Amnesia - The Matlock Pack: Book One

Saturday 12 December

~*Nat’s POV*~

My eyes cracked open to sunlight streaming through the window.

I winced at the glare, then realised I had a thumping headache. I closed my eyes again and let out a loud groan.

“What the fuck happened last night…?”

My hand went to my forehead in a futile attempt to ease the throbbing behind my eyes. I rolled over, only to roll right off the side of the bed and land on the floor with a thump.

“God damn it!”

Getting onto my knees, I crawled over to the window and slung the curtains closed to get rid of the incessant beams of light that threatened my very sanity. Once they were closed, I sat against the wall with my knees up and brought a hand to my head again, shutting my eyes tight against the ambient faint glow of the electronics in the room.

I assumed it was my room I was in, but I couldn’t tell for sure, because I was running entirely on instinct. Rubbing my fingers against my temples again, I couldn’t find any relief from the torture behind my eyes. I needed painkillers, and I needed them fast.

Slowly, I made my way on all fours to the door, opened it, and looked out. Squinting into the harsh electronic light, I took a look around and decided that yes, this did indeed look like my apartment, and yes, something in my brain told me that there were painkillers somewhere in the kitchen, so I headed in that general direction.

After what felt like forever, I finally made it there and pulled myself up by the drawer handles. I opened every drawer I came across to find the painkillers that my exhausted and sore brain told me lived somewhere in this hellscape of doom.

“Thank fuck.” Pulling the tiny box out of the sixth open drawer, I went looking for a glass to grab some water. Once more, I opened every cupboard door until I found what I was looking for.

The water coming out of the faucet and landing in the glass was so loud and irritating it made me groan, but holy crap, did the cool water go down my throat nicely. I swallowed the painkillers and then guzzled more water, then more again. Finally, my brain started to feel like itself again.

And that’s when the memories came back.

Not the important ones, the ones from before my time in Matlock. Oh, no. These memories were from the night before. The night where I had drunk way too much alcohol and danced the night away with Cody and Zelda at The Gap.

The night where…

Oh, God…

What on earth had I done with Bells last night?

My eyes widened as my mind quickly flicked through the memories of me sitting on Bells’ lap, murmuring in his ear… what, exactly? What had I said?

The memories slowed down so I could concentrate on the details more.

And a warmth swelled through me as I finally remembered the feel of Bells. The look in his eyes as he locked onto mine, an erotic connection between the two of us that promised that last night’s experience was only the beginning of what lay ahead for us both.

A slow smile spread over my face at the thought of the pure attraction and adoration Bells had shown me by simply staring into my eyes when he had trusted me enough to let go. The power that he allowed me to wield over him. I sighed contentedly, thinking about what our future held.

If our connection was this strong when we hadn’t even kissed yet, how much stronger would it get? How much stronger could it get?

And then, of course, an icy dread had to fall over me and ruin my thoughts.

We hadn’t been alone when we had made that connection. Our entire friend network had been there, sitting right beside us, opposite us, around us.

Oh… God…

I moaned at the embarrassment of it all. What the hell were we thinking? Had we even been thinking at all? Of course not. There’s surely no way that either of us would have done what we did had we been thinking.

Had anyone noticed?

Surely, they must have heard something from Bells. How could they not?

The only thing we could hope for was that everyone else had been so drunk themselves, that they hadn’t cottoned on to how drunk we were and what we had got up to at that table. Or that they were so drunk that they wouldn’t be able to remember anything.

I felt the colour drain from my face. What if Bells himself couldn’t remember what had happened?

Oh, bloody hell… What mess had I got myself into?

Of course, my memories of last night were in perfect technicolour and surround sound. Of course, my broken brain couldn’t squash those memories out of existence, like my time before Matlock. Of course, it might only be Bells whose memory of the night is lost to either of us.

Of course.

I rolled my eyes at my folly. Only time would tell if I was the only one of us both who would remember. And I would say nothing until Bells let me know what, if anything, he could recall.

