What I Should’ve Said

Thursday, September 2nd

Bennett

Music comes softly from the radio in the corner, the sounds of Summer’s favorite station playing the oldies of the fifties, sixties, and seventies. Her hand is limp in mine, but I hold it securely enough for the both of us.

She hasn’t stirred at all since before I left for the police station yesterday, and I know that means it’s almost time. Her sweet body is tired, and I have to let it rest, no matter how desperate I am for more days, weeks, years.

“I love you so much, my little Summblebee.” I lean my head to her hand and squeeze my tired red eyes shut against the overwhelming pain the sound her labored breathing brings. “I don’t want to be without you.”

Her voice is small, but the effect is like a gunshot, I’m so surprised to hear it.

“You’re…gonna…be…okay…Daddy.”

“Summer? Summer baby, you’re awake?” I ask frantically, kissing her hand and her cheek and her forehead. She coughs and her eyes struggle to make the effort to blink, but the corners of her mouth still lift a little into her beautiful, amazing smile.

“Why…are…you…yelling?”

I laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Sum. I just thought…”

“I’m…sleepy…Daddy,” she says, every word a struggle.

“I know, baby. I know you’re tired.” My face crumples, tears falling as silently as I can manage down my face. “You’ve been so strong.” My throat feels like it’s closing. “But it’s okay now. You don’t have to be strong anymore. I’ll be okay.”

“I…know…Daddy…”

I swipe at the tears with the back of my hand and try to smile down at her. “You do?”

“You…have…Norah,” she says and then coughs again, just barely catching her breath. “She…makes…everything…okay.”

I nod. Yeah, my girl and I fell hard, just as I suspected we would. The only problem is that I don’t make everything okay for Norah. She deserves to be happy and safe and with someone she can trust.

“Yeah, baby. She does.”

“I…want…to…see…her.” S~ᴇaʀᴄh the (ꜰind)ɴʘvel.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“Okay,” I agree without hesitation, knowing Norah would want to see her too.

“Charlie!” I call out, and it’s only five seconds before she’s popping her head into the room and coming to take my place. I don’t know how she knows, but I don’t even have to ask her to sit with Summer for her to understand that’s what I want. With another kiss or two or three to my daughter’s precious face, I leave the bedroom and head for the kitchen to find my phone.

Breezy is there again, and I’m almost delirious enough to believe the whole police station thing was a fever dream and Norah is still asleep in my bed.

“You okay, Ben?” Breezy asks, jumping up from her chair when I turn from side to side, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing.

“I…” I shake my head. “Summer wants to see Norah. I was looking for my phone, but I don’t know where it is.”

“I’ll call her. I have her number,” Breezy offers straightaway.

“That’s good.” I nod. Nod again. “Probably better anyway.” I don’t even know if Norah wants to talk to me at this point. “Tell her…if she needs me to leave, I can.”

“Bennett,” Breezy replies, her intonation meant to chastise me with just my name.

I wave her off. “No, Breeze. I… Just let her know. Whatever she wants. But…she should come soon.”

Breezy’s mouth is a firm line of everything I’m feeling inside.

The seasons are changing, and our beautiful Summer is almost gone.