Wait for It

“Josh, I swear to God—”

“I’m coming!”

I did the sign of the cross with one hand, eyeing the face of my cell phone with a grumble. We were running fifteen minutes late, and while I didn’t have to be at work until eight forty-five, I still hated Josh and Lou getting to school after it started. Rushing drove me bonkers, even though I seemed to be running behind half the time anyway. More like three-fourths of the time if I was going to be totally honest with myself. And if I was going to be even more honest with myself, this whole not-getting-places-on-time business didn’t start until the boys became mine.

“Joshua!” I yelled just as Louie lifted his red school Polo shirt up from his spot next to me, showing the empty space where a belt needed to be. “Goo, you forgot your belt.”

He looked down like he didn’t believe me and immediately took off down the hall back toward his room with his shoulders stooped. That should have told me what kind of day it was going to be. Louie didn’t usually walk anywhere like he was headed for his execution.

“Joshua Ernesto Casillas,” I hollered again, two seconds away from losing it. I’d woken him up at the same time I always did. He’d even stood up and started putting his pants on right in front of me before I left the room, but by the time fifteen minutes had passed and he still hadn’t come out of there, I had gone to check on him, only to find him asleep again, sitting on the mattress with his pants at his knees in only his tighty-whities.

“I said I’m coming!”

“You also told me last week you were going to stop ‘resting your eyes’ after I woke you up, but from the looks of it, that hasn’t happened either,” I snapped, gripping the very edges of my patience.

There was a pause before, “I’m sorry!” What a faker.

He should be sorry, but I knew I needed to accept his apology before he stopped giving them. I was worried, if I guilt-tripped him too much, at some point it would stop being effective. “I forgive you but come on, man! Chop, chop!”

Two seconds later, the older brother followed the younger one down the hall, clutching two backpacks, two jackets, and a baseball bag between them. The Larsens were taking him to batting practice tonight. I waved them on, locking the door behind them as we basically all ran toward the car… until Josh stopped and threw his hands up. “I forgot my helmet!”

Oh my God.

“What happened to checking off your list?” I asked him.

“I was trying to hurry!” was his excuse.

The look I gave him went pretty much ignored as I tossed the keys in his direction, lunging like I was going to give him a wedgie as he ran back to the house. Turning back to face Louie so I could tell him he might as well get into the car while we waited, I stopped and took in the little boy standing a few feet away. Did he look pale or was I imagining it? And were there bags under his eyes or was I imagining that too?

“You okay, Lou?” I asked him, frowning.

He wasn’t looking at me when I questioned him, but his blue eyes swung to me and he nodded the most unconvincing nod I’d ever seen.

“Are you sure? Did you sleep bad?” The longer I took him in, the worse he looked.

“Yeah,” he answered, scrunching up that adorable nose for a moment. “My head hurts.”

I’d heard that excuse before from Josh. “A little or a lot?”

He shrugged.

Well, it couldn’t be that bad if he wasn’t complaining. “Can you try to go to school?”

He nodded.

In my gut, I knew that was a weird way for him to respond. Josh was the body language one of the two; Lou usually said whatever was on his mind. But I still dropped to a knee and gave him a hug, touching his cool forehead and cooler cheeks. His coloring was off, but he wasn’t warm. His arms wrapped around my neck and he gave me a squeeze.

By the time Josh came back, Lou was already buckled into the booster seat that he hated and I had just slammed his door shut. Josh tossed the keys over and I asked just to be sure, “Did you check that the front door really closed?”

He shot me a look as he opened the other passenger door. “Yes.”

“Okay, attitude.” He made it seem like he hadn’t left it unlocked before. Jesus.

“Tia, your purse,” Louie mentioned in a soft voice the minute I opened the driver side door to get in.

My—

Damn it. I’d left it inside.

Ignoring the smug look I would bet an ovary Josh was throwing my way, I ran back to the house, in and out of it in less than two minutes. As I jogged toward the car, I spotted that big Ford pickup backing out of the driveway. I waved, not sure if Dallas had even seen me or not.

