A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire (Blood and Ash Book 2)

We rode east, toward Atlantia, under a sky that was a canvas of blues.

The men who’d traveled with Alastir were with us, even though the wolven hadn’t made the trip back to Spessa’s End. They were missing a few, more than just the wolven Dante, but our group had tripled, if not more, in size. We’d gained Jasper and several other wolven, who were returning to Atlantia. Vonetta had remained back in Spessa’s End, but she had promised that she would see me soon as she planned to return for her mother’s birthday and the upcoming birth of her little brother or sister.

The barren, flatlands on either side of the heavily wooded area gave way to fields of tall reeds with tiny, white flowers. Beckett ran beside us in his wolven form, seeming to pull from an endless reserve of energy I found enviable. He would race ahead, disappearing among the wispy plants, only to pop up a few seconds later beside us once more. He never strayed too far from our side—or rather from Casteel’s side. I figured Beckett’s closeness had to do with his Prince’s presence, and I was glad I picked up no fear from him—from any of those who traveled with us.

But the group was quiet, even Casteel, and there were so many reasons for the silence. There wasn’t a single person here who hadn’t lost someone in the battle or at New Haven.

 I couldn’t think of Elijah, of Magda and her unborn child, of any of them. I couldn’t think of who would now add the names to the walls underground.

But I knew Casteel did. I knew that was why he’d fallen silent several times the night before, and I figured it had very little to do with what we’d talked about. He missed Elijah. Mourned him and all the others, and I knew he believed he’d failed them.

My thoughts were heavy, and it wore me down. The lack of sleep didn’t help. Nightmares of the night of the Craven attack found me once more, and even though Casteel had been there when I woke, gasping for air with a scream burning through my throat, the horrors of the night found me again as soon as I fell back asleep.

I wasn’t looking forward to tonight.

The sun was high above us when I realized the horizon I’d been staring at wasn’t where the clouds met the land. I sat straighter, gripping the saddle as patches of dark green started to appear in the gray ahead. This mist. It was the mist obscuring the mountains, so thick that for however many miles we’d traveled, I’d believed it to be the sky.

“You see it now?” Casteel asked. “The Skotos?”

Heart stammering, I nodded. “The mist is so thick. If it’s like this during the day, how much worse is it at night?”

“It’ll thin out a bit once we get into the foothills.” Casteel’s arm remained secure around me as I stretched forward. “But at night—well, the mist is all around you.”

I shivered as more of the mountains began to peek through the mist. A rocky cropping here, a cluster of trees there. “How did the armies get through the mist then?” I looked at Kieran. “How did you get here so quickly.”

“The gods allowed it,” he replied, and my brows rose. “The mist did not come for us. It thinned out at night, enough for us to continue forward.”

I sat back against Casteel, hoping the gods would allow us the same.

Casteel burst the bubble of hope the next second. “The mist is never as bad leaving Atlantia as it is entering.”

“Great,” I murmured.

“We’re lucky that the Skotos Mountains are nowhere near as large as the range beyond,” Naill said from where he rode on Jasper’s other side.

 “There are larger ones?” The Skotos Mountains were the largest in Solis, that I knew of anyway.

The Atlantian nodded. “It takes less than a day to cross where we’re passing through. However, some peaks would take days.” He shifted on his saddle. “But there are mountains in Atlantia that stretch so high into the sky, you see nothing else. Peaks so high that it would take weeks just to reach the top. And once there, even an Atlantian would find it difficult to breathe.”

Tendrils of mist began to creep between the bushy reeds, forming little clouds above them.

Beckett dashed ahead, and within a heartbeat, was swallowed up by the mist. I sucked in a sharp breath, straining forward as I reached for my dagger—

“He’s okay.” Casteel’s hand closed over mine. He squeezed gently. “See? There he is.”

My heart didn’t slow as the dark, furry head appeared above the mist, tongue lolling as he panted with excitement. “Are you sure there’re no Craven here?”

