10,000 Hours With A Rich Menace (Caselli Family Book 1)

“Stevie!” I heard Estella burst through the door with so much energy.

So much for her being tired and wanting to take a nap before dinner. Skyler came in with her backpack on one arm and her work bag in the other hand. I stuck my paint brush into my messy bun and bent down to kiss my favorite girl on her cheek.

“How was school today, Beautiful?”

She shoved her hand into her pocket and pulled out a crumbled-up sticker she had stashed in there all day waiting to show me “I was a good girl,” she told me, and I pinched her cheeks.

“That’s because you’re the best girl ever… go and take your bag from Mama and wash your hands, okay?”

Estella snatched the bag from her mother and took off down the short hallway to her room. I stood up and looked at my cousin and I could tell she was worn out. She crossed the living room, tossing her work bag onto the couch before plopping down beside it.

“Mercedes called me and told me that you paid your portion of the rent, and even next month, too.”

Mercedes, our land lady, was a motor mouth, so I wasn’t surprised she called Skyler and told her.

I whipped my paint brush back out of my hair and went back to perfecting my canvas. “Uh huh… no need to worry about next month for me.”

“Guess I’m wondering how you paid this month and next month’s rent. Then the random call about the passport.”

Without even turning to look, I knew Skyler was staring a hole into the back of my head. As I slowly turned, all her attention was on me. “I can’t ask a random question, Skyler? Priscilla helped me out with some money for doing a favor for her.”

Skyler adjusted herself on the couch. “I don’t like her, Stevie.”

I turned back around and continued painting. “You have voiced that opinion already. I don’t judge your friends.”

I chewed on the end of the paint brush, no longer in the mood to paint. I was a mood painter, and whenever I was in the mood I loved to pull a canvas out and create. It didn’t matter that I never finished a piece. With the way that this conversation was going I could feel the creativity slowly leaking out of me by the second.

“I don’t get a good vibe about her, and we promised we would be honest with each other about everything,” Skyler reminded me, as she often did.

Slumping my shoulders forward, I took a deep breath. “She’s my only friend that I have. You know how hard it is to make friends. I’m either too weird, or the girl that overshares… I just want to have a friend.”

It was easier making friends when you were a child. I bet Estella didn’t have problems finding friends to share her crayons with. When you became an adult, quality friendships were hard to come by. Every time I had a friend, it never lasted because something always happened. They either used me for whatever they wanted, or I found out they were talking bad about me.

I have to admit that I was the problem, too. When you were my friend, I went above and beyond. I wanted to be there for you, and I often overplayed my part for people who didn’t deserve it. I’ve always been the different girl who everyone talked about. I was made fun of because I wore glasses, and I was always thicker than the other children in my class.

When all the girls had straight hair, here I came with my big thick curls that covered my face. I never truly fit in as a child, and I really didn’t fit in as an adult. I liked different kinds of music, and I talked to myself at times. I enjoyed peculiar things, and I didn’t take myself seriously because life was too short for that.

“You have me, Stevie.”

My mother and Skyler’s mother were both married to the Raye brothers. Both my uncle and father weren’t worth the skin they were in, and married women that were worth more than gold. Me and Stevie called it the Raye curse.

Both our mothers were gone while our ain’t shit fathers were still sucking up the air. I knew it was bad to wish death on someone, especially your father, but I wished it could have been him instead of my mother, and I knew Skyler felt the same.

“I know that… I just want my own friends, too. You’re my cousin and I know at times you put up with me because we’re family.”

“That is not true. You are one of my favorite people, Stevie. I do understand you wanting your own friends not tied to your little cousin. Please be careful with her, I don’t trust her.”

I messed with the end of the paint brush, rubbing paint onto my fingertips. “Nanny called me today.”

Skyler rolled her eyes so far into her head that I thought they would get stuck. “What the hell does she want?”

Nanny was our grandmother from our father’s side, and she was a wicked woman. It made a lot of sense why her sons were the way that they were. Since she was my grandmother, I tolerated her more than Skyler did. Skyler refused to have anything to do with her from the way she acted when her parents divorced.

“Her usual check in to make sure I spoke to my father… which I haven’t, and I tell her that every time.”

From the look on my cousin’s face, I could tell she wanted to speak about anybody but our grandmother. “I understand that you have a closer relationship because you lived in the same city as her. Stevie, you don’t have to deal with her because she’s our grandmother. The way she acted like our mothers were the poison while her boys were the prized possession is enough for me to never speak to that bitch again.”