At their school fifteen minutes later, I had to get out of the car and go with them to the principal’s office to get tardy passes, earning a snarky comment from the secretary who had to write the notes about how important it was for “children to get to school on time.” Like she never occasionally ran late. Ugh.

My day didn’t get any better once I got to work.

Sean had shown up to work over an hour late, complaining about how he wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t sure he’d be able to stay all day, and put me on edge. When my cell started vibrating at nearly noon, I was in the middle of a wash and couldn’t answer. It wasn’t until an hour later, in-between appointments, when my phone started vibrating again that I was able to answer. My mom’s name flashed across the screen. Eyeing my coworker and his customer out of the corner of my eye, I headed outside.

“Bueno?”

“Diana, I’ve tried calling you three times,” my mom hissed, catching me totally off guard.

“I’m at work, Mamá. I can’t pick up the phone if I have a customer,” I replied, frowning and wondering what was up with her. She knew all of this. I wouldn’t call her while she was working and get all bent out of shape if she didn’t answer.

“Si, pues maybe you can get a job where you can,” she said in Spanish, her tone exasperated and pretty damn brutal.

“I don’t think jobs like that exist,” I replied, wondering what I’d done to deserve another bad attitude so soon.

She obviously didn’t see the truth in my words because the attitude she called me with went nowhere. “Maybe if you would have gone to college like we wanted you to—”

Oh, fuck my life. It had been at least a month since the last time she’d given me this talk. It didn’t matter that I did okay at a job I enjoyed and was pretty damn good at. It also didn’t matter that I had only once asked to borrow money from my parents soon after I’d moved out; I hadn’t gotten a degree. What had I been thinking? She brought up me not going to college at least three times a year, if I was lucky. If I wasn’t lucky, it came up once a month or more.

“I’m at work. Do you need something?” I cut her off, not even remotely caring that I was being just as rude as she was. There was something about not wanting to have this conversation right by the salon that had me looking both ways and crossing the street, wanting to get away so that Sean and his customer couldn’t see, much less hear whatever shit was about to come out of my mom’s mouth and mine. It felt too personal already.

“If you would’ve answered, you would know Louie se enfermó. You didn’t answer so they called here. I went to pick him up already, and I took him to the clinica at the pharmacy. He said he hasn’t been feeling good for days—”

My heart sank. I knew he hadn’t looked well that morning, but I’d asked him. I started pacing up and down the sidewalk outside.

“He has strep. Do you know if Joshua is feeling okay?”

Rubbing my forehead, I told her the truth. “He hasn’t told me he was sick. I think he’s fine.”

“Ay, Diana. You don’t ask if they’re feeling okay?”

I almost told her that it wasn’t like she’d asked me daily if I was feeling fine or not, but I kept my mouth shut. “No, Mamá. They only tell me if they aren’t.”

“Well, Josh might be sick too. Maybe you should ask from now on, no? You have to remember you don’t only take care of yourself now. You have to take care of them too. Pay more attention.”

It wasn’t very often my mom flayed my parenting skills, but when she went beyond a little comment here and there, she went in for the kill. This was one of those moments. My guilt for not insisting that Louie tell me he was feeling crappy was bad enough, but my mom’s words just severed all the veins and arteries that connected my heart to the rest of my body. I should have asked more questions when I’d noticed his pallor. She was right. It was my fault, and I felt awful instantly.

In a cool, smaller voice, I said, “Okay. I get it. Thank you for picking up Louie. Let me know how much I owe you for the doctor’s visit, and I’ll pay you back—”

“You don’t have to pay me anything.”

Well, I sure as hell didn’t want to owe her a cent after the reaming she’d just given me. “No, I’ll pay you for it and the medicine. I’ll call Josh’s school right now and check on him. Thank you for picking up, Lou.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” my mom said as if she could sense the distance I was throwing between us. This had always been our relationship: she went in like a battering ram and didn’t worry about what she damaged until afterward. I didn’t want to think too much about how similar we might be from time to time.

“Well, I want to. If he isn’t feeling well, I’ll call the Larsens and see if they can pick up Josh so you don’t have to. You’ve done enough. Thank you.”

