We Are NOT Alone

Thursday nights were not Peter’s favorite night of the week. Years prior, he lost a gentlemen’s bet to Josh, which resulted in a years’s long chore being his alone — collecting up the refuse, sorting the recycling, and putting it all curbside for trash collection day — which at least for now, was on Friday. As he was sorting through the kitchen trash, Josh appeared with a bag from Peter’s in-home office — the second bedroom they envisioned one day would serve as their first nursery. “Got this for you, big baby. You think I don’t hear you groaning and moaning about having to do this task because you forgot who played Agnes in the film version of Agnes of God and was nominated for best supporting actress in practically her first major role”

Peter interjected, “ if you don’t count Psycho II and The Big Chill as big movies.”

“I do, I do, but you long ago conceded her parts were not leading roles.”

“I know, I lost, and I’m sticking to it. Plus, I learned never to be so confident as to make a 10-year bet. Still, Babe, I really appreciate the help,” he said taking the bag from Josh’s hands. Josh retreated to the living room to flip through their saved shows list and pick something for them to watch. As Josh was flicking through the list, he noticed an alert on the memo page — “Reminder, no schools open nor public services Friday as the new holiday honoring the indigenous original people of California is celebrated for the first time after being enacted by the state legislature last year.”

“Ah, Pumpkin, I don’t know how to tell you this, but, don’t be upset.”

“What, Babe?”

“There’s no city services tomorrow. I think we forgot it’s a Cali-state holiday. No school no services. Woo hoo, a day off!!!!! and three-day weekend.”

Peter shouted back, “Awesome, Mintaka!!!! That’s amazing! We can spend the whole day together!!!!! But, I’m going to finish this chore anyway. I’m almost done.”

“Ok, Pumpkin!!! I’m looking for a show for us to watch.”

Peter emptied the office trash into the paper recycling bin and then headed to the half-bath which he usually forgot. He opened the door and grabbed the bin and dumped the contents into the grey ‘not for recycling’ bag and then pulled the door shut. Usually, there was not much in there but this was a little heavy. He opened the bag to take a peek and saw nothing but a brown bag wadded and twisted up. At first, he did not think much about it, but then he thought he had never known Josh to wad up trash. It makes recycling and sorting more difficult, which was not his style. So, he reached in and pulled out the wad. He untwisted it and opened it up. It contained the box and instructions for something rather unexpected. He suddenly set everything down except the box and proceeded around the corner to the living room where he sat down next to Josh who was giggling mindlessly over an old British sitcom they adored and had saved on their DVR forever. “Um, babe, what’s this doing in our trash,” he handed the box over to Josh who took it and inspected it in the dim light of the room.

Josh examined the package and said, “Um, home pregnancy test box and directions,” and handed it back to Peter. “I guess that can be recycled right?”

Peter replied, “Um sure, it can, but, that’s not my question.”

Josh laughed and giggled again aloud at the tv program like a little child. Peter loved this playful side of him but was annoyed by his seeming indifference to the fact that there was a box for a pregnancy test wadded up in their bathroom trash. “So, what is your question?” Josh asked finally turning to give Peter his undivided attention.

“What’s a pregnancy test doing in our trash?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean ‘what do I mean’, Josh? As far as I learned in biology class, two guys cannot get pregnant and have a baby, ergo no need for pregnancy testing, am I missing something?” At that moment, Josh reached over to the end table and picked up the testing wand which he had wrapped in a facial tissue for sanitary reasons.

“Well, I don’t know exactly what to say, Peter.”

“Ok.”

“Uh, well, I was feeling funny this morning. Kind of sick to my stomach.”

“Nauseous?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve been advising you not to rush back to eating so much bacon when your system isn’t used to it,” Peter exclaimed pulling Josh close and holding his hand which was shaking a bit.

“So, when I ran into Angel as I was walking to the car to drive to school, she noticed I looked flushed. I described my symptoms and she felt my forehead.”

“And…”.

“And she promptly entered my symptoms into some app on her phone and it came up with two diagnoses.”

“Ok.”

“Tapeworm or…”

“Pregnancy?” Peter stammered out. “So, naturally, you decided it couldn’t be a tapeworm even though you’ve suddenly been eating bacon like it’s going out of style.”

“You don’t get tapeworms from bacon,” Josh corrected.

