Alpha’s Prey: A BBW Bear Shifter Romance (Bad Boy Alphas Book 11)

Miranda

Three days locked in a cabin with a wild mountain man.

Three days, a wild mountain man and the hottest sex imaginable.

That’s something I couldn’t have predicted for this research trip. But every good thing has an end, and this bizarre chapter—or aside—is over.

After my sex education yesterday, we hung out for a while. I pulled out my tablet and we watched The Voice together. We slept in separate bedrooms again.

Today the sun’s melted the snow enough for Caleb to get his truck out, and he says he should be able to drive me back to the research cabin.

I can’t figure out how to arrange my thoughts or feelings as we leave. It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience, watching it all happen without context or reference.

As we drive back, I try to pretend I’m not a changed woman, like he didn’t just rock my world with crazy rough sex and make me fall in love with a hurting but kind soul hiding behind the gruff exterior.

“Well, thanks,” I murmur when the pickup truck pulls up behind my Subaru, which is completely covered in snow. “For everything.”

Caleb cuts the engine and opens his door, like he’s going to come in with me.

Okay, I didn’t expect that, but we haven’t really defined what happens next.

Bear barrels past Caleb, leaping out and rushing off to sniff things. Caleb puts his nose in the air and sniffs, too, eyes scanning the perimeter of the cabin.

“What?”

“Just making sure no one’s been around here.”

My mouth falls open in surprise, but I look, too. There aren’t any footprints in the snow—everything appears undisturbed.

“Because of the missing women?”

He gives a single, curt nod. His brows are down, mouth drawn up tight. This is the man I first met. Unsmiling. Serious. Taciturn.

I wonder if he thinks there’s some connection between the missing women and his wife’s death. Surely not.

“I don’t like you staying here alone.” Somehow the sentiment sounds so different coming from him than it did from the convenience store guy. So much more personal. His concern for me fills my chest like liquid warmth.

“Thanks, but we’ll be okay.” I look down at Bear.

“I don’t suppose there’s a landline in that hut.”

“No.” I’d noticed he doesn’t have a landline either. I guess he likes being permanently disconnected.

“If anyone shows up here for any reason, I want you to get in your car and drive to my cabin. Understand?”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to argue, but Caleb looks so grumpy, I just nod. “Okay, thanks.”

His mouth tightens even more, the lines between his brows deepen.

I don’t know how I pictured our goodbye going—a hug, a handshake. A discussion on why we won’t exchange numbers for further contact. But it wasn’t this.

Caleb stalks back to his truck, the grouchy mountain man fully returned. He gets in and starts the engine, still surveying the research cabin with a frown.

And that’s it.

He drives away.

No hug, kiss or handshake. No thanks for the memories. Not even a nice to meet you.

I realize as he’s driving away I should have stopped him—to thank him for saving my life. And for changing my mind about sex. It even occurs to me to run after the truck and wave it down.

But I don’t.

I don’t move.

My boots stay rooted to the snow and I just watch the truck drive away, somehow seeming as prickly as its owner.

Well, damn.

I didn’t expect to feel so much loss.

As the truck disappears down the road, it’s like it took one of my organs with it. Some vital thing from the center of my chest. The emptiness feels near fatal.

Don’t be so dramatic—it was just sex.

It was just. Sex.

Tears prick my eyes. I didn’t want more. I didn’t even want sex. But now that I’ve experienced it Caleb-style—now that I’ve experienced Caleb—my solitary existence with Bear feels so shallow.

What am I doing? Working my ass off to prove myself to a bunch of men who will never see me as their equal because I have a pair of tits? And will my efforts ever be enough? Will I ever receive the recognition I desire? Or is there something more to life?

I look around me at the snow sparkling on the pine trees, at my feet. The air is crisp and fresh. The smell of the forest creates a physiological change in me. My breath slows. Muscles relax. Awareness expands out beyond the tiny sphere of my body. This forest, this mountain, this beautiful nature is the meaning behind all my work.

Sometimes I forget that. Research on climate change is about providing scientific analysis to the naysayers. Working on the ground level to create more consciousness about the situation. It’s not about me getting a tenured position at the university. It’s not about whose name goes first on a research paper, although it is about making sure that research gets published.

