Always and Forever, Lara Jean

I WAKE UP IN THE middle of the night crying, and my first thought is, I want to take it back. I’ve made a huge mistake and I want to take it all back. Then I cry myself back to sleep.

In the morning, my head throbs, and now I’m the one throwing up in the bathroom, just like the girls at Beach Week, only there’s no one to hold my hair back. I feel better after, but I lie on the bathroom floor for a while in case another wave of nausea hits. I fall asleep there, and wake up to Kitty shaking me by the arm. “Move, I have to pee,” she says, stepping over me.

“Help me up,” I say, and she drags me to my feet. She sits down to pee and I splash cold water on my face.

“Go eat some toast,” Kitty says. “It’ll soak up the alcohol in your stomach.”

I brush my teeth and stumble downstairs to the kitchen, where Daddy is cooking eggs and Margot and Trina are eating yogurt.

“Rise and shine, little girl,” Trina says with a grin.

“You look like someone ran you over with a truck,” Margot says.

“You’d be grounded right now if it weren’t for the wedding,” Daddy says, trying to sound stern and failing. “Eat some scrambled eggs.”

I gag at the thought.

“First eat some toast,” Margot instructs. “It’ll soak up the alcohol.”

“That’s what Kitty said.”

Trina points her spoon at me. “And then, once you’ve put some food in your belly, you can have two Advil. Never, ever take Advil on an empty stomach. You’ll be feeling much better in no time.”

“I’m never drinking again,” I vow, and Margot and Trina exchange a smirk. “I’m serious.”

I spend the whole day in bed, lights off with the curtains drawn. I want so badly to call Peter. To ask him to forgive me. I don’t even remember everything I said. I remember the gist of it, but the memory itself is blurry. The one thing I do remember so clearly, what I’ll never forget, is the stricken look on his face, and it makes me hate myself for putting it there.

I give in. I text him. Just three words.

I’m so sorry.

I see the… on the other end. My heart pounds madly as I wait. But the reply never comes. I try calling, but my call goes straight to voice mail, and I hang up. Maybe he’s already deleted me from his phone, like he did his dad. Maybe he’s just… done.