. Apostasy . A Luna's Struggle

The three young she-wolves ran, stopping only to drink water from a few muddy streams. The late summer and early autumn had been drier than normal, leaving the earth as parched as the girls’ throats. They ate berries and dry rye tips, lamb’s quarter stems and wild potatoes. Anulla wouldn’t let them deviate from their direction, constantly heading straight for the distant mountains. By the second day, they had reached the tall foothills. Climbing through the trees, they gnawed or licked the soft inner layer of the pine bark they pulled off or chewed the nuts from the pinecones they pried open as they stumbled forward. Anulla refused to let them stop.

As rabbits and squirrels fled from the three, Anulla wished she was sixteen already, then she would have her wolf, and it could hunt for them. Sonja and Anulla took turns carrying or pulling Keira up the ever-steeper terrain. By evening, they still weren’t in the mountains, and Anulla was the only one who wanted to keep going, Sonja was complaining, and Keria was too tired to care. The 10-year-old’s eyes kept closing as she stumbled behind Anulla, their clasped hands the only thing keeping her from falling into the pine needles and sleeping. An hour earlier, they had found a small, slightly stagnant pond surrounded by moon berries and had eaten greedily. The not-quite-ripe berries had knotted their stomachs, but it gave them energy.

Just before sunset, Sonja insisted, “We need to stop for the night.”

Anulla disagreed, “We should keep going till we get to the river. We can hear it so it can’t be that far ahead.” They could hear the river in the distance.

“No... I’m too tired, and my stomach hurts, and... and look at my sister, she’ll die if we keep going,” Sonja argued.

“But there’s clean water and will probably be food close to the water. It’s not much further,” Anulla pled with her friend but Sonja sat and refused to go further.

“No, Anulla, if you want to go then go, but I can’t do it,” Sonja started crying, “I can’t... I’m too tired... I can’t go any further.”

Finally, Sonja’s whining and crying made her cave in.

“Alright, we’ll rest, but as soon as the light comes, we have to go.” They crawled under a tree to sleep.

Jumping at every sound, Anulla tried to stay awake to keep watch, but it had been a difficult two days and two nights of only stopping enough to drink and gather the food that fell along their path. Sonja fell asleep first

“Keira, sweetie, eat these.” Anulla made Keira eat the last of the berries she had put in her pocket when Sonja wasn’t looking.

The young girl ate the handful of berries in one bite then looked guiltily at Anulla, who hugged her against her side for warmth. “It’s okay, I saved those for you. I’m not hungry.”

“Thank you, Anulla.” She whispered as she curled against her.

As Keira’s breath brushed her neck, Anulla felt herself drifting off as the moon rose over the plains they had fled. She knew in her heart they should keep going but she couldn’t leave her friends, and a little rest couldn’t hurt. She was... just ... so ... tired...

A howl woke them late in the night, there were warriors hunting something. The girls feared they were coming for them and soon the sounds proved that fear true.

“It’s them,” Sonja whispered too loudly in the quiet night.

“Run for the river, it’s the edge of another pack’s lands. If we cross it, we’ll be safe,” Anulla whispered, or so she hoped.

Sonja and Keira nodded. They had been told by their mothers that the western wolves respected their mates as they respected the moon, so if they could reach their land, they would be safe. The river thundered just ahead and with the pursuing wolves just behind, they ran harder. Suddenly Sonja vanished from sight, her screams echoed off the walls of the steep canyon as she fell to her death.

“Sonja!”

Keira and Anulla huddled on the edge of the cliff, the river far below, roared against the steep walls of the canyon. They were trapped. The wolves approached them, snarling and snapping.

Kneeling Anulla held her best friend’s little sister in her arms, sobbing, “Just close your eyes, Keira, it will be over soon.” She knew they were dead, to run away from the Monarchy meant death for any she-wolf caught, and death for the family they left behind. Anulla and Keira were already alone, orphans, so anyone who knew them would be killed if they weren’t already dead. Anulla prayed that the Moon would grant them entrance to her lands.

When the wolves didn’t attack, Anulla looked up into the face of the most beautiful wolf she had ever seen. He flashed his fangs, and she looked down. Bones cracked as she stared at his feet.

“Why did you run away, female?” His tone was angry, but smooth as velvet and for a moment, Anulla thought she would swoon. “Answer me.”

“I... I am s-sorry, s-sir. We didn’t w-want the Beta t-to m-m-molest us any m-more,” her voice shook as she trembled.

His snarl echoed off the canyon walls and the birds resting the trees scatter to the night sky. Tingles like static spread up her arm as he dragged her to her feet, inhaling her scent, then he threw her to the ground.

“Lying female,” he spat, “Your virtue is still intact. I can smell it. I’ll have you both whipped to death with silver.”

Keira whimpered and he kicked her. Anulla prostrated herself on the ground as she had been taught.

“Please sir,” she begged, “That’s not how he raped us.”

