YUUKI - To Move Forward: Prelude 1

Log #339: Academies

Slayers, Guardians, and ESF squads all have incredible power bestowed upon them, therefore it is vital that they use it wisely and maintain a controlled demeanour. With such power in the hands of young adults, it is a very real concern that eventually, someone will grow too strong and hunger for more power, and possibly independence. Situations like those are what inspired mental and psychological tests to be conducted alongside the physical exams required to enter into an academy such as Arcos. Applicants who pass all three exams are entered into the academy with little more than a quick interview, but those who struggle with the mental or psychological tests have a slightly more difficult time being accepted, although it is in no way impossible.

-General Elvira Ramos

400 BPE

He’s going to die. That boy is going to die. Kazuki Yuki is going to die.

My thoughts raced beyond the throbbing of my heart, as that conclusion became more and more evident. The world slowed down, and I could see everything play out in slow motion just beyond my grasp.

This boy, who has done so much for me. This man, who opened my eyes and heart to the world I had left behind.

Even when I had nobody, and feared everybody, he never hesitated to help me, even when his involvement was met with resistance. When I walked away, he followed me. When I ran away, he pursued me. When I turned around, he smiled at me. Never once did he let go of me.

Kazuki has done so much, and now he’s about to die. He’s about to die! Kazu’s about to die!

One wish was all I pleaded; one wish was all that I could make. I cried out, my voice hoarse, the name of the one I couldn’t let die. The one to whom I had never said “Thank you” or “I’m sorry” for all that he’s done for me. The one to whom I will never be able to say “Goodbye.”

The world relished in this moment of terror, in his ignorance and my inefficacy. The entire universe had narrowed down to two insignificant beings, stranded in the inescapable snare of fate and the irrefutable force of physics. I had no idea how long my insignificant scream echoed in my heart, or how long it raced through the people around me. It was, after all, an insignificant cry borne from an insignificant wish made by an insignificant human.

And in that insignificant moment, as the cry, wish, and human dreamed an outcome other than the boy’s demise, the world resumed its natural pace. And it was in that moment that a deafening crack shot out from beside me, and the tail that had promised certain death to the human altered its course, instead tearing at the edge of the boy’s torso. The next moment, two flaming blades of metal cleaved their target apart, and the battle was over. I dared to turn my gaze away from the moment, and focus instead on the noise that had saved Kazuki’s life. Standing high with quivering knees and sharp gasping, Miranda lowered her sniper, the barrel shaking with her trembling elbows. She took a deep breath, and glanced over at me, smiling nervously.

Kazu was standing on top of the corpse of the Night Stalker, covered in blood of two origins. He didn’t even seem to notice the gash in his side, instead marvelling at his work. The blood staining his face matched perfectly with the deranged grin that laughed horrendously into the night. His head tilted to the sky arms shot out in ecstasy and he laughed. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

Like a villain.

“Alright, that’s enough.”

That is, until Matthew put him to sleep with the blunt end of his halberd.

Once again by the campfire. As it turned out, the Night Stalker was the last of the Shade in the area, its death marking the complete and successful blazing of the perimeter.

That’s right, successful. Nobody died.

Yeah, nobody. Those Shade are just taking naps, is all. They’ll be fine in the morning.

All thanks to Miranda’s quick reflexes and superb accuracy, none of our teammates had lost their lives. I was currently situated on the opposite side of the flame as Kazuki, who trembled silently from the experience. He just sat there, legs crossed on the cold, dry grass, his gaze distant in some alternate realm within his conscience. On his side, half of our bandages were wrapped around the wound, a terrible crimson reminding all of us of the close call. To my right, Francis leaned back on his arms, lazily rocking his head side to side as he stared up at the twinkling stars above. Next to him, Nicole sat on her feet quiet as ever, seemingly entranced by the dancing tongues within the flames. Isabelle had joined us soon after we had returned from camp, giggling at everyone’s “oh-so-serious faces” as she laid down on her back by the fire, sprawling out completely on the dirt. Sadie and Kadie were both curled up with their chins on their knees, reaching out towards the warm touch of the flickering light. Miranda was laid out on her stomach, resting her head on her intertwined fingers as her legs kicked playfully in the calm night. Sarah and Matthew had decided to join us at a later time, as they claimed to have one last thing to take care of first. All around the camp, Chorus paused its movements suspensefully, fearful of the tense atmosphere that strained the serene grace of the night sky. The entire world felt frozen, desperately awaiting the release of the palpable tension.

