A Warrior's Love

(K’aalógii: butterfly in Navajo)

(Shidá’í: a maternal uncle in Navajo).

(Ak’éí: family in Navajo).

Wyatt found it hard to sleep that night. All he could think about was what Becky had said and wondered if she could be right. In a strange way what she said did make sense.

He could remember watching the warriors train and wondering what made them different from him. He’d also wondered why their training was different from his, and why sometimes his wolf seemed to desperately wish to join them.

By the time he’d turned fifteen, he’d been training with his uncle for two years. At that time, he’d began sneaking off after alpha training was finished for the day and trying some of the warrior’s techniques on his own. In a way, he had semi-trained himself in the way of the warrior just by watching what they did and doing it himself. After a while though, even that hadn’t satisfied his wolf. It was all he’d had though because as “alpha” born he’d been expected to do alpha training, not warrior training.

Now, after Becky’s words to him, he was realizing that if his father had been living, he would have trained Wyatt the same as the other fathers trained their sons and daughters.

This reminded him of how he would hide and watch the warriors as they teamed up to fight. He could remember how brutal and bloody it had sometimes been until the young warriors had learned to control their wolves. He had supposed than that is must just be natural for it to be that way until control was learned and mastered.

He growled low so as not to disturb Becky’s sleep.

That is why I lost it, why I almost became insane. It was because I was never trained to keep the tight control over my wolf as the other warriors were. My eyes were gold and therefore I was expected to be Alpha, not a warrior. It never even crossed their minds that the warrior side of me needed to be trained also. Thankfully, I matured enough that I became strong enough, by sheer will and much effort, to pull his wolf back from the edge. Unfortunately, that came too late to stop me from going on a rampage.

At five am he finally gave up on ever going to sleep and got up.

So, after leaving Becky a note, he slipped out for a run. Running cleared the last of the fog from his brain and relaxed his wolf, who seemed to be more on edge than usual. He assumed it was partially because of his trip down memory lane. Thoughts of his father and the time when they’d lost control tended to bring out the worst in his wolf.

After running a good five miles, he returned to the house. Once there, he quickly showered and dressed. Seeing Becky was still even with the sounds he’d made, he left her to sleep. Since it was the weekend, and she didn’t have to be up early, he left her to sleep.

So, he headed back into the kitchen and started the coffee. As he stood watching it drip, he stood at the counter contemplating what to fix for breakfast. He still hadn’t decided what he wanted when he heard the doorbell ring.

Wondering who would be coming so early to visit, he walked to the front door and quickly opened it. He hoped it hadn’t awakened Becky. He was surprised to find his Shidá’í at the door.

“Hello nephew, nice place. How is your mate?” Shidá’í asked.

Wyatt stepped back to let him in. Then, leading the way back to the kitchen he answered, “My mate is doing well, but she’s still asleep. Tell me, what brings you by this early?”

Shidá’í poured himself some coffee then took a seat. He gave a heavy sigh as he said, “I know this is going to sound strange Wyatt, but I felt... restless like I needed to come and check on you. Your wolf must be putting off some serious energy for me to feel it so strong. Frankly, it worried me because the last time it felt like this was right before...” He broke off.

“I snapped,” Wyatt said without emotion as he stared at the floor.

With another sigh, Shidá’í nodded and almost begged, “Please talk to me Wyatt because I don’t think either of us could go through that again. Maybe if I had talked to you more or...”

“Please stop, Shidá’í. Nothing that happened was your fault,” Wyatt informed him. “Becky and I talked last night, and for the first time since the day of my very first shift I feel... almost normal.”

Shidá’í sat forward with a look of concern on his face to say, “Wyatt, you are normal, there is nothing wrong with you and there never has been.”

Wyatt sat there, looking at the man who had become his father figure. For the first time, he took the time to notice the concern and the worry in the eyes of his Shidá’í. He saw the lines of stress that shouldn’t be on the face of a man so young and the gray hair. How he wished he could change what had happened, but he couldn’t. So, he decided to do as Becky had asked and talked it out in the hope that he and his Shidá’í might make peace with their past.

