Chapter Cal • 31
Why is love such an indefatigable emotion?
One that's never tireless, seemingly continuous.
From the second I saw her I knew. I knew she was the one for me. I knew she would be happy chaos. I knew she was the epitome of love. I just knew.
Why I tried so agonizingly hard to push her away from me seems unreasonable to me now. The biggest mistake I think I have ever made was to think that she wasn't the type of person who couldn't protect herself. I misjudged her.
I should have known better. She's shown us all just how brave she actually is, how much passion and desire that she has in her heart. How much fire she has in her.
She has proven me wrong at every turn.
I was a complete moron!
I should have known better! I will never doubt her again, not if I can help it, and I will spend every waking day to prove to her just how much she means to me: starting now.
"So how do we do this?" Jaci asks me somewhat ecstatically.
She's sitting on the edge of my bed, in that beautiful but revealing silver dress, eyeing me curiously.
Staring down at her I feel a range of emotions spiraling inside of me. Wonder, love, guilt, remorse, and lust, just a few of many.
I am eager to bond with her but first we have to discuss our feelings. The one conversation that I'm been forgoing for far too long now. Scared of what the outcome may be once I open up myself up to her.
Might as well get it over with and lay it on line, so they say.
"Jaci before we do this I think we should talk." I casually make my way to the bed, plopping down on it, sitting beside her, I want to reach out and hold her hand but I fear what she might do. I don't think I can handle her rejection toward me. Especially, at this moment.
"I want to apologize for all of the things that I have done to you. I know an apology doesn't change things but it's a start. I treated you so unfairly and I misjudged you completely. There is no excuse for what I've done but I will tell you that I thought I was doing it for the right reasons which apparently was the absolutely wrong thing to do. I know you've heard some of this before. I will never stop apologizing for hurting you the way I did and...cheating on you," I pause from my explanation, bravely, I reach out and take her hand. She doesn't push me away like I thought she would. She actually threads her tiny fingers through mine, with a tiny spark of hope inside of me now, I carry on.
"I want you to know that I have never stopped caring about you. Even when I was with someone else all I could think about was you. All I could envision was you. You're in my every waking thought." She stares at me with those beautiful bright blue eyes. Not being able to take the serenity flashing in them, I jump up from the bed, releasing her hand, pacing back and forth in my room. She watches my every move.
"What I did to you was criminal. I'm a damn moron. I don't expect you to forgive me, hell, I wouldn't forgive me either but I do want you to know that what I am about tell you is nothing but the absolute truth," I stop my pacing, seeing the concern on her face, I get down my knees in front of her, grasping onto her tiny hands again like I never want to let her go, "Not only do I love you Jaci but I'm in love with you. I love your smile, your heart, your vulnerability, your tenderness, I love everything about you."
Releasing her hands, I stand up, looking down at her I'm can not contain my feelings toward her any longer. This is my do or die moment, I'm pouring out my heart soul to this woman and I can only hope she feels a small fraction of what I feel for her.
"Your touch sends my heart into a spiral that I can't seem to control. Your eyes, God those eyes, feels like that look right through me and sees me for who I truly am. Which is yours. I'm yours Jaci. Blood, bone, and sweat. Every damn part of me is yours. All yours. I live for you, I breathe for you, all I ever see is you. You ignite a fire within me that I can't seem to extinguish." Take a deep breath, I watch as Jaci stands up from the bed. Her eyes lock onto mine with an emotion that I can't define. Before I let her speak the words that I hope won't break my heart in two, I finish my confession.
"Jaci. I....burn...for you. I....crave you. Please...please forgive me baby. I'm so sorry." They say that real men don't cry but I be damned if I can't hold back my own tears. They start streaming down my damn face like a little babies. All of my emotions are on full display for the woman that I deeply love to see.
With my eyes welled up from tears, I watch Jacis facial expressions change from understanding to compassion in a heartbeat.
She jumps on me, wrapping those sensual legs around my waist, her little arms rope around my neck, holding on for dear life. Before I can I stop her, her soft lips are mine.
Our tongues start to battle as she slips hers into mouth. The emotional tug-a-war I was feeling earlier is now nothing but a fierce indescribable need for her and her alone.
Shocked from the impact of her reactions it only takes but a second to wrap my arms her. Devouring her exotic kisses welcomingly.
In all of my wildest fantasies I never thought I would be kissing the woman that I love ever again. But here she is, forgiving me for my sins and she's so pliant in my grasp, even if I don't deserve it.