My grandmother lived in Queens, so when I was growing up it was a quick train ride to visit her. I would spend weekends over her home when my parents had plans, or when she wanted to take me to a friend’s party.

It didn’t take away the fact that she showed me how much she hated my mother. My father could never do any wrong in her eyes. It was always my mother, and her ways – whatever that meant. Meanwhile my father could never keep a job, and my mother not only had a degree, but she also had a career that took care of our home.

In my nanny’s eyes she was a witch who trapped my father and took the life that he could have had. I think we were all trying to figure out what life that was because according to my mother, my father had never been shit.

He would clean his act up for a few months and then get back to the same mess that he was accustomed to. Even having a child didn’t make that man change, so I couldn’t understand why nanny was so upset with my mother.

If anything, we needed to be upset with her for having not one, but two men that weren’t shit and were selfish.

“Has nothing to do with that. No matter how my mother felt about her, she always encouraged me to have a relationship with her. Plus, she’s becoming older and needs things. My father is never around and your father lives out the state.” I shrugged, hating how big my heart was at times.

My heart had always been big, and it was a gift and curse – mostly curse.

I could be stabbed and the person who stabbed me could trip, and while bleeding and dying, I would be worried about the person who just stabbed me tripping and hurting themselves. It was something that I needed to work on.

“The reason they have aids to help her old and bitter ass. She never has cared about our mothers or us… well, not me. Do you know she had the nerve to call me the day of my mother’s funeral and say that hopefully she’s a better person in heaven than she had been here on earth… the day of the funeral, Stevie.”

I sighed. “She didn’t bother to call or come to the funeral for mine.”

“Which makes me think you’re crazy for helping out the wicked bitch from Flushing.”

I snorted. “Stop… we talk here and there, and I bring her groceries when I can. My father isn’t around to help her, and she is our grandmother. Aren’t you supposed to accept older people for who they are?”

“Yeah and also leave them where the fuck they have you fucked up at. I refuse to ever help that woman, and I hope you see how toxic she is.”

“I hear you.”

She stared at me for a second before Estella came running back into the living room. “Mama, I have to poo.” She jumped from one foot to the next while Skyler jumped up from the couch.

I was saved by the poo bell because I knew Skyler would continue to over analyze things. Even though Skyler was younger than me, she acted like she was the oldest between the both of us. Was she more mature than me?

Sure.

Did she make sure our budget was perfect so we could afford to eat and wouldn’t be sitting in the dark?

Sure.

I lived with my head in the clouds while she was a realist and more grounded. While I liked to see the brighter things, Skyler was much more into seeing what was in front of her. We were complete opposites, but she was my person, and I was glad that I had her. Even though I knew I drove her ass crazy all the time.

Like when I started hanging out with Priscilla. She immediately told me that she didn’t get the best vibe from her, and I waved her off because I had a friend that was mine. Skyler had her own life that was separate from mine, and I loved that for her.

All I wanted was my own friend that wasn’t attached to my little cousin. I was twenty-eight and I didn’t have any friends of my own or a life that I could be proud of. Dating was a joke because all men cared about was sex.

The minute I even mentioned that I was a virgin they all got this silly look in their eyes like they had struck gold. Even when I didn’t tell them that I was a virgin, they all wanted the same thing. A mediocre dinner or lunch date, and then they were ready to pull your panties down and fuck.

Staying a virgin wasn’t some lifelong quest that I had sought out to become. While my friends in high school were losing theirs and regretting it, I was being selective on who I allowed to get close to me. I didn’t take my virginity lightly; it was something that should have been given to someone special.

I didn’t want to look back and shutter when I thought about the person. At the very least, I wanted to smile at the memory, even if me and the person weren’t together or speaking anymore. The quest of remaining a virgin continued on, and I just never paid it any thought because sex wasn’t something important to me.

I saw what sex could do to a person and it put me off from ever wanting a man to get that side of me. I’ve been on plenty of dates, even dated men for longer than a month, and none of them gave me that feeling I wanted to feel.

The feeling that the man I was about to connect souls with was my person. Someone that would protect and care about me. I got nothing with the men these days because they all behaved like horny teenagers.

Never wanting to court a girl and always wanting to just have sex before they moved onto their next victim.

As much as I loved my cousin, I saw what having sex had gotten her. I loved Estella beyond the stars and the moon; however, the man that came with Estella was the reason I was good on men. Skyler had to deal with a man that has never cared about his daughter, and now he wanted rights to the same daughter he never gave a shit about.