Taking a deep breath as he sat down across from his Shidá’í, he began, “When I shifted, I knew I was different. I knew I wasn’t an alpha like you, yet when I looked at the other warrior wolves, I knew I wasn’t exactly like them either. When you began my training, I was content, and for a while, it was enough to satisfy the wolf in me. Then, suddenly it wasn’t, and I was too young to understand why. Those feelings of discontent slowly began to eat at me. I wanted to know what made me different from everyone else.”

Shidá’í looked at Wyatt sadly, saying, “Wyatt, you should have come to me, told me, together we could have figured it out. You didn’t have to bear the burden alone, I would have helped you any way I could have. You were my nephew, family, I would have moved mountains for you.”

“I know that now Shidá’í, but at the time I was too proud to say anything. Or maybe I was just embarrassed about my differences because deep down I felt they were somehow a flaw in me. I didn’t want you to see the... monster I felt was inside of me,” Wyatt admitted in a whisper as he bowed his head in shame.

“Oh Wyatt, you weren’t a monster!” Shidá’í cried out softly as he took Wyatt’s hand across the table. “You were a young man trying to figure out who you were. We’ve all gone through it and maybe it would have been easier if your father had lived and could have helped you. But, Wyatt, even though I know I was a poor substitute for your father, you are my flesh and blood and I would have done anything to help you if you had asked it of me. Anything.”

Wyatt raised his eyes to look at his Shidá’í then as he asked, “Even put me down if it had come to that?”

With tear-filled eyes, his Shidá’í murmured, “You will never know how thankful I am that it never came to that. But yes, I would have. That day I knew if you didn’t obey me then I would have to destroy my sister’s only child and my heart was breaking. I felt like such a failure like I had done something wrong raising you, that I had failed you horribly. I stood there trying to figure out what I could have changed and drawn a blank.” He then sat back in his chair as he wiped his eyes. Clearing his throat, he began speaking again, saying, “Do you remember much about that day Wyatt?”

Wyatt shook his head as he said, “I remember catching a scent of blood and following it. It smelled so sweet and I was full of blood-lust because I hadn’t killed for days.”

“I and three of my strongest warriors plus my best tracker had been on your trail for three weeks. The carnage you left behind...” Shidá’í murmured as he took a deep breath. He then scrubbed a hand over his face as he said, “We finally caught up with you as you attracted the rogue female and her baby. I remember shifting to my human form and yelling for you to stop. You glanced up at me and all I saw were your eyes.”

“My eyes?”

“Yes, your eyes. Wyatt, they were blood red and normally when a wolf’s eyes are that color it means there is no humanity left. I knew then that I was too late to save you and had already told my warrior’s to...” Shidá’í swallowed hard, “attack with intent to kill. I told them to wait for my signal, so they surrounded us and waited. As you continued to try and stare me down, I knew I had to give it one last try because you were family, my nephew whom I loved as my own. Then, I put every ounce of alpha strength into my voice that day. It’s something I had never done before, and I haven’t had to do since.”

Wyatt leaned forward, elbows on the table, head in his hands, as he said, “I remember feeling like someone might feel if they were coming out of drugged sleep. My brain felt sluggish, my body heavy, and my wolf didn’t want to give up control. He fought me so hard for control because he wanted to finish what we had started. I felt as if my body and my brain was going to explode as I fought him, but he just kept growling “kill”.”

“You kept looking from me to the rogue woman after I called your name. You looked up at your name, so I figured I had a chance of getting through to you, so I told you to let her go. I told you that if it was a fight you wanted, to fight me. You started my way, your eyes red and your lips curled back showing your teeth. You looked rabid with foam coming out of your mouth. I just stood there, then I started talking, still in my Alpha tone. I begged you to remember me, to remember that I was your Shidá’í, your Ak’éí. Over and over I repeated it as you stalked toward me. Then suddenly you stopped, and your eyes turned golden, a sign the alpha in you had taken control. That’s when I knew my nephew was in control again.”

“You hugged me,” Wyatt whispered. He then said, “I remember you falling to your knees and hugging me after I shifted. After that? After that, I remember nothing until I awakened in the pack infirmary.”

