A Soul of Ash and Blood (Blood And Ash Series Book 5)

I wasted no time, stopping only long enough to wash the blood from my face and ditch the heavy broadsword. I had no idea when Vikter would return to his post, and I had questions for the…

I couldn’t think of her as the Maiden anymore. Truth be told, I’d had a hard time since the Red Pearl thinking of her as that.

Now, she was…Penellaphe.

My hands spasmed at my sides. Before, I could force myself to think of her as just the Maiden. Not anymore. The change was like a switch being thrown. Though when, I wasn’t exactly sure. It could’ve been the moment I realized that was her on the Rise. Or when she nearly took my legs out from under me.

Or when she threw that dagger at my face.

A wry grin tugged at my lips as I climbed the steps. The when didn’t matter. The why did, even though it shouldn’t, but I couldn’t ignore what had happened out on the Rise. Or what hadn’t.

I hadn’t thought of why I was there. My past. The future. My brother. I hadn’t thought about any of my plans. I’d just been…living in the moment. Not existing. Not plotting. Not thriving on the idea of vengeance. Surviving on the knowledge that I was doing all of this for Malik.

I hadn’t been myself.

Or maybe I had been, if only for those minutes.

And that was unsettling as fuck.

However, that ultimately changed nothing.

Blowing out a ragged breath, I went down the empty hall and stopped outside Penellaphe’s chambers. I could hear Tawny speaking.

“There’ll be a lot of black flags raised tomorrow,” she said.

Yes, unfortunately, there would be.

I knocked on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Tawny announced, and quick, light footsteps followed. The door swung open, and an array of emotions flickered across the Lady’s pretty face before a smile appeared. “The Maiden is sleeping—”

“Doubtful.” I walked right on in, having no patience for politeness or etiquette. My gaze swept the quarters, finding her—

I stopped just inside the door as she…as Penellaphe rose from the bed and spun, her fingers tangled in the braid she was unraveling.

She was unveiled.

And I was frozen for a few heartbeats as I took in her features. The proud brow. The stubborn curve of her jaw. Her open mouth, lips parted in surprise. She was—

Snapping out of it, I kicked the door shut behind me. Irritation with myself built. “It’s time for that talk, Princess.” I glanced over to where Tawny stood. “Your services are no longer needed this evening.”

Tawny’s mouth dropped open.

Penellaphe’s hands slipped from her hair. “You don’t have the authority to dismiss her!”

“I don’t?” I arched a brow. “As your personal Royal Guard, I have the authority to remove any threats.”

“Threats?” Tawny’s brows snapped together. “I’m not a threat.”

“You pose the threat of making up excuses or lying on behalf of Penellaphe. Just like you said she was asleep when I know for a fact that she was on the Rise,” I pointed out.

Tawny closed her mouth, then turned to Penellaphe. “I have a feeling I’m missing an important piece of information.”

“I didn’t get a chance to tell you,” Penellaphe began. “And it wasn’t that important.”

I snorted. “I’m sure it was one of the most important things to have happened to you in a long time.”

Penellaphe’s eyes narrowed. “You have an overinflated sense of involvement in my life if you really think that.”

“I think I have a good grasp on just how much of a role I play in your life.”

“Doubtful,” she shot back.

My lips twitched as I met her glare. “I do wonder if you actually believe half the lies you tell.”

“I am not lying,” she said as Tawny’s attention jerked back and forth between us. “Thank you very much.”

I lost the fight then and smiled. “Whatever you need to tell yourself, Princess.”

“Don’t call me that!” She stomped her foot.

My brow rose. That was…adorable. Her foot stomping. Especially because I suspected she’d prefer my face under that foot. “Did that make you feel good?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed. “Because the only other option is to kick you.”

I’d been right. I chuckled, thoroughly enjoying this side of her. “So violent.”

Her hands fisted. “You shouldn’t be in here.”

“I’m your personal guard,” I replied. “I can be wherever I feel I am needed to keep you safe.”

“And what do you think you need to protect me from in here?” She made a show of looking around. “An unruly bedpost I might stub my toe on? Oh, wait, are you worried I might faint? I know how good you are at handling such emergencies.”