But also, it’s about balance. Taking time to breathe and enjoy the incredible nature we still have on this beautiful planet.

And why does that make me wish I had someone to enjoy it with? Someone human. And male. And sexy as hell in jeans and tattoos.

Caleb.

I sigh.

I sort of hate the way things ended.

Maybe I’ll drive back to his cabin to properly thank him before I leave the mountain.

Yes. That thought cheers me. Maybe I’ll bake him cookies as a thank you. Or blueberry muffins.

Bear gallops past me, tail wagging.

I pack a snowball, tossing it for him. He races and catches it, but of course, it falls apart in his mouth. I laugh, ignoring the errant wish that Caleb was here to have a snowball fight with.

I have the forest. I have Bear.

And I’m going to make Caleb blueberry muffins. And then I’ll have to figure out how to fill the new gap he made in my life.

But I can do it. I’m good at giving my brain a chew toy. A problem to work out while I take the rests of my samples.

I go inside and change my clothes. And then there’s nothing else to do but get back outside and finish gathering my tree ring samples.

Test Subject 849

Human female.

She’s back. I saw her pass in the truck owned by the bear. Saw him leaving alone.

That means she’s alone. Alone with the canine. I should’ve killed that dog when he caught my scent in the woods. I won’t make that mistake again.

Today I’ll pick her up. Maybe she’s been impregnated by the bear.

That would give me immense opportunities for research.

Shifter-human genetic mix. I should get the bear to perform mating studies like they did with those lions.

No, too dangerous.

The bear could arrest my research like the lion did.

Like the lion did when he let everyone out.

Let me out.

Let me out to suffer.

That lion should be stopped. What was his name?

Nash. Nash the lion.

He’s a lion like I was supposed to be a bear.

But something went wrong.

Terribly wrong.

And now I’m nothing. Not human. Not bear.

The research must continue. I must find the cure.

Caleb

If there were a pill for slipping back into hibernation—real bear hibernation, not just shifter low gear—I’d take it right now.

Forget everything that happened over the past fifty-six hours and sleep it off.

No, that’s not true.

My body feels great. The bear feels great. Alert. Alive. Ready to romp. It’s just the human side of me that wants to crawl back in a hole and cover my head.

And that’s because of the heaviness in the pit of my stomach over leaving Miranda at that cabin. The guilt over not wanting to leave her and the overriding protectiveness that makes me think she’s unsafe there by herself.

If I could sort out this tangled ball of emotion, I’d say it’s one part guilt over cheating on the memory of Jen, and one part missing the quirky scientist who just fearlessly surrendered the use of her body to me and then walked away. And two parts worry for her safety.

I’m back to where I started when I saw her drive up. Needing to make sure no other female goes missing from my woods. Especially not that one.

I will fucking tear this forest apart if anything happens to that one.

I would never recover.

The metallic taste of fear fills my mouth.

It’s not real. The threat isn’t real. You’re overreacting because of what happened to Jen and Gretchen.

But the threat is real.

Three human women gone. Their bodies still unrecovered.

A snarl fills my pickup and my vision sharpens like I’m about to shift.

Well, maybe a run in bear form would take the edge off.

I could sniff around and make sure there’s nothing evil lurking out there. Patrol the area where Miranda will be working. I could easily guard her in bear form. My fur is warm and my energy is abundant now that I’m fully wakened.

I park my pickup at my cabin and go inside to strip off my clothes. My skin prickles, flesh turns hot in anticipation of the shift. My bear’s raring to go.

Then go. Let’s go.

I can’t wait, either.

I need to get back to Miranda. Get close enough to smell her. Know she’s safe. I step out onto my porch in my bare feet and pull the door closed. In a flash I’m on all fours, loping through the trees. Over the crest of the mountain and around to the river.

I need to find Miranda.

I find the area she’d told me she was collecting samples in. Recognize her footprints and her scent, along with her dog’s.

And then I catch a scent that sends a cattle-prod-like shock through me.

Evil.

The scent of evil. An unnatural animal musk. Strange and somehow wrong.