“Diana—”

“I need to get back to work. If it’s an emergency call my work. I gave the school the number for the salon, but I guess they didn’t write it down. I’ll make sure to take your number off the contact list—”

“No seas asi.” Don’t be like that, she said.

How else could I be when she tore all the love, time, and effort I put into Josh and Louie to shreds in seconds? How? I didn’t do everything for them, but I did a lot, and no one could say I didn’t put them first. But that was exactly what my mom had implied and it hurt a hell of a lot more than it should have. I didn’t think she ever would have told my brother what she had just said to me if he hadn’t been able to get off work to pick them up.

“I get off work at seven. I’ll pick Lou up then….” For one brief, hurtful moment, I thought about not telling my mom I loved her. Every single time we got off the phone, I made sure to. That went with all of my loved ones. But as quickly as the thought came into my head, I knew I couldn’t do it, no matter how angry I was. So I rushed it. “Love you, bye.”

I hung up on her and didn’t even feel bad about it.

I had done a lot of stupid, selfish things in my life, but I didn’t want Louie or Josh to ever be affected by those kinds of decisions. Not ever. But my mom had stomped on me and made me feel like the biggest douchebag on the planet, even if I had asked Louie if he was okay.

I was trying my best, I thought. Most of the time I did pretty well.

Pon más atención.

Oh man, it felt like she’d sucker punched me. I did pay attention to them. How could she make it seem like I didn’t?

All this weight settled nicely on my chest, and I let my heart swim around in my mom’s words. I had just let out a deep, shaky breath when I heard, “Diana!”

Literally standing three feet away from me, in the opposite direction I’d been facing, were Trip and Dallas right outside of the tattoo parlor next door to the deli I had, at some point, stopped pacing in front of. Great. Had they overheard? “Hi,” I greeted Trip a little weakly, knowing he was the one who had called my name.

He didn’t even try to pretend he hadn’t listened in. “You okay, honey?”

Being judged and found lacking by the people who were supposed to love you never left anyone feeling all right, and I didn’t see a point in pretending otherwise when chances were he had heard enough to know I wasn’t. I wasn’t trying to impress him, or much less Dallas, by not being upset at something so personal. “You ever disappoint your parents?” I asked the blond with a forced smirk, trying to make light of something I wanted to believe happened to every child no matter what the age—something I didn’t want to ever have Lou or Josh feel.

Trip’s chuckle was so rich and honest, I knew I had done the right thing by not going the strong route. “Only every day.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little, even if he was lying.

He winked at me before asking, “Getting lunch?” with that flirty grin that didn’t do anything for me right then.

“I just needed to get out of the salon for a minute to deal with this,” I said, giving my phone a shake as I kept my gaze on Trip and not the brown-haired man beside him who had eaten dinner at our place two nights ago. “Getting a tattoo on your lunch break?” I tried to joke.

It was my neighbor who responded, forcing me to glance in his direction. “No. I’m getting some work done,” he explained just like that.

“Oh.” I nodded and looked away from him, not sure how long it was okay for me to make eye contact before I crossed the fine line of our friendship or whatever it was. “Umm, my little one is sick right now, and I’m not sure if Josh caught it or not.”

“What’s wrong with Louie?” Dallas asked almost instantly about the little boy who had sat beside him—and a couple of times partially on top of him—for hours, playing some shooting game.

My shrug was more helpless than I would have liked for it to be. “Strep throat.”

Both men winced and I nodded.

“I need to give Josh a call and check up on him, he’s supposed to have batting practice tonight but I don’t know if he’s sick or not.” God, I hoped not. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, see ya, honey,” Trip said.

I smiled at him and just as I did that, Dallas added, “Hope Lou feels better.”

I smiled at him too and watched as both men turned and headed down the street toward the parking lot or mechanic shop, wherever they were going.

Not bothering to cross the street again, I dialed Josh’s school from where I was on the sidewalk, asking first and then demanding that they put him on the phone so I could make sure he was feeling fine. I waited outside the deli until his voice came over the line.

“Hi?”

“J, it’s Di. You okay?”

