Slay My Soul

I wake cocooned in warm arms, surrounded by Reece’s scent. I smile and stretch. Opening my eyes to a wary-looking Darius. I look questioningly at him, then realize it’s just us in the bed. My lips tremble as reality hits me like a brick wall. Darius’s arms tighten around me.

“I’ve got you Kitten,” he whispers in my ear. I cling to him like he’s my lifeline. He is my sole connection left to Reece. Eventually, I relax my grip as my shaking subsides. He picks me up and carries me downstairs like a toddler. He sits us in his usual seat at the breakfast bar and I tuck my head into his neck. I hear footsteps approaching, and Lysario’s scent hits my nose. He presses a warm mug into my hands and my fingers curl around it, loving the familiar comfort it offers. I bring it to my nose and take a big whiff before my lips take in the first mouthful of liquid crack. I hum happily.

Something so small, so normal, feels incredibly grounding. Darius nuzzles the top of my head, happy that I am happy, even if it’s only for a moment. Halfway through my drink I pull my head away from the safety of Darius’s neck and survey the room. My men stand watching me with wary attentiveness.

“Morning,” I croak. I won’t say good morning because there’s nothing good about it without Reece. But at least I acknowledge them. They murmur good mornings back and start drinking their own hot drinks. I look at Luka and see how exhausted he is. I realize I haven’t been present to offer him sustenance. I hold out a wrist for him, but he shakes his head.

“I’ve fed, just tired from lack of sleep,” He says, with a ghost of a smile. “The guys have taken turns feeding me. You however have not had any.” He offers his own wrist. I’ve never fed in front of the others, only in private with Luka and... Reece. He was the last one I fed from. I look at Luka’s wrist and swallow hard turning my head away.

Garret comes towards me and a growl comes up out of my chest before I can stop it. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. He halts in his tracks, eyes becoming shuttered.

“Clearly you’re still very pissed at me and I understand that. Luka said you can make feeding hurt. So I’m asking you to feed from me and make it hurt. If you are still angry, punish me and use me.” The memory of begging him not to take Reece from me, flashes into my head and then Garret pushing the knife into Reece’s skull hits me afresh. I bare my teeth and throw myself at him, plunging my fangs deep into his neck, as I ride him to the ground and start sucking. He gives a grunt of surprise, then a low hiss as the pain hits. I can feel him tense and shake as he fights against the instinct to get away from the pain and instead embraces it, wrapping his arms around me. The darkness inside me crows with delight at hurting him.

I take a casual stroll in his head as I feed and freeze as I feel a different pain. Self-loathing, guilt, shame, sadness, depression, and acceptance of my anger. I see his mind stuck in a loop as he replays the moment he stabbed Reece in his head over and over again, with the realization that someone would have to do it and it was better that the someone be him. He’d rather it be him than one of the others being punished in my grief. Garret has martyred himself. My anger crumbles and my fangs retract as a sob tears through me.

“I really am so sorry my Angel,” He whispers. “It had to be someone, he was already gone. You felt his soul tear from you. When he stood up his soul didn’t come back. I had to lay his body to rest. It was too cruel to leave him like that. Too cruel for you both.” The taste of his truth slides over my tongue. My men, with the exception of Darius, may not have been bonded with Reece, but he had become part of their family. A brother, a friend. They all felt the loss of him and were devastated by his passing. What Garret had done - had taken courage and guts. No one wants to put down a family member or friend. The realization of the sacrifice he had made for us, the knowledge that it would haunt him for the rest of his life, sinks in. I stare into his eyes before I whisper in his ear.

“Thank you.” I see tears prick his eyes and he tilts his head to the side in submission. Garret would do anything for me, including facing my wrath. I step away and climb back into Darius’s lap, the ever-attentive Ly bringing me a new cup of coffee. I feel terrible for what I did to my dragon.

“What do you want to do today Kitten?” Darius asks me. I shrug, the fight has gone out of me. Then an idea hits me.

“Marcus is still in the cells isn’t he?”

“Ish,” Mikyda says with a shrug.

“What do you mean ish?” I ask.

“Your father has taken a liking to working out his issues on him, there isn’t much left of him now, to be honest,” Mikyda answers. “It’s actually quite impressive how he’s manages to keep him alive. He’s very creative.” I scowl, there goes that plan then.

“You should talk to him,” Luka suggests.

“Marcus?”

“No, your Dad,” Luka says seriously. “Without you to balance him out, he’s going off the deep end. He disappears for days at a time doing God knows what.”

“But I’ve been right here?” I say confused.

“No your wolf has and it was furious at Sirus. He’s convinced he’s fucked up your relationship with him by going with Reece. He said, and I quote ‘she would have been happy if it was me that died instead of him.’ He’s not in a good space.”

“Jesus! I wish it hadn’t been anyone, but I certainly don’t wish it was a different mate or family member that had died in his place. I love... loved Reece, but I love you all too. I just wish it hadn’t happened period. I wish they hadn’t tried to be heroes. I wish they had told us of their plans so we could have told them what we knew. I wish for a lot of things, but what happened did happen. We can’t change it now. We can only learn from it. Fuck! Ok, I’ll go find him.” I scrub my hand down my face. This is not how I wanted to start my first day back in the saddle.

“No rush, drink your coffee first,” Ly says gently. I nod and snuggle back into Darius, letting Reece’s scent comfort us both as I finish my drink.

“I’ll go and get changed and head to the cells. I’ll go alone. He’ll talk to me better with no one around.” I kiss Darius’s cheek and head upstairs.

Before long I’m stalking over to the cells, ignoring the pitying faces of those I pass on the way. I don’t want their pity, I want to maim something slowly, violently, and pretend it’s Belestine. The guards move aside without a word and I trudge down the steps toward Marcus’s cell where I see my Dad playing.

I stare at the sight before me and feel a grin creep over my face. It appears daddy-o is in the same mindset as me.

Luka was right. Sirus is very creative.