Talent Hall

I’ve known this all along, but sometimes you just aren’t okay. Sometimes you just want someone, a complete stranger for all you care, to look in your eyes and tell you you aren’t as worthless as you think you are. Surprise you with a comedy or Lifetime movie. Do something special to make you feel special and wanted. I’d like to believe that happens. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about it. It sounds great, but that’s not how it is. You don’t get special treatment like you would if you if your diagnoses came back with Cancer as a result.

It’s really sad how one day everything is perfect. You feel like life can be Disney movie, singing and a happily ever after. But the next morning when you wake up, you’re begging God to take it all away. You know it’s a bad day if coffee doesn’t improve your mood even a little bit.

It kills me when everyone thinks medication fixes the problem. Pain killers for throbbing pain of a twist ankle doesn’t heal your ankle right away, does it? If it does, please enlighten me. Oh, it doesn’t? So why is this medication supposed to make me not depressed anymore. It does help.Don’t get me wrong, but you could be on the best medicine in the world and you would still have bad days. I still have suicidal thoughts at time and fear of eating; they just lessened.The only means of comfort in a blade I ever had is now gone. Although they mean well, Blake and Lisa have gotten strict with the eating habits, self harm issues and closed doors on Angelia and I. No privacy. No starving. No cutting… All I can do is cry.

I still know what it’s like to be breathing. I have a heartbeat, but a hollow chest. An empty soul.

Sometimes it gets to be so bad, I can’t get even get out of bed. Like this morning. I had no motivation to get out of bed, and I didn’t have my coffee until at least eleven o’clock. We had a half day, so it really didn’t matter if I went or not. Angelia didn’t go. She seemingly is running a fever. It’s not as bad as it was yesterday, and there was no point in either of us being forced to go when school is over at ten fifteen. Not to mention the whole day was just a boring assembly.Of course that gives me more time to prepare for the engagement party tonight. I’m still not over that Kyle spent over five thousand dollars on a party when the wedding is literally next Saturday.

After laying down for a while, Angelia scares me by plopping down on my bed and smiling. “Alright. Talk to me. What’s the matter, Danny?”

I shrug. “Nothing. Now go paint something. Perhaps a fruit bowl. Go on. Practice makes perfect.”

She glares. “Not until you tell me what’s going on inside that incognito head of yours.”

“Nothing’s going on.”

“Danny, you seem to forget I fight battles and my demons are strong as well.”

“You’re saying what exactly?”

“I know when someone I love is lying to me and in pain, or even both. Your blue eyes are a clear mirror to your soul.”

I itch my head. “That’s lovely.”

She face palms herself. “You are so stubborn.”

I’m not even going to try to deny that. “You don’t give up, do you?”

She shakes her head, smiling, hoping I’ll give in to her demands. I groan. “Are you going to tell me now?”

“I’m not having such a good day. I’m feeling depressed and… worthless. Like I’d be better off dead. There.”

“And did you think I wouldn’t understand what that’s like?”

I slowly nod.

I know she goes through stuff just like I do with her depression and eating disorder, but it’s still difficult for me to grasp the fact that she does suffer sometimes too. It’s not just me. “I-It’s hard for me to imagine you could ever feel worthless.”

“I think the same thing about you, but, I stop to remember the things Ana could say.”

I straighten my posture. “You… hear voices too?”

I know she battles with Bulimia, but I didn’t think she had a voice in her head that would scream at her. I had heard about someone named Mia, I think that’s the voice of Bulimia. I’m sure she isn’t as harsh as Ana is. Ana could make you want to smash your head into a brick wall.

She shakes her head. “I don’t really hear Mia, but she’s in my actions. I don’t hear Mia telling me to jam my fingers down my throat, but I do because she’s the master. Until the first time I got help, then she somewhat disappeared, but she’s still here. She’s just in shock. Just like Ana is.”

“In shock of what?”

“When Ana and Mia find out you’re trying to stop starving or puking, it surprises them that you would disobey them since the victim, hence, you and I, are their puppets.”

I nod. “I can see that. Ana is pretty strict.”

“Try telling Mia you didn’t want to throw up.” She places a finger over her upper lip. “Would you mind if Daddy shared a secret with you?”

I shrug. She takes that as a Yes and drags me to the master bedroom Blake and Lisa share. Blake sits on his laptop and notices us fairly quickly, stands up from his bed and glides across the room to the dresser. “Just the kids I wanted to see. I have something for you guys.” He closes the dresser drawer and holds up two yellow envelopes. Our allowances. He gives them to us every week in exchange for our good grades and helping out around the house when they need it.

