The Unwanted Luna

Xavier

Whoever said you don't know the value of something until you lose it, was absolutely correct. It has been seven fucking years and I can't get over the fact that I had a mate and I lost her. These past years have been terrible and lonely but I have no one to blame but myself. Tristan and the pack are the only ones keeping me afloat, sane, because they need me just like I need them. That day near the stream, I tried finding her body because she deserved a great sendoff but I found nothing.

She had a shitty life at my hands and at the hands of the pack and I was determined to give her a proper burial.

So after failing to find her, I went back to the pack with my battered and broken soul to organize a search but we never did get her body. There was nothing left except the scent of her blood.

I hated what I did to her, and what my actions led her to do.

The path she had to take just so she can get rid of the bond that was slowly killing her.

The image still haunts me because that was the last memory I had of her. Her bleeding after I pushed her while she cried, hours after giving birth.

I am a monster for that and it's something I haven't been able to forgive myself for.

Every day I was tortured by the things I did to her, the pain and heartache I made her endure, the hurtful words I said to her, and the worst thing, the worst torture is that I can't take it all back, I can't unsay those words and even if I could I can't bring her back to tell her how sorry I

am.

I have never considered myself a monster but I was. There is no redemption for pushing someone to suicide, much less your own mate.

Telling Sophie and Bianca that I was too late to save her, is something that would forever be etched on my soul.

The heartbreak I saw on their faces was something else entirely. For days I walked around as if I was dead and in truth I was because the other half of my soul was dead.

Ace was completely shattered and for weeks he refused to talk to me and let me shift blaming me for the death of Amelia.

I couldn't be mad at him because he was correct, it was my fault.

For months he tried convincing me to accept her, to give her a chance because she was our better half and that the moon goddess doesn't make mistakes but I denied his request and every time he tried it would always end up in an argument between us two.

I wish I had listened but I was in love. That and the fact that the whole pack hated her made me sure that my decision on rejecting her was valid.

There used to be a buzzing of energy where our bond used to be but now there is absolutely nothing just a void that nothing can fill.

There is no guide manual on how to live with an empty soul because that is exactly what it feels like, empty. I thought I was whole but the moment she died I realized I was just fooling myself.

No one prepares you on how to raise a baby without your mate. How hectic it would be.

For weeks Tristan cried on end, he didn't want anyone else carrying him except me and even when I did he would still sob.

I know deep down a part of him knew his mother wasn't there and he did want his mother, so nothing we did helped ease his pain and want.

We tried everything but nothing worked. We almost gave up when one day I went to his room and found him smiling, and from then he stopped crying.

I suspect something happened but I just couldn't figure out what but I was grateful that he was finally okay.

The milk, just like Amelia had suspected, lasted a couple of weeks but it still wasn't easy switching Tristan to formula.

For some reason he hated the thing. Watching him grow up these past few years has been a roller-coaster but I wouldn't take it back for anything. Many paragraphs are missing. Read the complete book on Jo=b n-1 b. c (o) m. My thoughts are interrupted when the door to my bedroom opens and Tristan's head pops in.

Gods, I love him so much and so does Ace, Tristan is the only reason he was able to overcome our loss, he knew I needed him in raising Tristan and so he came through. It took a year plus but we were finally able to mend the bridge. "Can I come sleep with you daddy?"

"Sure, come on in" he is my weakness and I would do anything and everything for him if it meant that he would be safe and happy.

He comes in barefoot and I push the covers so that he can climb in. Once he does he snuggles next to me, making both Ace and I sink into contentment.

These are the highlights of my days and nothing can compare to them.

"Can I ask you something?" he asks me in that little adorable voice of his.

Tristan is a really curious child, always asking about things most children his age don't think about. He is also really playful and mischievous.

He is intelligent and loves reading, apart from that he is powerful. As his father and Alpha I can tell that he has a strong and powerful aura, stronger than even mine which is something given that I am the strongest alpha among all alphas.

He is also caring and considerate, loving and completely charming. I swear he can get himself out of any trouble by just charming his way out of it. But most of all he is a great leader even at a young age.

All the kids in the pack follow his lead and it is not once or twice I have caught him having meetings with the other kids, asking them if they have any problems or anything they would wish to be addressed so that he can discuss it with me and see if it is possible. Everyone simply adores him and with the signs he is portraying I am sure he will make a great alpha one day.

I just wish that Amelia was around to see the great person and leader our son is becoming because I am damn proud of him.

"You know you can ask me anything Tristan" I tell him, which is the absolute truth.

"Can I marry Freya?" this question completely throws me off course because first of all it is not what I was expecting and second of all Freya is Jayden and Sophie's daughter.

She is a few months younger than Tristan. Turns out Sophie was pregnant when Tristan was born and they were waiting for the perfect time to announce it but things went to shit.

"You are too young to get married, plus why would you want to marry Freya?"

Jayden would have my balls if he ever heard of this and if I agree to it. He is overprotective but I know I would be the same if I had a daughter.

"Well...because she is my mate, what is a mate?" well this is a topic I didn't really know I would have right now.

I thought that we wouldn't have it till he shifted, because that would mean explaining to him that his mother was my mate and that I rejected her which led to her death. You know, teaching him about the consequences of rejecting the mate bond.

I did tell him his mother died but not how she died. The weird thing is that when I told him that, he just smiled. He didn't look at all heartbroken or sad. He just smiled, hugged me then left to play.

He has never asked me to tell him about his mother or even asked about her but I guess he gets all the stories from Sophie because she knew her better than anyone and some of the others from Bianca.

"Your mate? What are you talking about Stan" I use his nickname, because I am honestly confused.

We aren't meant to know who our mates are until we are eighteen.

"Daaaad, you are being slow, please keep up, you haven't answered my question. What is a mate?" did I forget to mention that he has an attitude? and he probably got it from his mother, because I did see her flashing it from time to time.

I go to answer him but I go still when alarms start blaring and I hear shouts from the pack guards. That could only mean one thing, for the first time in seven years, we were under attack.