The scene of tension and serenity could have possibly lasted forever, until our corpses were forever trapped in these positions, if it had not been for Kadie finally voicing her reluctant thoughts.

“I’m... I’m sorry.”

Sadie looked over at her friend, and nodded solemnly.

“Yeah, we both are. I’m sorry, too.”

Miranda blinked away from the light show that had entranced her so, and glanced over to the twins. “Sorry? About what?”

Kadie began, “About earlier. The Night Stalker. Y’know what happened, Mira. We failed to notice it in time...”

“...and ended up almost getting wiped out.” Sadie finished. “We were responsible for scouting ahead of our group, and alerting the others if an A-Class or above appeared. Not only did we fail to see it before it was upon us, but we were too scared to even call for backup. Our recklessness...” her voice trailed away as she shuddered.

“...should have gotten us all killed.” Kadie finished. “T’was a miracle y’all found us four, ‘cause we were this close to kickin’ it.”

“Come on, girls. Let’s not get all caught up in one little mistake, m’kay?” Miranda sat up, her legs still trailing behind her. “Nobody was lost, and we killed the thing, right? Isn’t that the most important thing?”

“But what if we-”

“And if it happens again, then we’ll come and save you, like a team should. And if we get in trouble, you guys get to save us! Sounds good, right? Best of all, if our entire squad gets cornered, then we’ll have an entire squad of cool warriors to save us! Right, Chang?” She looked up at me, winking.

“Y-Yeah, of course. Of course we’ll always have your back, as long as you got ours.” I smiled reassuringly at Sadie and Kadie.

“But still, I’m so sorry.” Kadie held her knees closer to her, staring into the flames grimly. In the flickering reflection of the campfire within her eyes, her soul seemed to be retreating to a past memory, one that must have resembled her recent mistake. I knew nothing about her personally, but that much was visible from her self-embrace.

Sadie looked up at Kadie, and wrapped an arm around her friend. Kadie leaned over into the embrace, and they both closed their eyes.

Suddenly, Kazuki scoffed, directing his gaze away from the flames and his teammates. “Hmph, well, we killed it, didn’t we? What else matters? As long as those monsters end up dead and dying, so what if we almost die? It worked, so get over it already. I swear, am I the only one who understands the situation as it is?”

“Hey, Kazu, come on. Don’t be so harsh on them. Can’t you see they are having a rough time? Seems to me like you’re the one who doesn’t get it. So what if they’re shaken up, most people would be if they almost died. Most normal people, anyway.” I looked challengingly into his coal-black eyes.

“Huh? What’s with you all of a sudden? Tryin’ to start some—”

"Me? Am I trying to start something? Hello, have you seen yourself lately? You’ve been antisocial, broody, moody, and most of all straight up annoying. What’s with you?”

He leaned in closer to the fire, returning my challenging glare. His voice was cold and proud. “Oh yeah? What did I ever do, huh? What is it exactly that is so terrible about me lately?”

“So you do want to go there. Fine, then. Allow me to educate you and abolish your ever-present ignorance. First of all, you’ve always been quiet but content with those around you, always living with an aura of complacency. Now, however, every glance is filled with bloodlust, every step a challenge to everyone around you. You’re still quiet, but passive aggression has taken over your aura and your mind is so far from content. The real question is what isn’t so terrible about you lately.” My last statement had a touch of ice in it, and the slightest hint of sadness.

He reeled back slightly from my response, narrowing his eyes uncomfortably. “Well, you seem to have put quite a lot of thought into this, haven’t you? In that case, what reason do you have for being so damn quiet about it until now?”