Riding slightly ahead, Emil said, “There hasn’t been a Craven this far east since the war.”

I still remained alert as we neared a blanket of mist where only shadows of shapes existed behind it. Muscles tensed as every instinct in me wanted to grab the reins and pull Setti to a stop. We couldn’t possibly pass through this. Who knew what waited on the other side? And what if they were wrong about the Craven? Goosebumps broke out across my skin as Jasper and Emil disappeared through the wall of mist. A shout built in my throat, lodging there when Delano vanished into the thick, grayish-white haze. I started to press back against Casteel—

He slowed Setti. “The first time I saw the wall of mist from the other side, I refused to pass through. It wasn’t because of the Craven. I hadn’t learned yet that they travel in the mist. It was that I feared we’d reached the very end of the kingdom, and that there was nothing beyond it,” Casteel told me, his arm a band of steel around me. “I know that sounds silly, but I was young, less than a year from the Culling, and Kieran also feared passing through it.”

I looked to our right, where Kieran kept pace with us. After everything I’d learned, I still found it hard to picture either of them afraid of anything.

“It was Malik who went through first,” Casteel continued, dragging his hand around my waist in a slow, comforting circle. I looked down, my gaze snagging on the golden band he wore. “For a moment, I thought that was the last I saw of my brother, but then he came back. Told us there was nothing but weeds and sky on the other side.”

“That wasn’t what he told us at first,” Kieran chimed in. “Malik claimed there were giants with three heads on the other side.”

“He said what?”

Casteel laughed. “Yeah, he did. We believed him until he started laughing. Bastard doubled over with it.” There was a fondness in his tone, and it was so rare to hear him speak of his brother without sadness and anger. “It will only take a few seconds to pass through. I promise.”

As Naill entered the mist, I nodded jerkily. “If there are three-headed giants on the other side, I’m going to be very angry with both of you.”

“If there are three-headed giants awaiting us, your anger will be the least of my concerns,” Casteel replied, tone light with amusement. “Ready?”

Not really, but I said, “Yes.”

Fighting the urge to close my eyes, I jerked as thin vapors stretched out from the rapidly approaching mass, a cool caress against my cheeks. Setti made a soft whinny as the tendrils curled around his legs, and then the mist enveloped us. I could see nothing. Nothing but the thick, choking, milky-white air. Panic bubbled up in me—

Casteel shifted behind me, pressing his lips to the space behind my ear as he whispered, “Think of all the things I could do to you.” The hand at my hip glided over my thigh, and then up it, moving with predatory grace toward my very center. “That no one would ever be able to see. Not even you.”

My breath snagged for a wholly different reason as his fingers danced over me. I tensed as muscles low in my stomach clenched in response and my head snapped to the side. I opened my mouth, but whatever I was about to say was forgotten when Casteel caught my lower lip between his teeth.

He slowly let go of my lip, but his mouth was still there, warm and solid against mine. “I have so many ideas.”

My heart stuttered as a wave of shivers exploded over me. I could imagine what some of his ideas involved, and for a brief moment, I wasn’t thinking about anything. A breathy sound left me, lost to the mist—

“You can open your eyes now,” he murmured against my lips.

I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them until he spoke, but now I knew why he’d done and said what he did. He’d sought to distract me, and it had worked, bringing a quick end to the rising panic.

“Thank you,” I whispered, and his hand, which had made its way back to my hip, squeezed. I opened my eyes as he straightened behind me to see…

To see that the mist had thinned out to wispy coils around moss-shrouded rocks and the legs of the waiting horses. I blinked as I saw Beckett sitting before us, his tail swaying along the ground, stirring the mist as he craned his head back, looking up. I followed his gaze, lips parting on a sharp inhale as I saw what he looked upon.

Gold.

Glittering, luminous gold leaves soaked in the rays of sunlight that penetrated the mist.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Delano asked, looking up.