Shidá’í nodded, then said, “Yeah, you blacked out and so I carried you home. The pack doctor had a hard time getting you away from me. My wolf became very protective of you and snapped at the doctor every time he came close. They ended up having to sedate me just to get you away from me.”

“Why would your wolf do that?” Wyatt asked, puzzled. “I was a grown man and I’m not even your child.”

“I’m not sure,” Shidá’í said, having his own frown on his face. “I mean, when you shifted the first time, our wolves bonded then because I was the one to help you through your shift. That day though, a child bond was formed between your wolf and mine. Perhaps it was because of how broken your mind was at that point, almost like that of a lost child. Whatever it was it has continued to the point that when you have strong emotions, he feels them, just as he does Ben’s. Whatever you were feeling last night, and this morning, had him agitated.”

“I told you it was a father-child thing,” Becky suddenly said from behind Wyatt.

The two men both turned to look at her.

“Good morning Uncle Alpha,” Becky said with a smile as she walked in. Stopping by Wyatt’s chair, she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Shidá’í smiled as he asked, “Uncle Alpha?”

“Sure. It’s disrespectful to not address you by your title of Alpha, but Wyatt usually calls you Uncle instead of Alpha,” Becky told him with a shrug. She then added, “So, I put the two together.”

“Okay, I suppose that makes sense, and the father-child thing?” Shidá’í asked.

“At least today I’m just a child and not a girl,” Wyatt muttered under his breath. He then lifted his coffee cup and took a drink of his now cold coffee.

Becky giggled while Wyatt’s Shidá’í just looked puzzled. She then reminded Wyatt, “It was the only way I knew how to explain what I meant since I’m a girl.”

“Explain it to me then,” Shidá’í demanded of her. He then sat back and crossed his arms. Cocking his head slightly, he listened to Becky’s explanation.

When Becky had finished, she freshened Wyatt’s coffee for him and his Shidá’í before getting her own. Then she sat down and waited for him to speak.

Finally, Shidá’í seemed to come back to himself, and he just watched Wyatt for a moment, his eyes flickering between him and his wolf. When his eyes remained golden, he said, “You have a beautiful mate my wolf son, and she is very close to the truth in what she says. I, being an alpha, trained you as one. When you were young, I saw the alpha gene you carried within. I saw your potential, and I wanted to encourage it. When you had your break, I realized I had turned a blind eye to your warrior half, but by then it was too late to correct my mistake, for that I will ever grieve.”

Wyatt felt his own wolf rise then and felt him as he studied the man who had raised him. After a moment, with a slight growl, he asked, “Why do you call me son? You are not my father.”

“You were just a child when your father passed, your human side not yet knowing his wolf. When a wolf shifts, he needs someone to lead and guide him, usually this is when wolf father and son bond and training begins. When you shifted you reached out, looking for that bond and you found me.”

Wyatt growled again, saying, “I do not remember this.”

“No, you wouldn’t remember it now, because you have embraced your warrior side instead of the alpha side of you,” Shidá’í informed him. “If you had embraced the alpha side, you would feel me much more strongly. However, I still feel the alpha in you, and sometimes in your time of need or distress, it calls out to me.

Wyatt was puzzled now, and he never liked puzzles. Yes, I am a half alpha wolf from my mother, half warrior wolf from my father. But they are combined, and I am only one wolf, right? So, why does he keep talking as if I am two?

As if knowing Wyatt’s thoughts his Shidá’í continued by saying, “It is true that you are but one wolf, Wyatt. It is possible though, that had you met your mate early on it would have caused your warrior DNA to stay dormant because I trained the alpha side of you, thus making it the stronger of the two.”

“So, because you trained me as an alpha, it made the alpha inside the dominant?” Wyatt asked.

“Yes,” Shidá’í agreed.

“So, if my father had trained me up as a warrior, then that side of me would have dominant,” Wyatt said, then asked, “Correct?”

“That is usually the way it works,” Shidá’í agreed. “I think though, that the grief from your loss, combined with not finding your mate, awakened your aggressive side. Since you didn’t know how to deal with it, having had no training, it caused your break.”

“In other words, if he was a human, he would have a split personality?” Becky said.

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying,” Shidá’í agreed.