“I was quiet because I didn’t want to believe it! You were gone for so long, I refused to accept that when you returned at last it wouldn’t really be you! I wanted to believe so badly that you were just emotionally confused from the trauma, but as time passed and you grew worse, I realized that that just wasn’t the case. I hate to say it aloud, but I can’t deny it anymore. Something happened to you, and I need to know what it is. Our whole team deserves to know, and our friends, too. So I’ll ask you bluntly: what is wrong or went wrong that caused such a violent change in attitude? Please, talk to us.”

“You really want to know that badly? I don’t see the point, nothing really happened.”

“Liar.”

“What?”

“That’s a lie. I can see it in your eyes that you are avoiding something, desperately. What is it? I don’t want to push you too far, but as the leader of Chang Squad as well as a dear friend, I need to know what exactly is going on. For everyone’s sake.”

“So what? I don’t care who you are, there’s no point telling you, or anyone else. Didn’t I already say that? God, you really don’t listen, do you? I’m fine, like always. Nothing is particularly wrong with me, and you are wasting your time—”

"I’m wasting my time?!” I jumped to my feet, fully prepared to scream my heart out just to make him hear a whisper. ”Listen to yourself for once! Listening to a friend and a fellow squadmate is never a waste of my time! There is very little in this world I consider more precious or important as the time spent hearing someone out, and helping them through anything they may need! Especially someone like you, Kazu! You of all people should know that I would sacrifice hours, days of my time just to hear you out, and I know you would do the same! Whatever is wrong, it is changing the way you think, the way you talk. I want to know what it is, and how I can help you through it! No matter what, nothing is more important than hel—”

“Oh, nothing, eh?” He had sprung up from his sitting position, and was standing defensively. “What the hell are you, my mother?”

“Of course not!”

“Then could you be my sister, perhaps?!”

“No!”

He stepped closer. “Oh, then you must be my girlfriend, huh?”

“I’M NOT!”

He stopped dead in his advance, as if stricken. That last response clearly hit him hard; his face was trapped in shock for a brief moment, before hardening once more. His eyes lowered, and he took a step back. “Thought so. So why? What is it that lets you make my well-being such a priority in your life? What is so important, so ‘precious’ as you put it, about me that makes my emotional state such an influence?”

I spoke quieter this time, stepping back as well. “You are a precious, dear friend. Didn’t I already tell you that? It doesn’t matter if you’re a sibling or lover, or just a friend who needs another. I will be there to listen, no matter what. If Nicole needed help with a personal issue, I would jump right on it. I would listen just as intently as I would with you. If Miranda asked for an ear, I would give it instantly. That is what makes you such a priority, Kazu. So, please. Help us by helping yourself.”

Another step back. Kazu lowered his head, obscuring his expression from everyone at the campfire. Everyone around us looked up at him, sympathy in their eyes.

Miranda spoke up first, “Yeah, c’mon man, tell us what’s up! We wanna help you, that’s all. I’d personally love it if you could trust us enough to share, at least.”

Isa jumped in. “Uh-huh! We all love having you around, so please just talk talk talk away! No need to be shy!”

Sadie looked at Kadie, and they both nodded. “We agree. Even if you aren’t part of our squad, you’re still a comrade, as well as a friend. We wanna help, so can’t you at least try?”

Even Francis sat up, and stared annoyedly at Kazuki. “Ditto, man. Like it or not, we’re all in this together, got it? I don’t care how awesome you are on the battlefield, it’s not really you. Personally, I refuse to compete with a rival who refuses to be who they are. It’s just not that cool.”

Nicole continued to stare into the crackling flames, even when she began to speak. Her voice was quiet, clear, and decisive; a very close resemblance to Queen Arya, surprisingly. “If you’re not going to open up to us, fine. We can’t force you to share with us, but neither can we force you to be our friend. Friends share their problems and troubles, so if you can’t do such a simple thing as trust in us, then we have no reason to call you one, and you have no right to be one. I want you to stay here, and for us to all be friends, but that feeling must be mutual, otherwise there just isn’t a point.”

Everyone...