Men were gross and until God came down and put me in my future husband’s arms, I was going to stay single and a virgin.

I hovered my phone over my client’s fresh set and took video for my social media pages. She was so in love with her nails that she couldn’t stop smiling and praising me for my work. I took a few more pictures and videos before she paid the remaining balance, hugged me, and then she was out the door. She was my last client of the day, and everyone had already left for the night.

Cindy came from the back of the salon, sitting her purse in her chair before she sat in my chair. “Give me a quick manicure, nothing fancy like you’re used to.” She smiled.

I paused before grabbing my tools for a manicure. “You look tired, Cindy.”

“Well, thanks. I think that is the polite way to say you look old and worn down.” She let out her signature cackle.

It wasn’t a good day if you didn’t hear her cackling with her clients or teasing me or one of the other girls in the shop. “I don’t think you could ever look old or worn down… even if you tried.” I pushed back her cuticles.

“Some days I appreciate not looking like how I feel.” She sighed, as she allowed me to work on her nails.

Cindy had Lupus and some days were harder than others. Some days she would come in and she was on top of the world, and then others you could see the pain and how tired she was. It didn’t matter which kind of day it was, she always came in, ran her shop and loved on her clients. She had no clue how much she inspired me on the days when I didn’t want to climb out of bed.

“Are you taking care of yourself?” I asked her, already knowing the answer to her question. It was hard getting her to put herself first because this shop was her entire life and world. It was her legacy, and everyone who came through the door knew how important she was to the neighborhood.

“As best as I ca⁠—”

My phone interrupted our conversation. I saw the name, quickly slid my finger across the screen and placed it on speaker. “Hey Priscilla, what’s going on?”

“I’m about to wire some money into your account… keep two thousand and send the rest to me.”

“Um, okay… thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Also, were you able to figure out your passport situation?” Priscilla questioned.

“I’m all good… I was reading the expiration date all wrong.” I snorted, as I continued to get into Cindy’s cuticles while she rested her eyes.

Priscilla laughed. “I swear you are so goofy at times. Whenever you have time, send me over the information so I can book our flights.”

I became excited at the thought of going on a vacation and not having to worry about anything. It had been so long since I was able to let my hair down and just exist without work, bills, or worrying about my mother being gone.

“Will do… thanks again for this,” I smiled at the phone, as if she could see me.

The extra money was helping me pull my life together. I was able to order nail supplies since I was running low and have some extra play money which was always rare. All of my money went to paying my bills, so I never had enough to do anything that I wanted.

Having the option of taking an Uber or the bus home was a luxury that had never been afforded to me. I hated to ask my cousin for money because she was a single mom. I was her older cousin, and it looked pretty ridiculous asking to borrow money when she was making do while having another mouth to feed.

“Don’t even mention it. I’m excited to hang out and really get away from everything.” She groaned into the phone. “Girl, this that nigga right now… I’ll call you later.” Priscilla quickly ended the call before I could speak.

Cindy looked at me, then looked away. “What is that look about? You give it every time she comes into the shop to get her nails done.”

“That girl is bad news, Stevie. I know you love to see the good in everyone, but she doesn’t mean you any good. I get a bad feeling about her.” Cindy pretended like she got the chills.

“You and Skyler need to let me have my own life. The girl hasn’t done anything except help me out without me ever asking.”

Cindy kissed her teeth as she focused on what I was doing to her nails. “I know women like her, and it never ends up good. Those are the kind of women that use you until they can’t anymore. I’ve been friends with a few women just like that girl… just rotten.”

As much as I appreciated Skyler and Cindy, I needed them to leave me alone. I was an adult, and though at times I struggled with remembering that myself, I was free to make my own choices on who I wanted in my life.

Priscilla was the kind of woman that men tossed themselves at and bought her whatever she wanted. She never had to do much because there was always a man right behind her ready to smell her dirty draws.

I wasn’t like that in the least, and men actually scared me at times. Priscilla knew how to handle and talk to men, while I was naturally shy. I was an introvert and most times I lived in my own head and found comfort there.

I avoided my neighbor for three months because I didn’t want to strike up a conversation. Once I was comfortable with you then that’s when my weirdness came out of every pore of my body.

Whenever we went out for drinks, it was always Priscilla who did all the talking. We almost always got free drinks because the minute she sat at the bar she tossed on that charm. It was a charm that I wished I had at times.

One where I didn’t get so tongue tied and nervous whenever a man paid me any kind of attention. It wasn’t that I was insecure, because I loved how I looked, and I never wanted to be anyone else.

