All He’ll Ever Be (Merciless World Series Book 1)

I’ve never felt so deliciously used and bared by someone so savagely.

My body aches as it has for weeks, but in a different way. In a way that makes me feel like my body will give in and collapse if I try to move. As I roll over in the bed, I can still feel him inside of me. Taking everything and pushing me over the edge, time and time again. The reminder sends a wanting desire through my blood.

He fucked me like he owned me.

Because he did.

He does still.

The thought makes my eyes pop wide open. My gaze travels slowly over the brightly lit room with gray walls and a tray ceiling painted even darker. The room has a sense of power to it. It’s bold and dangerous even. Sharp and modern furniture and not a thing out of place.

Except for me.

My body is still, knowing I’m in Carter’s room.

Not in the cell; a breath leaves me slowly, as quietly as I can allow it. I never want to go back there.

I don’t hear anything. Not a sound. Another moment passes, and slowly I will myself to reach behind me, searching for Carter’s presence, any sign that he’s sleeping next to me.

I find nothing but the chill of empty sheets.

It takes me longer than I’d like to admit to have the strength and will to turn over, still pretending that I’m sleeping. But after moments of sensing no one else in the room, I take a chance to look around and find the room empty and the bedroom door open.

I take in his bedroom as slowly as I did the other side and wait for a sign that Carter’s here. But there’s no trace of him.

A pile of vibrant clothes, at odds with the bright white comforter, catches my attention.

Daring to sit up and wincing from the dull ache between my legs, I cautiously pick them up and find a silk robe and negligee that I would never wear.

It’s scandalous and for the body of a model. It makes no sense that my initial thought is that he’s going to be disappointed with me. That I could never do this delicate combination of lace and silk justice. Other than to justify it with the thought that if I disappoint him, he’ll send me back. And I never want to go in that cell again. Never.

I don’t even realize I’m clutching the fabric to my chest until Carter’s voice pierces through the threatening thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as he enters the room.

My head shakes of its own accord, making my hair tickle my bare shoulders as I do and reminding me that I’m naked.

I should have searched through his things. I should have tried to escape. A bulleted list of all the ways I’ve disappointed myself weighs heavily on my chest as I watch him pull one drawer open and then the next until he sets a pair of metal handcuffs down on the dresser.

His casual stance is a façade; power still radiates around him. Carter stalks toward me.

I’m only moving from the cell where I could deny him, to his bed where I’ll be his whore.

“If you don’t like it, there are more.” Carter’s tone is dismissive at best and I don’t know what he’s referring to until he nods at the ball of clothes in my hand.

I let the fine fabrics fall onto the comforter, not knowing how to answer. I’m on pins and needles as I sit here trying to decide what I need to do to keep myself safe and in the best possible position to gain my freedom back.

“I like you nervous.” Carter’s voice draws my eyes back to him. He looks more casual today than I’ve ever seen him. It’s not the clothes he wears, but his posture and the way he stalks toward me. Stopping at the edge of the bed, I get a strong whiff of his scent and I hate how much I love it. Even more so I hate how my thighs clench and the twinkle of a grin threatens to pull at his lips when I whimper.

“I enjoyed you last night,” Carter’s voice rumbles in a way that ignites my nerve endings on fire. Reaching out to cup my chin in his hand, he stares at my lips, running his thumb along the bottom one.

And something shifts inside of me. This is a man with so much power and control, someone who could destroy me and in many ways has already. Yet all I want in this moment is for him to kiss me. He hasn’t yet, and deep inside a part of me needs it.

But his thumb stops the soothing motions and his expression falls as he speaks, although it’s worded as a question. “You haven’t eaten?”

“I only just woke up.” The words come out like an excuse with a plea coating them. The weak sound on my lips disgusts me. I was stronger in the cell. I breathe in harsher, knowing I’d bite back a quip if only my ass was on the thin mattress in the dark cell in this moment.

But I don’t want to go back. I’m ashamed to know it so clearly and to hold onto that truth like I’ll die if it slips from me. In an effort to diminish my hate of that pathetic fact, I remind myself that are far more chances of escape out here.

And there is nothing but agony in that cell. The ache of loneliness and starvation and sleepless nights filled with past pains.

I refuse to go back.

Carter’s touch falls as he turns away from me, back to the dresser. “There’s breakfast in the kitchen. If you see anyone, ignore them and they’ll ignore you. Understood?” He tosses the cuffs inside a drawer and searches for something else.