“Oh, but you do somehow get pregnant from your male fiancé?” Peter was now looking intensely at Josh who was still clenching the pregnancy test wand wrapped in the facial tissue very tightly in his other hand. At which point he handed the wand over to Peter. Peter let go of Josh and opened the little package to reveal the test wand inside. “What…does…a…’plus’…mean?”

“Um, it...I guess you can guess what a ‘plus sign’ means, right?.”

Peter’s face lit up with pure wonder, “You’re pregnant? Is there a whole bunch of stuff you’re not telling me?”

“I don’t…think…so.”

“Let’s break it down, inexplicable cravings for as much bacon as exists this side of the Rocky Mountains, strange disappearances in the middle of the night, morning sickness, and now a positive pregnancy test. Well, it looks like you’re pregnant. Mystery solved,” Peter said upon carefully reviewing the facts.

Josh giggled, “But, I took the same biology class you did, and as far as I know, it’s not possible no matter what the test says.”

“Well, Sweetheart, first you need to go to the doctor and find out what this is all about, and second we need to move up our forever partnering ceremony timetable, because, I don’t want our first kid to be born before that.”

“Peter!”

Peter laughed, “I’m kidding but I’m not kidding. Don’t worry, Mintaka, we’ll figure this out.” Peter squeezed Josh very hard with a loving hug, and then got up, went over to grab a jacket from the hall closet, and put it on.

“Where are you going?” Josh asked shyly.

“I thought I’d pay a quick visit to our local, southern California’s most famous and beloved theme park.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I just remembered a rumor that the man behind the theme park and beloved movie studio put it in his will that the first man to get pregnant will inherit everything. I want to see what we’re going to get.”

“Funny! But, Babe seriously, I can’t be pregnant right?”

“Well, what if you are? Some miracle, who knows? I don’t mind. We’ve always planned a big family, so, now we can backseat that plan to ask Angel about being a surrogate for us.” Peter walked over to Josh and pulled him up on his feet. “Listen, my love, right now we don’t know enough. It could be a tapeworm.” He laughed and hugged Josh. “Tomorrow we can find out for sure.”

“Ok,” Josh said staying calm in Peter’s embrace. Peter let him go and Josh sat back down on the sofa. Peter finished his refuse and recycling duty; and, then, returned to take Josh to bed.

“Come on Mintaka, time for bed. Josh rose and went with him.

Shortly after midnight, Josh’s ear lobe began to sting and glow again, but this time, it did not wake him up. The intense light, however, did wake up Peter scaring the hell out of him. The light was so bright and so intense it seared his brain to look at it like staring at the sun. Closing his eyes to resist the effect, he poked Josh and shook him a bit. “Babe, Mintaka, something’s going on with your ear.” Josh rolled over, turned his head, and opened his eyes just enough to see Peter’s face fully illuminated by the light bursting from his glowing ear lobe. Josh leapt out of bed and rushed into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Peter followed in step. They both looked at Josh’s reflection in the mirror. “Babe, what’s happening?”

“I don’t know, Peter, but I’m scared now.”

“Now!?!”

“I suddenly feel like this is not the first time this has happened.”

“Really?”

“No. I remember now. The night before I proposed to you, you know when I suddenly had the urge to go get and eat bacon for the first time in years. That night! This same thing happened, and I’ve been feeling just a little strange ever since.”

Peter, looked directly into the mirror, “But you didn’t tell me?”

Josh, was suddenly unable to move more than his facial muscles to mouth an expression “I’m sorry.” The light intensified and started cycling through high-speed intermittent patterns. They both stood there staring, transfixed; and, then, the light went out. They stood there for a moment frozen, and then, nothing. One by one their previously frozen muscles relaxed and began to respond to stimuli from their own brain.

“Babe? Are you ok?” Peter asked.

“Sure, you?”

“I think I’m fine too.”

“What are we doing here?”

“Having a six-pack ab show-a-thon for the viewers at home? Honestly, I have no idea?”

“Me neither, but are you hungry?”

“Yes, strangely, I am famished.”

Josh giggled and stumbled a little bit. Peter steadied him. Wrapping one arm over his shoulder and one around Peter’s midsection, Josh pulled their bodies close together and said with both of them admiring each other in their reflection in the mirror, “If I searched the universe the rest of my life, I could never find anyone as perfect for me as you.” Peter dissolved into the moment. All of his muscles relaxed allowing the full weight of his body to be supported by Josh who handled it with ease and squeezed him so perfectly making him feel the safest, most relaxed, and most loved he had practically ever felt in his entire life. He could stand there in this position, staring at this gorgeous image of the two of them embracing and never need to see nor feel another thing. Josh finally broke the mood, “Ok, Sweet Love,” he twisted his hips and rocked back and forth a few times, “let me make us something to eat.”

