We Become the Night

My brother’s keeper... failed

I’m awaken by the ringing of my cell phone early this morning. I look at the time on my alarm clock, puzzled. 5a.m.? Why the hell is someone calling at five in the morning? On a damn Sunday on top of it. I groan and answer the phone.

“Hello?” I manage to mumble, my words sounding slurred. There’s a frantic sounding Max on the other end. “Cal? Cal? He’s gone. I don’t know what... Where... They can’t...”

“Max? What the hell, man? Slow down,” I tell him, trying to clear the cobwebs from my brain. “What happened? Who’s gone?” I rub my tired eyes.

“Your brother. Cole is gone from the hospital. They don’t know where he is.” I sit up in bed, now completely awake.

“What do you mean ‘gone’? How can he just be gone? Hang on, I’m getting up. I’ll be there shortly. Ow. Shit.” I curse when I fall out of bed as I struggle to get free from my blankets, which have somehow gotten so wrapped around my legs it feels like I’m in a coffin.

“I’m not at home. I’m at the hospital.”

“Okay. I’ll have Josh, ah, Mr. Smithin drive me there. I’ll meet you there in a little bit.” I free myself from the blankets and hop over to the closet, my sheet still entangled on my ankle.

We hang up and I finish getting untangled from my sheets and get dressed. I go to Joshua’s room and knock on the door. He answers the door in just his pajama bottoms with his hair messy and bleary-eyed.

“Cal? What time is it?”

I check my watch. “Around five-thirty.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure exactly. Max called frantic. Apparently, Cole is gone from the hospital. They don’t know where he is. Max is there now. Do you think you could drive me there?” That woke him up. He nods before I barely finish my question. He quickly ducks back into his room to get dressed. The door to his room is mostly closed, having swung shut when he bolted into his room. He opens the door only a few moments later, fully dressed and running his fingers through his hair to flatten it.

“Let’s go,” he says as he leads the way down the stairs to the front door. We pause only momentarily to put our shoes and jackets on, Joshua grabs the keys from a hook by the back door, and then we both head out to the car.

Neither of us speak as he speeds down the street to the hospital. I’m surprised we don’t get pulled over, but then there’s almost no traffic this early on a Sunday. I don’t even have words for what I’m feeling right now. I sense that Joshua is upset about something. I know it has to do with my brother, but it seems as though he’s extra upset. Like it’s more than him just being missing. I push it to the back of my mind.

The hospital is pretty quiet when we arrive. I’ve been here a million times in the past two weeks, so I know my way around a bit. I lead us to where Cole’s room is, right across the hall from the nurse’s station. After peaking in his room to confirm he is indeed missing, I head up to the nurse on duty. I recognize her. She’s one of the nicer nurses and always let me know how Cole was progressing, or rather, not progressing, but she was always nice about letting me know.

I open my mouth to ask what’s going on when I hear Max’s voice from down the hall. I turn to see him rushing up to us.

“Max. What’s going on?” I ask as I turn towards him.

“I don’t fucking know, man,” he blurts out angrily and then stops short as he sees that Joshua is standing right behind me. I turn to look at Joshua’s face and the only indication he gives that he heard the profanity is a slightly raised eyebrow. Max mumbles a small apology to which Joshua just shakes his head. Satisfied he’s not going to be in any sort of trouble, Max turns to me again.

“I’ve been all over this hospital in the last couple hours. I came by late last night to see Cole and let him know how the memorial went. You know how the nurses and doctors said to keep talking to him?” I nod. “Well, I thought he’d like to know just how loved your parents were.” I inwardly cringe because I should have been the one to let Cole know about our parents’ memorial.

“Anyway, when I got here, he wasn’t in the room. I asked at the nurse’s station and no knows where he is. There isn’t anything on the visitor’s log and, as far as I know, their cameras don’t show anything.” Max finished saying.

He looks so defeated that I cross to him and put one arm around his shoulders and pull him to my side, much in the same fashion he did for me the day prior. Max doesn’t say anything, instead he accepts the one-armed hug for what it is, a friend steadying him. I think briefly that it’s my brother and I should be the one falling apart, yet I feel a strange calmness descend over me. Then another thought enters my mind, Max has been dealing with this issue for *I look at my watch* over eight hours. He probably hasn’t gotten any sleep since last night. To top all of that off, Cole is his best friend. Of course, Max is my best friend too, but he and Cole are a bit closer than he and I are. It probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve never been too outgoing while Cole and Max would often go off on adventures together.

One time, they both decided they would “borrow” Max’s mom’s car and go for a drive down the freeway. This wouldn’t have been an issue except they were 11 and 12 at the time. Mine and Max’s parents were frantic. When they were found three hours later on the side of the freeway after the car ran out of gas, our parents were so relieved they weren’t even punished. Max’s mom still jokes that it’s a good thing she forgot to get gas the day before and it was already almost on E.

