Acceptance

I stayed in my room the rest of the day. My mom had asked if something was wrong, but I just told her that Drew and I ate too much junk food last night and I wasn’t feeling well. She believed me luckily. As soon as she left my room though, I broke down. The panic hit me full force.

I was sitting on my bed, my hands shaking, tears streaming down my face, and my heart racing. I was trying to be quiet so neither of my parents would hear me, but all I could think about was last night. The more I thought about it, the more I was starting to remember. It was all still a bit of a blur, but I could almost hear the sounds of our moaning in ecstasy, and my begging for more. I remember thinking afterwards that it was the best sex I’d ever had.

My breathing got shallower and faster as the panic set in even more. All I could hear in my head was the sounds we were making last night and what people would say if they knew.

It would be terrible and I could practically hear the homophobic slurs already.

I had been questioning my sexuality for awhile, but there was no denying it now. There was no way I could continue telling myself that I’m straight when I slept with a guy and liked it.

It took at least ten minutes for the panic attack to pass. I went into my attached bathroom, took a shower, and went back into my bedroom.

I was responding to a text from Drew when there was a knock on my door.

“Yeah?,” I asked as I finished the text.

“Elliot, we are having company over for dinner. They will be here soon so get cleaned up and look presentable please,” my mom’s voice said through the door.

“Alright,” I answered and began digging through my clothes. I didn’t think into it much. My parents usually had company over at least once a week, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary.

I went back into my bathroom, checking to make sure my eyes weren’t red and puffy, and walked out once I put eyedrops in my eyes.

I put on a clean t-shirt, some dark jeans that were laying on the floor, and slipped on some socks since my feet were a little cold. I grabbed my phone, sliding it into my pocket, and opened my door. I closed the door behind me and walked down the stairs to see what my parents were cooking for dinner. My dad would cook the meal and my mom made the desert. That’s just how they liked doing things.

I could see my dad making a chicken and pasta dish with vegetables as a side, and I could smell the apple pie my mom was baking. It all smelled amazing and I couldn’t wait for dinner. My stomach was growling just at the smell.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, seeing another text from Drew.

Drew: I’m glad you are home and safe. After I was done upstairs with Rachel, I couldn’t find you. I know we were both drunk as fuck but I was scared something happened to you. Someone said that they saw you leaving with someone but they couldn’t see who it was. Do you remember who it was?

Me: Thanks for checking on me. I can’t remember who it was. I was totally wasted.

I was glad that Drew was concerned about my safety, but anxious about if anyone saw me with the guy I slept with. I couldn’t let anyone see that I was anxious though. They would start asking questions.

The doorbell rang and my mom, who had just taken the pie out of the oven, went to open the door. I went into the kitchen and tried to sneak a piece of chicken but my dad caught me and slapped my hand away.

“Go set the table,” he instructed so I would stay out of the food. I sighed and started grabbing plates and silverware. I carried the dishes to the dining room and sat them down on the table. I placed a plate at each seat and silverware with each plate. We had a couple extra chairs in the pantry so I grabbed them and added them to the table.

“It’s nice meeting you, ma’am,” a familiar voice said to my mom. I had heard that voice somewhere, but I couldn’t place where. I shrugged it off and went to see who our visitors were.

I saw a man and woman, first. They looked to be in their forties and both had dark hair. The man’s hair was short and the woman’s was long with straight bangs across her forehead. She was wearing a black top with a tan sweater unbuttoned over it, and blue jeans. The man was also wearing blue jeans, and was wearing a striped dress shirt.

When I walked further into the hallway, I noticed the one person I thought I’d never see again. His hands were in the pockets of his black jeans, and he was wearing a dark blue dress shirt. A couple of the top buttons were unbuttoned and he was wearing a white t-shirt underneath.

His eyes met mine and I noticed he had the brightest, most welcoming, blue eyes I’d ever seen. I looked away before anyone else noticed me staring and I took a step back, hoping I could hide in my room until they left. Unfortunately, my mom saw me before I could.

“Elliot, come say hello to Janice, Phil, and their son, Atlas. They just moved into town a couple days ago,” my mom smiled and motioned me to come closer.

I sighed and nervously walked closer. I could feel Atlas’s eyes on me but I avoided looking at him. Instead, I looked at his parents and greeted them.

“Hello, I’m Elliot,” I smiled at them.