Zodiac Academy 4: Shadow Princess

Walking away from Roxy Vega felt something akin to being kicked in the balls. It was an all consuming kind of pain which wouldn’t let my attention waver from it. I’d wanted to spend longer with her, but I honestly wasn’t sure if my company would help or just make everything worse.

We didn’t really talk to each other anymore or bite at each other or fight with each other. Hell, we didn’t even look at each other anymore. Or more accurately, she didn’t look at me. Because I sure as hell looked at her enough.

I woke early in the mornings and waited for her to appear in the common room just so that I could be sure the shadows hadn’t consumed her in the night. I noted the bags under her eyes and the way she always sought out Milton Hubert right after she grabbed a coffee with three sugars. At first I’d thought there was something going on with them, but when I’d confronted him about it, he’d finally admitted that she asked him to heal her hangovers.

Which somehow was even worse than having to watch her with another guy. Because it was just another sign of how much she was struggling. I’d tried to talk to her about it a few times but up until today, any time I’d attempted to approach her, she’d just run from me. And not in fear, not in any way that I could perceive as a sign that she’d finally decided to bow to me. But in a way that said my company was the last thing she desired. And I couldn’t really blame her for that. But it made trying to help her practically impossible.

I’d asked the students who were housed in the rooms closest to her dorm to keep an eye on her and report anything strange back to me. A few of them had told me she woke up in the night screaming pretty regularly. But when I’d tried to ask her about that, she’d taken it as some kind of attack and had just started placing a silencing bubble around her room every night so that no one would be able to hear her scream anymore. I knew because I often walked to her door in the middle of the night and pressed my hand to it, reaching out with my own magic until it brushed against hers and reassured me that she was okay. Or if not okay, then at least alive.

I glanced down at my fingers and found them stained with her blood from where I’d healed her. I only wished I could fix the wounds inside her as easily as those marking her flesh.

She’d said that there wasn’t anything going on between her and Caleb now and that had filled me with a heady sense of relief which I had no real right to feel. Because as much as a fucked up little part of me liked to pretend I had some hold over her, I knew it wasn’t really true. This crush or obsession or infatuation I felt for her didn’t give me any rights to her. I hadn’t earned any kind of say in her life. Not that that meant I craved it any less. But I had to remind myself of that fact. Because if Cal was biting her again, I was more than willing to bet he’d be looking for more than that from her. And I really didn’t have any valid reason to object to that. What could I say to her about it anyway? Don’t be with him because we were together once. For one, too brief, earth shattering moment, you were mine. And I never should have let you go.

That would probably go down about as well as it did when I tried to convince my Father not to beat me. She’d clearly chosen to forget all about us being together. And the pain of her rejecting me out loud, of having to hear her spell it out would just break the pathetic little part of me which still liked to cling to the idea that it had actually meant something to her. Because it had meant more to me than I could easily put into words. And despite the agony that it caused me to look back on that moment and realise it was well and truly gone, I wouldn’t trade the memory of it for all the auras in the world.

I blew out an irritable breath as I strolled through The Wailing Wood. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with me. I didn’t pine after girls. I’d never once in my life felt like this about one. But I couldn’t help it. The only thing I could do was lock it up tight and refuse to let it show.

My Atlas started ringing and I pulled it out of my pocket, tossing up a silencing bubble out of habit before I answered it.

My heart lifted as I spotted my brother’s name on the caller ID and I smiled as I said hello.

“Have you made any progress on busting me out of here yet?” he asked jokingly like he did every time we spoke.

“Working on it,” I promised, which wasn’t a lie. It also wasn’t something I’d made any progress with.

“How’s Mother and Father?” I asked, not because I really gave a shit but because I was really asking if the asshole head of our household had been turning his rage against my little brother again recently or not.

“Fine,” he replied and I released a slow breath because that meant he hadn’t had to endure too much in the last few days. “Although Mother did do something strange the other night.”

“Oh?” I asked curiously. Mother didn’t do strange. In fact, she didn’t do a lot of anything. She just kind of floated around the house in a push-up bra and designer dress and looked pretty whenever Father decided to trot her out in public. Sometimes I wondered if she’d always been like that or if it was a role she’d fallen into since becoming a Councillor’s wife. I knew she was magically powerful in her own right, but she never used her magic for anything beyond making herself look pretty or healing our wounds if we’d gone a round against Father.

“Yeah. She kinda, came into my room at like three in the morning and I just pretended to be asleep, in case…” He didn’t need to finish that sentence because I remembered what it felt like to be woken in the middle of the night by Father when he came home drunk and mean and pissed off.

“What did she want?” I asked.

“She came and sat on my bed and she just…cried. She stroked my hair and sung me that lullaby she always used to sing when we were kids. You know the one about the man in the glass house who couldn’t get out?” Xavier said.

I frowned as I came to a halt and I moved off of the path, leaning against a huge oak as I gave all of my attention to the conversation.

“Do you think she was just feeling nostalgic?” I asked.

“No. Well…maybe. But before she left, she said something. More like whispered it actually, so I’m not totally sure I heard it right…”

“What did she say?” I asked curiously. And the fact that I was curious about something Mother had done was more than a little strange to me.

