#11 Meet Me in the Emerald Forest

Clementine

“Will he be able to understand that the man who I just arrested was my high school sweetheart? Will he be able to help with the fact that I aborted our fetus when I was 17, just weeks after my parents were killed? Will he be able to control himself when I tell him that the fetus was a result of rape?” I vomited the words all over the place, mercilessly shouting at Lily even though she was just trying to help.

Lily stared at me with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. Her hands fell numbly to her side. I glanced behind her to see the four giant guard wolves blushing and avoiding eye contact, looking like they wanted to be just about anywhere else right now.

“Clementine….” She began but no words followed.

“I can tell you’re holding back from going after him, so, tell me, how can I expect Lukas to contain his rage? How can I expect him not to try and kill Bennett when I tell him about the years of abuse and misery he put me through?” I continued my verbal assault.

“He’s your mate. He’ll do whatever is needed to be there for you, that’s his duty. I’m your subject, my duty is to destroy anyone who poses a threat.” Lily was speaking through clenched teeth and her eyes were the blackest I had ever seen them.

“I don’t need to be avenged.” I finally felt my anger subsiding.

“You never told anyone about this?” Lily asked gently, her face beginning to soften.

“My brother and my three best friends, Elle, Tara, and Beau, are the only four who know. Not even Bennett knew about the fetus.” I replied.

“And you didn’t report it?”

“No. I wanted to forget about it. Afterwards, I started my pursuit towards the FBI and left everything behind.” I said with a straight and emotionless face, “I know you’re judging me for that. Anyone would, Lukas will.”

Lily quickly shook her head, her eyes wide as she grabbed my hands and squeezed them.

“I am not judging you and neither will Lukas. Anyone who would dare is disgusting. I’m just….I’m marveling at your strength.” Her words rattled me a bit.

“My strength?” I laughed humorlessly, “I’m a coward.”

“No, you’re the strongest person, human or wolf, that I’ve ever met.” Lily’s face showed nothing but honesty, but I knew her words were false.

“I’m not.” I shook my head.

Suddenly, Lily’s arms were around me and she was hugging me so tightly I thought I would black out from the lack of oxygen.

“I love you so much.” She said,

“Lily?” I asked after a minute of enjoying the hug. She pulled back,

“Yes?”

“Don’t pity me, okay?” I begged and she nodded, smiling.

“Never.”

“I think I actually do want to go home now.” I confessed and Lily’s face broke out into an earth shattering grin, “What?” I asked dumbly.

“You just called the pack home.”

I shoved her to the side and she tripped over her feet, almost falling. We both started cracking up laughing and I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I needed that, I needed someone like Lily in my life so badly I didn’t even know it.

“Come on, let’s go home.” Lily said, tossing her arm over my shoulder as we walked towards the car.

“Lily?” I said her name once we were seated in the back of the SUV.

“Hm?”

“Don’t tell Lukas, okay?” She looked sideways at me and nodded.

“I won’t, but I think you should, when you’re ready.” She replied.

“I’m afraid of the way he’ll look at me. I’m afraid he won’t understand that I don’t need to be pitied or avenged. I’m afraid he’ll be too angry to see what I need.” I confessed. Lily grabbed my hand and held it on the seat between us.

“You won’t know until you jump.” She said and I felt something shake inside me.

One of the many walls I had put up over the years came crumbling down as I stared into the eyes of a woman who, in less than 48 hours, had become my sister. I turned away from her to look out the window, needing a few moments to myself. Seeming to understand that, Lily rested her head on the back of the seat and closed her eyes. The ride back to the pack was in silence.

When we pulled in front of the packhouse, Lukas was waiting on the front porch with his hands shoved deep into the pocket of his jeans and a hard expression on his handsome face. I sighed loudly and Lily squeezed my hand again before we hopped out of the car. Lily ran up to greet Lukas first, grabbing his biceps and talking quickly to him. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but, by the look on Lukas’ face, he didn’t like it and was hardly listening. I felt his eyes on me the entire time.

“Clem….” He called out as I walked past him and towards the door.

“I just need some time, Lukas.” I said without pausing and without looking at him.

I heard Lily call after him but she was obviously ignored as I felt myself being followed. I reached the second floor, but when I went to pull open my door, my hand was stopped by Lukas’.

“Just talk to me, Clem.” He said in a pained voice.

I turned around and nearly bumped into his chest because of how close he was standing. I backed up and pressed myself against the door to create some space between us. Lukas sighed and let go of my hand, backing away from me so I could breathe. His eyes were in so much pain but I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“No, I can’t.” I tried to sound stern yet kind.

“I’m your mate.” Lukas nearly growled at me and I felt myself getting mad again.

“No, you’re just a boy and I’m just a girl. Now, leave me the hell alone.” I said in the coolest, meanest voice I could muster.

I shoved both my hands hard against his chest and he stumbled backwards. I knew it was from the weight of my words rather than the strength of my push. I yanked open the bedroom door and slammed it shut without turning around. I made sure to lock it before throwing myself down on the bed and screaming into the pillow. I felt my walls begin to crumble when I was left alone and the tears flowed freely from my eyes.