I often wished that I had the confidence to say what I mean and mean what I say. The confidence to catch the eye of that guy.

Cornell was friends with the rapper Zay’s cousin, and he happened to be in town. He was currently on tour with Zay, the rapper’s entourage, and I thought that was so cool.

I had never met a celebrity before.

Well, Cornell wasn’t the celebrity, but Zay was, so when he asked me to come out tonight, I washed the paint out my hair and pulled myself together. It wasn’t often that I went on dates or was asked on them.

It wasn’t that I was unattractive, either. I was the kind of girl who stumbled on her words or would make a dark joke where they wouldn’t know how to respond. I watched Anime, loved to paint, and constantly talked to myself, and even answered myself.

Mom always would joke that it wasn’t a problem that I spoke to myself, the problem occurred when I started to answer myself. Well, mom, the minute you were lowered into the ground I started to answer myself.

Men didn’t come knocking down my door to ask me on a date. Whenever they did, it was because they were so infatuated with my shape, and didn’t care about anything else.

As a midsize girl, I was pear shaped, and it was something that I hated whenever I was in school. Always wearing baggy sweatshirts and pants, never embracing my curves.

The boys in school didn’t make it any better. On the rare occasion I was spotted with my gym uniform on, they would whistle, and holler, “Damn nerd, where the hell did you get that ass?”

It made me uncomfortable, so I layered even more clothes on. In twelfth grade, I was dating Tony Moore, and I thought I was in love. If you asked me, I just knew we would be married with children.

He was my first boyfriend, and the first boy that had ever showed me some kindness. Tony didn’t want anything in return, only my time and attention. We spent every day together, either at my apartment or at the library.

It was raining one afternoon, and I had lost my keys. My mom worked in the city, so it was going to take her some time to make it home, and Tony offered to take me back to his place so I didn’t have to wait in a library.

He was always so caring and considerate that way, so we took the train to his house. I remember being so excited because I was finally going to my boyfriend’s house. This counted as a new step in our relationship, and I had been counting all the steps we took within the relationship.

Tony’s parents weren’t home, and we had his room to ourselves. We shook off the wet coats and boots and got comfortable in his room. He went to grab us some snacks, while I cracked open my textbook to study for our English final we had the next morning.

He came back with snacks and soda for us, closing his room back. I thought nothing of it because this was Tony, my boyfriend. The boy who had been nothing but kind to me for months. I had no reason to think anything of him closing the door because we were studying and having snacks.

Tony started out on his computer chair, and then he moved toward the bed. We started making out, something we’ve done plenty of times. His hands would roam my body, and I never minded.

It made me feel good.

He continued to kiss me while his hands went up my skirt, and I removed his hand. His hand was right on the edge of my panties, and I wasn’t ready for that. I remember him sucking his teeth and becoming irritated while pushing my hand on his dick, showing me that I got him all worked up.

The knock at the door saved me, or so I thought. His older brother popped his head in and smiled when he saw me. He, too, closed the door behind him and my chest was slamming against the inside of my chest. Why were they staring at me like rabid dogs wanting to rip me apart?

Tony and his brother sexually assaulted me that afternoon. Had it not been for their mother coming home and singing their names, it would have gone further. What made things worse is when his mother found me in the room with him and his brother, she treated me like a whore.

Told me that I shouldn’t have been anywhere with two boys. Acted like her boys were innocent angels and I was the harlot that tried to take advantage of them, when they took advantage of me.

Tony held me down while his brother rubbed between my legs and licked my nipples. I had tears in my eyes, my eyes were red, and my clothes were disheveled, and she blamed me and put me out of their house.

I remember riding the train home feeling so violated and sad. My mom knew something was wrong with me, still, I never told her what was wrong. The next day Tony roped his arm around me while I headed to second period and told me that if I told anybody what happened, I would look like the fat whore, and he would tell everyone that I fucked him and his brother at the same time.

It was already hard being the Black girl who wasn’t Black enough because I was different. Then, I was too Black for the White girls. Hell, even the Asians, though a few, didn’t even want to hang with me.

I spent the majority of my time trying to blend in so I could graduate and never look back at high school again. Since then, I never spoke about what happened to anyone except Priscilla. I protected my heart and my virginity like it was a blood diamond. In my eyes, men sucked, and no one deserved to have me in that way.

“You excited to meet Zay?”

Cornell’s voice brought me back to reality. “Yes… I love his music.”

He nodded his head, and his hand found its way onto my lap.