Exactly the same scent I caught around Jen and Gretchen’s bodies.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

I’ve been searching for this scent for three years, but now that I’ve found it, I’m paralyzed by fear. Because it’s near Miranda. I bound through the trees at top speed. Bears can run faster than a race horse for short distances, and I probably move at forty miles per hour.

I skid to a stop when I catch Miranda’s scent, but not the scent of evil.

Which one do I follow? Charging at Miranda as my full, nine-foot-bear self will scare the piss out of her. But at least I would know she’s safe. On the other hand, if I find the source of the evil, I can stop it forever. I won’t have to play guardian to every female who enters these woods.

I circle around and retrace my steps, seeking out the scent.

There.

There it is.

Down by the river.

Fuck. It’s disguising its scent in the water. Maybe that’s how it eluded me all this time.

Upriver, I hear the dog bark. My ears prick in that direction, listening to the pitch of the bark.

Shit—he’s frightened. I charge toward the sound, staying on the edge of the river bank and weaving in and out of the trees.

Miranda screams something.

Her dog yelps—a cry of pain.

“Bear! Bear, no! Oh my God!”

I see two things at once: the dark body of a flailing animal rushing down the river, and Miranda’s running form racing along the bank in my direction.

“Bear!” The screech of fear in her voice unnerves me.

The river’s running fast under the icy surface and the poor animal sweeps past me before I can decide who needs saving.

I roar and charge down the steep riverbank.

Miranda screams again.

I stop to look over my shoulder, only to realize she’s screaming because of me. She thinks I’m hunting her dog.

Fuck. More lost seconds. I race on the shore until I’ve overtaken the dog, then dive into the water, blocking the shepherd’s body from going further.

It’s not easy, but I get my footing on the slippery rocks and stand, scooping the flailing dog and tossing him to the shore in one motion.

The rescue comes too late, though, because Miranda’s cut down to the shore where she loses her footing. She plunges headlong into the water with a scream.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

No.

This female is determined to die on my watch.

I bellow, my roar echoing off the banks of the river, shaking the whole damn forest.

Miranda comes up for air, scrambling to catch a fallen log before she’s swept down the river.

I fight the currents to wade upstream to save her. The water’s to my waist, freezing my lower limbs.

“Miranda!” At least I try to yell Miranda. Of course, it comes out not as words, but as another terrible bear-roar.

Her scream splits the air a second time as she clings to the log, lips blue, eyes wide with terror at my approach.

Miranda

Bear attack. Bear attack! This bear is fuck-nuts crazy and he’s coming for me.

I think of all the things you’re supposed to do if you run into a bear. None of them are applicable in this situation. No one said what to do if you’re in the middle of a freezing river in the winter and a crazy non-hibernating bear thinks you’re a giant salmon.

I’m hyperventilating as it reaches me. I try to huddle down and play dead, but my entire body is shaking with cold and I can’t protect my head or neck because I have to hang onto the log or I’ll be swept downstream. My hands barely hold on. I lose my grip right as it arrives.

Maybe it’s a blessing, maybe I’ll sweep past the bear. Of course that probably means I’ll die from the freezing water.

The bear stoops down and catches me in a smooth arc. Like snatching his dinner from the currents. His claws don’t tear me, though. Nor does he bare his teeth or roar. I swear to God, he lifts me into a cradle carry and strides right out of the river. It’s such a human hold, it unnerves me completely.

My heart pounds a mile a minute and I’m too stunned at first to do anything. I don’t know whether to be scared or to celebrate. I’ve been saved from the water by a bear.

But saved for what?

Was it truly a rescue or am I his prey? I regain my wits and try to squirm out of the bear’s arms, but it tightens the grip, snorts and turns amber eyes on me.

I freeze. Its black nose is centimeters from mine. Breath is hot against my cheek.

I’m not sure I’m breathing. I will myself to become invisible.

But then I forget my fears for my own safety. “Bear!” I catch sight of my dog running toward us, tail tucked, body slinking from the wet and cold. “Oh my baby puppy. Are you okay? Thank God, you’re okay.”

And then it hits me like a bat over the head. The bear—the real bear, not my dog—saved Bear. He saved Bear and then he saved me.

This bear isn’t crazy. It’s highly intelligent. And it’s lumbering fairly fast on two legs.