“Yes.” Awed, my gaze crept over the golden trees. “I’ve never seen anything like them.” Even when the leaves changed colors in Masadonia with the weather, the yellows were muted and muddied. These leaves were pure, spun gold. “What kind of trees are they?”

“Trees of Aios,” Casteel answered, referring to the Goddess of Love, Fertility, and Beauty. I couldn’t think of a better namesake. “They grew in the foothills and throughout the Skotos range after she went to sleep here, deep underground.”

I glanced back at Casteel. “She sleeps here?”

His eyes, which were only a shade darker than the leaves, met mine. “She does.”

“Some believe she is under the highest peak,” Jasper said, drawing my wide-eyed gaze to his. “Where the trees of Aios flourish so intensely, you can see them from the Chambers of Nyktos.”

“Chambers…of Nyktos?” I repeated.

“It’s a Temple just beyond the Pillars,” Emil explained. “Very beautiful. You must visit them.”

“Does he sleep there?” I asked.

He smiled as he shook his head. “No one knows where Nyktos rests.”

“Oh,” I whispered.

“We should go ahead and split into smaller groups,” Casteel cut in. “Kieran will ride with us. Beckett, you need to take human form and go with Delano and Naill.”

I watched the wolven bound through the mist, causing Naill’s horse to prance nervously. The Atlantian rolled his eyes as he looked at Casteel.

“He’s good practice for whenever you decide to settle down and have children,” Casteel said, and I could hear the smile in his words.

Naill looked like he might fall from his horse.

Having guided his horse to face us, Jasper smirked. “I fear after one night keeping an eye on Beckett, he will swear off children.”

“Gods,” Naill muttered as Beckett suddenly launched himself at a…gold leaf that had tumbled into his line of sight.

Quentyn shook his head as he watched his friend. “You should see him with the butterflies.”

“I really don’t want to.” Naill sighed.

“We’ll meet at the Gold Rock.” Casteel addressed the group. “Remember, no one goes anywhere unaccompanied. Stay together in groups no larger than three.” He turned to where Beckett was finally sitting. “Do not explore. Do not answer any calls.”

My stomach tumbled. Was Casteel referencing what the wolven believed they had heard from me?

 “I expect to see everyone at Gold Rock, all in one piece with their minds intact,” Casteel continued, and a shiver curled its way down my spine. “Be safe.”

There were several nods as the group began to break apart, Beckett leaving with Naill and Delano, who said, “I’ll make sure he shifts.”

Quentyn stayed with Jasper and Emil, but before they headed to our right, Jasper rode to our side, clasping Casteel’s hand. “Be safe, Cas. You’ve been gone far too long and are too close to home to not arrive.”

“You have nothing to fear.” Casteel’s voice softened.

Jasper nodded, and then his attention shifted to me. “Stay close to them, Penellaphe. The magic in these mountains has a way of getting under your skin. Trust them but be wary of trusting what your eyes and ears tell you.”

And with those parting words, he rode off, the now pale and quiet Quentyn in tow.

I looked over my shoulder at Casteel. “What in the hell is this mountain going to do?”

“Nothing,” he replied, urging Setti forward. “As long as we don’t allow it to.”

Quiet.

Casteel and Kieran didn’t speak. The thick moss along the path cushioned the horses’ steps. There were no sounds of birds or any animal life, nor the echo of any wind rustling the golden canopy of leaves above us. With every passing hour, the temperature seemed to drop another couple of degrees as we climbed the mountain. The heavy cloak I’d all but forgotten while in Spessa’s End was donned. Soon, a tingling numbness invaded my cheeks. It wasn’t long after that when Casteel tugged the hood of the cloak up over my head and pulled the halves of his around me, too. We continued on in eerie silence and the unnatural beauty of the mountain. Gold leaves above glimmered, and along the ground, flecks of gold spotted the moss and glistened from the bark, reminding me of the Blood Forest.