“You do look a little pale,” I said. “My ability to catch frail, delicate females may come in handy.”

Penellaphe sucked in a sharp breath.

“But as far as I can determine, other than a random abduction attempt, you, Princess, are the greatest threat to yourself.”

“Well…” Tawny drew out the word. “He kind of has a point there.”

“You’re absolutely no help,” she snapped.

“Penellaphe and I do need to speak,” I said. “I can assure you that she is safe with me, and I’m sure that whatever I’m about to discuss with her, she’ll tell you all about it later.”

Tawny crossed her arms. “Yes, she will, but that’s not nearly as entertaining as witnessing it.”

Penellaphe sighed. “It’s okay, Tawny. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Seriously?” Tawny cried.

“Seriously,” she confirmed. “I have a feeling that if you don’t leave, he’s just going to stand there and drain precious air from my room—”

“While looking exceptionally handsome,” I added, just to get a rise out of her. It worked. Her brows slammed down. “You forgot to add that.”

Tawny giggled.

“And I would like to get some rest before the sun rises,” Penellaphe said.

Tawny exhaled loudly. “Fine.” She glanced at me. “Princess.”

“Oh, my gods,” Penellaphe muttered.

I watched Tawny leave. “I like her.”

“Good to know,” she said. “What is it you wish to talk about that couldn’t wait until the morning?”

Turning back to her, I allowed myself to look at her—to really see her. The remaining braid had unraveled. She had…a lot of hair. I hadn’t really noticed that at the Red Pearl, and any other time I’d seen her, it had been bound. “You have beautiful hair.”

She blinked, seeming caught off guard. Fuck, I caught myself off guard. She recovered quickly, though. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Not exactly.” I lowered my gaze then, my attention not straying very far from her face until then.

I shouldn’t have allowed myself to do so because courtesy of the flickering light from the fireplace and the lamps, I saw a lot.

She wore a thin, white sleeping gown that left only the most hidden parts of her to my imagination. And the gods knew I had a vast imagination. But what I saw…

Was perfection.

From the slope of her shoulders to the very tips of her toes curled against stone was utter perfection, especially everything in between. The gown was loose, but the ample curves of her body were visible beneath it. The swells of her full breasts. The slight inward curve of her waist, the flare of her hips, and those lush thighs.

Godsdamn.

I dragged my gaze back to hers. A pretty flush had appeared on her cheeks as she started for the robe lying at the foot of the bed.

One side of my lips curved up.

She stopped, lifting her gaze to mine. That chin rose a notch as I waited for her to cover herself, half of me hoping she would.

The other half silently begging her not to.

She didn’t. She held herself still in an odd, intriguing mix of shyness and boldness that was…just devastating. I needed to leave this chamber and clear my head. Center myself.

I didn’t.

“Was that all you were wearing under the cloak?” I asked.

“That’s none of your concern,” she responded.

She had been. For fuck’s sake, she’d been fighting me practically nude beneath the cloak. That realization got my blood pumping even hotter, which was the last thing I needed. “Feels like it should be,” I said.

Her chest rose sharply. “That sounds like your problem, not mine.”

A laugh crawled up my throat as I stared at her, completely bemused. And aroused. Wholly intrigued. And, gods, I couldn’t remember the last thing that truly intrigued me. Honestly, I shouldn’t enjoy this side of her. A submissive, frightened Maiden would be easier to deal with.

Nothing about her would be easy.

“You’re…you’re nothing like I expected.”

She stared at me for a long moment. “Was it my skill with an arrow or the blade? Or was it the fact that I took you to the ground?”

“Barely took me to the ground,” I corrected. “All of those things. But you forgot to add in the Red Pearl. I never expected to find the Maiden there.”

She snorted. “I imagine not.” Holding my stare for a moment more, she turned. The way she walked was completely different than I had seen from her before. Her steps were graceful and measured as the bare length of her leg peeked through the slit in her gown. Was it because she wasn’t weighed down, literally or figuratively, by the chains of her veil?

