The Off Limits Rule: A Romantic Comedy (It Happened in Nashville Book 1)

I have never felt like more of a creeper in my life than I do now, pushing my empty cart down every grocery store aisle, eyes hunting for a woman and her son. The lady with the high ponytail and yoga pants is seconds away from calling security. Well, I am, too, because she keeps pushing her cart down every aisle I’m headed toward, and it’s starting to really annoy me. For someone who doesn’t want to be stalked, she sure is doing a poor job of trying to avoid it.

I speed-race my cart to the end of the aisle and loop around to choose a different one from high-ponytail lady—but would you look at that? She did the same thing. Now we’re headed straight for each other, and I realize this person is a little crazy. She WANTS to be stalked.

Where is Lucy? I’ve been cruising this place for twenty minutes with an empty cart, and I don’t know how much longer I can do this without getting arrested.

I approach Ponytail with a soft face and my most non-creepy-I’m-not-a-murderer demeanor, hoping to just quickly sail right by her. I can’t, though, because at the last second, she jerks and knocks her cart into mine bumper-car style. It’s so unexpected and jarring that my knee-jerk reaction is to throw my hands out in front of me and apologize for a mistake I DIDN’T MAKE.

“I’m so sorry! I don’t know how that happened.” But I do know. I want to point an accusing finger at the woman and yell She did it! because I’m a little afraid this is going to be a second mark against me in this grocery store—lurking and then causing a scene. One more strike and I’ll be kicked out. Then, I’ll be forced to man up and go see Lucy at her house instead of a grocery store where we “accidentally” bump into each other. Yeah, it’s a wimpy move, making her see me in public places like this, but I don’t trust myself with her alone. And if I want to keep everything above board until Drew gets home, this is my only option.

Anyway, Ponytail is doing something strange now.

“Hi,” she purrs while running a delicate finger along the front of my cart. I strangle a laugh in my throat because never have I ever had a woman come on to me via metal grocery cart before. “I know you’ve been trying to get up the courage to talk to me for a few aisles now”—oh please no—“so I thought I’d take matters into my own hands. I’m Kate.”

As I watch Ponytail Kate subtly lick her lips, it becomes clear I’m not dealing with a normal woman. She should be alerting an attendant about me, not be willing to give my cart a lap dance. But let me be clear, even if I wasn’t crazy about Lucy and reforming my ways, I’d still be getting the heck away from this woman as fast as possible. Call me what you want, but there’s something about a woman who finds a potential stalker sexy a little unnerving.

“Uh, sorry. I think you misinterpreted. I’m just—” My statement is cut off when something—or someone—rams into my legs from behind.

“DADDY!”

Huh?

I look down to find two chubby little arms wrapped tightly around my legs, followed by the sexiest hands I’ve ever seen slowly sliding around my abs and up to my chest. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WOMEN IN THIS GROCERY STORE?!

“Hi, babe,” says Lucy—oh thank God, it’s Lucy—peeking her twinkling eyes around my shoulder to grin up at me. “Making friends?” she asks, squeezing in tighter before wedging herself up under my arm to face Ponytail, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist with my arm draped over her. She’s doing that thing where she plays with my fingers dangling over her shoulder, and I have the strongest urge to tell her this is the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced in a grocery store.

“You’re a—” Ponytail looks between me and Lucy and then down at Levi. “Dad? Oh gosh—I didn’t realize. I thought you were coming on to me.” Did she really, though?

I bend down to pick Levi up and put him on my shoulders. He laughs as I stand to my full height and wrap my arm around Lucy’s shoulder again. “Nope. I’ve just been looking for my family.”

Lucy’s playful smile dims into something meaningful as she looks up at me, trying to see if I buried a hidden meaning inside my statement, Hallmark style.

I did.

“Okay, well…” She looks mildly annoyed. Like she’s offended I have a family. “I guess I’ll go then?”

It’s alarming that she phrased it as a question.

“Buh-bye,” Lucy says with a catty squinty smile.

Ponytail Kate pushes by us, and Lucy whips around to me with wide eyes. “Be honest—how often does this happen to you?”