I go still, awed by what’s taking place. This incredible giant black bear chose to rescue a human and a dog from their deaths. I feel like I’m witnessing one of those rare wildlife scenes—like when elephants are caught on video picking up trash with their trunks.

The bear walks clumsily on, not putting me down. My dog follows, keeping a wide distance and not challenging the bear.

Prickles of excitement fill me. Fear too, but I’m too fascinated by this bear. By this miracle. I truly feel like it’s a sign. About my life, my future. I’m a scientist, but it feels like Mother Nature is blessing me right now because I renewed my commitment to save the Earth.

And then things get even weirder.

Because I realize the bear is lumbering straight for my research cabin.

What. The Actual. Fuck?

It dumps me on my feet right in front of the door and crowds me against the door, his breath hot on my neck. Shivers run up and down my back.

“Don’t freak out.”

I scream. Nearly pee my pants.

I whirl to find Caleb right behind me, his hand on the doorknob. And he’s buck… Naked.

He pushes the door open and hustles me in. Bear rushes in behind me. “Don’t freak out, Miranda.”

“Freaking,” I croak. “Totally freaking.”

Where did the bear go? Am I hallucinating? Are visions an effect of hypothermia?

“You gotta stop trying to die on my watch,” he mutters.

“Wh-wh-where’s the bear? Did you see a bear?”

“Yeah. I’m the bear. I’m a shifter. Okay? Let’s get you in the shower. Tell me they have warm water in this place.” He hustles me toward the bathroom. Did I mention he’s buck naked? And his cock is at full mast.

“Um. They do. Wh-what’s a shifter?”

He’s all business, yanking the shower curtain open and turning the water all the way to hot. I work to get out of my soaked boots and socks.

“Like a werewolf. Only a bear. Dog, come here.”

“His name is Bear—” I break off when I realize how ridiculous that must seem to Caleb. Who apparently is a bear. I start giggling.

The salmon and trout. The blueberries. The honey. Hibernating for winter.

Caleb is a bear!

No, this can’t be. I’m totally hallucinating.

My dog obeys him and now I understand why. Yeah, I guess a bear outranks a dog in the natural order. I giggle some more. I’m laughing so hard I can’t get my pants off. Oh, that may also be because my hands are shaking and my fingers are still numb. And I’m delirious.

The hypothermia must’ve really set in, because I thought Caleb was a bear. A giant black bear that picked me up out of the icy Pecos River.

Caleb scoots Bear under the spray of water then turns to help me get my wet clothes off.

“I thought you were a bear,” I giggle. “When you rescued me.”

Caleb frowns. “You’re losing your shit, Doctor. I told you not to flip out.”

I stop laughing and blink at him. “Is this really happening? You’re a bear?”

He purses his lips, but nods.

“So when the moon is full…” I raise my brows at him.

“No, that full moon thing is bullshit. We shift at will. And we don’t hunt humans when we’re in our animal form. Or ever.”

I gape in shock but my hands reach out to touch his sculpted chest. Like I’m verifying he still feels like a man. I brush my fingertips over the taut muscles, the tattoos. He catches the back of my head in his huge palm.

“A bear?” I whisper, still not believing, even though I saw it with my own eyes.

His expression is still tight, gaze more of a glower. “Are you scared?”

I shake my head, my wet hair throwing out freezing droplets of water. “Entranced,” I murmur. A more violent shiver overtakes my body, so he releases me and hustles me under the shower water. I gasp at the burn of the warm water on my frozen skin.

“Out, dog.” He snaps his fingers and Bear slinks out, head bowed low in submission. Caleb rubs Bear with a towel.

“Shouldn’t you come in, too?”

He doesn’t answer at first. He’s still busy rubbing Bear down. I watch through the gap in the shower curtain. When he gives Bear extra loving, rubbing the sides of his face and ears, my heart melts.

“If I come in there, you’re gonna get fucked hard,” he rumbles after a moment.

“Um, yeah, I kinda noticed your, um…”

He rips the shower curtain open and steps in. Yep, his cock is still sky high. Thick, veined and beautiful.

I don’t think, I just drop to my knees and take hold of it.