“That was the first time I was in the Red Pearl.” She sat, hands falling to her lap. I’d seen her sit like that as the Maiden, but it was different now. “And the reason I was on the second floor was because Vikter came in.” Her nose wrinkled. “He would’ve recognized me, mask or not. I went upstairs because a woman told me the room was empty. I’m not telling you this because I feel like I need to explain myself, I’m just…telling the truth. I didn’t know you were in the room.”

“But you knew who I was,” I said.

“Of course.” Her attention turned to the fire. Flames rippled over the thick log. “Your arrival had already stirred up quite a bit of…talk.”

“Flattered,” I murmured.

Her lips curved up slightly. “Why I decided to stay in the room isn’t up for discussion.”

Discussion of that wasn’t exactly necessary. “I know why you stayed in the room.”

“You do?”

“It makes sense now.” And it had made sense then. She was there because she wanted to live.

“What are you going to do about me being on the Rise?” she asked, her fingers twisting in her lap.

Did she think I would tell on her? I went over to where she sat and gestured at the empty seat. “May I?”

She nodded.

I sat across from her, elbows resting on my knees as I watched the shadows from the fire dance over her features. “It was Vikter who trained you, wasn’t it?”

There was no answer, but her pulse jumped.

“It had to be him,” I surmised. “You two are close, and he’s been with you since you arrived in Masadonia.”

“You’ve been asking questions.”

“I’d be stupid not to learn everything I could about the person I’m duty-bound to die to protect.” Or steal away.

“I’m not going to answer your question.”

“Because you’re afraid I’ll go to the Duke, even though I didn’t before?” I figured.

“You said out on the Rise that you should,” she reminded me. “That it would make your job easier. I’m not going to bring anyone else down with me.”

I tilted my head. “I said I should, not that I would.”

“There’s a difference?”

“You should know there is.” My gaze flickered over the elegant slopes of her cheekbones. The scars did nothing to detract from her appearance. Was her beauty why they kept her veiled? It made keeping her…virtue safe easier. I shoved those thoughts aside. “What would His Grace do if I had gone to him?”

Her fingers curled inward. “It doesn’t matter.”

Bullshit. “Then why did you say I had no idea what he’d do? You sounded as if you were going to say more but stopped yourself.”

Inhaling deeply, she looked at the fire. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

I didn’t believe that for a second. I thought back to when she had gone to see the Duke. Her absence. “Both you and Tawny reacted strangely to his summons.”

“We weren’t expecting to hear from him,” she explained.

“Why were you in your room for almost two days after being summoned by him?” I watched her closely, not missing how her fingers pressed hard into her palms, and thought of the nightmare she’d had last night. What I’d smelled on her. Pine and sage. Arnica. The plant was used for many things, including healing wounds and bruises.

Sitting back, I folded my hands around the arms of the chair as an icy anger built inside me. “What did he do to you?”

“Why do you even care?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked. She knew nothing of my plans, and they didn’t include her being harmed—well, harmed more than she had been already.

Slowly, she tilted her face back to me. “You don’t know me—”

“I bet I know you better than most.”

Her cheeks were pink again. “That doesn’t mean you know me, Hawke. Not enough to care.”

“I know you’re not like the other members of the Court,” I reasoned.

“I’m not a member of the Court,” she stated.

My brows flew up. “You’re the Maiden. You’re viewed as a child of the gods by the commoners. They see you as higher than an Ascended, but I know you’re compassionate. That night at the Red Pearl, when we talked about death, you genuinely felt sympathy for any losses I’d experienced. It wasn’t a forced nicety.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m a good judge of people’s words,” I said. “You wouldn’t speak out of fear of being discovered until I referred to Tawny as your maid. You defended her at the risk of exposing yourself.” I paused, thinking of what I’d seen during the City Council. “And I saw you.”

“Saw what?”

I tipped forward again, lowering my voice. “I saw you during the City Council. You didn’t agree with the Duke and Duchess. I couldn’t see your face, but I could tell you were uncomfortable. You felt bad for that family.”

She’d gone still. “So did Tawny.”

I almost laughed. “No offense to your friend, but she looked half-asleep throughout most of that. I doubt she even knew what was going on.”

Her fingers stilled a bit in her lap.

