All The Wrong Signs

The next morning, I awoke with the sun. Petra had warned me that today I would suffer greatly. She had watched me eat last night, encouraging me to take bite after bite.

While I slept, she had read through my books much like her brother did, fascinated with all the misinformation in them and surprised by some accuracies.

After eating breakfast, I went and took a long shower to try to ease my nerves some. I had no idea what I was about to be going up against, so I took my time braiding my long hair and changing into a pair of leggings and a long sleeve shirt.

Walking to my living room, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what walking in front of a firing squad would feel like. I felt like I was lost in a dream, or maybe even a book. Was Petra really about to delve deep into my mind?

Was I really going to allow her to?

How did I even know she was telling me the truth? She could have been sent here by the very ones who were imprisoning him. Only I knew she hadn’t lied about being his sister. The two were too much alike.

Petra looked up at me. “Ready?”

“No,” I answered honestly. How did one prepare themselves for the unknown?

I had let the dogs outside, afraid that they would somehow interrupt whatever Petra had planned for me. For all I knew, she had come to kill me for sending her brother away. Maybe her making me eat was some kind of last meal of rites.

I took a deep breath. “What do you need me to do?”

“Lay down,” Petra said, pointing to the couch.

I swallowed but walked over, laying down, staring at the ceiling. Was I really doing this? Sure Blaze had helped me but wasn’t this taking things next level?

“It will be easier if you try not to resist. It will still hurt, but not as bad.” Petra moved a chair beside me, sitting down.

“If anything happens, please let him know I didn’t mean to send him away,” I said, closing my eyes.

Petra didn’t respond. Instead, she placed a hand on my head and started mumbling in some language that I had never heard before. She sounded demonic, and I guess she was.

A small laugh escaped her. “He is in control of your dreams. All of your nightmares went to him last night. I’m sure he enjoyed that.”

I squeezed my eyes, trying to remember what I had dreamed about, but ever since Blaze had taken my nightmare away that night, I hadn’t dreamed at all.

Petra’s mumbling continued. My mind seemed to grab on to each and every word, and everything began to feel a little hazy. Was this a trick?

Suddenly I felt a pressure on my skull and it took everything in me not to scream out. It felt like someone was squeezing my head in vise grips tighter and tighter with each word Petra spoke. She started talking faster and faster until I finally couldn’t hold it all in and my word exploded in front of me.

I would have thought I was dead, only being dead wouldn’t hurt this badly. It felt like Petra had cracked my brain open and was even now flipping through it like pages in a book.

Memories whirled by as she shifted through them backwards. She took a pause, studying Blaze holding me while I cried, but she didn’t speak about it. I had never had my privacy invaded so fully and I did not know how to block anything from her.

I had nothing to hide. I had done no wrong. But the violation still felt just as strong.

With each flip, each new memory, it felt like my brains were oozing out of my ears. The pain was so intense, you could have lit me on fire and I would have hurt less.

It wasn’t till she came to the tattoo parlor that she paused. “This is it. Pay attention. His name will be blocked to me. You have to concentrate. I don’t know how long I can hold this particular memory open. It doesn’t want to be exposed.”

I nodded, even in my pain. I hadn’t realized I had been whimpering until my mouth wouldn’t form words. She mumbled more words I couldn’t understand and suddenly I could see everything playing out like a movie, but no sound played in my mind.

Tears sprung to my eyes. Not from the pain, but from the disappointment. “I can’t hear. I can’t….”

A loud cracking sounded and I felt as if she had ripped my head open ever farther. This was going to kill me, I realized. Replaying the scene, I could tell she was struggling to keep it open. I could hear about every other word, but when it came to his name, it was all static.

I screamed at the pain echoing through my brain. Just let me hear, damn it. Petra retreated out of my brain swiftly. Putting a cold rang to my head. “Rest, then we will try again.”

Sobs were escaping me as she walked out of the living room. How could I possibly go through that again? I couldn’t even see clearly. My brain felt as if a cat had made its way inside and shredded it to bits.

I knew helping Blue would come at a cost. I knew it would hurt. But I had never known pain like this before.

My sobbing stopped, but the tears kept falling.

Sometime later, Petra came back with a cup of tea. She had let my dogs in and they came and laid by the couch. I reached my arms out, letting them sniff my fingertips. Even they knew I had just went to hell and back.

Helping me sit up, Petra handed me the tea. “I’m sorry, there is no other way.”

She for once, looked apologetic. Maybe demons had some compassion in them after all.

“Why can’t I hear? Is it because I am too weak?”

Petra shook her head, “it’s the spell he is under. It tries its hardest to keep him concealed. Even from you, it appears.”

I took a long drink of my tea, closing my eyes. “And if this doesn’t work.”

Looking down, Petra frowned. “Then he is once again lost.”

Lost.

I could relate to that. After all, I was lost floating upon a sea of nothingness.

“Surely someone else has to remember his name,” I suggested. “Maybe someone could dig through your brain.”

At first I thought it would offend her that I had even suggested it, but she shook her head, not mad, but a little forlorn. “It doesn’t work like that for us. While, yes, our brains can be examined for information, the curse blocks it off for our kind. Whoever created his curse wasn’t stupid. They thought about everything. Every. Possible. Thing.”

Petra’s eyes flashed up at mine. “I forgot him, Riley. I forgot my own brother. When he appeared, it took everything in me not to run to him and throw my arms around him like I used to when I was younger.”

A small smile appeared on both of our faces, just imagining what his reaction would have been. He wasn’t the most affectionate of people. Although, honestly, I knew little about him. He may be affectionate to the people he cared about.

Did that mean that he might care a bit about me? He did hold me. No. No, Blaze needed me. There was a huge difference between that. I was only a way for him to be free from his chains.

Or I had been.

Taking another drink of my tea, I looked up at her. “Can we try again?”

Petra shook her head, looking at me. “I don’t think it is wise. As you now know, the pain can be unbearable, and the more I push, the harder it gets for you. I have to be gentle, to insure your mind does not break, but I also have to be firm to hold the connection.”

“How much rest do I need? Can we try again tonight?”

“Eat, get some sleep, then we will see how you feel. One day won’t hurt him.” Petra didn’t look convincing as she spoke.

One day would give him plenty of time to grow his hatred of me. I wondered if he would even give me an opportunity to explain myself. Surely he would have to realize that I wouldn’t have sent him away, not like that. Not after what he did.

Even though I wasn’t hungry, I made myself eat. Petra had seemed to vanish, but I knew she would be back. Now that I had granted her access to my home, she could teleport straight in.

My stomach was queasy, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to hold down the food I ate. Laying in my bed, I starred into the dark hallway. Never did I imagine I would miss seeing glowing red eyes staring back at me. Was he sitting watching? Or sitting, protecting?

He had taken my dreams from me and bared them himself. Of course, my dreams would mean little to him. But the act itself meant a lot to me. Why did I not appreciate what he had done? I had at least thanked him.

I had no doubt in my mind that Blaze could be the calculating, cold-hearted demon that I had first imagined him to be. His eyes were cold and feral, no matter what shade he tried to hide them behind.

Of course, the one time I wanted to dream, I couldn’t. As a writer, a lot of my best ideas, or answers to things that have puzzled me, came to me in my dreams. Blaze didn’t just take my bad dreams away, he took all of them. Every single one.