“Uhh, yeah, why?” He quickly added, “Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

Here went another ton of guilt. I was such an idiot. “Everything is fine. Don’t worry. I’m sorry. Louie got sick and your abuelita had to go pick him up. I just wanted to check with you and make sure you’re feeling okay.”

The long exhale out of him made my heart hurt. “I thought…,” he whispered, his relief evident. “I’m not sick, but you can come pick me up if you want.”

This kid. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Get back to class. Your grandpa is picking you up today,” I said, even though I was sure he hadn’t forgotten. Our schedules hadn’t changed much over the last two years.

“’Kay, bye.”

“Bye, I love you.”

“Love you too,” he whispered right before the line went dead. At least someone loved me.

Wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand, I didn’t realize until right then that I’d gotten teary-eyed at some point. Jesus. I wasn’t sure why I let my mom’s words bother me so much; it wasn’t the first time she’d said a variation of me not doing a good enough job with the boys. It wouldn’t be the last either.

* * *

“What you’re trying to tell me is that you’ve reached blue whale status?”

Vanessa’s laugh on the other end of the phone made me smile as I steered the car down the street toward my house. “Shut up.”

“You’re the one carrying a full-sized kid. I’m only speaking the truth, and you can’t handle the truth.”

“The doctor said he’s in the highest percentile in size—”

“No shit.”

“But he’s not that big—”

“Compared to what exactly? A baby elephant?” Some days, all a girl needed was to talk to her best friend to make a day that hadn’t been great better. I had done enough thinking and replaying everything that happened with my mom. I didn’t want to deal with it any more than I already had, so I’d been relieved when my phone rang and Vanessa’s name had flashed across the screen.

She groaned. “I haven’t gained that much weight,” she argued. “I’m all belly.”

“Until the belly eats the rest of you,” I joked, earning a big laugh out of her that made me smile. “I promise I’m going to try and schedule my trip to visit you. Everything has just been hectic lately. I barely have time to use the bathroom, and even then, someone is banging on the door asking for something.”

“I know, Di. It’s fine. I wanted to tell you I mailed Josh’s birthday present yesterday. Are you ready for his party?”

I almost groaned. The party. Ugh. “Almost,” I answered vaguely.

“That sounds convincing. Fine, I won’t ask. How’s it going with his baseball team?”

Spotting my house coming up, I turned the wheel to pull into the driveway. “He really likes it so far.” It was me who had been having issues with it. “I already got suspended from practice for getting into an argument with a mom on the team.”

“Diana! What did she do? Say something about Josh?”

In normal circumstances, she knew me too well. “She called me Teen Mom.”

There was a pause. Vanessa was a product of a parent who had become one as a teenager. “What a bitch.”

“Uh-huh. It’s fine. He likes it, I’m not worried about it, and the coaches are…” I let out a low whistle. “Not my type, but they’re nice to look at.”

She laughed. “Have your parents brought up him doing soccer again?”

I almost grumbled. That was a sore spot in my family. No matter how many times I explained to my parents that, just because I had two cousins who played professionally, didn’t mean every person with the last name Casillas was going to be good at it. “Nope.”

“And Louie?”

“Still no. He mentioned wanting to try karate, but he’s happy skateboarding for now.”

“I’m sure it’ll—shit. I need to go pee, but I need both hands to get off the couch—”

I just about shouted out a laugh, imagining her trying to get off the couch and failing.

“Shut up. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay.” I snickered again. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” she replied.

“Bye,” we both said at the same time.

Tossing the phone into my open purse, I was cracking up all alone. Imagining Vanessa trying to hoist herself off the sofa again only made me laugh harder, easing my memories of the day further and further away. Out of the car, I opened the rear passenger door and reached in, slipping my hands through several grocery bags. My mom had sent me a text before I had gotten off, saying she would bring Louie home later, and with the Larsens taking Josh to batting practice and keeping him overnight, I had decided to hit the store on my way home. I’d stocked up on sick-kid necessities.

“Diana?”

I froze. Each wrist had four plastic grocery bags hanging off it. My cell phone was in my purse.

