All or Nothing: A Love by Design Novel

A few days later, I couldn’t ignore Braydon’s constant phone calls and texts any longer. I agreed to meet him for coffee at a central location.

When I arrived, Braydon was already seated at a table by the front window with a mug in front of him and another that was for me, I presumed. Coffee had been too rough on my postflu stomach and I’d been avoiding it for several weeks now.

I approached the table and Braydon rose to his feet. He looked tired. Still handsome as always, but dark circles ringed his eyes and the usual mischief sparkling in them was missing. “Thank you for meeting me.”

I nodded. He wasn’t getting jack squat out of me. I was here. That was all.

“I wanted to apologize, and explain everything to you.”

“I’m listening.”

He nodded, and fiddled with his coffee mug. “First and foremost, I’m sorry how I behaved. I overreacted. You did nothing wrong, and I see that now. I just . . . get a little tense thinking that Katrina is still, after all this time, trying to infiltrate my life, and used you to gain information.”

I listened while he spoke, but something wasn’t sitting right with me. I thought of the girl I’d met and the sadness I’d seen in her eyes. “Did you ever consider that maybe she just needs closure from you?”

He blinked at me several times. “What do you mean?”

God, men . . . they could be so dense. “Like to hear from you why it ended, what went wrong, so she can accept it and move on from that time in her life . . .”

He shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”

“I think it might be.” I was probably taking a gamble, but something told me a little closure coming from Braydon himself could be exactly the thing to solve this. Only I had no idea if he’d be open to that. “Would you be willing to talk with her?”

“Break my restraining order by voluntarily meeting with her?”

I nodded.

“Shit, Ellie. If you think it will work, why the hell not. But you’re going to be there for the conversation. I can’t be alone with her.”

“Of course I am.” Something told me I’d likely be moderating the conversation between them. “Shall I text her? See if she’s free?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Why the hell not?” He smirked.

I dug out my phone and sent the text through. I debated whether or not to tell her she’d be facing Braydon, and in the end, decided to be honest, hoping she’d still agree to come.

Me: Hey, are you free to meet now for coffee? I’m with Braydon. It’s important.

Kat: Okay . . . I’ll come.

“She’s on her way.”

“Lovely,” Braydon murmured.

I could tell he wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of facing his crazy ex-girlfriend right now, but I believed this could solve things once and for all between Braydon and his past. Which was really all I ever wanted.

Soon Kat arrived, and the gleeful expression on her face when she spotted Braydon was slightly disconcerting.

“Hey, Kat,” I greeted her with a one-armed hug and Braydon’s eyes widened. I didn’t think he was expecting that we were quite so close.

“Um, hi. Hi, Braydon.”

“Hello,” he returned coolly.

“Would you like to grab some coffee?” Might as well be a good hostess since I’d arranged this awkward encounter.

“I’m fine.” She sat down, joining us at the table so that she was seated directly across from me and Braydon.

Somehow I found the right words to explain to them both, carefully, that a last meeting seemed to be in order and my goal was to help them move past the tension that still existed between them. Katrina looked hopeful . . . while Braydon looked slightly annoyed.

Once I’d given my little speech, Katrina folded her hands on the table and stared up at Bray. “How have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you.”

Braydon’s eyes locked with mine as if to say I told you so and he released a heavy sigh. “This has to stop, Kat. Why are you still doing this? Trying to contact me through my agency and now getting close to Ellie. It’s been two years.”

Katrina swallowed and looked down, her poise faltering. “All I’ve ever wanted was to understand why.”

“Why what?” Braydon asked.

“Why things ended between us. I thought you loved me, but you started to become distant over time, going away on jobs and forgetting to call me when you landed, and eventually you just . . .” She stopped herself and took a deep, fortifying breath. “I want to know why I lost you.”

Wow. Okay, now we were getting somewhere.

“Fuck.” Braydon rubbed his hands across his face. “Because I was twenty-three years old at the time. Because I was immature. An asshole. Not at all ready to commit to one girl. And you wanted things from me I couldn’t give you.”

Katrina continued to watch him and listen in silent fascination.

“And there reached a point where I knew you were more serious about the relationship than I was. Once I broke things off, quite honestly your behavior worried me. Calling my parents’ house, questioning my dad about where I was. Breaking into my old apartment and staying there while I was traveling.”

A cold chill zipped down my spine. I hadn’t realized how far Katrina’s odd behavior went.