All too soon, the beams of sunlight filtering through the leaves faded, and the streaks of mist thickened, blanketing the moss as we continued climbing. The fog grew, swirling around our legs and then our waists. The last of the sun reached us, and we forged on. Several hours into the evening, we stopped when the mist stretched above us.

Casteel guided Setti to a halt as he glanced around. I had no idea what he was looking for as I could see nothing but streams of white mist. “This appears to be as good a place as any,” he said, his breath forming misty clouds as he turned to Kieran. “What do you think?”

The wolven was a faint shape behind the mist. “We’ve definitely reached the peak, so this should be fine.”

Should be? “How can you tell we’ve reached the peak?”

“If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be able to see more than a few inches in front of us,” Kieran answer as he dismounted, stirring the mist.

I frowned. They could see more than a few inches?

Casteel shifted the reins to my hands. “Hold onto these. I’m going to get down and walk you two over to the tree.”

Taking the reins, I wondered exactly what tree he was talking about. He swung off Setti’s back, and for a moment, the gloom spun around him, seeming to swallow him. My heart kicked against my ribs. His face cleared the mist as he walked to Setti’s front, curling his fingers around the horse’s halter. He walked us through the chilled, churning air and then stopped, taking the reins from me as he spoke to Setti, crooning softly to the horse. I picked up something about carrots and orchard grass before he came back to my side.

Casteel lifted his hands to my hips, and I gripped his forearms as I leaned back, pulling a leg over the saddle. He helped me down, taking my hand as he unloaded one of the larger bags and the rolled blankets.

“Will it be like this?” I asked as he guided me forward, hating that I had to go blindly. “All night?”

“It will, but you’ll get used to it.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“How about here?” Kieran’s voice came from somewhere. “The ground is pretty level.”

“Perfect.” Casteel seemed to know exactly where Kieran was because after a few moments, he appeared from within the mist.

Casteel let go of my hand, and I almost reached for it as I looked back, unable to see anything. “Do you think Setti will be okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Casteel told me as he knelt. A flame sparked to life as he lit an oil lamp, chasing a way a bit of the mist. “I’m going to give him some feed and then a blanket. He’ll probably be asleep before us.”

I had no idea how I would sleep tonight. The surroundings made the Blood Forest feel like a luxurious respite.

Another lantern came alive, held by Kieran. “I’m going to grab some branches.”

Casteel glanced up. “Don’t go too far.”

“Yes, sir,” Kieran answered with far too much enthusiasm.

I watched the yellow glow of his lantern until it disappeared. “Why aren’t there any animals in these mountains?”

“They sense the magic and stay away.” Casteel unrolled a thick canvas, one designed to keep the cold and damp from the ground from soaking through. As he spread out one of the blankets, the mist scattered a bit.

“Here.” He took my gloved hand when I didn’t move, drawing me down so I was seated in front of him. “I’m going to take care of Setti. I’ll be right back, okay?”

I nodded. When he rose, I noticed he left the only source of light behind. “You don’t need the lantern?”

“No.” He started to turn and then stopped. “Don’t let your curiosity get the best of you. Stay here. Please.”

“You do not need to worry about me wandering off.” I wasn’t going to move more than a foot, and I didn’t after he went back to feed Setti and make sure he was comfortable.

But I did lift a hand, waving it through the tendrils of fog gathering around me. The mist dispersed, only to seep back to dance and swirl around the finger I wore my ring on. It almost seemed alive, as if it were interacting with my movements and not simply impacted by them. My eyes squinted as a wisp of mist coiled down the left arm of my cloak. I jerked my arm back, and the mist recoiled and stayed there, a foot or so in front of me, waiting…

Biting my lip, I stretched forward, extending my fingers. The mist pulsed and then slowly expanded, forming a stream that grew what looked like ghostly fingers. The hand flattened against my left palm.