“I think she said. ‘I wish I could tell you.’”

Silence fell between us and I frowned down at my Pitball boots as I tried to figure out what that could mean.

If I knew her better then maybe I’d have had a chance at figuring her out, but in all honesty she’d always just been this kind of background adornment to our home. I was only ever glad of her company when she healed the injuries Father gave me. But now that I could do that myself, I didn’t even need her for that anymore.

“Do you remember when we were kids and she used to chase us all over the house?” Xavier asked slowly. “Remember we’d play hide and seek and we always hid in the pantry and every time she found us she’d gasp in surprise and go on about how clever we were for hiding so well?”

I frowned as that story stirred some memories in me. “Kinda,” I admitted. But it had been so long since she’d done anything like that with us that it was hard to say if it had even been her at all. “Maybe that was just one of the nannys though.”

“C’mon, Darius, you remember,” Xavier urged. “I’m younger than you and if I can remember it then you definitely can.”

I grunted in agreement. “She used to use her earth magic to grow those glowing flowers in our bedrooms so that we wouldn’t have to stay alone in the dark all night.”

“Yeah!” Xavier said enthusiastically as I reminded him of that. “And she was the one who first showed us how to use a tray to slide down the stairs!”

I snorted a laugh as I remembered that too. We’d done it on the main stairs in the central atrium. She’d spilled off of the tray at the foot of the staircase, her long brunette hair tumbling around her as she laughed her head off and we giggled in appreciation. Her dress had gotten all tangled around her legs and we’d both jumped on her, tickling her with cries of joy. I must have been about six and Xavier four. We’d been happy. At least in that moment. And maybe more besides.

“But then Father came home with Tiberius Rigel for dinner and they saw her laying on the floor like that…” Xavier added.

I frowned as I remembered that part too. We’d all fallen silent, the fun torn from the house the moment our father had set foot in it. He hadn’t actually done anything about it though. Only smiled as if he were in on the fun too. But his eyes had been hard and cold in that way I’d known to fear even then. Mother had apologised as she’d scrambled to her feet and we’d all hurried away from him, leaving him to talk business with Max’s dad.

“She never played with us like that again,” I muttered.

I could vaguely recall begging her to join in our games for a while afterward but the more times she politely refused, the less often we’d asked until I’d just sort of forgotten that she’d ever been a part of our fun in the first place. She’d slowly withdrawn from us more and more over the years following that and had eventually become the vapid creature we now knew.

“Did you ask Tory Vega out yet?” Xavier asked, changing the subject abruptly to hassle me about that.

“I never should have told you I hooked up with her,” I muttered irritably. Though in all honesty I’d needed someone to talk to about her because I was burning up with all the things she made me feel and while this argument still sat in place between me and Lance, I didn’t really have anyone else.

The other Heirs wouldn’t be happy if I told them. Cal would be jealous, maybe even hurt, despite the fact that he’d told me to go after her if I wanted to on multiple occasions. Max clearly thought the lot of us should avoid the Vegas at all costs and Seth still took great pleasure in tormenting them whenever he could, so they clearly wouldn’t be the most helpful or sympathetic of people to talk to.

“C’mon, man,” Xavier groaned. “I’m literally cooped up in a tower here like a sparkly Rapunzel. The closest I come to having my own life is by hearing about yours.”

I sighed, unable to refuse him when he played that card, but before I could answer, my Father’s voice sounded in the background.

“Who are you talking to?” he demanded.

“It’s just Darius,” Xavier replied defensively and I ground my teeth at the note of fear in his voice.

“Your brother has more important things to do with his time than waste it conversing with you. Hand it over,” he ordered. A moment later, his voice came more clearly as he spoke into the phone. “Have you mastered semi-permanent illusion placement yet?” he asked, naming the latest piece of magic I’d been working on in Cardinal Magic. No matter how busy he was, he always kept up to date with the class reports my Professors sent him daily. He couldn’t have me falling behind in anything and embarrassing him.

“I’ve just finished Pitball practice,” I replied. “I’m heading back to my House to get on with my assignments now.”

“Then you don’t need this kind of distraction, do you?”

The line went dead before I could respond and I tried not to let myself get caught up in concern for what he might be doing with Xavier now. He didn’t sound the kind of angry that ended up in bruised flesh and broken bones, just the usual level of pissed off he exhibited around my brother these days.

I pushed my Atlas back into my pocket and sighed.

The Libra brand on my arm was itching and burning, driving me to go and seek out my Guardian. It had been too long since I’d spent any quality time with Orion and maintaining this argument with him was only hurting us both. My own stubbornness was the main culprit in keeping us apart. He’d clearly decided that I’d acted unfairly which was about as bad as shitting on his doorstep when it came to a Libra. And I actually agreed with him. I’d been a total fucking dickwad and only my own stubbornness was keeping us apart.

It was time I sucked it up and stopped this nonsense. It was affecting our training, our preparations to help Clara cross back over, even our sleep now as the bond between us constantly woke me with the urge to go to him. Enough was enough. I may have found it hard to admit when I was wrong, but I cared about Lance enough to suck up my pride. It was past time I owned my shit and apologised.