Hadn’t he said something about going to the movies tonight? I racked my brain. Yes… Yes, he had invited me to the movies tonight, but we hadn’t decided on a time. Maybe that would be the test? If he contacted me sometime today to finalise a time, then I’d know that he could remember something from last night.

Right. Decision made. I wouldn’t say anything at all to anyone about last night until I heard from Bells.

If I heard from Bells.

I raised my head at the sound of Cody’s bedroom door opening. From my vantage point at the kitchen sink, I could see the entire apartment, so I was curious to see if Cody was feeling just as hungover as I was.

Strangely, it wasn’t Cody who emerged from Cody’s bedroom.

It was Murph.

I stood there, shocked. That wasn’t who I expected to see at all.

Murph quietly closed the door and stumbled into the lounge area. He still hadn’t looked up, so he didn’t know that I was watching him trying to slowly make his way through the apartment and head for the front door. It wasn’t until he had made it to the kitchen area, a mere three steps to the exit, when he looked up and noticed me staring at him.

“Sweet Jesus!” He jumped back in fright, holding a hand over his heart, then immediately shifting it to his mouth, when he realised how loudly he’d spoken.

“Mornin’.” I raised the half full glass of water in my hand to my lips and peered at Murph over the rim, raising an eyebrow as I sipped.

Still looking startled, Murph looked back at Cody’s door, then guiltily down at his feet. “Morning,” he mumbled. He shuffled on the spot, like he couldn’t wait to get out of the apartment.

“Want some breakfast?” I asked. Even though I was so insanely curious about how he’d ended up in the apartment last night, Murph had been kind to me over the past week, so I figured I’d let him lead the conversation. If he wanted to have a conversation at all, that is.

He slowly raised his head and looked at me with a raised eyebrow of his own.

“Not my business, Murph.” I shrugged. “Just want to know if you want some toast.”

He let out an incredibly long breath, his entire body relaxing. A slow, grateful smile graced his face. “Better not.” He looked at the front door.

“Fair enough. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah.” He closed in on the door and raised his hand to the doorknob, but before he opened the door, he paused, then turned to me. “You’re alright, Nat. You know that?”

“Thanks, Murph. So are you.” I smiled at him warmly. He nodded, then opened the door and left, quietly closing the door behind him.