“And you know how to fight—and fight well,” I continued. “Not only that, you’re obviously brave. There are many men—trained men—who wouldn’t go out on the Rise during a Craven attack if they didn’t have to.” I watched her closely as I said, “The Ascended could’ve gone out there, and they’d have a higher chance of surviving, yet they didn’t. You did.”

She shook her head. “Those things are just traits. They don’t mean you know me well enough to care about what does and doesn’t happen to me.”

It didn’t pass me by that she had no response to what I said about the Ascended, which was intriguing. “Would you care what happens to me?”

“Well, yes.” Her brows knitted in a frown. “I would—”

“But you don’t know me.”

Her lips pursed.

I sat back, exhaling heavily. Respect for her took root. “You’re a decent person, Princess. That’s why you care.”

“And you’re not a decent person?”

I huffed. “I’m many things. Decent is rarely one of them.”

Her nose scrunched as she appeared to mull that over.

It was time for me to get back to what she wouldn’t speak of. “You’re not going to tell me what the Duke did, are you?” I stretched a bit. “You know, I’ll find out one way or another.”

A faint smile appeared. “If you think so.”

“I know so,” I said, and that prickle at the nape of my neck came again. My grip on the chair relaxed as we sat in silence for a few seconds. The strangest, most inexplicable feeling came over me. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

Our gazes locked, and I felt it again. That prickle at my neck. A hitch in my chest. The sensation that I… “How it feels like I’ve known you longer. You feel that, too.” The moment the words left my mouth, I thought I should perhaps punch myself in the dick. They sounded foolish. They were foolish. Didn’t change what I felt, though.

Her lips parted, and I thought she might respond. Or, at the very least, laugh at me. She did neither, apparently having more sense than I did and keeping her innermost thoughts quiet. She looked away, her gaze dropping to her hands.

I decided to change the subject. “Why were you on the Rise?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Your motivation wasn’t. At least tell me that,” I persisted. “Tell me what drove you to go up there to fight them.”

She was quiet as she relaxed her fingers, sliding two of them under her right sleeve. “The scar on my face. Do you know how I got it?”

“Your family was attacked by some Craven when you were a child,” I said. “Vikter…”

“He filled you in?” A tired smile appeared as her hand slid out from under the sleeve. “It’s not the only scar. When I was six, my parents decided to leave the capital for Niel Valley. They wanted a much quieter life, or so I’m told. I don’t remember much from the trip other than my mother and father being incredibly tense throughout the whole thing. Ian and I were young and didn’t know a lot about the Craven, so we weren’t afraid of being out there or stopping at one of the smaller villages—a place I was told later hadn’t seen a Craven attack in decades.”

I stayed quiet as she spoke, my focus solely on her. I didn’t even blink.

“There was just a short wall, like most of the smaller towns, and we were staying at the inn only for one night. The place smelled like cinnamon and cloves. I remember that.” Her eyes closed. “They came at night, in the mist. There was no time once they appeared. My father…he went out onto the street to try and fend them off while my mother hid us, but they came through the door and the windows before she could even step outside.”

My grip on the arms of the chair tightened as she swallowed. Good gods, she must have been so terrified.

“A woman—someone who was staying at the inn—was able to grab Ian and pull him into this hidden room, but I hadn’t wanted to leave my mom and it just…” Her brows knitted together as her face paled. “I woke up days later, back in the capital. Queen Ileana was by my side. She told me what had happened. That our parents were gone.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, and I meant it. “I truly am. It’s a miracle you survived.”

“The gods protected me. That’s what the Queen told me,” she said. “That I was Chosen. I came to learn later that it was one of the reasons the Queen had begged my mother and father not to leave the safety of the capital. That…that if the Dark One became aware of the Maiden being unprotected, he’d send the Craven after me.”

My jaw ached from how tightly I clenched it. I had absolutely nothing to do with what had happened to her family. I hadn’t even known about her at that point.

“He wanted me dead then, but apparently, he wants me alive now.” She laughed, and it sounded pained as she looked at me.

I forced my tone level. “What happened to your family is not your fault, and there could be any number of reasons for why they attacked that village.” I lifted a hand from the chair, dragging it through my hair. “What else do you remember?”