Angelia clears her throat. “Daddy, I was hoping you could tell Danny about the rough spot Lisa hit a few years ago…”

Blake lowers our allowances and softly sighs. “Are you feeling… worthless today?”

“Yes,” I say.

He sits back on the back and pats the spot right next to me. I sit and cross my legs again, laying my hands on my thighs. He hands me the check, Angelia hers and clears his throat.

“Guys, the only reason I know how to help you two is because Lisa was clinically depressed at one point two years ago. I had no idea how to help her. At the time we weren’t living together, but I had her stay at my place a few times a week to make sure she wasn’t hurting herself. That lasted for a while. She felt worthless, suicidal. It shattered my heart. I wanted to protect her from those thoughts, but I realized I can try, but I can’t totally stop her demons from drowning her. I contacted her mother and that made her hate me for a few weeks, but eventually got over that.”

“How did she get past that time?”

“Well, she had nightmares. They usually didn’t bother her until she had to go to sleep and then I would stay up with her, cuddle with her and comfort her until she fell asleep. It was difficult at times, for both of us, but they were easier to help with than anything else she’s been through.

“What were her nightmares about?”

“Your father.”

Lisa has nightmares about Dad?

I can’t even imagine Lisa having nightmares about anything. My entire life, she’s always the headstrong one. She didn’t and still doesn’t take any crap from anyone. I’m sure Blake is no exception. I know my dad definitely isn’t. Even when I got out of line for my mom, she always put me in my place, whether it was over the phone, video chat or person. I said anything smart back and it really wasn’t pretty. Lisa is a person who isn’t afraid of anyone, doesn’t take crap from anyone, and could care less about what people think about her. I really admire that about her.

As soon as I pull up to my house, a man with a camera snaps a photo and then yells my name, as if I can’t hear him through the thin coat of glass. I grab my bag and step out of the car, smiling at the photographer.

“Danny, how do you feel about Jared dropping out?”

“I wasn’t aware he dropped out.”

A female with a camera snaps some photos of me. “People say it’s because of you and the incident in a classroom? Do you have any comments on that?”

I politely smile.

“I’m sorry, but I will not take back what I said because I said what needed to be said. Now that I think about it, what I said wasn’t much to cry over. Have a good day,” I respond and walk away.

I close the front door behind me. Blake grumbles from the other room and complains about the photographers. I snicker and walk to the living room. Lisa watches a news report with Holly on her lap with Lisa’s phone.

“You are so lucky my daughter and nephew are right behind me,” Blake sneers and then hangs up the phone. I’ve never seen him mad before. It’s weird that he’s mad, but also understandable. They are on his property and calling to harass him. It’s one thing to stand on a man’s property. It’s another to call and harass him over the phone.

“I assume your day was stressful,” I say.

He sighs. “Not until those photographers came around. They’ve been harassing me all day, wanting to know when you and Angelia will be home.”

“I don’t know anything about Jared Bucksley. Good day!” Angelia shouts. The door slams and she sighs. Angelia enters with damp hair and her backpack. “I hate those guys.” I walk to the window and peek out.

“They tried to talk to me too. About Jared.”

“What about him?”

“He dropped out. They wanted my opinion on it.”

“Well, if it gets any worse, they’ll be talking to my lawyer,” Blake mumbles as he leaves the room with Lisa following him.

“Do you sense a stress danger zone?” She nods. “I got the kitchen.”

Angelia nods. “Come on, Holly. Let’s go clean your room.”

She groans, but doesn’t argue with Angelia. I set my backpack down by the chair, grab my earbuds out of my pocket and go for the dishes in the red and gray colored kitchen. Lisa rinses a dirty plate and smiles. Blake starts to clean the counter. I cross my arms and clear my throat, grabbing their attention.

“And what exactly do you guys think you’re doing?”

They share a brief look with each other and then turn back to me. “Um, cleaning…”

“No,” I say and push Blake towards the living room with a bag of pretzels and a can of Pepsi. “You go relax. You’re too stressed and it’s not good for your heart.” I pull Lisa away from the sink and nudged her towards Blake with a Pepsi can in her hand and a bowl of of fruit. “And you, Lisa, you get out too. Go do something. I’ve got the kitchen and Angelia is helping Holly with her room.”