I was so going to be grilling Cody about this later.

~~~

“The nightmares are still waking you up?”

I looked at Auden, clenched my jaw and sighed. “Yes.”

“Even last night?” Auden raised an eyebrow at me. “I mean, you still smell like a brewery, so I’m assuming that you have one hell of a hangover from Cody’s party. You still woke up?”

“Yup.”

“Damn.”

“You got that right.” It was true. I had hoped that a side effect of drinking so much last night would be a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked out that way. Even though the number of times I’d woken up were fewer than usual, I had still woken up; the bedsheets still wrapped around me, nearly suffocating me with imagined claustrophobia.

“And you still can’t remember them?”

“Nope.”

“Hmm…” Auden frowned. “I thought the sessions with Kennedy would have been working by now.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Auden. I’m doing everything you’ve told me to do, and nothing has changed.” Getting out of my seat, I started pacing. “Are you sure I’m a wolf? I mean, 100 per cent, totally sure? Cos, I’m really starting to have my doubts on this one, Doc.”

Auden sat back in her chair and watched me pace. She was silent for so long that I wondered if she’d given up on answering. “You know I’m sure, Nat. We just need to hold the course…”

“Hold the course? Hold the course?! It’s been almost two weeks! How much longer do I need to ‘hold the course’?” I mimed the quotation marks around the last three words before throwing my hands up in frustration. “When am I going to start remembering things?”

I slowed my pacing to stand in front of the window of her office. I stared out at the greenery, the breeze in the courtyard making the fern fronds sway ever so slightly. It looked so peaceful out there, yet here in this room, my brain was in a frenzy. “Why is my brain being so stubborn?” A tear ran down my cheek as my frustration grew and grew. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the strands, tugging on them. I collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing. “What’s wrong with me?”

Auden let me sit there for a few seconds before she got up and placed a box of tissues next to my knee. She sat down on the floor, leaning against the window opposite me, stretched her legs out in front of her, and waited for my racking sobs to diminish to simple tears. It was only once I grabbed a couple of tissues and blew my nose that she started to speak.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Nat.” She lowered her head to make sure I was looking at her in the eyes while she spoke. “You’ve been dealt a rough hand, that’s all.”

I went to shift my eyes from her, but she leaned forward to place a hand on my own and shifted her head in front of me to keep eye contact. “That’s all. Okay?”

I sniffled. “Okay,” I mumbled.

Auden patted me on my hand and sat back. “Okay.” She watched me as I gathered my thoughts and myself. “How was the party last night? Did that daughter of mine get up to no good? How drunk did she get?”

Still sniffing, I managed a half-hearted giggle. “The party was brilliant. Cody definitely achieved her goal of getting almost black out drunk. I haven’t seen her yet today, but I heard her snoring when I left the apartment.”

“Good, good.” Auden nodded in appreciation.

“Aren’t you supposed to be saying how disappointed you are in her? You know, for getting completely shit-faced?”

“Nah,” Auden said, playing with the hem of her shirt. “She’s eighteen now. She’s an adult. It’s her right to get shit-faced if she wants to.” She stopped her fidgeting and looked up. “Just don’t tell her I said that, okay? I need to keep my parenting street cred, and Cody hearing that I said that would ruin the mystique I’ve spent eighteen years building.”

I laughed. “She wants a unicorn that shits rainbows, you know. She was complaining the other day that you never get her one for her birthday.”

Auden sighed in mock exasperation, then rolled her eyes. “Goddess damn it. Is she still on about that? Do you know how long she’s been asking for one?” She joined me in laughing.

“I’m guessing since she learned how to talk?”

“Practically. You know, it’s all Caelan’s fault. He was the one who started the idea.”

The smile I held from the conversation froze, then fell from my face. “I didn’t know that. She made it sound like it was just some sort of joke.”

Auden smiled. “Technically, that’s how it started. I can’t even remember how we got onto the topic of unicorns and rainbows originally. Somehow, Caelan promised Cody one, but always came up with an excuse about why we couldn’t get her one. It became this running theme; every year, she’d ask, every year he’d give her a new excuse.”

“And she still asks?”

“Every year.”

“That’s so sweet.” A warm fuzzy feeling spread through my body, tinged with sadness. What a beautiful way to honour the memory of a lost family member.

“It is what it is,” Auden said, getting up. “Every family has their traditions. Asking for rainbow-shitting unicorns is one of ours.” She pulled me up from my spot on the floor, then walked to the door. “You got any plans for tonight? Or are you just going to make as much noise as possible to annoy Cody?”

“As much as annoying Cody appeals to me, I actually have a date tonight.” I smiled, thinking back to when Bells texted me a couple of hours prior.

“You do?” Auden asked as she opened the door. “That’s wonderful news. I have a date myself with Takeshi.” I raised an eyebrow at her, but she waved her hand at me in dismissal. “Everyone enjoys a night out occasionally.”

I grinned and pulled her in for a hug. “You deserve so much, Auden. Enjoy yourself tonight.”

Auden stiffened slightly, but let me hug her. “You too, Nat. You too.”

I walked out of Auden’s office to the sounds of her muttering something about two weeks. I didn’t pay much attention to it, however, as two steps out the door, I ran into Jackie. He was leaning his massive form against the wall just outside Auden’s door and glared at me as I walked past, before pushing himself off the wall and storming down the corridor in the opposite direction.

I paused, turning to watch him walk away. Had he been waiting for Auden?

And, more importantly, had he overheard what Auden had said after she opened the door?