We breathlessly tear our lips away from each other, with our foreheads pressed together, I look into her yes with awe.
"Why?" I quietly ask of her. Why is she forgiving me? Why is she allowing me this golden opportunity back into her life. Into her arms. Into her embrace.
"You're mine Cal. All mine. I'm not saying this is going to be easy. But I'm willing to give it a chance. That is, if you can promise me to stop pushing me away, stop trying to control every aspect of my life, and definitely stop the cheating. This is your last chance Cal. I can't take it of you break my heart again. No scratch that I won't take it! Because of you do I will gladly cut that penis, that you so gallantly love, completely off!" Fuck! Even though it's a valid threat the thought of her doing such an act physically makes me cringe.
"But I don't deserve it. I don't deserve your forgiveness, your understanding, your love. I don't deserve you. Why would you give me another chance?" Pushing her body closer to me. I feel like I'm in a trance. To have this tiniest piece of her forgiveness is a treasure. I don't why I'm questioning it but I can't fathom why she would forgive me so easily.
"It's because of what you said. I didn't realize how much you actually cared for me and I'm not saying that I feel exactly the same about you but I am willing to give this a try, to see if we can get back what we lost. I care for you Cal, more than you know, though what you did is hard to let go of I'm at least wanting to try." She places her hand on my cheek her fingers wipes away the fallen tears on my face. Though the tears have subsided the feeling that caused them hasn't.
She's amazing. I can handle her wanting to take time to reestablish her feelings. If I have to wait forever then that's precisely what I will do. I will wait. For her.
"I considered myself blessed that your willing to try and I will wait. Just so you know though, I mean what I said earlier. You are my world and I will never do anything remotely like that to you ever again. I'm yours and your mine and that's all that matters. We can take it slow. As slow as you want no matter how long it takes I will be here waiting. For you." I try to reassure her.
I mean every word I pledge to her. I fucked up so many times already there's no way I will ever chance losing her again. It took almost losing her completely for me to realize just how much she means to me. You truly don't know what you go till it's gone.
Now that I have her in my grasp I will do nothing to jeopardize our relationship again.
You can take that to the bank and cash it dammit!
Unknown
I saw her today.
I got a rare glimpse at my beauty. She was radiant in that dress she so bravely wore for us.
What her bastard mates don't realize is they have a snake lurking in their grass.
I watched her in that auction. I was wrapped in fury over seeing my woman being flaunted in front of a bunch of disgusting men!
How her mates allowed such an atrocity is mind blowing. The assholes acted like they didn't even care.
That's why I meet DC after the auction and persuaded him to allow me to join his gang.
It did back fire some. Now I'm his bitch!
His little fucking spy against the Alkine assholes. But I will bide my time. I'm a patient man. I've waited this long. What's a few more hours?
She will be mine and soon!
I can feel my fingers tingle knowing I will have her my grasp in such a short while.
I can't wait!
I will teach her what a real man is. I will show her how a real man is suppose to act.
I will fuck her till she bleeds and begs me stop! I long for it. But I won't give her the satisfaction of being able to stop. No I waited far too long to get her and I'm going to enjoy every lick, every bite, every moan, and every scream!
It won't be long now. She so not going to know what hit her.
I will show the true meaning of love, of torture, of fucking!
I jumping with anticipation. In just matter of hours she will be all mine.
I'm coming for you precious.
My pretty little precious eyes!
Cal
"You ready?" I ask her. She's timid and a bit worried, probably afraid of what's to come, I don't know if it's more to do with what's coming tonight or from our potential bonding but regardless I want to make this as easy for her as I possibly can.
"It's ok to be scared. It's normal but it's really not that complicated. Compared to the others it's really simplistic." I'm trying my best to reassure her.
We're on the edge of my bed again, she's fidgeting beside me, playing with a few strings of her hair as I try to explain the basics to her.
"Usually it's done while having intercourse but under the circumstances we will forgo that aspect. All we have to do is cut a tiny slice on our palms and I will recite my vows interlocking our souls together forever." Usually I would also bring her in front of my clan and announce our mating then mate in the air together away from everybody but the logistics of these things are troublesome.
One I have no clan. Two I'm putting off the mating ritual that it involves to ease her mind and allow her time to adjust to our new found relationship.
All of those things are immaterial to our particular situation, unfortunately. But someday soon I hope we will be able to reach that pinnacle within ourselves.