My heart started beating so fast there was no way I would want to know what my blood pressure could possibly be in that moment. I’d heard that voice before. It only took a second “Diana” for the tone to register with the part of my brain that didn’t want to recognize it.

It was Anita.

She had found my house.

She was here.

I wasn’t above admitting there wasn’t a reason for me to lose it, but I was going to do it anyway. I was more freaked out than angry, and that pissed me off. A knot filled the very center of my chest and my throat closed up. That part of me that didn’t want to deal with this—that never wanted to deal with this—said I should just get in the car, close the door, and get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

But I thought of Josh, and I knew I couldn’t do that.

Anita knew where we lived. She knew where we fucking lived. Arguably the biggest mistake of my brother’s life had somehow found our address.

My hands went numb right before they started trembling. I squeezed them into fists. I closed my eyes too, hoping this was a bad dream but knowing it wasn’t.

Slowly, I let out a long breath and ducked out of the car too hesitant when that was the last reaction I would want to have if I ever looked back on this moment. Like a bad dream, she was there.

Josh’s mom.

Josh’s birth mom.

I hadn’t seen her since Rodrigo’s funeral, where she’d pitched a fucking fit in the parking lot when she saw Mandy, my brother’s wife—Louie’s mom and Josh’s stepmom, who had always been more than that, until she wasn’t.

“Hi,” she said in a calm tone like the last time I’d seen her, she hadn’t called me a stupid bitch while she’d been drunk as a skunk. I could forgive her for that. We had all been in a bad place at that point. What I couldn’t forgive her for was trying to fight Mandy while she’d been grieving, and yanking on Josh’s arm when he hadn’t wanted to go with her. Why would he? Before the funeral, which I had no idea how she’d even heard about, she hadn’t seen him in three years. I could count on one hand how many times she had been with the boy she’d given birth to and given up parental rights to at nineteen.

I had nothing to be freaked out about. Absolutely nothing. But that was a lot easier said than done.

“How have you been?” she asked almost casually.

“Fine and I hope you have too, but you need to go,” I managed to tell her calmly, carefully, despite the fact that my hands and forearms had started tingling with discomfort and I was feeling about eighty other different emotions I wasn’t ready to classify.

“I just want to talk,” Anita tried to explain, one of her hands going to cup the elbow of the opposite arm. She looked thinner than the last time I’d seen her. The whites in her eyes were more yellow, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with her.

I’d told her very plainly when I’d shoved her toward her car after pulling her away from Mandy and Josh, “If you ever want to see Josh again, you need to clean your life up.” And from the yellow that was supposed to be white and the flat color of her hair, she hadn’t done that.

I knew Anita. At least I knew the person she used to be. She’d been this teenager who had fallen in love with my brother after meeting him at a club back in Fort Worth. She had been nice enough, partied a lot, laughed really loudly. I guess you could say we were a lot alike. Anita had only been seeing my brother for about two months when she told him she was pregnant with his kid. She was only a year older than me, but as I took her in, I saw this person who seemed to have aged physically faster than I had. What had started off with her “not being ready to raise a baby” had turned into this person in front of me who got mixed in with one bad decision after another.

She was Josh’s biological mom, but in all the ways that mattered, he was mine, and I would only share what he was willing to give. He had been mine before Mandy, and he was still mine even after Mandy. I was the one who helped bottle feed him after he’d been released from the hospital. I’d been the one who took turns with my brother waking up in the middle of the night when he cried. I had cleaned his dirty baby butt, bought him clothes, blended his food when he’d gotten off formula. I was the one who cried when my brother met Mandy and announced to my best friend and me that he was moving out and getting a place with her. I was the person who had missed the shit out of Josh when I didn’t live with him for those years their family had been together.

Not Anita.

“Go. Now. There’s still the restraining order against you. You can’t be here,” I said, using that no-nonsense voice I’d practiced on the boys countless times.

Pink bloomed across her cheeks, and it reminded me of the expression on her face the first time she’d tried to see Josh when he was a year and a half. He’d started crying, sobbing actually, and she’d been so embarrassed, I had felt terrible for her. Then again, no one had made her disappear. No one had made her say and do the things that led to my brother filing a restraining order against her for Josh’s sake.

