A Game of Crowns

“A little bit of light dispels a lot of darkness.”

-Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi

Thomas’s warm brown eyes held a pain I knew all too well and I hated being the reason behind it. I knew the kiss was coming and I hadn’t stopped it. I should have stopped it.

I couldn’t deny that there was something there, but I did not want to lead him on when my heart was already tied to two other men.

“Thomas,” I tried again.

He swallowed roughly. “Pen, don’t. Please.”

The ache in my chest sent bolts of pain up and down my arms.

Before I could say anything, Thomas smashed his lips against mine again. His soft lips kissed me furiously, leaving a trail of heat from one corner of my mouth to the tip of my jaw.

“Thomas,” I whispered as I grabbed a hold of his face and softly pushed him back.

He pulled my hands from his face and cradled them in his own. He looked back at me, a determined gleam had entered his eyes.

“I’m leaving for Clearwater tomorrow morning and I don’t want to live another day without you. You are my best friend and I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Marry me, Pen.”

“You’re leaving?” I flinched.

I couldn’t imagine living a life without Thomas in it, but to marry him? I loved him, of course, I did, but I wasn’t in love with him. Maybe this was the path our life would have taken if the game had never claimed my life, but things were different now.

I couldn’t agree to marry him when two others held a piece of my heart. Only time would allow my heart to heal and maybe then I could seriously consider his offer.

“I’ve ignored my uncle’s requests for me to join him, but I can’t put him off any further. I’m needed in Clearwater and I’d like for you to come with me, Pen.”

“I...” I stumbled over the words I knew I had to say.

“Will you marry me, Pen?” he asked again.

The breeze caressed me, causing goosebumps to coat my skin and reminded me of where we were.

“I can’t, Thomas,” I muttered.

He let out a tortured sigh. “I had to ask, Pen.”

“I know, Tommy. I know. I wish things were different. My younger self would have married you in an instant.”

Thomas cracked a smile. “I remember you telling me you wished to be Mrs. Penelope White when we grew up.”

I smiled. “I remember.”

He pulled his hands away from my own. “I’ll be right back.”

He jogged over to where we left our things, pulled something from his bag, and returned quickly. He sat down facing me again.

“I know you said no, but I’d like you to take this anyway,” he said as he showed me a white gold ring with small sapphires embedded in it.

I gasped. “I can’t accept this, Thomas.”

“Think of it as a gift from your best friend,” he said, pulling my right hand towards him and placing in on one of my fingers.

I stared at the ring and wondered what it would have looked like on my left hand. I wondered what a life with Thomas would have looked like.

“Thank you,” I breathed. “I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want me to be, Thomas. I wish I could.”

He sighed and shook his head. “That’s too bad because I’m a catch. I’m pretty hot if I do say so myself,” he joked. “I mean, look at me,” he said, gesturing to himself, trying to lighten the moment between us.

I laughed. He was handsome, for sure, but that was not the problem. “Indeed, you are, Thomas,” I said punching his bare chest.

We spent the next several minutes watching the sun disappear in silence. What had I done to deserve a friend like Thomas? Even after the conversation we just had, our friendship could still pull through.

After the first couple of stars started to shine, Thomas stood up and offered me his hand. I took it and we walked back to my home hand in hand.

I pushed open my door to find my mother and father patiently waiting in our small living room with expectant looks on their faces.

Thomas groaned. I looked up at him and he mouthed a sorry before shaking his head at my parents.

I turned back to face them. My father’s mouth pulled into a thin line while his eyebrows turned downwards. My mother plastered a small smile on her face before pulling my father towards the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Pen. I asked your father for his blessing before I asked,” he whispered.

Oh.

“Don’t worry about it, Thomas. I can handle my parents.”

“I should get going, Pen. I’ll be leaving early in the morning.”

“So, this is goodbye?” I choked.

He nodded. “You’ll be fine, Pen. If you’re ever in Clearwater, come find me,” he said as his voice cracked.

He pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his chest. It was probably unfair of me to act as if nothing had changed between us, but I was selfish. I couldn’t handle anything changing between Thomas and me.

