Aliens Moved My Cheese

I recently read a National Geographic article about our second man on the moon “Buzz Aldrin” that posed the question, “Why is it important for us to keep exploring space, to even colonize Mars?” I think Buzz addressed that question as well as could be done, so I’ll share his answer with you my five readers. “We are stagnating on Earth. We are reverting to the past. We are not pioneering. We are not looking forward. And if we do not explore, we will expire. What has held us back? A wide variety of things including aging astronauts, public apathy, a lack of exciting activities in space, budget constraints and leaders who under-appreciate such aspirations.” Space is either the next frontier for us or for a lack of that pioneering spirit we stagnate wither and die. What does this have to do with aliens you might ask? We might not survive long enough as a species to actually encounter some and if we do survive our own internal hostilities, then we may have to go looking for the little green fuckers if we want to meet them. We can’t do that sitting on our hands like a species of lazy ass couch potato’s yelling “Merica’!!!” We actually have to travel to space and investigate. Anybody that wouldn’t find that kind of adventure exciting should kill themselves because technically their bodies are alive but in their heads they’ve already rolled over and died. Ufologists are all about going to space and looking around; for that I applaud you guys. That’s a noble and positive mode of thought. What I don’t think you folks understand is that presenting yourselves as the lunatic fringe by claiming pseudo-science as truism is holding the entire process back not moving it forward. Have a conspiracy theory? That’s great, present your evidence supporting it and let scientists peer review it. If you don’t have any legitimate peer reviewed evidence, please by all means piss off and shut the fuck up. You’re making the rest of us with fully functioning brains look bad. I find it interesting that 48% of Americans believe that we have been visited by aliens but how many of those tens of millions of people would be ok with raising taxes to better fund the space program? I’m betting that if we had a show of hands, that number would be abysmally low.

Why go looking for alien life forms when millions of Americans already think we’re being visited by them? Think about it Ufologists before you spread the latest unsubstantiated UFO conspiracy bullshit meme on YouTube or Facebook. I’m sick to my core of the World Weekly News version of alien visitation being the predominant so-called wisdom touted by Ufologists. That goes a long way towards explaining why we as a culture are so apathetic about space exploration over the last 20 years. Way too many of us imbeciles think the aliens are already here, without conclusive proof to support their suppositions. They might very well be here but if they are watching us, did you people ever stop to think about why they aren’t popping in to buy a round for the bar? We may look like a species gone insane, that hasn’t progressed in maturity level since we were living in caves worshipping fire. Would you want to meet a violent crowd of psychotic loonies, who appear to be moving backwards culturally instead of forwards? At the same time we are constantly advancing ourselves technologically, so we can better destroy each other. I don’t want to hang out with a bunch of assholes like that and I’m fucking human! My last statement I’m certain will get me labeled as a “government shill” by some uneducated abject retard still living with his mommy in the trailer park but I just don’t care. I’m sure visiting aliens would love to study us as a freak show oddity, not as a potential partner. We are a shining example of what not to do as a species. I’m sure some alien anthropologist could write his or her Doctoral Thesis on the insanity that is mankind and turn it into an intergalactic best seller. I’d read that book nodding knowingly the entire time. We need to begin our search for the truth about alien life and purported alien visitation. The truth God damn it! Not your uneducated opinions based on a foul smelling foundation of piss and shit. As shocking as many of you halfwits out there may find this, they are not necessarily the same thing. Just because you have a right to express a belief in the unproven and the ridiculous, that doesn’t mean you are being helpful by exercising that right to speak and be heard, particularly if you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I for one am all for going out there to find out what’s over the next horizon. I’m not content to sit on my fat ass waiting for aliens to show up and do whatever the fuck they are here to do. I want to go to them and get a piece of their action.