“If you insist,” Blake says as he vanishes from the kitchen. I like that he doesn’t even put up a fight.

Lisa starts to walk away, but hugs me before she actually leaves. “You guys are amazing. Thank you.”

“No problem,” I say and watch her leave. Then I place my earbuds in my ears, turn on my music, and start spraying the dirty dishes with steamy hot water.

I smile for the photographers with my arm wrapped around Kamron. She just stands still and smiles, her fingers tense. Her tense fingers hint towards the possibility she may have anxiety. Her breath is shaky. I can practically feel her pulse digging through her hand. The photographers are awfully close and loud. I slowly drag Kamron to the building where the paparazzi attempt to follow, but are pushed back by a security guard. She walks away to a corner and tries to catch her breath. I realize it isn’t working and lightly pat her back. She frantically turns around, and chokes on her own words before they clearly come out.

“It’s okay if you’re not alright right now, Kami. I get anxiety too.”

Her jaw drops and she points to the door. “You were fine out there.”

I lean against the wall and gently hold her hand. “Is it… the annoying photographers?”’

She leans into my chest. I wrap my arms around her and can feel her nod. “They were in my face.”

Heels clink and stop behind me. Kamron looks up and smiles, breaking away from me to hug Lilly. Lilly sends me a ‘what happened?’ look. I glance to the white board right next to me on the floor, grab the black marker and write “Anxiety Attack” in bold letters. Lilly nods and kisses Kamron’s temple and whispers to her. I wipe the marker off and place the white board back on the ground, and hook the marker up to the board. A microphone screeches. My feet take me to a room with many seats, and a large stage with neon colored lights behind Aiken.

“Thank you all so much for coming out here to help me celebrate my daughter’s promotion and third year anniversaryhere in the Revolutionary Building. Three years ago, I was asked by a local church to look after her. I admit, I was afraid of not being able to care for her, but I am a man of morality. I never go back on my word. It wasn’t long before my beautiful princess became a huge piece of my life. I would rather die than let her get hurt.”The room erupts into applause. He smiles and continues. “When the church asked for her safe return, I told them I was going to adopt her from them, and they fought for her at first, but eventually realized it was best for her. Now not only is she my own daughter, but she will be Princess of our building. What this means is she is a voice of authority and will be handling more responsibility. If she asks for something, someone make it happen. Let’s show her some love.”

Everyone applauds again as a spotlight shines on Kayiah as she ambles down a red carpet in a black and silver ball gown and her long brown hair. She smiles and winks at me as she passes me and steps on the stage. She hugs Aiken. He gently places a tiara over her head and kisses her cheek, and announces her as Princess Kayiah.

After we all quiet down with the claps, cheers, and whistles, she picks up the microphone off the stand and begins her speech.

“I feel so loved every day. All of you welcomed me with open arms. Treated me like a queen. Fed me. Clothed me. Played with me. I can’t imagine spending my life anywhere else. I’ve learned so much and I can’t thank you guys enough for how kindly you’ve treated a girl from San Juan.”

“Kayiah!” A little girl with a blue dress exclaims. “Who are you voting for during the Talent Hall Awards?”She flashes a smile at me. I glare and shake my head.

“I have a friend in the dancing department and one in the art department. Danny, why don’t you show us some of your dance moves.”Everyone pleads with me and Kayiah’s smirking at me.

After hesitating and trying to avoid Kayiah’s puppy dog face for a moment, I somewhat give in to Kayiah and the party’s demands. “I’ll need some hip hop music.”

Kayiah whistles. “DJ! Play your best hip hop for our dancer!”

“Hip hop, coming right up.”

The center of the ballroom is cleared for me to strut my stuff. Kayiah pulls me aside and whispers. “You’ll do a good job.”

The hip hop music plays. My body just goes in harmony with the music. I’m not even trying to show off. My goal is to give them a few simple dance moves, but the second I stop, the room roars and applaud for me. Kayiah whistles to grab my attention and gives me a thumbs up when I make eye contact. I smile and bow for the crowd.

Aiken pats my shoulder when I rise again. “Where did you learn to dance like that?”

“I’ve been fascinated with music since I was five and was enrolled in a dancing preschool program. Stopped when I was about ten and decided to enroll at Talent Hall so my aunt would get off my back about giving up on something I really love.”

“Reminds me of somebody, doesn’t it, Kayiah?” Aiken says with a chuckle. Kayiah rolls her eyes. “Alright, let’s go back to dancing with partners. Give our dancer a break.”