“Grilled peanut butter and bacon sandwiches?”

“You read my mind!”

After their post-midnight nosh, they huddled together back to the bedroom. Josh climbed back into their bed and wrapped the covers around himself like a mummy.

“Kiss me goodnight please,” Josh begged.

“Of course, I will, nothing is better than a grilled peanut butter and bacon sandwich-flavored kiss right before bed.” Josh giggled. Peter laid down next to him and spooned with him. They kissed and cuddled for a while until Josh fell deeply asleep. Peter stayed awake a while longer adoring his babe. He thought about getting an extra comforter from the closet because Josh had absconded with the entire thing when he wrapped himself up, but he believed he would be warm enough so long as they were close. With a flutter of his eyelids, Peter finally fell back to sleep feeling incredibly content.

The next morning, Peter awoke to find his fiancé still wrapped up in the covers in a fetal position. He reached over and felt his forehead finding it to be a bit warmer than usual. Of course, being wrapped up in bedcovers all night can elevate a person’s body temperature, but usually, it would be accompanied by profuse sweating, yet there was no sign of Josh sweating at all. He was breathing and resting quite comfortably. Peter moved closer and cuddled more with his sleeping love. He loved to cuddle and snuggle with Josh. He enjoyed their sex life very much, but nothing in the world felt better than just lying in bed cuddling and snuggling and sharing their mutual appreciation for each other’s existence.

When they were in high school, of course, Josh’s house was their home together. It was where they discovered their mutually compatible likes and dislikes when it came to all things about interacting with each other, but especially sexual things. While Peter loved that he had a safe space to be himself, he regretted that his own family situation had not permitted the same for him and Josh at his house. Even now, while Peter’s parents were finally well aware of their son’s sexual orientation and liked, or so they claimed, his long-time boyfriend; they were oblivious during his high school years. Things were better now, somewhat. Peter’s mother found Josh almost as adorable as he did and definitely could see what her son saw in him, Neither, however, Peter’s mother nor father could allow the notion to set in that their son was not going to follow in the family footsteps of what they called the ‘normal American dream’. This constituted a young man and girl — their word — settling down and having lots of grandbabies. Sometimes it bothered him that they were so reluctant to accept him for who he was. Other times, he did not care. He had to be himself and true to himself no matter what anyone else, including his parents, thought about it. That, in his opinion, was the ‘normal American dream’.

“Is somebody really in love with me?” Josh’s voice emanated from within his cocoon.

“No.”

“Are you sure, because I am feeling something?”

“Like what? A tingle in your toes?”

“No, like something a little unexpectedly hard near my ass.”

“You can feel that through six layers of down comforter?” Peter asked shocked. The truth was, he had not really noticed this one, but he frequently experienced a fully engorged erection from cuddling with Josh even though, technically, cuddling was not supposed to induce such a response. One of his greatest sources of lifetime embarrassment was his magnificent inability to control his boners. This tell-tale sign had haunted him on many occasions since he got his first one at sleep-over camp in seventh grade. While he found out later it was not even close to the case, at the time he believed he was the first and only one in the camp’s history to pitch a tent in his tent at the barely pubescent age of twelve and a half. His tent mate, Mitchell, burst out of the tent screaming, “Peter’s got a boner! I’m not sharing a tent with a homo.” One of the college-aged male counselors took Peter on a special one-on-one hike later that day. Peter remembered the experience fondly for it was the first time anyone ever had a frank and candid conversation with him about the changes occurring in his body at the time that he actually understood.

“So, Pete, what’s the story this morning? You had something happen to you in your tent.”

“Uh, yes, Mr. Labrador.”

“Pete, you can call me Lyle.”

“Lyle? Ok!”

“Were you by any chance having some kind of sexy dreams?”

Peter considered his answer carefully. “Yes.”

“Well, Pete, that’s completely normal. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. This kind of thing starts to happen to boys when they go through puberty. You know, the changes of a boy into a man?”

“Really. Nobody told me much about it. In school, during the special ‘sex’ talk, they used really big words. They made pew-ber-ty sound like a disease that changed your voice and caused random hair to grow.” Lyle laughed slyly under his breath at Peter’s explanation thinking back on his similar school ‘the big sex talk’ experience.