“Diana, please. It’s been so long—”

“If you want to see Josh, it’s not going to be like this. You can’t just show up here. You need to go. Now.”

Yeah, the rose color deepened and her eyes darted away. “Diana—”

“Anita, now,” I insisted, knowing damn well there was still an hour left until Josh got home from batting practice.

She groaned, her hands going up to the sides of her head as she swallowed hard. “Would you listen to me for a minute? That’s all I need.”

“No. I want you to go. Right now. I’ll give you my e-mail address. Contact me that way. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to see you, but we can message each other.” You’d figure she’d gotten a clue the last two times she’d called and I’d either hung up on her or ignored it. I wanted to have whatever she said in writing just in case.

Her mouth—that mouth that had called my beloved nephew a mistake once upon a time—opened, but it wasn’t her voice that came out.

“Pretty sure she’s telling you to fuck off.”

Something tickled at the back of my throat. Relief? I turned to look over my shoulder to spot Dallas stepping onto the sidewalk toward my house. And despite the fact that I wanted to yell at her and tell her all the ways she’d hurt my Josh, I couldn’t help but take in the scene called my neighbor.

And it wasn’t because he was dirty and sweaty and his shirt was clinging to him like a wet T-shirt.

Mostly.

Because, Jesus Christ, it was like my brain forgot who was standing next to me for all of the fifteen or thirty seconds that I watched this damn near stranger walk over. Unless Anita was blind, she was taking in the same thing I was. I knew what she saw. That “fuck off” face. The powerful upper body. Old, worn-in jeans with stains all over them, and scuffed, paint-stained, black work boots. The shirt he had on must have shrunk at some point because the sleeves barely covered his shoulders, highlighting the dark ink that covered his biceps, but I made myself look at his face before I got caught.

“You gonna get going or do I need to walk you to your car?” Dallas asked as he stopped right beside me, his shoulder inches away from my head, completely surprising me. I wasn’t going to deny a gift when it was given to me, even though it was from someone I didn’t know how I could repay.

“I just want to talk,” the woman, who had given my brother so much hell, said.

“Pretty sure she doesn’t wanna talk to you. Am I right?”

I was still looking at Dallas when I said in a distracted voice, “Yes.”

My neighbor shrugged, his attention laser-focused on the woman a few feet away. “You heard her. Get gone.”

“I just need a damn minute, Diana—”

Somehow, the use of my name managed to get me to lift my eyes to meet hers. “Don’t make me call the cops. Please. I told you, get your life together, Anita. Don’t show up to my house unexpected. This isn’t the way to do this.”

My neighbor had turned his head to look at me for the first time, slow, slow, slowly when I first said the c-o-p-s word. I turned my body so that, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him blink. A muscle in that sharp cheekbone of his twitched. His nostrils flared just enough to be noticeable.

“The cops?” the man who lived across the street asked in a calm, cool voice. And Dallas—I could have hugged him right then, kissed him even—lifted one of those big, callused hands of his and pointed it along with his head to the side. “Leave.” One word and only one word was necessary. “Now.” One more word cemented that harsh command.

As if sensing her impending demise at the fact I was about to tell someone bigger than both of us that she was breaking the law, Anita made a short, sharp noise in her throat. “Forget it. I’m leaving.”

I didn’t watch her hightail it and neither did Dallas; he was too busy staring a hole straight into my eyes. A part of me regretted starting this staring thing with him, but it was too late now. If he wanted to do it, we could do it.

It was the sound of a car starting nearby that snapped us both out of the world we had built up around us. Dallas turned to look at something over my shoulder, his expression darkening for the first time, lines forming horizontally across his forehead as he glared at what I could only assume was Anita’s car taking off. It was a black Chevy. I wouldn’t forget it.

Just like that, those murky eyes flicked down to mine, and my neighbor’s expression changed from a disturbed one to a worried one that pinched his facial features together. “You all right?”

All I could do was nod, too quickly, but there wasn’t a doubt in my head that my anxiety was written all over me. Anita had no legal claim to Josh. I knew that. She wouldn’t be able to just take him. I could share. I really could. But only if there was some way for me to know she wouldn’t hurt him like she had countless times before. And only if he wanted.