They’d all jumped in without a moment of hesitation, one after another. As I looked among my comrades, my friends, I realized how determined everyone was, just like me. Everyone cared for Kazuki. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, so I shook my head and looked back at Kazuki with renewed determination. “You heard everyone, Kazu. Please! Everyone here is looking out for you, so just tell us what’s going on already. Each and everyone one of us want only the best for you, our friend. Can’t you see that? We need you, Kazu. We need you to open up so we can be a true team. Don’t you want tha—”

Shut UUUP! JUST SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! JUST SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! HRRAAGH!!” My plea was cut off as Kazu suddenly lifted his head, screaming madly. His body began to tremble, and he thrust his head into his hands, clawing at his hair. “What the HELL do any of YOU know, trying to do what’s BEST for me?! What’s BEST? What the HELL can any of you possibly know what’s best? Damn it all! All of these annoying, stupid kids! Dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!”

Everybody had leaped to their feet, stepping back as Kazuki’s tantrum grew more violent, and his speech transformed into intelligible screaming. We all shared the same, stunned expression on our faces. I tentatively reach a hand out towards him, in a final attempt to calm him down. “Hey, c’mon, Kazu. Let’s all just ta—”

He swung a hand forward, my right hand reeling back reflexively. “Screw you all! I DON’T need to deal with you all PESTERING me and PROSECUTING me and trying to tell me what I CAN and CANNOT do! I’ll kill EVERY one of those monsters all by myself!” And with that cry, he turned on his heels, and sprinted into the trees, out of sight. As if to make perfectly clear that the conversation was over, a gust of wind suddenly picked up, blowing out the fire that had remained unperturbed throughout the ordeal.

Ridiculous! What the hell was with everyone tonight, ganging up on me like a herd of sheep. Baa, baa, baa like a bunch of morons. Who gave them the idea of bullying me out of the blue like that? I had every right to escort myself out of that unbelievable situation.

As I marched through the woods, these thoughts swirled through my burning mind. The trees blurred into a green mess all around me, and I almost found myself ramming headfirst into the damn lot once or twice. I felt like I had gone deaf since I abandoned the campfire, and I neither knew nor cared if anyone was pursuing me. They could do as they goddamn wished.

Where was I? Time had ceased cooperating with logic, and my vision blurred every now and then. Even still, the urge to press onward devoured any and all reason to stop. I would leave all of those bastards behind if they wished, but I would keep moving forward. I would keep marching onward, killing Shade until there wasn’t a dark soul left on the damn planet. The sadistic, cruel planet that tirelessly tried to kill its inhabitants would be saved by the exact same bastards.

How ironic.

My mind was so preoccupied on the enticing idea of it all, I damn near walked off a cliff. As I felt the dirt below me suddenly vanish, my body instinctively fell back, right on the edge of the cliff. Behind me, the treeline had ended some twenty meters ago, but I had been to lost in my perfect fantasy to realize. Rubbing my tailbone, which was probably bruised from the fall, I turned towards the cliff, and gasped as every dark thought vanished at the unbelievable scene that had been unveiled before me.

The camp was silent: nobody dared shatter the delicate night in fear of changing our world forever. Kazuki’s rant replayed over and over in my head, as I desperately tried to figure out what went wrong, and what I could have said and done better to avoid the tantrum. No matter how much I thought about it, however, the same scenario repeated itself, unperturbed by my attempts to change his reaction. All around me, the other members of Chang and Marinos Squads sat silently in the darkness. I could tell through the darkness that every face was troubled, every motion strained. Whether through intention or accident, we had all become one unit, the troubles of one piece affecting the entire being.

The sight was both heartwarming and heartbreaking.

“Hey, guys.” I spoke barely above a whisper to not further disturb the night. One by one, they directed their attention to me. “C’mon, I know we’re all tired. Why don’t we get some rest, and tomorrow we can decide together on what to do? We’ve all been through a lot today, so the least we deserve is some shut-eye, don’cha think?”

Miranda stood up, slowly. “Yeah, Alison’s right. Let’s get to sleep, everyone. Tomorrow is a new day, with new smiles and cheer.”

The entire camp shifted around as our teams complied. Sleeping bags unzipped, armor was removed, and the embers of the campfire were extinguished. I only zipped myself up after everyone else was sleeping soundly. I took one last look at my comrades, my friends. Then I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.