A Love In Dark Times

-0ld man, you're still giving me the runaround, you've already got my head round with so much procrastination. -Dear Mike, all of a sudden you haven't paid attention, I've already told you and you don't want to see the truth. “No, Don Richard, the truth is that I have to wash my muddy honor with gunpowder. “Honor? but you're not a samurai. -1 wish I were. And that everyone in this country were, so there wouldn't be so many rogues and corrupt people who live only for money, without caring that to get it they have to sell their mother. “that's very profound coming from you. “What do you mean, old man? It's just what I've heard out there. “What is it? Tell me, old man, we've had enough drinks of trust. 1 heard a whisper from the wind, that you were the one who betrayed her first with her best friend and that it is possible that this son is not yours, but of a certain Juan. “that you see if you could talk, what happens is that the truth is distorted as it passes from mouth to mouth and even sometimes things happen in a different way than we remember them, maybe the truth is molded like clay or stretched li chewing gum, maybe the corrupt do have an honor because their truth and values are very altered, everything is so different from what I remember than what they say, what happens is that first I met the friend and as a gallant, I kissed h to the soul, then everything changed when I met her, her friend introduced her to me, one afternoon I was leaving work ft lunch and 1 found her alone on the street, I took away my hunger or was replaced by another, I convinced her to go to a park where I had to arm myself with a lot of courage to kiss that beautiful mouth and ... Ah, I dont want to talk about tha they are memories that fill me with nostalgia, evoking the past is a dangerous thing. Not when they are good memories. -But yes, when they are mistakes or when you think about what could have been and never will be. -In your case it's what you idealized it to be and maybe it wasn't convenient for you. -yes, don Richard, sometimes you think you are on the way to triumph and you are blinded to the slaughterhouse, we idealize failures, we smell dung, we keep garbage, we are unhappy with what we have, we treasure what is not ours, we believe we are perfect and worthy but at the same time we are unhappy and martyrs. Now you are a martyr because your ex-girlfriend is with a mafioso, who will surely give her a life of luxury until the police or his competitors neutralize him. -1 wish that would happen quickly, so I could have her back. “Would you settle for being the second table, the consolation prize, and what about your pride? -and why do I want pride if I have no joy, I would be willing for everyone to whisper about me, for me to be the village idi or to go far away where no one knows what happened, I would forget that maybe she slept with others while I have not been able to be with someone this time because her memory prevents me from doing so, I would be a family with my sor even if he is nothing alike, it would be like starting a new chapter in my life forgetting the past ones, like starting a notebook in the middle of a course, nothing would matter as long as I have his warmth every night of the rest of my life. “Then we have to do something, I know a guy who works with that mafioso, I can find out things from him to make a smar plan, not that you go screaming at the doors of these criminals to be silenced at the point of lead, there must be a better solution. -1 don't know, at this point, I don’t know anything, maybe I could kidnap her to imprison her in a basement forever or kill as many lovers as she can get until she realizes that she can only be with me, what other possibilities are left? “You could win her back with a lot of details or? -Or what? Come on, Don Richard, tell me straight. As I see it, it would be better if you let the water run down the stream, you can't try to hold it back with your hands, my, grandmother used to say to me. “If she wants to leave, let her leave, let her come back alone because she left alone and she doesn’t come back it's because she wasn’t worth it", just go on with your life, get other things to exercise your mind, maybe she burns the stage with that narco or maybe she is moved by jealousy when she sees you with someone and you are no longer dying for her or maybe you will come back in a few years and the second part won't be pleasant at all. Yes, I have thought about that, but I can't reason with the pain I feel inside my chest, that sometimes goes up to my thro or down to my entrails, how can I continue my life, if I can't conceive it next to her, I want to be a good father like mine w I want to be a good husband also like my progenitor. -Maybe that's it, you are idealizing your relationship with this little girl because it is possible that you impregnated her a; you want to be as good as your late father, although this girl is not even an inch to compare with your sacred mother. “1 have also reflected on that in my long sleepless nights, only I can't find arguments to reduce my anguish, just looking f her to at least look at her from afar calms me down, that's why I even discovered that I was expecting a child. 50, before you found out about her pregnancy, you already felt that anxiety. -yes, even before I lost her I knew I would lose her, I tried to hold on to her, even making her feel sorry for me and other ineffective tricks, maybe one of those was to impregnate her so she would have to tie herself to me, I tried that, although didn't work as I wanted, the truth is that all my fears and misfortunes were added the day I lost her. -Come on Mike, you are still alive and “as long as there is life, there is hope”. -0f what, of going back to her, or maybe finding someone else, of my son growing up calling another daddy, of the kisses and caresses that should be for me being given to a stranger, what would I have left to do, would I go and rip that guy's skin off and put it on to take his place? I don't care as long as I am happy, I hope she is happy, but only with me, I hope sl comes one night to look for me, to ask me for forgiveness, to beg me to forgive her and for us to be a family, I hope this miracle happens to me, it's the only thing I pray for, I love her with the purest love although she doesn't seem to care. “Well, Mike, let's go look for him, let's destroy that delinquent's fortress, let's serenade her with mariachis and him with rifles, let's even finish with the sow’s nest. -1t could be a good option or maybe the drink already speaks for us, better Don Richard continue telling his story, tell me what happened with Luis, I identify myself with him, while Lucho was training to fight for Lucha’s love, she was with another one in other fights. “You are right, but first please answer me the question, is it true that you betrayed her with her best friend? Yes, and no, it's complicated, I'm not drunk enough to tell you those intimacies yet.