“Children calling me Daddy and bear-hugging my leg? This is a first. How’d you get him to call me that?”

“I bribed him with the promise of a sucker on the way out. I know—I’m completely mom goals. But no, I meant how often do women try to pick you up in the bread aisle?”

I shrug like a player. “Not my fault I’m a snack,” I say, making her laugh and jab me in the ribs. “But seriously, this is the first time. Did you see her loony eyes? I’m scared to find out what she would have done to me if I let her take me home.” I shiver playfully.

Lucy’s shoulders relax. “Good. For a minute there I was worried you would be upset I interrupted.” She tries to pass her statement off as a funny ha-ha moment by chuckling, but it has an undertone of insecurity to it that I can hear from a mile away.

“Luce, I’m here for you—and eggs, but mainly you.” I grin and bend down, holding tight to Levi’s legs so he doesn’t topple off while I kiss Lucy’s cheek. Just her cheek; this is totally acceptable behavior. I watch her face turn my favorite shade of rosy, and she presses her lips together, hiding her smile.

“Okay, well then, let’s go get you those eggs.”

And then, without thinking, we abandon my empty cart, and I walk beside Lucy, Levi on my shoulders and her pushing a cart. She grabs a loaf of bread and tosses it inside the basket, and I do too. Levi leans to grab a bag of donuts from the top shelf, but I do a quick lunge. He laughs, and now it’s a game as I’m lunging up and down the aisle, quads burning and cheeks aching from too much smiling. I look like a cheese ball, one of those poor idiots you frown and shake your head at for losing all his game when he chooses to lower himself to physical comedy for the sake of his kid.

Here’s what I never saw before, though: Those poor idiots don’t give a crap about their game because they don’t need it. If their women are looking at them like Lucy is looking at me, they’re not having any trouble in that department.

We carry on through the grocery store, checking items off her paper list and seeing if they correspond with the mound of coupons clutched in Lucy’s rainbow-nail-polished hand, and I honestly can’t believe I’m enjoying this. I am, though. I’ve never felt more content, and I’m wondering if everyone out there getting ready to go bar crawling tonight knows how lit the grocery store can be.

As Lucy walks close to me, her arm brushing against mine and her smile dimpling as she tells me about the intimacy advice the old lady who got a perm today gave her, I want to pin her up against the canned soups and try out some of the suggestions Lucy’s relaying to me via spelling so Levi doesn’t learn new things. And I would—I’m not afraid of PDA—except Levi is on my shoulders, so I have to behave. It’s good she brought Levi.

He tugs my right ear to signal which direction I’m supposed to turn, and Lucy slips her hand in mine. I should probably be focused on my own grocery shopping, but I can’t because I’m mesmerized by Lucy’s soft skin. She’s running her thumb up and down the side of mine, and I’m dying inside. How can that tiny touch spark so much inside me?

I’m seconds away from telling her we need to get out of here. Go home. Put Levi to bed. The groceries can rot in the car for all I care. I’ll replace them all in the morning, whatever. I just need Lucy.

“I need to pee,” Levi says from above my head, which is honestly a nice dose of reality.

“Whatever you do, bud, please hold it until I set you down.”

Lucy laughs beside me because she can see the sudden horror on my face. I may be getting better at the whole being-around-a-kid thing, but I’m not ready to be peed on yet. Not sure I ever will be.

“Come on, buddy, I’ll take you,” Lucy says, helping Levi down off my shoulders.

“Mom,” Levi says in what I would describe as a courtroom voice, “Grammy lets me go in by myself when it’s just one bathroom. I can do it,” he says, pleading his case effectively, I would say.

Lucy and I both look toward the bathroom and note that it is a single-stall room. She looks to me for some reason—like she wants my opinion. Like my voice in this situation matters. And, somewhat strangely, I do not take this lightly. It feels big. Don’t screw this up, Cooper.

“Let me go in and make sure it’s not gross first.”