“Got it. Yes, I think I received that same talk,” he confided to Peter. “So, let me explain some things.” He guided Peter over to sit on a log, and he stood a few paces away. “So, your penis, you know, your thing?”

“Yeah, Lyle, that’s the one technical word, I think I knew. My parents always call it that. They never call it a dick or bird or something like the guys at school call it.”

“Ok, well, when you get to a certain stage in puberty, you may start to have sexy dreams. Maybe you are dreaming about someone really cute or some movie star you have a crush on. And then, well, blood will start to flood into your penis, creating what most guys call a boner or a hard-on. Technically, it’s called an erection.”

“Um, Lyle, how can you make this go away?”

“The dreams or the erections?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Well, you can’t.”

“You mean…”.

“Yes, you’re stuck with this for life. Although, based on my own experience, you can learn to control your waking ones better as you get older by thinking about something else, your dreaming ones, maybe never.”

“But, what about Mitch? He says I’m a homo.”

“Somebody else will talk with Mitchell today. Don’t worry. And just because your tent mate is a boy, and you got an erection in your dream, doesn’t mean you are gay at all. The two things are not connected. Gay and straight guys all get erections in their dreams.”

“Really?”

“Sure, why not? What? Were you worried maybe you are gay, Pete?”

“No! No way, I’m gay!”

“Well, that’s your private business, Pete, but I would accept you either way. You know I’m gay by the way.”

“Really?”

“Yes, sure.”

“I didn’t know that you were gay. You don’t seem gay.”

“Pete, people turn out how they turn out. I am who I am, you are who you are. You don’t seem to be gay or straight. You just are, or maybe you are somewhere on the path between the two. Like I have a friend in college who’s into both guys and girls. She’s a cool girl.”

“Are you into her?”

“No. I’m not. She’s an awesome friend, but I never have any sexual feelings toward her or any girls for that matter. One of her boyfriends, however, I wanted her to share him with me very much.”

“Yikes. TMI, Lyle! I’m only in seventh grade.”

“True that, Pete, I kind of got off course into my personal life which was wrong and unprofessional of me. Sorry for that. Point is, I accept you however you turn out, and I hope you will too.”

“No way! My parents have told me over and over that, I am not gay. They sent me to this camp to help me grow up, but maybe not to talk gay stuff.”

“Well, Pete, we can keep this conversation between us, deal?”

“Deal,” Peter recalled having this sudden urge to hug Lyle, not because he had any feelings toward him, but because he was grateful that someone had the courage and care to explain things, make him feel better; and, also, accept him for however he turned out. At the time, he was pretty sure he was not gay, but he learned later when he met Josh and thought about Lyle Labrador again, that there are all different kinds of straight and gay people. While there are some possible clues to a person’s orientation when they are young, most are based on stereotypes that may or may not turn out to be true predictors.

“Yes, of course, I can feel that!” Josh’s exclamation ended Peter’s flashback.

“What are you like Prince and the Penis?”

Josh giggled hysterically. “You mean like ‘Princess and the Pea’?”

“Precisely!”

“Hmm, I never thought about it like that, but maybe I am. I very much like the sound of that either way. Maybe you should rewrite that story for the gay audience.”

Peter laughed and then squeezed his boner against the layers protecting Josh even harder. “You’re the writer in the family, not me. I’ll leave that to you.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think that will be allowed by the 2nd-grade special ed. coordinator, Mr. Shively.”

“Well, Mr. Shively might be right. Perhaps that would be more of a YA novel.”

Josh giggled, “Exactly.”

“So, not to change the subject, but is there any chance you might like to take advantage of this situation before we have to go?”

“Go?”

“We’re going to try to go to the doctor about your bacon cravings aren’t we?”

Josh rolled over and stuck his face fully out of the cocoon for the first time and totally changed the subject. “Damn, you look so irresistible right now.”

“So, then…?” Peter said suggestively. Josh knelt up and opened the cocoon allowing Peter to enter. Then he wrapped the covers around them both. Josh started kissing Peter very intentionally and passionately like he had not in a the past few months. Honestly, Peter had begun to worry that Josh was losing interest in him, becoming bored with their routines, or expending his sexual energies elsewhere. Therefore, he welcomed this enthusiasm from his suddenly more-aggressive and willing partner.

