#8 The Archer and her Wolf

Xaiver

Things were going so well. For one single hour, they went beautifully. Thea was opening up to me, answering questions and asking questions in return. We were having a real conversation. Honestly, she even handled my personal questions well enough.

I had no idea what set her off. What part of my answer threw her into a spiral that led to a very silent, and very long, four hours. Even now, after we checked into the hotel, she was ignoring me. She silently entered her room and I haven’t heard from her since.

After about 45 minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I opened the conjoined door between our rooms and knocked on her side of the door. I heard movement from her room and then the sound of the lock sliding free. Thea opened the door, and was standing there with a hand on her hip and a frown on her lips.

She had already changed into her pajamas. A pair of short, navy blue cotton shorts and a matching tank top. I gulped and Cain howled.

“We have zero self-control.” I complained to Cain, ” Zero."

“Who cares.” He growled low and deep in my chest.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts.

“May I come in?” I asked.

Thea sighed and dropped her arm from the door, stepping to the side. I took that as an invitation and entered her room.

“What is it?” She asked in an irritated tone.

“I wanted to apologize for whatever I said that made you so upset.” I said, turning around to face her again.

I was trying to place the emotions on her face. Her expression was cold and stoic, but her eyes betrayed so much more.

“I think it would be better if you just went home, Xaiver. I’ll have Alpha Sal send me a car for the rest of the trip.” Her words cut deep.

“What? Why?” I asked frantically.

“This was a mistake.”

Four words, that’s all it took to kill me dead.

“Thea, please talk to me.” I begged, grabbing her hands and clinging to them for dear life. That’s when I realized she was trembling, shaking like a leaf from head to toe.

“I can’t. We can’t, Xaiver.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“No. Something’s wrong. If you want to leave me, fine, but you at least owe me an explanation.” I demanded, looking at her sternly.

Her eyes widened a little, not used to my Alpha aura. It wouldn’t command her, of course. As my mate and Luna, she was my equal, but it was still consuming and powerful. I pulled her towards the bed and we sat on the edge of it, her body tucked closely to my side.

“You have such a beautiful dream.” She said, looking down at her hands which she was twisting on her lap.

“What?” I asked delicately.

She looked up at me and I nearly died at what I saw. Tears were swimming so clearly in her hazel eyes, which were darker than I had ever seen them before. It was like a storm was brewing and nothing Thea tried to do could stop it.

“Thea?” I felt myself breaking, my voice cracked as I said her name. I reached out my hand and cupped her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned against my hand, “Just talk to me, my love, please.”

“Your dream, what you see for your future, it’s lovely. I want it for you. Oh, Xaiver, I want it for you so badly.” She cried, her lips pouting and her chin quivering slightly.

“We can have it, my love, we can have it all.” I tried to assure her, but that only seemed to make things worse.

She shook her head and bit down on her lip, violently trying to keep herself from crying.

“I can’t, don’t you see? I can’t have any of that.”

“Why not? Because you’re an Archer? That’s not your identity, Thea, it’s just one piece of who you are.” I ran my thumb across her cheek bone soothingly.

“I can’t have your dream.” She said again.

“Then we’ll make a new dream, our dream.” I declared.

“You said with certainty that you wanted children in your future. You said, ’lots of children, of course’.” She quoted me expertly.

“Is that what this is about? You don’t want children?” I asked, my face contorting in question, “I don’t need lots of pups, Thea. I have Logan, he’s enough. All I need is you.” I assured her but she just kept shaking her head.

“No, you’re just saying that now. You’re sacrificing your dream for me.” Her voice was so quiet it was hardly audible.

A silent tear escaped her eye and she frowned profusely, like she was angry with herself for crying. I wiped the tear away before it could make it past her cheek.

“Thea, it’s not a sacrifice. Not when I get you in the end.” I smiled softly.

I was gently trying to convince her of what I already knew inside my heart. Nothing was more important than her, than us and the little family we had already.

“Xaiver.” She cried my name and my resolve snapped. I pulled her close to my chest, tucking her head under my chin and stroking her back.

“My future, my dream, is you. You, me, and Logan. That’s all I need, that’s my future.” I said soothingly, “Is this all because you’re afraid to have pups?” I asked carefully. She sniffed and buried her face in my chest.

“I’m not afraid.” She replied.

“You just don’t want to carry any babies?” I asked again.

She pulled away and I whimpered as she retreated from me. She didn’t go far, mercifully, she only sat up just enough to see my face.

“I can’t.” She said, “I can’t have children. I can’t get pregnant.”

A look of utter defeat and disappointment clouded her face. She wiped her face, which was now wet with tears, and stood up from the bed. I frowned at my now cold and empty hands, shivering at the absence of her body, but I let her go. I watched as she paced the room, wringing her hands in front of her.