“Oh,” says Lucy, looking surprised. She wasn’t expecting that answer, and I wonder if it was weird. What exactly am I supposed to be looking for in here anyway? I don’t know…but just to be safe, I rip off a few paper towels and do a quick wipe-down because, apparently, becoming a parent also turns you into a janitor.

“There,” I say, opening the door like Superman, fresh from saving the whole freaking world rather than wiping some pee off a toilet seat. “All clear, bud. Have at it, and don’t forget to wash your hands.”

I nod. Levi nods. We’re just two men taking care of business—nothing to see here.

Levi shuts the door (and locks it, which is a little frightening), and I turn around to find Lucy staring at me with a quizzical smile that makes my stomach flip.

“What?” I ask with my own questioning grin.

She shakes her head. “When I first met you…I just never would have guessed you’d be like this.” She gestures toward the bathroom door.

“Like what?”

She inhales a deep breath and pulls her shoulders up toward her ears. “Soft. Sweet. I mean, I knew you had all the other qualities I like in a man—sexy, handsome, a big flirt, exciting…”

“No, no, go on. I like hearing how sexy you think I am.”

She tries to swat my arm, but I catch her hand and pull her up to me. Finally. I’ve got Lucy in my arms, and it’s the best I’ve felt all day. I shouldn’t be holding her, but I can’t help it.

She tilts her head up to me and pulls her arms up between our chests, letting me fully hold her, right here—outside the men’s bathroom. “I just didn’t think you could have it all. I thought there would be a catch somewhere, some glaring flaw hiding beneath the surface.”

I squint dramatically. “Well, you haven’t seen my collection of Russian nesting dolls yet.”

“Is it impossible for you to be serious?”

“Nearly, yes.”

“Cooper,” she says, her voice dropping a notch and taking on a more sultry tone that has my heart rate ramping up. “I like us together.” Her finger inches up to trace a line over my collarbone, her eyes tracking the movements like she’s studying and memorizing every small trip her finger takes.

I know I don’t have long before Levi comes out of that bathroom, so I grab Lucy’s hips and swing her around so her back presses up against the wall. My hand cups her jaw as my other sweeps around her lower back. I don’t know if I dip my head down or if she rises up onto her tiptoes, but what I do know is, in the next moment, my mouth is slanted over Lucy’s, and we are kissing like two teenagers trying to perfect the process.

The handle of the bathroom door jiggles, and Lucy and I break apart like a KitKat bar. She flings herself across the small hallway and leans against the wall, while I turn a half-circle, not sure where to go until I realize we’re adults and don’t have to hide.

Levi opens the door, smiling ear to ear, pride beaming from his chubby little cheeks, and steps out. “Told you I could do it,” he says to Lucy, whose face is flushed and lips are swollen from me. I wonder if my cheeks are beaming with as much pride as Levi’s are.

She laughs, catching my eye briefly and giving me a rueful grin before putting her hands on Levi’s shoulders and guiding him back toward our full cart. “Never doubted you for a second, buddy.”

I stay in the hallway for a moment longer, watching Lucy and Levi walk out together and feeling something snap into place in my head: I will do anything to be in their life. And another thought directly follows that one: I’m so glad Janie refused me.

…and also: Lucy’s butt looks so good in those jeans.

I jog to catch them, run up behind Levi, and pick him up by the armpits so I can make a rawr sound and swing him up onto my shoulders. I didn’t even know I knew how to make that noise and definitely didn’t plan to. It just sort of came naturally, which is surprising. Once he’s laughing and settled on my shoulders, I nudge Lucy with my hip, pushing her out of the way so I can steer the cart. She wraps her arm around my bicep, and now we’re one happy family. It’s odd how you can know someone for such a short period of time and yet feel like you’ve always been there with them. That’s how being with Lucy and Levi makes me feel.

Lucy lets go of me briefly to grab a bag of apples off a produce shelf, then Levi suddenly shouts, “UNCLE DREW!”

Lucy and I both freeze, slowly make eye contact, then look up to find Drew holding a shopping basket a ways down the aisle and staring blankly at us.

Okay, so maybe the grocery store wasn’t the best meeting place, and I’m definitely the worst friend in the world.