I made myself let out a breath, then another one, and finally nodded. I knew I was good. And if maybe I wasn’t completely all right, I would be eventually. “I’m fine.”

“Okay.” A small frown framed my neighbor’s mouth. “Lemme take that,” he said, even as his hands went to mine.

I shook my head. “It’s fine. I got it.”

The downturned corners of his mouth went flat. Dallas blinked, those eyes of his sliding from one of mine to the other as if he was trying to measure something. Maybe he was. My stubbornness. “I’ll take it,” he finally said slowly, carefully grabbing ahold of the grocery bag handles, wrapping them around his own wrists as his gaze stayed on me.

I couldn’t even find it in me to keep protesting, to tell him I could take the bags on my own and let him know he’d done enough, that I didn’t need his help. He didn’t need to come into my house and feel all weird or make up some other thing in his head about me stalking him. But I didn’t have the fight. I just followed after him, stiff, stiff, stiff. I unlocked the door and watched as he went in while I grabbed the rest of the bags from the car and followed after him.

I was fine. She was never coming to my house again, and if she did, it would be years from now. This was how it always worked with her. She’d show up and years would pass before we ever saw her again.

Dallas was in the kitchen taking things out of the bags when I found him. My heart thudded a little and my stomach was still unsettled. “You really don’t have to do that. I can do it.”

“Okay,” was his simple reply, even as he kept going.

I sighed. “Really. You don’t have to. I don’t want you feeling weird being in here. I swear, I’m not trying to do anything.”

Those big, callused hands paused in their motion. The breath he let out was so deep I could hear it. “I know you’re not.”

I was so distracted by Josh’s mom, I couldn’t even think of a comeback or focus on the strained silence between us. Shame filled me from my belly button to my chin, but I knew I had to say something to him about what had just happened. “Thank you for that out there.” Yeah, it sounded just as awkward as I was afraid it would.

He finally glanced up at me through long, spiky eyelashes I’d never noticed before. “She’d been parked outside your house for a while,” he explained casually. “I thought something wasn’t right.”

His comment only made me feel slightly guilty for eavesdropping on the conversation he’d had with the woman in the red car, his maybe-separated, maybe-almost-divorced wife. I had no business knowing about her, much less thinking about her when I had something genuinely more important to focus on. Fucking Anita.

She couldn’t take Josh. She couldn’t. There was no way, I reminded the lump that had formed in my stomach.

Maybe I should call his school tomorrow or talk to his teacher about the situation so they could be more vigilant with who he went home with.

“Is there something I should know?” he asked quietly, more gently than any other sentence I’d yet to hear come out of his mouth.

Was there? Palming my forehead, I closed my eyes and willed my heart to beat slower.

Something metallic clanked against the kitchen countertop. I could picture him taking cans of soup out and setting them there, keeping those big hands busy. “I can help, if you tell me what you need.”

He was offering to help me after he hadn’t been able to get away from me fast enough. Who would have known? Who would have fucking known?

Tears seemed to fill my closed eyes, but I wiped them away as I dragged my hand down my face. At what point had I turned into such a crybaby? When I opened my eyes again, my attention went to the cabinet in front of my face. The words out of my mouth were the truth. Lies and I weren’t friends. “That was Josh’s biological mom,” I told him steadily.

He didn’t say anything.

Turning around to face him, I found him with his hand on one of the cans I must have heard him taking out of a plastic bag. I met his eyes for a moment as I took one of the bags next to him and started pulling things out of it. “He’s not supposed to see her any more. She tried taking him out of daycare when he was three, and we had to put a restraining order against her. She hasn’t done anything like that since then, but she only comes around every few years.” I shrugged and balled up the plastic bag when I was done with it. I squeezed it in my fist and swallowed as I looked up at him over my shoulder, shrugging again. What else was there to say?