He untangled my arms from around his waist and smiled softly. The brown pools of his eyes held so much emotion I could’ve drowned in them.

He placed a light kiss on my forehead before turning to leave.

I didn’t think it was possible to feel anymore pain but every piece of my heart that Thomas had managed to put back together again fell into a dark abyss.

A thick curtain of darkness wrapped itself around my heart, allowing nothing to make its way through.

I held back the tears as I walked towards my room.

“Penelope,” called papa from the kitchen.

I paused mid-step. My head fell forward. This was not a conversation I was ready for. Father had basically ignored me for the last three weeks and now he wanted to talk.

I looked down at what I was wearing. A soft ivory towel was wrapped around me, hiding my body, but the H on my chest was fully visible. I had gotten used to the monstrosity, but my father hadn’t.

He hadn’t uttered a word to me and it had created a distance between us that pained me at first, but now I wanted that distance between us.

He called again, “Penelope.”

I sighed and turned towards the small acid green kitchen.

“Yes, papa,” I answered.

My mother was pacing back and forth between the pantry and the fridge, hair disheveled. Papa sat stiffly in a chair.

“Yes,” I answered smartly.

My mother’s eyes widened.

Papa’s eyes narrowed. “Why did you refuse his proposal?”

“I didn’t want to marry Thomas,” I stated simply. Papa didn’t need to know the complexity of my emotions.

“Don’t you love him?”

“I do.”

“Then what is the problem,” he asked annoyed.

“I am not in love with him,” I whispered.

“You had a proposal from a decent man and you turned him down for the lack of romantic love?” he asked astounded.

“Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Penelope, who will want you after hearing the events of what happened at the palace?” My mother grabbed his forearm, begging him to stop, but he continued. “Who will want you after they see that thing on your chest that you so proudly flaunt? You gave yourself away, Penelope. You have been marked as a tramp, a trollop, a floozy. Who will want you?” he asked again.

A sob broke free. I could no longer be strong in front of my father. His jaw twitched as my emotions smashed through my carefully maintained façade.

“A trollop?” I asked astounded. “The only thing I did was fall in love, papa,” I cried. “I did not have sex with Rowan. I did not lose my virginity.”

He cringed at my open use of words we’d both hoped to never have to speak of in a conversation together.

“Rowan was a complete gentleman with me, papa,” I said bending the truth a bit.

That night in his room may not have involved sex but it wasn’t completely innocent.

His eyes widened, and his eyebrows rose.

“You are my father and you owed it to me to believe in me and not automatically think the worst. Rowan didn’t dishonor me, papa...you did.” I flung the words at him and walked out, but not before seeing his face fall.

I hated hurting him, but I would not take his slander.

Immediately after, my mother came to my room and held me as I cried.

“So, you fell in love with the starry-eyed man?”

I jumped. Love? I thought back to my conversation with my father. I had said love. The realization that I was also in love with Rowan had snuck up on me. I held the moonstone pendant tightly.

Was it possible to truly love two people?

“Listen, sweetheart. Papa and I will be heading to Terra in the early morning to discuss new possible crops to be started here in Iron Forge with some of their local farmers. We will be gone for a month. Would you like to come with us?”

I vaguely remembered them discussing it at the dinner table.

I shook my head. “No, mama. I’ll stay here.”

I didn’t want to be in a confined space with papa.

She sighed. “I understand, my Penny.”

An hour later there was a knock at my door. “Penny.”

It was papa. I didn’t answer. I laid under the covers pretending to be asleep until I finally succumbed to the fog of slumber.

I woke the next morning and dressed quickly. I followed my parents to the door and watched as they departed. I promised my mother to look out after the farm and that I would be fine. Papa tried to catch my eye before they left but I refused to meet his gaze.

I shut the front door and was about to lay down on the nearest couch when someone knocked.

Had my parents forgotten something?

I opened the door and there stood Rowan in all his gorgeousness.

“Hi,” he grinned.

And just like that, a match was lit, shining a path through the darkness that led to my heart.