Caleb sucks in a heavy breath and leans his hand against the tile. “You like giving head?” His voice is so thick I have to work to decipher the words.

I put my lips around the tip of his cock and swirl my tongue underneath. “Not usually,” I say when I come off. “But it’s not every day a man-bear saves my dog and pulls me from an icy river before I die a horrible cold death.” I wrap my lips again and take him deeper this time.

It’s true, I’ve never liked giving head. I always found it kinda gross, but right now it’s hot as hell and I’m so ready to give to this man who’s done so much for me. I take him deeper and deeper, playing with how far I can go before he hits the back of my throat.

God, I guess with my past partners and relationships, I was so busy putting up walls and defenses to shield from getting hurt, I never was able to give. With Caleb, there’s no expectations. On either side. It’s like we can just be with each other. Open up and receive and give without worrying about what comes next.

And holy shit, he’s a bear! I still can’t process. A million questions flit at the edges of my brain, but right now all that matters is giving him pleasure. Because I’m horny as hell knowing I’m getting him off.

I go as slow as I can, try to relax my gag reflex to take him past the back of my throat. He lets out a long, long groan that echoes off the shower walls.

I cup his balls and massage them with one hand, gripping the base of his cock with the other. My jaw already aches from opening so wide, but I’m not going to stop until Caleb gets off. I need to show my appreciation fully, and this is one way I know how.

All cold vanishes from my body. Heat both infuses my skin through the warm water and pushes out from my molten core.

“Beautiful,” Caleb mutters. “Fucking beautiful.” He grips the back of my head and urges me faster.

My control issues rear up for a moment—like I need to fight for my sovereignty, but then I look up and see the feral need on his face. Like he’s in lust-pain. Like he’ll die if I don’t suck harder. Go faster.

So I do. My hips buck, pussy clenches around nothing. I give it everything I have and more. Suck, bob, close my eyes and submit to the moment. It’s ecstasy. Ecstasy in giving. Not even receiving.

I love it. I love every second. And when Caleb roars—a master of the forest roar that shakes the entire cabin—I shudder with the sheer pleasure of getting him off.

He comes in my mouth—hot streams of salty essence. I wish I could say I was cool enough to swallow, but it shocks me, and I come off, gagging a bit.

Caleb chuckles. “Spit, baby.”

I spit onto the shower floor and water washes it away. I laugh, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Sorry. That was very uncool.”

He pulls me up to stand and stamps his mouth over mine. “Are you kidding?” he breathes when he breaks the kiss. “That was the definition of cool.” He kisses me again.

I melt.

Oh God. This is bad. I was totally falling in love with this man before I found out he was a bear.

And now my fascination with him just went through the roof.

Caleb

She knows.

There was no getting around it. I had to make sure she got in and warmed up before hypothermia set in. Again.

“Listen.” We step out of the shower, and I hand her a towel. “Humans aren’t supposed to know about shifters.”

She turns wide eyes on me. I can tell she’s excited about it, which I get. She’s a scientist. A naturalist. Hell, she was thrilled to see me when she thought I was a normal bear. I bet her nature-loving smarty-brain is going crazy on this.

“I will take your secret to the grave,” she breathes with so much reverence I have to fight a smile.

“You have to. I never would’ve shown myself if your life hadn’t depended on it.”

The way she’s staring up at me is unsettling. So much gratitude and affection wrapped up in that gaze.

And coming in her mouth barely took the edge off. My bear is riled up from almost losing her. Aggression still pours through me. Needing to get away before I throw her up against the bathroom wall and take her pussy hard and rough this time, I wrap a towel around my waist, stalk out of the bathroom and throw more fuel into the wood-burning stove. Her dog is already curled up near it, a damp bundle of fur getting warm.

“Go to the bedroom,” I command. I steal a glance, expecting her to give me shit the way she usually does, but she just smiled, blushing. Like I just gave myself away.

Which I guess I did.

I can’t pretend I didn’t almost lost my shit when I saw her go in that river.

Fates, I thought she was dead for sure.

I stalk in after her. So much for keeping space between us. She’s about to get the fucking of her lifetime.

She whirls and drops her towel, like she was expecting me. Her eyes are bright, cheeks flushed.

