at a hard squeeze of her shoulder. Pain zapped down her arm. Somebody kept squeezing and squeezing but it wasn’t enough to keep her eyes open.