“Okay,” he said, damn near softly. Those hazel eyes locked on mine. There was only a tiny crease between his eyebrows then. “Okay,” he repeated on an exhale that seemed nearly painful. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

My mouth formed the shape of a smile that wasn’t really one. What a mess. “Well, thank you for that. I can’t—” God, this entire situation made me awkward. A part of me still couldn’t wrap my head around her showing up after so long. Why would she do that? When she’d shown up in the past, it had always been to troll on Rodrigo. I genuinely didn’t think that she had some deep love for Josh. Then again, what did I know? I would probably do the same thing if I were in her shoes. We all made mistakes we regretted. “I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I wasn’t gonna leave you to handle her alone.” His hand went up to touch the back of his neck in a gesture that didn’t seem as casual as it should have. He probably didn’t like getting involved in things that didn’t include him. I couldn’t blame him. But the thing he said next explained it. “I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” I said to him slowly, meeting his gaze.

That wary face didn’t move a single muscle. “You’ve been nothing but nice to my family. I owe you,” he repeated himself.

Figuring he was talking about Dean and Trip, I focused on his other words. What the hell was I going to do with this man? Be ungrateful about what he’d done even if it had mainly just been moral support? I knew I should take what I could get for whatever reason.

We worked in silence for a few minutes. He’d take things out of the bags and set them on the counter while I put them where they needed to go. A few times I caught him looking around the kitchen, I’m sure taking in the crappy cupboards and the paint that needed to be redone… and the floors that had seen better decades, but he didn’t comment on them. I didn’t let myself get all bent out of shape over him being in my house, this near stranger.

“If you wanna call the cops, have them come over, I can be your witness she was here,” my neighbor offered in that easy voice that reminded me this was the type of man who didn’t want to talk to women who flirted with him because he was married and who also coached little boy baseball.

I’d been thinking about it while putting up groceries. The truth was, I didn’t want to involve the police, mostly because I didn’t want this getting back to my parents and stressing them out, and I also didn’t want the boys getting involved in it either. Josh had made me promise him something I would never take lightly that night after the funeral. You don’t ever have to see her again if you don’t want to, J. I won’t let her take you. I promise.

“I’m not,” I told him. “I really don’t think she’ll come back.”

The noise that churned in his throat didn’t say whether he approved of my decision or not.

For a moment, I thought about telling him about Rodrigo, but I didn’t. Seeing Anita had given me enough to deal with. Talking about my brother was a mountain I didn’t want to tackle yet with this man who was slowly becoming friendly with me.

When we were done a few minutes later, Josh’s coach gave me a serious, solemn look. “I’m gonna get going, but I’ll be home the rest of the day. Holler if you need anything, but I’ll keep a look out and make sure you don’t get any more visitors.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” I tried to insist.

Dallas let his head lull to the side a moment, watching me with those eyes. That pink mouth opened just enough so I could see the tip of his tongue tap the corner of his lips. “You’re friends with my family. We’re neighbors.” His eyelids hung low in a way that was almost a glare. “Give me a call if you need anything.”

The look I gave him must have said “You sure you’re not going to freak out about me calling?” because I would swear he scowled.

“Holler,” he repeated in that bossy tone.

I nodded at him, not completely convinced calling him was something I wouldn’t get unfriended for. “Thanks again.”

Dallas shrugged one rounded, muscular shoulder. “Make sure your doors are locked, all right?”

The nod I gave him was slow. That prideful part of me wanted to say I could take care of myself. Because I could. I had. I took care of two boys and me. But I kept my trap shut. I knew when to accept help and when not. It wasn’t like I had anyone else.

“Hey!” I called out to him all of a sudden. “Josh is having a birthday party next weekend. If you have nothing better to do, feel free to drop by. We’ll have food, and I’m inviting some of the other neighbors, too.” I didn’t need him thinking I was trying to reel him in.

Dallas hesitated for a moment, already walking away. His back was to me. “All right.” He didn’t move for a moment. “Keep an eye out next time you get home.”

Indignation flared in my chest at being treated like a stupid kid. What was with this man and his bossiness?

Those golden-brown eyes glanced over his shoulder. That familiar line formed between his eyebrows. “Don’t get pissed off,” he said, turning forward again before tossing out, “I only want to help. See you later.”