I gasped and drew back. The mist responded in kind, mimicking my movements.

“What are you doing over there?” Casteel’s voice broke through the silence, seeming to startle the mist more than me. It scattered.

And then it struck me. “This isn’t normal mist, is it? The mist is the magic.”

“Yes,” came his response. “And you’re definitely doing something, aren’t you?”

I shook my head in wonder. “No…” I dragged the word out as the magic twisted toward the sound of Casteel’s voice. I rose onto my knees and stretched out, skimming just the tips of my fingers through the vapors. It shimmied. My brows rose. “Kieran said the magic here is tied to the gods. How is that possible if they sleep?”

“The short, very condensed version of a very convoluted reason is that even though the gods sleep, there is a level of consciousness still present. You already know that.”

I did.

“They created the mist to protect the Pillars of Atlantia,” he explained, and the mist turned back to him, as if it were listening. “But it’s basically an extension of them, or at the very least, an extension of their will.”

Something about being surrounded by a part of the gods’ consciousness was incredibly bizarre. “What do the Pillars of Atlantia look like?”

“You’ll see them tomorrow.”

“But—”

“Some say patience is a virtue,” his voice echoed back to me.

“Some deserve a punch in the face,” I muttered, but I fell silent. As much as it perturbed me to admit, Casteel was right. I eventually grew used to the mist or, more appropriately, the magic. I wondered though…if it were an extension of the gods’ will, then why did Atlantians trigger it? Then again, it had allowed the armies to pass through.

However, they were leaving instead of entering.

Casteel returned, as did Kieran. A small fire was lit, beating back the thickest of the magic. I took care of my personal needs, not far from Casteel’s presence, which was not something I cared to ever repeat, and no amount of intimacy or openness would change that. Then we ate by the fire. It wasn’t until afterward, when Kieran stretched out on the canvas that Casteel had laid down earlier, that I took a closer look at the sleeping arrangements.

There were three blankets, side by side and overlapping. My eyes widened as I stared at the two spaces beside Kieran.

“Are we sleeping here?” I demanded. “The three of us?”

“I was wondering when she was going to notice that,” Kieran commented.

My gaze narrowed as the mist slipped over Kieran’s chest. “Is it really necessary that the three of us sleep…so close?”

“Is it necessary for you to make it sound like we’d be doing something other than sleeping?” Casteel queried, and when my gaze shot to him, he grinned. “I mean, all we’re doing is sleeping side by side.” He reclined back on one hand as the dimple appeared in his cheek. “Unless you have a different idea. If so, I’m very curious to learn more about it, wife.

I stared at him as the mist seemed to still around us.

“What? I’m just a very curious soul.”

“Did you forget that I’m armed?” I asked softly.

“Are you thinking about using it against me?” In the glow of the fire, both dimples appeared. “If so, this sleeping arrangement may get very uncomfortable for Kieran.”

I immediately thought of the Joining, and the humor dancing across Casteel’s face was evidence that he knew where my mind had gone.

“Or…interesting,” came the wolven’s response.

“I’m going to seriously hurt you both,” I growled as the mist drifted away.

“And I’m so very…intrigued now,” Casteel replied and then laughed as he patted the space beside him. “It’s going to get even colder during the night, more so than when we were in the Blood Forest. In about an hour or so, you’ll be grateful for the body heat.”

That was highly unlikely.

“Which, by the way, is the only thing either of us is offering tonight,” Casteel tacked on, the teasing gone from his gaze.

Kieran snorted and there was a taste of sugar on my tongue—amusement. “Yeah, I don’t feel like having my head ripped off tonight.”

“I doubt that will happen,” I muttered.

Casteel moved then, catching my hand. He pulled me down beside him, and I didn’t really fight him. The sleeping arrangements were awkward, but Casteel was my…he was my husband.

And it wasn’t like Kieran hadn’t already been in far more awkward situations with us.