Several times over the next few hours Lukas would knock on my door and beg me to let him in. Each time, I ignored him. Around dinner time, it was Lily’s voice who followed the soft knock and she promised she was alone. I trusted her, so I opened the door a crack and smiled when I saw she was telling the truth. She came in and pointed out that all of my bags were waiting in the hallway. I helped her carry them inside my room and pile them up in the walk in closet. She had brought another tray of food, but this time it was enough food for two, and we ate dinner together.

She stayed for a few hours so we could talk and I could cry, before she gave me a hug and left. She took the food trays with her and promised to drop them off in the kitchen instead of leaving in the hallway. Again, came Lukas’ knocks and, again, I ignored them.

It was well after midnight and I couldn’t sleep, so I pulled out my phone and started texting Caleb. To my surprise, he was wide awake and agreed to come over. A few minutes later, he was sitting inside my room and I was spilling my guts to him.

“I had no idea, Clem.” He said as he hugged me, patting my back. I was crying, he was crying, it was a mess.

“Now we’re even.” I laughed through the tears and so did he.

“No more lies, partner, it’s not healthy.” He teased and I stuck out my pinky,

“Pinky promise.” Caleb rolled his eyes at my childish act but snaked his pinky around mine anyway.

“How are things going with Mateo?” I asked, sniffing and dabbing at my eyes with a tissue. I had to change the subject before I cried myself a river.

“Actually, not nearly as freaky or weird as I expected. It’s just natural, you know?” He said with a huge grin. I nodded slowly,

“I do know, actually, and that’s the part that completely weirds me out.” I laughed nervously.

“I can see that.” Caleb nodded, “Mateo and I actually talked about you and Lukas a bit. He said it was different between you two since Lukas is the Alpha and all dominating and shit. I told him that you were also a dominant personality and weren’t likely to play by his rules. Mateo agreed and said that made things so much harder. Neither one of you is willing to submit, is how he put it.” Caleb said and I was proud at how well he was handling all of this.

“You just summed up our relationship perfectly.” I laughed sarcastically.

“You’re a hardass, Clem, no doubt about it. You know me, I’m tough at work and we butt heads over who’s the boss, but with Mateo, it’s like I’m willing to step down because it’s sort of like a relief.” Caleb tried to explain.

“Please, Caleb, I do not want to know about you being a submissive.” I closed my eyes and waved my hand around. Caleb shoved me and we both started laughing again.

“That is not what I meant and you know it.” He grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah. You get to take the pants off in your relationship. You know, no one is stopping you from doing that in our partnership either. I mean, the stepping down part, not the taking your pants off part.” I teased and Caleb just shook his head at me.

“I can’t let you get off that easily. But, maybe you can let Lukas have an easier time?” He suggested and I was back to glaring at him.

“He already has it so easy! He doesn’t have to change his entire lifestyle because he just found out a new world exists.” I whisper-shouted at him.

“Really? Easy? You?” Caleb was really pushing it.

I punched him in the stomach and he doubled over. Once he stopped laughing and regained his composure, his face turned serious again.

“I mean it, though, Clem. It’s a new world for him, too. Mateo was saying how this is all new for both of them too because they were never prepared for a human mate just like we were never prepared for werewolves. It’s just as different for them as it is for us, just as big of an adjustment.” Caleb said and I allowed his words to sink in.

“Why are you so much better at all of this than me? You just got here.” I complained.

“Maybe that’s why. I haven’t had time to overthink it.” He shrugged.

“Me, overthink things?” I pretended to be offended.

“Right, you never do that.” Caleb rolled his eyes, “And this whole thing with Bennett, I think you should talk with Lukas about it.” Caleb’s voice turned heavy as did the air in the room.

“I wasn’t even ready to talk to Lily about it.”

“But you did. And then you told me. That’s an amazing step, Clem.” Caleb celebrated.

“It’s different with him.” I whispered.

“Of course it is, but it’ll also be more rewarding. I think Lily is right, I think you’ll feel freer and more healed after speaking with Lukas about it. I think you’ve been holding onto it more than you’ll let yourself admit.” Caleb, as usual, spoke sweetly but honestly. He never pulled his punches.

“You’re probably right, I’m just not ready yet.” I sighed in defeat.

“That’s okay, then, whenever you’re ready.” Caleb shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and I needed that assurance, “But, you’re killing the dude by shutting him out.”

“He’s so overbearing.” I groaned.

“Yeah, Mateo, too. I actually kind of dig it.” Caleb confessed.

“Well, I don’t.” I pouted, “And he doesn’t listen.”

“Why do straight people have to make things so complicated?” Caleb scoffed and I shoved him again.

“You can’t say that shit when I thought you were straight 24 hours ago!” I called him out and we were laughing again.

“I’m glad you texted, we both needed this.” He said, wiping away the tears from his eyes when we both settled down.

Then, we were hugging again.

“I am, too. I’m kinda glad you got forced into this chaos with me so I’m not alone.” I confessed and Caleb gave me a squeeze.

“You’re never alone, you fool.” He teased but there was nothing but love in his voice, “I’ll check on you tomorrow and you text me if you need me again, okay?” He made me promise before he stood up and wished me goodnight.

After my talk with Caleb, I was able to get a few hours of much needed rest.