I advance toward her, all the fury of almost losing her rushing to the fore. She must see it in my face because she takes a step back. She still wants it, though. Her nipples are hard enough to cut glass and her arousal’s been leaking since the moment we got in the cabin and she saw my extremely painful interest.

“Stop. Almost. Dying,” I growl, crowding her until the bed hits her knees and she falls back. “I don’t want to pull your ass from blizzards, or rivers, or blazing fires or car wrecks, or any other life-threatening situation. Understand?”

Her hands flatten on my chest, lips stretch into a smile.

“You shouldn’t be smiling.” I glare down at her lovely face, covering her body with my own. My towel loosens around my waist, falling away. I rip the fabric out from between us and drop my manhood into the cradle of her legs.

“What’s going to happen?” She sounds breathless. Her pupils are dilated large.

“I’m gonna fuck you senseless.” I wrap my hand around her throat. It’s threatening, but I don’t tighten my fingers. She bucks her hips, rocking her sopping slit over my dick.

I release her throat and slap one of her large breasts, making it bounce to the middle and rebound.

Her eyes widen in shock, berry lips part.

“You’re going to be punished.”

She lets out a low moan, rocking up again. I slap the same breast.

“First I’m going to spank your breasts. Then I’m going to spank your ass. Then I’m going to fuck you until tomorrow. Got it?”

“Okay,” she says softly.

“Yeah?” My expression is still stern, but I fight a smile at her complete surrender. I know it’s not from fear. The scent of her arousal permeates the room.

I slap her other breast. “Yeah. Roll over.” I lean to the right so she can roll over without tangling her legs in mine. When she’s on her belly, I pull her hips into the air until she’s on her knees, then cup her nape and push her torso down.

The sound of the first slap and her sharp gasp echoes through the room. I smack her again in the same spot, then deliver two more pops to the other cheek. The pink of my handprints bloom on her pale skin.

Desire rockets through me, nearly bringing my teeth down for a mating bite. Instead, I grip her hips and shove in deep without preamble.

Miranda yelps. Moans. Purrs. I glide in and out slowly a few times to make sure she’s lubed up, then go for broke. I need to fuck her hard and fast. I need to release this aggression in me, work my fears for her out of my system. My fingers dig into her hips, and I completely forget how to be a good lover. There’s nothing giving or gentle about this. It’s pure, raw, animal fucking. I pummel into her, smacking her ass hard with my loins, balling her clit with every thrust.

The little grunts and whimpers she makes only turn me rougher, wilder. I fuck and I fuck until she’s a sopping mess, until she’s crying my name out with dire necessity.

“No. More. Almost. Dying,” I growl, then pound in so hard, her knees slide out and we both topple forward. Her pussy clamps down on my dick as I seat deep in her and I come, my eyes rolling back in my head, teeth sharpening.

I rear back to keep from sinking my teeth into her nape for a mating bite and spear her instead with another hard thrust.

She comes, squeezing and releasing my cock in short little sexy bursts that go on and on and on.

When my vision finally clears and my teeth retract, I drop down on top of her, my dick still buried deep, and nuzzle her neck.

“Oh my God, Caleb.”

I shove my hand under her hips and rub her clit, and she comes again, choking on a sob.

Miranda

Caleb’s come twice and his cock is still hard. He rolls me to my side and palms my breast, his manhood still filling me. Our panting breaths sync as he toys with my nipple, squeezing and tugging it as he rocks slowly in and out of me.

I let out a contented sigh.

Wow.

Now that was good sex.

I can’t pretend knowing Caleb was worried about me didn’t heighten the intensity. Make his roughness some form of purification. His aggression a blessing.

We lie in silence for a long time. After a while, my brain comes back online with a million questions.

“Your wife and child? Were they—”

“Shifters, yes.”

“So the bear that killed them?”

“I don’t know. The scent didn’t match a bear shifter, but the claw marks looked like a bear’s. No simple bear could’ve taken down my mate, though. Shifters are bigger and stronger than our simple animal counterparts. We’re like super-animals.”

I allow that to sink in, acutely aware of how much distress this unsolved crime caused and is still causing Caleb misery. Costing him his sanity.