Like when he’d seen me naked in the tub when we barely knew each other.

Or when he’d heard me screaming and walked in on Casteel and I, only to discover they were not shouts of fear or pain.

Or when Casteel had needed to feed.

I told myself to stop thinking about all of that as Casteel drew the blanket over us and then settled beside me. There was space between the three of us. Not much. Maybe an inch or so, and I so hoped I stayed still during the night.

And I really hoped that what Casteel had said about Kieran wasn’t true—that he kicked in the middle of the night.

I wanted to turn toward Casteel. I liked…using him as a pillow. Okay. I just liked being close to him, but he was lying on his back, actually behaving himself, and so I stayed where I was, watching the mist as it moved in slow waves above us. After a couple of minutes, I tilted my head, and it seemed to do the same, tipping to the same side.

I glanced at Casteel. I thought his eyes were closed. When I looked at Kieran, it appeared to be the same with him. Could they really be asleep already? I drew a hand out from the blanket and lifted it a few inches. The mist dropped and stretched like before, forming wispy fingers.

“What are you doing?” Casteel asked.

The mist fell apart.

“You scared it,” I grumbled.

“Scared what?” he asked.

“The mist—or magic. Whatever.”

Casteel shifted onto his side. “You can’t scare it,” he said. “It’s just magic. It’s not like it’s alive.”

“Seems alive to me,” I replied.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Kieran said tiredly.

“It interacts with you,” I told them.

“It’s your imagination.” The wolven rolled, and I felt his knee brush my leg.

“It’s not my imagination.”

“The magic can play tricks on you,” Casteel said, taking my hand and drawing it back under the blanket. “Make you think you’re seeing things you aren’t.”

I frowned.

“You should sleep,” he said. “The morning will come too soon.”

Not soon enough for me.

In the quiet, my thoughts wandered. I thought of Renfern and how I wished I’d done something more, something different to change what’d happened to him and Elijah and all the others. I wondered if Phillips and Luddie, the guard and Huntsmen who’d traveled from Masadonia with us, had known the truth about the Ascended or if they had been a casualty of a quiet war. Just like Rylan and…and Vikter. My heart ached as I watched the mist slowly move above me. I missed Tawny, and I prayed that she hadn’t gone through the Ascension. Then my mind veered to how the wolven had surrounded us. Could that have been me? Had I projected something, and they simply answered?

I looked over at Kieran again. His eyes were closed. Did he really think it was me, calling to them?

I hated moments like this, when sleep evaded me and all that existed was things better not dwelled upon. I forced my thoughts away, and something occurred to me. “Are there any gods asleep under the Blood Forest?”

“What?” Casteel murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

I realized I’d woken him, though I didn’t feel even remotely bad about that. I repeated my question.

“That is possibly the most random thing that’s ever come out of your mouth,” Kieran grumbled. “And I’ve heard you say some pretty random stuff.”

“There are no gods under the Blood Forest—as far as I know,” Casteel answered, his eyes closed. “What made you think of that?”

“The trees here remind me of the Blood Forest. Though gold instead of red.”

“Hmm,” Casteel murmured. “Makes sense.”

“Maybe to you,” Kieran grumbled.

“Do you know where Penellaphe sleeps?” I asked about the goddess I’d been named after.

Kieran sighed. “Not here, I can tell you that.”

A small smile played across Casteel’s lips. “I believed she slumbers under the Great Atheneum in Carsodonia.”

“Really?” When Casteel nodded, I decided I didn’t like the idea of the goddess of Wisdom, Loyalty, and Duty sleeping there, at the heart of the Ascended. “What about Theon?”

“The god of Accord and War and his twin Lailah rest beneath the Pillars of Atlantia,” Casteel answered.

I opened my mouth—

“Please, don’t,” Kieran interrupted.

“Don’t what?”