I nod once when he glances over his shoulder, although inside I’m reeling. All I can think is that there may be someone here to save me. Someone to show mercy. Maybe Jase? Or else I can run.

“Verbal responses, little songbird,” he says casually as if he’s telling me what the weather is. The drawer shuts tight with finality and I find myself nodding my head again as I answer him, “Yes,” with my eyes fixated on the metal peeking through his clenched hand.

“And you’ll wear this,” he tells me as he holds up a thin chain. Every inch or so there’s a small pearl, alternated with diamonds. It’s long, so long it would fall to nearly my belly button and as I take it in I see the diamonds grow larger as you near the end. There, in the center, is a large tear-shaped diamond.

But all that sparkles is only sin disguised in beauty.

“A collar?” My heart beats like a war drum inside my chest. He must hear the defeat on my tongue.

“You can’t collar a songbird, Aria, but you can tether one or cage it. The choice is yours.”

“Either the cell or the necklace?” I ask him to clarify, and just the idea that I can save myself from going back there has my hand reaching for the necklace.

Carter nods once, and my eyes are brought back to his.

“Turn around,” he orders me, the fire flickering in his eyes. Steadying my breathing, I turn my back to him and feel the sweet sensation of a shiver run down both my front and back as he moves my hair to the side. My nipples harden as the cool diamonds and pearls fall down my chest and over the crook of my shoulders and neck. Carter lets his hands trail to my breasts once he’s done, his hot breath tickling the shell of my ear as he whispers, “Beautiful.”

But just as quickly as he’s shown me gentleness, he leaves me, his absence intensifying the coldness of the air. And I’m left naked on my knees in his bed. Wearing a collar and making decisions based on fear.

Thoughts of my father and Nikolai return. Shame accompanies the image of their disapproval and disgust. As much as I’d like to lie, I loved what Carter did to me last night and I’d let him do it again.

“Why are you doing this to me?” The words are torn from the other side of me. The side I want to hide and tell to be quiet.

Walking back to the dresser, I think Carter’s ignored me until he answers, “Because I can,” he answers in a tone not to be questioned or defied. “A man asked me what I wanted, and I could buy anything I want, yet I saw your picture and knew I could never have you.” He turns to face me, leaning against the dresser and waiting for my response.

I remember the words I’ve held so dearly that he spoke days ago. The words that gave me hope. How I would help him and he would give me everything. I wonder if it’s a lie, or if what he’s telling me now has anything to do with that deal he shouldn’t have made.

“And now that you’ve…” I trail off, then swallow my words.

“I don’t have you, Aria. Not yet. But when I do, you’ll be begging me to stay.” What strikes the most fear in my heart is how utterly and completely I believe him.

Walking toward me, I can see something begging to escape from his lips. Something that’s maybe a secret, maybe not. But he merely runs his fingers along my lips again and tells me he’ll find me when he’s ready for me again before leaving me and keeping the bedroom door open.

When something is hard to the touch and so sharp it would draw blood, you have to always be careful. It’s the gentleness of it that will break you. You can’t ever let your guard down.

If you’re smart, you avoid it and if you have to be around it, you stay away from the parts that hurt. But those aren’t the parts that destroy. It’s the parts that you begin to crave, the parts you don’t want to resist that bring you to your knees. They make you forget or maybe they make you think the sharpness won’t cut you, as if you’re somehow immune or no longer prey to it.

Even knowing so, I fall helpless to the way he cups my chin like that. And I sit there for far too long with my fingertips lingering where I can still feel him.

I can’t breathe as I wake up. The cold sweat that covers my skin makes me shake, as does my racing heart. The room is dark, and I can’t see for a moment, but the hands gripping my shoulders and holding me down aren’t the ones in my nightmare.

It’s not Stephan, I try to think logically as I hear Carter’s voice yelling at me to wake up.

My chest heaves as the light filters into my vision and I see him. The anger in his tone is absent from his pained expression.

My shoulders hunch forward as I try to calm down. It was just a night terror. I can’t control them. I can’t stop them.

“Please don’t send me back,” I barely push out and it causes Carter’s fingers to dig deeper into my shoulders before he releases me. Stalking to a chair on the far side of the bedroom, he sits with his body leaning forward, his dark eyes staring at me through the dark room.

My skin tingles with a numbing fear. I can’t go back to the cell. Tears leak from my eyes at the thought that one fear of mine, a man who destroyed my world and threatened to do more, would keep me from being safe from yet another, the cell.