I turned back the way I’d come and headed through the trees in the direction of Asteroid Place. My heart felt lighter even just knowing my destination and the brand on my arm tingled in anticipation.

I approached the gated community and stuck to the shadows, using the dark to hide me as I circled around to the back of it.

I walked up to the iron gates and cast a column of water into existence beneath my feet so that it lifted me up and over them.

I landed on the other side and jogged toward his house. My skin was buzzing at the knowledge of finally fixing things between us and I couldn’t help but grin as I upped my pace even more.

I was flat out running by the time I spotted his house and I sprinted up the alley which divided his from Washer’s.

The door flew open just before I reached it and Lance’s eyes were wide with excitement as he held his arms wide. I crashed into him and we wrapped our arms around each other and damn near fell over with the force of our collision.

“I’m sorry,” I growled as I locked him in my arms and a part of me wished I’d never have to let go.

“I’m sorry too,” he agreed, his beard scratching my cheek in the best way.

We stumbled into his house without releasing each other and I kicked the door shut behind us. Fuck knew what anyone would think if they saw us like this.

“Fuck, you smell so good,” I groaned as the scent of cinnamon enveloped me.

“I’m really having to fight against the urge to kiss you right now,” he joked, though as he said it, I was half tempted to turn my mouth towards his.

This fucking Guardian bond!

“I think if we just give each other blowjobs we’ll be all good,” I laughed and he nuzzled into me.

“By the stars, that doesn’t even sound like the worst idea,” he groaned and I laughed harder.

“I don’t think you’re just some asshole my father bound me to,” I growled because those words had haunted me ever since I’d let the poison of them spill from my lips. “I was angry, but I never should have said that. You have to know that’s not what I think of you.”

“I know,” Lance replied roughly. “And I’m sorry I tried to force the idea of sharing the throne with the Vegas on you like that. It wasn’t my intention to yell at you about it or try and force a choice on you. I just think that-”

“I can’t…please can we not discuss the Vegas tonight?” I begged. “They haunt me too often as it is.”

Lance drew back just enough to eye me with a slight frown. I knew we needed to have this conversation at some point, but I wasn’t going to change my mind about sharing my throne with the Savage King’s daughters. Lance sighed as he seemed to realise that going into our issues now wouldn’t solve anything and he gave me a small nod. It was almost Christmas and I just needed for the two of us to be okay. We could hash out this shit another time. Besides, I understood he just wanted to help me by presenting every possible solution to my problems with the twins, but I was sure he’d never really believed we’d share the throne.

“Of course,” Lance agreed with a tight smile as he let the subject slip off the table for now. “I’m just so glad to have you back.”

“It’s been fucking killing me. I don’t know why I didn’t just suck it up sooner,” I said in a low voice as I forced myself to release him and we moved further into the house. “I’ve just been so angry at myself for so many things recently and I…I guess I just didn’t want to take ownership of any of it.”

“Your father raised you to be ruthless and take no prisoners. He taught you never to bow or back down or apologise for your actions. I should have come to you,” Lance said, gripping my face between his hands so that I couldn’t look away from him. “I just didn’t want you to think the only reason I came was this damn mark on my arm.”

I shook my head and he dropped his hold on me. “I know our bond is more than what was forced on us,” I said honestly. “I love you like a brother. You mean more to me than most real members of my family.”

“Well let’s just be glad we aren’t related,” he teased. “Because if we both had the temper of a Dragon then we’d probably have a lot more of these arguments to contend with – and the blowjobs would be extra wrong.”

I snorted a laugh, scraping a hand through my hair as I let out a breath of relief. For the first time in weeks, my heart felt light and some of the tension in me eased. “You were right when you said I’m my own worst enemy,” I muttered. “It seems like the only choices I’ve made recently have been for the worse.”

“Well, I’ve been doing a damn good job of making bad decisions myself recently too, so I can’t exactly stand in judgement over you.” Lance led the way to the couch and dropped down onto it, topping up the glass of bourbon that sat on the coffee table and offering it to me before drinking from the bottle himself.

“You wanna explain that?” I asked, shifting closer to him so that our legs were pressed to each other’s. After weeks of avoiding each other aside from classes, Pitball practice and our work with the shadows, the bond craved this connection between us and I knew from experience it was easier to give in to it than to try and fight it.

Lance looked at me for a long moment then sighed. “I do. But not now. Now I just wanna enjoy some time in your company and quite probably spend the night spooning you in the totally platonic, utterly fucking ridiculous way that this bond needs.”

“Fuck, that sounds so good,” I groaned, knocking my head back on the couch with a breath of laughter.

“Shall we watch a movie?” Lance asked, switching on Faeflix and hunting one down.

“That sounds like its own kind of heaven,” I admitted because I really needed to spend some time just doing nothing and forgetting about all the shit in our lives. Tonight there would be no Nymphs or Councillors or politics or Vegas. Just two fully grown men watching action flicks and quite likely holding hands throughout. Which was pretty much the best kind of night I could imagine having right now. And as Orion reached out and took my hand, I felt myself grinning like a kid at Christmas and all of my problems seemed a little more bearable.