For now, this will have to do. Though I don't mind in the least. I was the major cause to our dilemma that's causing this rift between us. But I'm willing to wait.
"Ok. Let's do this!" She says with a little more confidence than earlier but I can see her resistance.
Knowing we don't have the time to put this off any longer I push the doubt in my to the side and proceed with are binding.
I take my little silver dagger and slice a small section across her palm, not particularly big because I can't stand to hurt her. She winces a bit from the cut but carries on like a trooper. I slice my own palm directly after hers. I press my now bloody to hers and begins reciting our sacred vows.
giuro la mia vita eterna per te
il nostro amore non morirà mai
per l'infinito prometto il mio amore
per la vita e la morte sempre*
I solid white light blooms in between our hands as I vow my eternal love for her. The feeling of our souls connection is insurmountable. Full of elation and grandeur.
When the white light relatively dims, we separate our hands, looking down at my palm I see the wound that I inflicted has already healed completely. Glancing at Jacis I notice the same for hers.
When I raise my head to look at her, I can tell she's feeling the same exact things that I am feeling. If I could put into words the only word that I would be able to come even close to describing it is: euphoric.
"I hate this!" I couldn't agree with Asher more.
We're all in the living room waiting on DC to make his grand entrance. Jaci is pacing the room frantically. Ora is standing near her watching her closely. Faron, Asher, and I are all seated on the sofa waiting very impatiently.
As soon he deigns to make an appearance Yonan, Greg, and myself will quickly exit the manor and follow close behind them. The bitch Cynthia is suppose to meet me at the destination to do her witchy spell on me but I swear if that bitch doesn't follow through on her promises I will gladly kill her. I don't why Ora trusts her. I know that I don't. Which is causing a major conflict within me.
To say that we are all anxious about all of this is a major understatement. Reaching for my cellphone to check the time for the millionth time tonight I notice we now have only five minutes left before this travesty begins.
Not waiting a second longer I scramble off the sofa in a flash to hurry over to Jaci. She stops her pacing when I step in front of her.
Not being to able to speak a word to her, with too many doubts parading through my mind I decide to just hold her.
Enveloping her into my arms, with her head firmly planted on my chest, I start planting tiny kisses along the top of her head.
Ora and the others eventually join us, doing the same as I just did to her. All of us are too wrapped up in our misery to actually say what we are feeling. The one word that enter my minds that may be able to describe exactly how we are feeling at this moment is: terrified.
Terrified about what may happen. Terrified that she will be ultimately in the clutches of madman and terrified that she won't be able to come back to us.
Hearing the unwanted knocks upon the living room door, I cringe.
Knowing who the unwanted guest is behind the door I hesitate to answer it.
Thankfully, Ora has enough bravery in him to be the one who opens the door for the unbearable invasion.
Not wanting to give my attention to the bastard, I decide to put all of my focus on Jaci instead.
The unfiltered look on her face has my heart aching.
I only hesitate for a fraction of second before I press her supple lips to mine. Wanting the kiss to last forever.
Faron and Asher copy my actions, kissing her with true devotion. Ora makes an appearance behind her during her and Asher's kiss biding his time.
When Asher and Jaci separate Ora doesn't wait to ravish her mouth with loads of passion.
The clearing of a throat behind us, breaks the kiss between Ora and Jaci regrettably.
"Ready doll?" DC happily interrupts our cherished moment.
Asshole!
Jaci sighs then steps around us, her tiny steps waking away from us seem to echo in the living room louder than is to be expected.
It's like she's walking out of our welcoming arms and our lives. The feeling of unmitigated doom spreads within me.
I don't want to do it. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want her to go. I don't want her to be with him. I don't want to look but I know I have to.
I have to see the look in her eyes as she leaves. I have to know that she will return to us. I have to know that she will be ok.
So I turn.
I see her standing at the door beside him unwillingly. I see her raw emotions. I see her worry.
Before she walks out that door I give her one last fleeting look trying my damnest to hold my tongue against this atrocity.
When the door closes behind her I can't stop staring at the door. I just got her back into my arms and I let her go. Again!
Fuck!
Not two minutes later I'm rushing out the door to meet up with the others. While I'm running to the car I make myself a solemn vow.
I will kill DC if anything happens to her!
*I vow my eternal life for you.
Our love shall never die.
For infinity I promise my love.
For life and death always.