“Please,” I plead weakly and before the word is completely spoken, Carter commands me, “Come here.”

Although my body feels weak, I force my limbs to move quickly as they fight with his sheets. I practically fall to the ground and quickly crawl to him, the rug brushing against my knees.

In nothing but a pair of silk pajama pants, his abs ripple in the faint moonlight. His body looks like it was carved in marble. Even with the fear still strongly present, I can feel the itch of my fingers to run down the carved lines of his muscles. If nothing else, he’s a beautiful distraction. He can use me, fuck me into a deep sleep. And I would beg for it in this moment.

I’d beg him to use me and take away everything else.

I slow my pace as I get closer to him, the necklace nearly dragging on the ground. Its presence makes my nakedness very much at the forefront of my mind. His knees are parted, and I settle in between them. In the darkness and with that look in his eye, he radiates power as I kneel at his feet.

Slowly, I reach my hands up to his thighs in the silence. He hasn’t said a word, but I’m sure I have to please him. I can’t go back to the cell. Not over this.

My fingers slip between the silk fabric and his hot skin at the deep V on his hips.

My actions are cut short and my heart lurches when Carter’s strong fingers grab my wrist and yank my hand away. I can barely breathe as the intensity in his gaze ignites.

The silence stretches as he stares at me and I feel helpless, not knowing what he wants.

“Get on all fours,” he commands me, barely loosening his grip so I can quickly obey him. My heart thumps so hard it’s all I can hear.

“Face on the floor,” he tells me, and I do as he says, keeping my ass in the air. “Palms up and at your knees,” Carter tells me and again I do as he says, but he repositions them. All the weight of my body is on my shoulders and neck as I lay my head on the floor and my arms stay behind me, not useful in balancing or aiding me in any way. I’m completely bared to him and at his mercy.

A moment passes and then another as Carter paces around me. I try to swallow, but I can’t. The fear of him finding me less than pleasing makes my knees tremble, and he only responds by moving my legs farther apart. The moment I close my eyes, his deep and rough voice commands me to open them and look at him. Towering over me, I have no idea what my dark knight thinks of me or what he plans to do to me.

“Tell me what you were dreaming of,” he finally says, and I answer him, the rug rubbing against my cheek and my breath feels hot against my face.

“I don’t remember,” I tell him and although it’s true, I know what the terrors consist of.

“It wasn’t important to you? Not important enough to remember?” he asks as he crouches behind me. I can’t see him, but I can feel him. I can always feel Carter’s unyielding presence.

“No,” I shake my head against the ground and answer him how I think he wants me to. “It’s not important and I’m sorry,” I tell him, and the silence stretches.

My body jolts forward as his hand brushes against my ass. The rough pad of his thumb follows down to my pussy, gently trailing along my clit and then back up. He grips my ass cheek in a bruising manner and my eyes shut tight as I prepare for more.

Whack! His hand slaps against my ass and forces a cry from my lips. I sink my teeth into my lip and take another. The sharp stinging pain is accompanied by his hand sliding up my front, so he can roll my left nipple between his fingers. The combination of pain and pleasure is directly linked to my clit. My body rocks to the side, unable to stay still as he pulls my now hardened peak.

He instantly releases me to push down on my upper back between my shoulder blades, and he spanks the same spot on my ass again. Biting down on my lip, changes the cry to a muffled whimper and the pain that shoots up my body ignites every nerve ending in my body, heating my core and stealing my breath.

Panting against the rug, I wait for more. I can feel my pussy clench around nothing, praying for pleasure to take the pain away. His splayed hand on my back travels along my spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps. I can feel his breath against my ass before he bites down, making my mouth form an O with both surprise and something else. The pain is nothing like what I expect and my body trembles with delight at the thought of more.

Quickly, he pulls away and another sharp smack meets my heated skin, this one sending tears to my eyes. The pain and intensity have gathered into a ball in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know that I can take anymore.

“Please,” I whisper, but I don’t know what I’m asking for.

“Why am I punishing you, Aria?” His deep voice is a soothing balm to my broken cries.

“Because I woke you,” I answer him as I feel his hips brush against the backs of my thighs. He settles behind me and lowers his lips to my shoulder. He plants a small kiss on my shoulder as the head of his cock gently presses into my entrance. It’s only a tease and I find myself rocking backward, praying he’ll fuck me and take the pain away.

His hot breath tickles the crook of my neck as he whispers, “Because you lied to me.”

I can’t respond because he immediately slams inside of me and fucks me exactly how I wanted him to.