“Ask where every single god or goddess sleeps, because that will lead to more questions. I just know it will,” he said, and I rolled my eyes. “You should be asleep like them, Your Highness.”

“Don’t call me that,” I snapped.

“Then go to sleep,” Kieran ordered.

“I can’t just fall asleep,” I muttered. “I’m not like you two.”

“I can always read to you,” Casteel offered. “I still have a certain diary with me. There is a chapter I’m sure you’ll be interested in. Miss Willa has the same sleeping arrangement—”

“No. Nope.” I screwed my eyes closed. “Not necessary.”

“Are you sure?” Casteel seemed to have wiggled closer. His entire leg pressed against mine.

“Yes.”

He laughed softly, but I didn’t dare say a word. I wouldn’t put it past him to retrieve that damn diary and somehow be able to read those words with his extra-special Atlantian eyes. So, I lay there. I didn’t know how much time passed before I fell asleep, but I knew I must’ve, because I suddenly became aware of how incredibly warm I felt. Every part of me had somehow escaped the cold of the mountain. Every part of me…

Slowly, I realized exactly why I was so toasty. I’d turned to Casteel in my sleep. He was on his back, and I’d all but climbed halfway on top of him. My head lay in the crook of his shoulder and chest. One of my legs was tossed over his, and the entire front of my body was fused to his side. One of his hands was curled around my shoulder.

But that wasn’t the only explanation for why I was so warm. Heat pressed against my back. A heavy arm lay over my waist and a leg was tucked between mine.

If I had turned to Casteel in my sleep, Kieran had also turned, as if Casteel were a magnet that drew both of us.

My heart thudded as I lay there, unsure what to do. Should I wake them? Shrug Kieran off? I had a feeling that would wake them, and the last thing I wanted was for Kieran to discover the…the three of us cuddled together.

Both of them were incredibly warm, and there wasn’t anything sinful about this. Well, the way I was half sprawled across Casteel didn’t feel exactly innocent, but Kieran had most likely done what anyone would. He’d sought warmth in his sleep, and I couldn’t exactly fault him for that.

What also didn’t feel entirely innocent was where my hand rested. It was shamefully low on Casteel’s stomach. I knew this because I could feel the imprint of the buttons against my palm. If I moved my fingers more than an inch lower, I doubted he would remain asleep. The knowledge of that filled my head with all kinds of things I really shouldn’t be thinking about at the moment, like what we’d done in the carriage…in the bedchamber, the cavern.

I mentally throat punched myself as I moved my hand away from that really fascinating part of Casteel, trying not to focus on the tautness of his lower stomach or the way his skin seemed to burn through his clothing—

Casteel’s arm curled, tightening around my shoulder, drawing me closer. My breath snagged as his movement triggered Kieran. He shifted behind me, and my pulse felt like a trapped bird. A sleek, muscled thigh slid between mine, pressing in. I had no idea if it was Casteel’s or Kieran’s.

A hundred different thoughts and emotions exploded through me, so many, so fast, I couldn’t make sense of them.

But neither of them woke, so I lay there, and my mind wandered again, not to places that would make this sleeping arrangement even more awkward or to sad ones.

I pretended.

Not like before with Casteel. I pretended that my brother was still a mortal, as was Tawny. That Casteel’s brother was free, and that the Ascended weren’t a reality. I pretended that tomorrow I would be arriving in a kingdom that welcomed me, to a King and Queen who would greet me with open arms. I pretended that Casteel and I were at the start of a life together, one that would be long and happy instead of one that felt like it could end at any minute. I pretended that we both aged, and that I was always reckless enough, brave enough to just let myself feel, to experience, to live without the past shadowing every choice I made, or the future looming over every decision.

That we always existed in the now and…lived.

Eventually, the warmth that both of them radiated, the steady, deep rise and fall of their chests, lulled me back to sleep. Sometime later, I drifted on the fringes of sleep once more, brought there by a whisper. A calling. A name.

“Poppy…”