“You heard what my mother said. I committed to rejecting my mate at ten years old.” She smirked through the tears, “But, I was just ten then. What did I know? As I watched my friends meet their mates and I grew older, the thought began to seem nice. Even Effie, the leader of the Archer’s, was so for the matebond it was hard to wish it away,

“When I turned 18, I went through a transformation of my own. I didn’t get a wolf, obviously, but I had this sort of awakening. Like some small part of me had a wolf that called out to me. I started feeling things, things people who talked about the matebond felt. I suddenly felt unsure about my decision and curious about the idea of a mate,

“For the first time in my life, I started to feel things more strongly, like a normal person, I guess. I had emotions and dreams and thoughts that went beyond my duties.” She smiled as she spoke, her face lighter than I had ever seen it before.

Then, all at once, it became dark and frigid,

“All those things were only a distraction.” She snapped bitterly, “I went on a mission, just an ordinary solo mission. I was supposed to observe a small band of rogue wolves, no more than a dozen or so, in northern Michigan, and then send them all back to Base. But, I was distracted and weak. A few days in, the rogues found me and captured me. I was held in their camp for ten days before the Archers finally found me,”

I felt anger bubbling, rising in my chest and I had to clench my hands into fists at my side to keep from running to her. Her body was tense, rigid, and so full of hate and anger. Her eyes were on fire, her tears dried up and forgotten.

“I couldn’t answer your question before, I didn’t know how.” She said, suddenly looking right at me, “About having sex before. Because I haven’t had sex, no it wasn’t sex at all. But, I’m not a virgin, either.” She spat at me, venom in her voice,

I felt my face drain of color. My mouth was so dry I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t form words.

“For days, the rogues took turns. I had no wolf, I only healed slightly faster than that of a normal human. They never gave me enough time to heal. They didn’t feed me or give me water. I would have died, I was ready to die. Sometimes they would half shift and use their claws to penetrate me just to hear me scream, to see my blood,”

It was like Thea was no longer inside her body. Everything about her was on auto-pilot as she relieved her tale. I was practically shaking with rage, blind with it, but I showed no reaction and sat as calmly as I could on the bed. Thea didn’t need me wolfing out, she needed me to sit and listen.

“When the Archers finally found me, it was my own squad. I was near death. I don’t even remember the rescue. I don’t remember the last few days I was held captive. I thought I had died. I woke up in the realm’s hospital nearly a month later. They had put me into a coma to allow my body time to heal and rest. I had so many broken bones, lacerations, dehydration, malnourishment, and a concussion,

“Worst of all, were the injuries to my pelvis and womb. The claws had caused internal bleeding, bleeding that wouldn’t stop. They had to perform a hysterectomy to save my life. I can never have children. What wolf would want a mate who was defiled and now barren?”

She paused and finally looked at me, her face completely void of emotion. For the first time since we met, I saw the Archer everyone was afraid of staring back at me,

“I knew that only happened to me because I was compromised, I was distracted and weakened. It was on that day that I promised myself I would never take a mate. I pledged myself to the cause, to rid the world of rogues and save anyone else from such a fate. It was my destiny, my fate, my birthright. I had no other reason for existing, no other reason for surviving something that I shouldn’t have survived.”

She took a deep, shaky breath, like she was struggling for air. Her hands were visibly shaking at her side and she couldn’t seem to stand still as she wore a path in the carpet. The room was blanketed with silence, and I could smell the hate and resentment pouring off of her in waves. I stayed still, on the bed, for what seemed like an eternity after she finished speaking. I had to gather myself and keep my own emotions in check before I could reach out for her.

Slowly, I stood up and crossed the space between us. Thea froze in her pacing, turning her body to face me. She watched me tentatively, her face still cold and her body still guarded. Her eyes looked me up and down, like she was sizing me up and trying to judge my reaction.

I planted myself in front of her and carefully reached out my hand, brushing it against her arm. She jumped a foot in the air at the sudden contact, sparks igniting between us. Every instinct inside of me, Cain included, was telling me to comfort my mate; the matebond was in hyperdrive. The feelings between us were even more intense than usual. Thea shuttered as I continued to stroke her arm.

I shuffled forward, moving even closer to her. She remained frozen. I lifted my other hand and brushed hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear and grazing her cheek with my knuckles. I ran my hands down her arms and entwined her fingers with mine. With each feather-light touch, I felt the tension begin to leave her body.

I ducked so we were eyelevel and laid my forehead against hers, not saying a word. After a moment, her eyes fluttered shut and she released a breath of air she probably didn’t even know that she was holding.

In one swift moment, her entire body relaxed. As if she were in shock, she collapsed against me. I wrapped my arms around her and moved us both to the bed. I sat on the edge again and she curled up on my lap, tucking herself as close to me as she could get.

And that’s how we stayed all night long, until the sun began to peek through the hotel curtains the next morning.