It’s alright, Stevie. It’s a hand on the lap, relax, I reminded myself as I continued to enjoy the ride to the arena.

“My sister and her friends got a suite, so we gonna hang with them for a bit, and then we’re going to see about going backstage.”

I wanted to correct his see, because last we spoke, he said we were going to be backstage. Zay was one of my favorite rappers, and I wanted to meet him.

He was so humble and talented that it didn’t make sense how much of God’s favorite he was. On top of being humbled, and talented, he was fine. My mom always said it was dangerous when a man knew he was fine, too. Zay knew he was fine.

“Sounds great.”

He smiled at me, and I continued to enjoy the ride while anticipating meeting his sister and her friends. Women, even grown women, could be so catty and still hold onto that mean girl behavior.

It was harder meeting friends as an adult than a child. At least you had crayons and your favorite cartoon to bond over. As an adult, making friends was hard, and made you want to be alone forever.

The minute I mentioned I watched Anime, or made a reference to it, they gave that signature awkward eye roll and politely dismissed me. It was the reason that me and Priscilla became friends.

She didn’t treat me like that. Sure, she said I was different, but she also said she liked it because people often got boring, and I bought some fun into her life.

We went through the back entrance of the arena and through security. Bypassing all the suites, I had the urge to pop my head into one suite when I saw Berkeley talking to a man.

I loved her celebrity vlog and kept up with it often. She was talented because one second, she could report on celebrity news, then the next she was into politics, and then world news. Her pen was multifaceted, and it was amazing. She captured the news in a way that made you care about it, especially when most people hated to read the boring stuff within the media. Not since everything happened with Vincent Morgan, the man that was running for mayor.

“Sasha, what up?” Cornell said as we entered the suite.

A short light skin woman turned around and smiled, rushing into Cornell’s arms. “I didn’t think you would come… you know since you traveling the world with Zay.”

“I make time for you anytime.” He kissed her cheek, and she looked over at me with a warm smile. “This is my friend, Stevie.”

She extended her hand. “Hey Stevie, help yourself to anything you want… the show is about to start soon.”

“Nice to meet you, Sasha. Thanks so much,” I bit the inside of my cheek, hoping I didn’t sound too corny.

She smiled. “No problem… Cornell, you think you can get us backstage?” Sasha stared at her brother hopeful, and I wanted to tell her good luck.

This nigga was talking about hopefully, so I put my dreams of telling Zay I wanted to have his babies to the side.

It was clear Cornell didn’t have as much pull as he liked to pretend. He had to call Zay’s cousin, his best friend, to allow us through security in the back.

Then the suite he was trying to front with wasn’t even his. It was his sister and her friends. “Hey Nell,” I turned and saw Berkeley.

“Hey Berks, what’s good with you?”

I looked between them and got this feeling that they had mattress tangoed before. It was the way she looked at him with this flirtatious look in her eyes, and how he kept licking his lips while taking her in.

“Hi, I’m Stevie… I’m a fan of your work.”

Berkeley noticed that I was there for the first time since she greeted Nell. “Hey Stevie, thanks so much… are you and Nell…dating?”

“We’re friends,” he quickly corrected her.

Ouch.

“Oh, you guys look super cute together… are you hanging in our suite for the show?”

Cornell nodded his head. “Yeah.”

“Oh, cool… make sure you stop being a stranger, Nell.” She patted his shoulder and then walked over toward where her girls were.

There was part of me that felt like I had no reason to feel any way. Cornell wasn’t my boyfriend, and he was free to mess around with anybody he wanted.

“You hungry?” He finally snapped out of watching her ass in the black dress she wore.

“I can use a drink,” I muttered while hugging myself.

It felt like I was interrupting something, and I didn’t like that. The least he could have done was pretended he didn’t want to fuck this girl in my face. I watched as he went to go get us a drink, and I went and sat down.

The show was starting, and everyone was out their seat cheering and rapping along with the words to his song.

“Started out with nothing but a dream and a plan, hustling every corner just to make some bread. From ramen in the kitchen to steak on my plate.”

I bopped my head to the music while rapping along with Zay. All the women in the suite were on their feet shaking their asses, making videos for their social media. Sasha and her friends started to take shots while they had these ring lights on the top of their phones to get the perfect lighting.

Cornell was on his phone texting someone, and from the way he was aggressively texting, it couldn’t have been a good conversation. He let out a low huff, and then tuned into the show, not truly paying attention to it.

He had probably seen the show dozens of times since he was on tour with the man. His phone pinged and he quickly replied before shoving his phone into his pocket.