“Us?” he sounded skeptical.

“The B-Beta make s-some of us s-service him as the adult she-wolves do. H-he touches us and p-puts his maleness in our...” she stammered.

He laughed and the wolves with him snickered, “That’s not rape, he has to screw you to rape you.”

“He screws our m-mouths to train us for our time of s-service,” Anulla tremulously answered, feeling compelled to explain the Beta’s actions to the powerful wolf.

Keira blurted out, “And if we don’t swallow his seed, he beats us and...” She trailed off, terrified at the malevolently thoughtful look on the lead wolf’s face. She shrank into Anulla’s side.

“Are you sure you swallowed his seed, little mouse?” he sneered.

“That’s what he called it, sir,” Keira whispered, keeping her eyes down.

“Perhaps I should make you show us.” They shrank back terrified and he enjoyed their fear. He looked at them for a few moments more, then demanded, “How old are you, little one?”

“T-Ten, sir.”

“And you, kitten? How old are you? Fourteen?” his eyes looked darker as the moon sank toward in the west.

“N-no s-sir, I am fifteen.” Anulla stuttered.

“When is your birthday?”

Anulla didn’t answer immediately, suddenly she was very afraid of what this wolf would do to her on her birthday in three weeks.

“Your birthday, female, when is it?”

“On the next full moon, sir.” She whispered, and his eyes clouded with a strange emotion.

He tipped his head and looked over at his second. While he wasn’t looking at them, Anulla wondered if they could make it to the cliffs’ edge and join Sonja.

“Don’t!” he snarled. “Don’t even think about it. I will not allow you to throw your useless selves off the cliff after that other worthless female.”

Anulla tried not to stare at him, she was even more terrified because he could read her mind.

He laughed out loud, it was a beautiful and terrible sound to Anulla, “Of course, I can read your mind, kitten... I’m the Monarch. And just because you’re my mate do not ever presume it makes you any more special than any other weak female in my kingdom.”

He turned to his wolves, “I am going to take little time to get to know my mate. Take the little one and start back, leave the other for the scavengers. Obviously, my Father’s Beta can’t be trusted to uphold the rules of the kingdom, so we will take all the under-aged she-wolves with us. I am going to harvest that pack of females the way my father should have when he conquered them. If they are bold enough to run away even before they shift, they aren’t being properly trained anyway. Whip Randolf. Chain him in the fields he let them burn, his corpse can fertilize next year’s crops.”

Anulla and Keira clung to each other, as the wolves surrounded them. The wolves walked around them, snapping and baring their teeth with deep growls.

A large ginger wolf growled in question, and the Monarch laughed, then ordered, “Run, little one, or my warriors will drag you by the hair.”

Anulla started to lead Keira but before they could start to run, the Monarch pulled Anulla against his bare chest, sparks erupted, and she could feel his manhood pressing into her stomach. “Not you, mate. You are going to tell me every detail and maybe show me everything Beta Randolf did to you. I will decide if he raped you or not.”

His warriors herded Keira away, leaving them alone. Crying, she ran as the wolves played with her.

Watching Keira go, Anulla felt panic rise in her because she knew what he was going to do to her. “But...but I’m only fifteen. ”

He smirked, showing his fangs and she trembled, “Another lie, kitten? I know you can feel it when I touch you. You are older than you claim. Tell me what date you were born on.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered fearfully, “My mother only said I was born the night the queen was burned, and the goddess wore her blood on the full moon. Mother never told me the year. P-Please I... I haven’t sh-shifted yet.”

Even in the moonlight, she could see his eyes turning as his wolf ascended, his claws piercing the skin in her upper arm as he drug her through the trees. He did not speak until they reached the place where the moon berries grew around the small pond.

“Why are we...” She hadn’t finish her question when he slapped her so violently she flew off her feet and landed on the moon berry plants. He towered over her has she huddled on the ground.

“In three weeks, it will be eighteen years since the blood moon. Since I lit the fire that burned my mother. Since my father declared your goddess dead. In my kingdom, there are penalties when a female lies.”

Anulla tried to understand what he was saying, if it were true then she would be eighteen, and not sixteen on her birthday. Her mother had lied about her age, but before she could figure out why a deep growl rumbled through the tiny grotto. Her eyes looked up at her mate as he became the thing of her nightmares, she had a fleeting thought of trying to flee, but then he was on her.

And she would never forget the nightmare that followed...

=^^^^^=

A/N:

Trauma recovery therapy is one of the most important things survivors of child abuse can do for themselves or have given to them. No one’s experience is the same, but if you are one of us, you are not alone.

Here are two articles from Psychcentral.com

https://psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-from-childhood-abuse-the-past-keeps-getting-clearer/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/trauma-informed-care-how-cbt-mindful-awareness-are-key-factors-in-repairing-the-brain/

You are not alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of because what happened to you was wrong and not your fault. Seek help to heal and change your thinking.