“No one…no one in that inn knew how to fight. Not my parents, none of the women, or even the men. They all relied on the handful of guards.” She rubbed her hands together. “If my parents knew how to defend themselves, they could’ve survived. It might’ve been just a small chance, but one nonetheless.”

Then I got it. Right then. Why she’d learned how to fight. “And you want that chance.”

She nodded. “I won’t…I refuse to be helpless.”

I knew that promise all too well. “No one should be.”

A soft breath left her as her fingers stilled. “You saw what happened tonight. They reached the top of the Rise. If one makes it over, more will follow. No Rise is impenetrable, and even if it were, mortals come back from outside the Rise cursed. It happens more than people realize. At any moment, that curse could spread in this city. If I’m going down—”

“You’ll go down fighting.”

She nodded again.

I was quiet for a moment, processing all of that. “Like I said, you’re very brave.”

“I don’t think it’s bravery.” Her gaze returned to her hands. “I think it’s…fear.”

“Fear and bravery are often one and the same.” I told her what my father had once told Malik and me, when we were first learning how to wield a sword. “It either makes you a warrior or a coward. The only difference is the person it resides inside.”

Her gaze lifted to mine. “You sound so many years older than what you appear.”

“Only half of the time,” I replied with a small grin. “You saved lives tonight, Princess.”

“But many died.”

“Too many,” I agreed. “The Craven are a never-ending plague.”

Her head fell back against the chair as she wiggled her tiny toes at the fire. “As long as an Atlantian lives, there will be Craven.”

“That is what they say.” I turned to the dying fire, reminding myself she didn’t know any better. Most mortals didn’t. They… Something else occurred to me. Things began to click into place. The admiration people held for her went beyond being told she was Chosen by the gods. What Jole Crain had said. Those white handkerchiefs and the people who helped bring peace to those afflicted. “You said that more come back from outside the Rise cursed than people realize. How do you know that?”

Silence

“I’ve heard rumors,” I lied. My gaze slid to her. “It’s not spoken about a lot, and when it is, it’s only whispered.”

“You’re going to need to be more detailed.”

“I’ve heard that the child of the gods has helped those who are cursed,” I told her, thinking of Jole. “That she has aided them, given them death with dignity.”

She wet her lips. “Who has said such things?” she asked.

“A few of the guards,” I said, which wasn’t true. One guard had said it—one dying guard. “I didn’t believe them at first, to be honest.”

“Well, you should’ve stuck with your initial reaction,” she said. “They’re mistaken if they think I would commit outright treason against the Crown.”

I knew she wasn’t being truthful. “Didn’t I just tell you that I was a good judge of character?”

“So?”

“So, I know you’re lying and I understand why you would. Those men speak of you with such awe that before I even met you, I half-expected you to be a child of the gods,” I told her. “They would never report you.”

“That may be the case, but you heard them talking about it. Others could hear them, as well.”

“Perhaps I should be clearer in what I said about hearing rumors. They were actually speaking to me,” I clarified. “Since I, too, have helped those who are cursed die with dignity. I did so in the capital and do so here, as well.” Which was true. Jole wasn’t the first, nor would he be the last.

Her lips parted as she stared at me. Clearly, she hadn’t expected me to say that.

“Those who come back cursed have already given all for the kingdom,” I told her. “Being treated as anything other than the heroes they are, and being dragged in front of the public to be murdered is the last thing they or their families should have to go through.”

She continued staring, but a faint sheen appeared in those jewel-green eyes. A moment passed. Then another as we stared at each other. I didn’t know what she was thinking. Damn, I didn’t know what I was thinking. She’d shocked the fuck out of me tonight. Multiple times. It was a lot to process. And I was sure she didn’t know what to think of me, either. It was clear that she didn’t entirely trust me, not with her secrets, at least, and I needed her trust.

I wanted it.

But I wouldn’t get that tonight.

I leaned forward in the chair. “I’ve kept you up long enough.”

She raised an eyebrow. “That is all you have to say about me being on the Rise?”

“I ask only one thing of you.” I rose. “The next time you go out, wear better shoes and thicker clothing. Those slippers are likely to be the death of you.” I glanced at the too-thin gown and almost groaned. “And that dress…the death of me.”