“Come on, Stevie, we out.” He stood up, and his sister turned to see him getting ready to leave.

“Where you going?”

“I got some shit to handle, and need to bounce,” he vaguely told her.

The show was good, and I wanted to tell him to leave me behind and handle his business. This was a date, so the proper thing to do was to leave, although I really really didn’t want to.

“Is everything alright?” I asked, as he held my hand, and we walked down the hallway.

We left the same way we came, and Cornell still hadn’t told me why we had to leave. I sat in the front seat as he whipped out the arena and headed down a few streets before he pulled down a random block and parked.

“I really like you, Stevie… you different from other chicks I fuck with.”

Why did he think that was a compliment? Why did men always think saying things like that was a compliment? Yes, I enjoyed being different now, though it was something I didn’t always enjoy. However, why did he think because he thought I was different it was a compliment or a prize?

“Um, thanks.”

I couldn’t return the compliment because I had dated men like Cornell before. Men who thought they were the bees’ knees, and it was a blessing for me to even be in their presence. It was like all I attracted and instead of running the opposite direction, I always ran right toward them, then cried when it didn’t work out.

“You know you the wifey type right?”

I held back the urge to gag because the word wifey irritated me in more ways than one. It was a word made so men could validate women wanting to be wives without actually committing and using the actual word wife.

There were so many people walking around calling their girlfriend wifey because it sounded good and made her feel better. I despised the word, and hearing Cornell use it like it was an honor irritated me.

“How do you even know that?” Cornell was just talking a bunch of mess to make it sound good.

Meanwhile, I was worried about the concert that we had left. The only reason I continued the useless conversations with him was because of the promise that he would take me to this concert.

“I have a good feeling about my future wife.” His hand reached across and landed on my thigh.

He smoothly rubbed my thighs, and I put my hand on top of his, repulsed. I wasn’t afraid to admit that I was scared of men. Ever since Tony and his brother, the trauma and guilt had followed me throughout the years. It’s the reason I could never give myself to someone.

There was no one that ever made me feel safe enough to want to lose my virginity. “You’re sweet. Why did we leave the concert?”

I continued to hold his hand while he continued trying to rub further up my thigh. “Why we talking about that when I got you to myself… that’s what I wanted.” He leaned over and tried to kiss me, and I moved my face, so it landed on my collarbone.

“Why you being like that, Steve.”

“It’s Stevie,” I corrected.

He kissed my neck, and my skin felt like it was going to crawl away. “We can go back to my place, and I can show you how much I want you to be my wife… look at my dick, look at what you doing to me.”

“I’m not sleeping with you, Cornell,” I told him out right. There was no need to beat around the bush, kiss, and imply that something more would happen.

That was the mistake I made with Tony years ago. I should have left the minute we went from kissing to him feeling me up. I blamed myself for not removing myself from the situation as they took advantage of me.

“Why you fronting with me, Steve.”

“Stevie!” I firmly corrected.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek. “Sorry, baby… you look so good tonight. You so fucking thick it makes me hard looking at you.”

All of these words were a turn off because he was trying to have me in the front seat of his car, a rental, and on a random street in Brooklyn.

“Take me home, Cornell.”

“Why the fuck you always fronting on me, Stevie? Every time we’ve been around each other, you act like you don’t want me?”

I scoffed. “I’m sorry that you think showing I want a nigga means that I have to take my clothes off and have sex with you.”

“You like playing those petty ass fucking games.” He lunged across the arm rest and grabbed my face, forcing his tongue down my throat, and I squealed in his mouth as I hit him and pushed away from him.

He was stronger than me, so I fumbled around on the door handle until I was able to pull the handle, and I fell out of the car, breaking our kiss. Cornell looked at me crazy as I was between the sidewalk and the car.

“Get the fuck up out the street, Steve!” he hollered, and went to get out the car, and I scrambled onto the sidewalk with my heart in my chest.

“It’s fucking Rick James, Bitch… I mean, Stevie! I said no, and you wanted to take what wasn’t yours, fucking creep!”

“Bitch, you calling me a fucking rapist!” he hollered, as I scrambled down the street toward the subway.

Cornell was a creep and the fact that he forced me to kiss him and then would have continued to have his way with me was enough for me to get home on my own.

As I settled on the train home, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want love, I craved having actual love. I wanted someone to choose me and make me feel whole. I wanted to give myself to someone and know that I was theirs and they would protect me.

At this rate, I was convinced I would be single, a virgin, and a pending cat mom for the rest of my life.