“I was in Tucson last month for a fight.” He pinches my nipple some more. He’s rough with it, almost cruel. I never thought I’d like such treatment, but I do. I absolutely love it. “I caught a scent there that reminded me of it. Not the same—it lacked the overtones of bear. But the base smell was similar. Like it’s some kind of mutated shifter. I don’t know.”

“But it was a human? I mean, someone in human form?”

“Yeah. Three guys. But I didn’t stick around to find out more. And my phone doesn’t work up here. I’ve been kicking myself all month for not finding out more.”

“Could you drive into Pecos to call?”

Caleb pulls away from me and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Fuck,” he mutters.

“What?”

He pulls on his beard. “I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me. I should’ve done that weeks ago.”

I’m a little afraid to touch him since he pulled away and he’s upset about his dead mate, but I lay a hand on his bulging bicep. “Stop beating yourself up. You can do it tomorrow. Tonight, if you want to.”

Caleb slides a sideways glance at me. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” His voice is gruff. “Tomorrow.” He rolls back to his side. “Miranda?” He tugs my hip to turn me to face him. “Did you see anything in the woods today?” His expression frightens me. I guess that’s because I see apprehension on his face—like his worst nightmare is coming true.

I shake my head. “No, why?”

He scrubs a hand over his beard. “I scented something. What was Bear barking at?”

I consider, trying to remember the way things went down. “He ran ahead, to the river bank. I heard him barking and he didn’t come when I called, which is weird for him. When I got to the river bank, I saw him fall in.”

“Fall in? Did he fall in?” Caleb demands, and my heart starts beating faster. Does he think someone threw Bear in?

I gnaw on my lower lip, considering what I saw. “He tumbled in. That’s what I saw, Caleb.”

Caleb falls back onto the pillow. I can’t decide if he’s disappointed or relieved. He’s quiet for a long time while I search my mind for what to say. “Sometimes I’m not sure what’s real and what’s PTSD,” he mumbles.

“What?” I lean up on an elbow.

“I lost my shit after my family was killed. I turned into a bear and stayed that way. When that happens, you usually have to put a shifter down. It addles the mind. The human part gets lost, and the animal becomes extremely dangerous.”

Tears pop into my eyes for him. For the pain he endured. I cover my mouth in horror. “I’m so sorry, Caleb.”

He blinks rapidly. “Sometimes…” His voice comes out broken and raspy. “Sometimes I get confused about what happened. I wonder if I killed them.”

Caleb’s words hit me like a taser. For one horrible moment I feel like I’m in a horror movie, and I just realized I’m in bed with the killer. And then I know—I know with all certainty—he’s not.

This time, I don’t hesitate to touch him. I grip his arm and squeeze. “You’re not.” I make my words clear and strong. “Caleb.” I wait until he looks at me. “You didn’t kill them. Were you confused before their deaths?”

He shakes his head. “No, everything was normal then.”

“Right. You’re confused now because you spent too much time in bear form while you were grieving. And then you turned the confusion backward in time. That’s not what happened.”

He locks gazes with me, his expression intense, like I’m speaking the words that spell his salvation. “How do you know?” he croaks.

I just shake my head. “I know you. You’re not a killer. You’re considerate and giving and deeply human, no matter what happened in the aftermath of the tragedy. You would never, ever hurt your family. I’ve known you three days and I’m sure of this.”

A sheen of tears fills Caleb’s eyes and he throws an arm across his face.

I squeeze it. “It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be angry and to seek answers and justice. The more you do, the more you step into your humanity. Turning against yourself, holing up and being your animal, or hibernating all winter… that leads you away.” I finish the last part softly, because I’m a little nervous about how he’ll receive my opinion. “I’m not judging how you’ve grieved—not at all. I’m just saying… maybe you can honor your family by working to solve the mystery. By living.”

A broken sob erupts from Caleb, and I’m shocked when he rolls into me, lets me pull him into my chest as he cries.

Tears streak my face, too, as I weep for his loss, his pain. I can’t be jealous of his grief for his dead mate because, in this moment, we are one. His agony is mine. His loss, mine.

I weave my fingers into the back of his hair and massage his scalp until he’s done.

I keep massaging until his breaths slow and his huge body relaxes into sleep.