“Max, we’ll find him. I mean, he couldn’t have gotten far, right?” I tell him. Max nods. Joshua makes a small noise, like he was trying to discreetly clear his throat. I had almost forgotten he was there. Max and I look up to see him looking past us. We follow his gaze down the hall and see Cole’s girlfriend, Jamie and Max’s girlfriend, Delilah hurrying towards us. I let my arm drop from Max’s shoulders.

“I heard about Cole and called Delilah,” Jamie says as they reach us. Delilah narrows her eyes at me, and I take a small step away from Max. Jamie pulls me to her in a hug.

“Are you alright, Cal?” Jamie asks as we break apart. I nod.

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that Cole is just fine. I mean, we know he has to be somewhere around here. He didn’t just get up and walk away. We would know if he was dead, so we know that’s not it,” I say with a weird kind of calm that I know I shouldn’t be feeling given the situation. But then, my brother has always been able to get himself out of the worse kind of situations that he routinely put himself in.

Delilah scoffs. “Figures. Not even worried about his own brother missing. Typical brat,” she mutters low under her breath. Somehow, I hear everything perfectly clear, as if she had spoken loudly to the group. I glare at her so intensely, I, at first, don’t notice the low growl sounding in my throat. Her head jolts back and eyes go wide. I feel Joshua’s hand on my shoulder, giving me a not-so-gentle squeeze. I break out of whatever came over me and take a look around. Max and Jamie look alarmed, but Delilah looks downright terrified.

“Sorry,” I mutter as I look down at my feet.

Jamie breaks the tension by replying, “I think Cal is right. I mean, the staff doesn’t seem too worried about where he is. Perhaps he’s better and just went for a walk.”

I can tell that Jamie doesn’t really believe the words she’s saying even as she’s saying them. Even so, I’m grateful enough for her intervention, that I don’t say anything. Joshua furthers the idea of Cole being fine by suggesting that we all go home and wait for a call. Since there is literally nothing any of us can do right now, we all agree. I follow Joshua out the door and to the car.

On the drive home, I stare straight out the window. I can see Joshua glance my way every so often, but he doesn’t say anything. At least not till we pull into the driveway. He shuts off the car and turns towards me. His gaze is intense and it’s the first time since I’ve come to live with him that I’m frightened by him. Not that he’ll hurt me, I don’t believe he could do that. I’m frightened by what he thinks of me.

“Cal, I think there’s something we need to talk about.” he says, his voice low. I swallow hard, but don’t say anything. I nod, now more frightened of what he’s going to say. I’m terrified that he’ll tell me I can’t live here anymore. I know I can to Max’s house, but I really do like living here. Not just because of all the game systems and luxury furniture, though that’s nothing to sneeze at, but because I feel like I belong here.

He must notice the apprehension in my face because he suggests talking inside the house. I get out of the car and follow him into the back door. We kick our shoes off, hang our jackets up, and go to the living room. We both sit down on the couch and Joshua turns to look directly at me.

“Cal, I’ve noticed a bit of a change in your behavior. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

I shrug. “I can’t explain what I don’t know. I’ve noticed a change too, but I don’t know where it’s coming from or why.” He nods slowly, thoughtfully.

“I think that perhaps the loss of your parents and now your brother’s disappearance have made more of an impact than either of us realized at first. Maybe it’d be best if you take some more time off of school. If you’re worried about falling behind, we can do online learning.”

My head is dizzy with what he’s saying. I’m so relieved that he’s not kicking me out that I barely realize what he’s offering.

“You mean, you’re not kicking me out?” I say timidly.

“Kicking you out? Where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I kinda thought that’s what you wanted to talk about. You know, since I’ve been cranky lately.”

He laughs lightly, “I don’t know if ‘cranky’ is the proper term, but no, I’m not kicking you out. This is your home, for as long as you are able to stay.”

I don’t ask what he means by that, but I agree to the online schooling. School has been getting way too weird for me anyway. Without my brother there to have my back and Max too overwhelmed with grief at his missing friend, I’m more alone there than I have ever been.

He suggests that we unwind with some video games or a movie or something. I let the pent-up breath go as I agree and ask if we can just watch a movie where I don’t have to think about it. He turns on the TV, switches to Netflix, scrolls for a while, and finds a mindless comedy from the 1990’s. I let my mind wander as the comedy antics of Charlie Sheen in a fighter jet flash across the screen. Before I know it, it’s time for me to go to sleep.

The next few weeks fly by. I’m doing better in my classes now that I don’t have the distractions of being in school caused. Joshua gives me one-on-one lessons for science and I’m excelling in the subject. Every day, Max comes by to hang, play video games, update me on what’s going on, or just shoot the shit. Two weeks in and there’s still no sign of Cole. I’ve pretty much given up that he’ll be found and we’re going to be holding a memorial service for him tomorrow.