Josh reached down and removed both of their boxer shorts in one deftly-executed swipe — a skill he had mastered better than Peter. It turned out that there was not just one sword in play, there were two engorged members and they were now in full contact. As Josh turned to passionately kissing him and engaging their tongues in their favorite form of wrestling, Peter grabbed ahold of each of Josh’s lower cheeks and began fostering what they referred to as swordplay when they rubbed their hard-ons together. It was one of the things that Peter had learned early on in his sexual explorations with Josh that convinced him he was gay. He loved the feeling of Josh’s hard-on rubbing against his own. It was a contradiction in material science. Here was this incredibly soft substance yet capably hard, durable, strong, and pleasurable in every way, practically indescribable. Putting them in close contact was something utterly unique among human feelings that only two guys could achieve together. By steering Josh’s lower cheeks he could choreograph the contact of their swords intensifying the interactions and the feelings which naturally caused both of their hard-ons to likewise strengthen. He had to be careful though because he was prone to over-exciting his own member and ejaculating prematurely. Even though he and Josh had achieved many record-breaking numbers of ejaculations per love-making experience, and had developed many techniques to prevent this, they all involved a little bit of help from the other. This time, Josh’s hands were firmly holding the back of Peter’s neck as he kissed him so fiercely and deeply and then gently along his jawline and neck itself that he was, therefore, unable to help out down below. So, Peter retracted his sword slightly to give it time to reset a bit before going again. Ironically, that short pause, while so difficult to concede, produced a ten-fold result in more excitation later.

Josh had a certain fondness for chirping sweet nothings into Peter’s ears when they were making love, while Peter preferred to keep silent until the explosive moment arrived at which point he would inhale deeply and then explode with a shudder releasing this indescribable gentle sound that would cause every molecule in Josh’s body to resonate and calibrate its vibrational frequency filling him with the most complete and complex euphoria he thought he could ever feel. Josh would literally disintegrate into atoms and re-materialize with a connection of feeling between each of Peter’s and the feelings of what sex, love-making, and intercourse meant to him were forever altered. They had both wondered if this was something that could only happen between them — not just meaning only when they were with each other, but that they were the only two in the universe to share this feeling.

During a time in college, when they had been encouraged by friends to test out an open relationship experience, if nothing more than to be sure that their relationship was not one forged too young and with too little other experience therefore perhaps not being as real as they believed, they dated other guys for about a month. The experiment ended with them both deciding, in fact, they were a perfect match and perfectly in love. Josh reported never experiencing anything even close to the feelings he experienced with Peter — not even close. Peter agreed, although, he admitted something for the first time. As much as he loved every detail of how Josh was feeling, he didn’t physically feel everything the same intense way as Josh seemed to. Nevertheless, emotionally and mentally and in his soul, nothing in this world had ever made him feel more alive, more excited, more in love or loved than his experiences with Josh. He could not feel the physical entanglement of their bodies in the same electric way that Josh described, but he could feel the meta-physical entanglement of their quarks in his mind. He never loved anyone more deeply and never wanted to be with anyone else. Imagining their lives with someone else, love with anyone else, making love with anyone else, never crossed their minds.

“My gosh, Babe, let’s just explode now, I can’t resist any longer and just want to let loose,” Josh whispered in Peter’s ear. Peter took this sign that penetration was not going to be necessary on this morning. The sheer eagerness of their pulsating, rock-hard baseball bats pressing together with each gyration of their hips and their bodies sandwiched together so even the sweet droplets of sweat forming between them could not be squeezed out, had fostered a world summit between them on global climatic change. The climax occurred simultaneously with each one suddenly shooting out ribbon upon ribbon of their special fluids. Josh loved this feeling when they came outside together in this way. It seemed somewhat miraculous when one’s member had so excited one’s partner’s at precisely the same moment that a mutual release of bodily fluids in a warm and sensual spray could happen between them physically sticking them together literally and figuratively. Peter’s shudders and sounds added to Josh’s sheer elation causing him to wrap his legs and arms around Peter so tightly while melting their mouths together in a final gasping kiss expending every last drop of energy in both of their bodies. This resulted in them both immediately falling into the deepest state of peaceful, loving sleep they ever achieved. They would wake up as their love juices dried caking them together for real and making it impossible to painlessly separate without a special technique they developed out of necessity. They would waltz, stuck together, to the shower and allow the warm, pleasurable, penetrating streams of the overhead rain shower run between their bodies dissolving the connecting seal as slowly and painlessly as it had been formed.