Braydon continued, “It wasn’t healthy. I thought cutting things off with you cold turkey and not stringing you along was for the best. But when you didn’t relent after a few months, my manager at the agency suggested the restraining order. He said he’d seen these types of things escalate before.”

“Oh.” Katrina looked down at her hands. “I loved you. I just needed to understand what I’d done wrong. I needed closure. And to know you were okay.”

My heart broke for her.

“You didn’t do anything wrong when we were together,” Braydon’s tone softened. “I liked you a lot. I wouldn’t have dated you for eight months if I didn’t.”

“It was nine months,” Katrina interjected.

I watched the back-and-forth between them like a game of Ping-Pong. An extremely awkward and tense game of Ping-Pong.

“Right. Nine months. But, you were ready for more, and I didn’t want to be tied down. We were at an impasse. So I figured it was best to move on.”

“I see,” she said, her voice growing shaky. She looked like she might break down in tears, so I carefully placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

She blinked back tears and nodded. “Yes. This helps. A lot, actually.”

I looked at Braydon. See, dumbass.

“I spent the last two years wondering what I did wrong and wishing I knew what I could have changed,” Katrina said, braving a glance at Braydon once again.

“Don’t change. I hate to be cliché and say it wasn’t you, it was me. But it’s true. You will find a man who loves you and wants all the things you do. I just wasn’t him.”

She smiled weakly and nodded. “Wow, you sound like my mother. And you’re both right. It’s time to move on and open myself up to new possibilities.”

I wrapped an arm around Katrina and gave her a hug. “Good luck.”

“You guys, too.”

Katrina left a few moments later, and I could see in her eyes that she needed to be alone, probably have herself a good cry. I hoped this experience had been cathartic for her. I could already feel the growth they’d both experienced, even if it hadn’t all sunk in yet.

The mood between me and Braydon was somber as we left the coffee shop. Something between us had shifted and I wasn’t entirely sure what. I’d seen his past and been part of helping him work through some skeletons in his closet. I should have felt lighter, freer, but instead I just felt sad. Sad for Katrina that she’d wasted two years, sad for Braydon that he’d lived as a recluse after his last relationship went so wrong.

I wondered why it took two years for them to have this conversation. But maybe the time was necessary. It provided time for emotions to cool and them both to be a little wiser and more mature to face the consequences of their actions. I was happy to help them solve it. It just still felt so senseless.

“Thank you for that,” he said.

“You’re welcome.” I was just glad it went so well.

“I’m sorry my baggage got in the way of us. I feel like an ass.”

“Guys are asses sometimes. You were young.”

Those pretty baby blues of his latched on to mine. “It’s no excuse.”

I nodded. It was refreshing to hear him take responsibility for his actions. And actually I agreed. He should have had that conversation with her a long time ago. That restraining order may have never been needed. Katrina could have moved on with her life much sooner, and Braydon would never have instituted his rules for relationship-free arrangements. And I might have had an actual shot at dating the one guy I’d fallen for. It all just felt pointless. Then again, maybe the Katrina of two years ago wouldn’t have listened and would have fought hard to win him back no matter what he’d said.

I sensed that the three of us would all be moving on bettered from our conversation today—only I didn’t know which direction Braydon and I would be going.

“You want to go home, and order in?” he asked as we stood facing each other on the sidewalk.

“No thanks. I’m tired and a bubble bath sounds nice.” I just needed some alone time to sort through my feelings, and I thought it might do Braydon some good to do the same. Today had been a lot to take in.

He nodded in understanding. Truthfully, the heaviness of the past hour had affected us both. I could tell he wouldn’t mind being alone with his thoughts for the night.

“I’ll see ya.” I gave him one last hug and left.

I made it only a few steps, though, before the coffee was coming back up into a nearby trash can. Lovely. After I’d gotten sick, I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and ventured a glance over my shoulder. Braydon had seen the entire thing. Shit.

He was at my side, supporting me with an arm around my waist in a matter of seconds. “What’s wrong? Are you still sick?”

I let out a groan and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry. I think it was the coffee. It was too much for my stomach.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m just worried about you.”

I leaned into his side, thankful for the support. I just wanted to lie down in my bed, safe and warm.

“How long have you been sick? Be honest with me.”

“A month,” I croaked.

“Fuck, sweetheart. I’m taking you to the doctor. No arguments. Come on.”

Taking my hand firmly, he pulled me to his side and led me into a nearby cab. I leaned on him for support, much too weak to argue, and Braydon silently held me as the cab sped away for the hospital.