It’s been a full month since the attack in my parents’ house, yet, in some ways, it feels like I’ve lived with Joshua forever. In other ways, though, it feels like the attack happened just yesterday.

There’s a knock on my bedroom door as I sit on my bed reading. I look up from the Jane Austin novel I’m reading and call to Joshua to come in. The door opens and Jamie is there.

“Oh. Sorry, Jamie, I thought you were Joshua, uh, Mr. Smithin.”

“That’s ok. Mr. Smithin said to come on up. I need to talk to you.” She’s still standing in the doorway. I gesture wordlessly for her to come forward and sit on the bed. She moves forward slowly and meekly sits on the edge of the bed, her head down and her hands folded.

“I...” she doesn’t finish her thought. She sits like that for what seems like half an hour.

“Yeah?” I finally prompt her.

“I feel like I need to say sorry for something.” This statement confuses me. She’s the last person that needs to apologize to me. She’s always been nice to me. I know it’s only because of Cole, but at least she doesn’t actively hate me like Delilah. Though Delilah has no reason to be threatened by me. It’s not like Max is going to dump her for me anyway.

“I don’t know what you should be apologizing for. Hell, you’ve been there for me more than just about anyone except Max, but let’s face it, Max is, well, Max. You know how he is.” I shrug but smile widely at her.

“I know. I know. That’s not what I’m talking about.” She looks around nervously like she’s expecting to be attacked, all the while playing with the ring on her finger. I look at her long, slim hands. The ring she keeps spinning around her finger has a beautiful green and red stone set in a silver band. I’ve never seen a stone like that before. I want to ask her about it, but something in her demeaner makes me think that now isn’t a good time.

“I... I can’t, I shouldn’t, say anymore.” Her voice drops to a whisper, “Cal, be careful. You... you just have no idea.” She leans over, hugs me, and gives me a small kiss on the cheek. She freezes and give me a very strange look. Almost as quickly as the look came, it left. She gets up quickly and walks straight out of the room before I had a chance to say anything to that. What the hell? The words and her expression keep spinning around in my mind. It sounds like she’s trying to warn me, but I have no idea what she’s warning me about. And what was with that look? It’s not like I’m some secret spy and she’s warning me about the bad guy.

My mind wanders a bit, going over the James Bond movies I used to watch with my dad. He was a big James Bond fan. He didn’t care which 007 it was, just as long as he got to see the movies. My mind shifts from Pierce Brosnan and Sean Connery to thinking about my dad. As I see my dad in my memories and realize that I won’t be making any more memories with him, the back of my eyes burn with tears, and I make an effort to shut those thoughts out of my head.

Before I can completely figure out what in the world that was all about, I hear a knock at the door. I look up to see Joshua standing in the open doorway.

“Hey man, you okay?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I just passed Jamie on her way out and she looked really spooked.”

“I dunno, man. She was all like, cryptic and stuff. Like she was saying something that sounded like she was trying to warn me, but I have no idea what the heck she was talking about.”

“Warn? About what....” he trails off and looks over his shoulder. Without warning or so much as a “see you later” he turns and takes off. Once again, I’m left scratching my head.

“Uh huh. Whatever, man,” I say to no one in particular. I hear the front door open and shut really quickly from downstairs. I leap up and look out my window, which faces the front of the house. It’s twilight, the streetlamps on the corner, a few houses down are just now starting to come on. I can see Joshua’s form bolt out to the sidewalk in the moonlight. I look up, momentarily distracted by the size of the moon. The moon is huge, round, and bright. I can’t help but to stare at it for a few minutes, but then I shake my head and look down again. Joshua is nowhere to be seen.

I hear the front door open and slam shut again. Then I hear large feet pounding up the stairs. A few moments later, Joshua is in the doorway again. He doesn’t look happy; his eyes are narrowed, and his brow furrowed. I open my mouth to say something, though I’m not entirely sure what, when he speaks up first.

“What exactly did she say?”

“Uh, well, she said she’s sorry. I told her she doesn’t need to be. She said she can’t say anymore, which is totally weird since she didn’t really say anything to begin with. And then she said to be careful. I have no clue what she meant by all that.”

“Huh, for her to come here... When she knows... And that she can’t...” he mutters to himself. Then he turns to me, ’She must really care for you if she was willing to come here and tell you that.”

“Tell me what?” I can feel my anger starting to rise. “I have no idea what Jamie meant by all that. I have no idea what you are saying, and I just wish that someone would give me a straight freaking answer.” My breathing is coming in large heaves now and I can feel that I’m on the verge of a panic attack.

“Don’t worry about it right now,” Joshua says lightly. He doesn’t look so upset anymore, so I take that as a good sign.

“Get some rest,” he tells me. “This weekend, maybe we can go on a hike or camp or something.”

“Sure. That sounds good.” He leaves and shuts the door behind him. I settle down in my bed with the two conversations playing through my head. As I drift off to sleep, I picture Jamie’s terrified face and Joshua’s angry face.