Say You Swear

Stuffed, I drop my head back, happy to have my parents home. “That was so good.”

My dad takes the Tupperware container and tosses it into a bag on the countertop. “Yeah, that Noah sure knows how to cook.”

“Noah Riley?” I look to my dad. “He made that?”

“Oh, yeah, and straight from scratch. Pretty impressive, if you ask me. Why do you think it took us three hours to get back here?”

“I didn’t think it was because Avix U’s quarterback seconded as a chef, that’s for sure.” I gasp, looking to Mason. “Oh my god! Your season? How was it? Did you play?”

Mason chuckles, opens his mouth, but I cut him off before he can speak.

“Wait, don’t tell me! I changed my mind,” I tell my family, and all eyes slide my way.

Once my dad and Mason got back, we were able to call Dr. Brian back in, and this time, he was joined by a specialist. They broke everything done once more, so my parents could fully understand and the way the specialist explained what I’m facing made me think about things a little differently, leading me to my final decision.

“I don’t want anyone to tell me about the last few months.”

“Ari.” Mason shakes his head. “There are things you need to know.”

Subconsciously, my hand plants on my stomach, and I nod.

“I know, and I will ask some about some things, but I want the chance to do exactly that when I need to. The doctor said someone else’s thoughts could confuse me more than I already am, and I don’t want to risk that. I want to remember on my own. They said I can.”

“Of course you can, sweetheart.” My mom pushes my hair back. “There’s no pressure. Whatever you decide, we’re here.”

“About that, I get released tomorrow, and I don’t… I don’t want to go home.”

My mom looks from me to my dad, and Mason guesses, “Beach house?”

I nod, looking between the three of them. “It’s the last place I remember, and I want to stay closer. I also want to go back to school when the semester starts.”

“That’s less than a month away.”

“And the doctor said I could remember any day. The accident was fifteen days ago. Everything should come back soon. Tomorrow even.”

The room is quiet a moment, and my mom offers a small smile. “And if it takes a little longer?”

A wave of nausea hits me, but I steady myself. “I still want to go back, especially then. Being on campus, hanging around the same areas and the same people could help. I did end up on campus, right?”

“Course you were.” Mason clears his throat. “I think that all sounds good. I’ll have Cameron pack you some things tonight, have it ready for tomorrow.”

Worry pulls at my dad’s brows, but he nods, putting his hand on my mom’s back as she stands.

“Me and Dad can hit the stores, stock the fridge and things.” My mom nods, anxious. “But if you think I’m going home, you’re crazy. I’ll stay in our condo down the beach.”

I reach out, squeezing her hand. “I figured you’d say that.”

She winks, and then they’re all on their feet, visiting hours almost over for the day, and now that I’m no longer critical, the standard rules apply. Honestly, it’s a relief and admitting that makes me feel guilty, but they see my heavy eyes and tell me to rest. It comes from a place of love, but if they knew the way my stomach turns at the thought of nightfall, they’d worry themselves to death.

So, as they say their goodbyes, I put on a mask of ease, but the minute they’re gone, it slips away, anxiousness crippling me.

Soon, all the lights will be out and no chatter will come from the halls. The nurses won’t shout out from their stations but speak quietly among themselves.

The floor will fall silent and exhaustion will bleed in.

I hate it.

The mere thought of sleep is terrifying.

What if I close my eyes and lose more?

What if I close my eyes and they never open?

What if they open and I don’t even know who I am?

Right now, I’m still me, just missing a couple pieces.

What if tomorrow I’m a stranger stuck in Arianna Johnson’s body?

Dropping my head back, I push away the tears with a growl.

A light tap has me jolting upright, surprised when it’s Noah I find in the doorway, a plastic bag in his hand.

“Casper getting on your nerves again?” His tone is tense, but warm.

I blink away the moisture. “Yeah, he’s being a dick. Keeps pouring water in my eyes. I’m kind of sick of it.”

A low chuckle leaves him, and he nods, as if understanding what I mean.

I’m sick of crying.

“I brought you something.” He hesitates in the doorway a moment, but when I say nothing, he walks in.

He hands me the bag, and slowly, I reach out to take it.

“What is it?”

“A little something to get you through the night.” He turns for the door, but something has me calling out.

“You don’t have to leave… unless you want to.”

He doesn’t look back at first, and when he does, there’s a heaviness that settles over the room.

He doesn’t want to leave; I can sense it.

How can I sense it?

I clear my throat. “You could wait until someone comes to kick you out? Shouldn’t be too long.”

Slowly, he nods, his hands sliding into his hoodie pocket as he comes closer, taking the seat beside me.

He watches me closely as I reach into the bag, pulling out a pair of earbuds and an old iPod.

Warmth washes over me and I look to him. “You brought me music?”

His eyes hold mine. “Thought you might need to get lost for a little while.”

How do you know I can’t sleep? That music will help?

How do you know what I need?

“Thank you,” I whisper, and when I get the thing turned on and the earbuds hooked up, I pass him one.

Noah keeps his gaze on mine as he slides it into his ear, and I drop back against the bed. I press play, and three chords in, my eyes close, the story playing out behind them.

Something settles within me, and my breaths grow deeper, fuller.

“It’s so good to see that man finally getting some sleep.”

I look up to find Nurse Becky coming in, unsure of how much time has passed, but it must have been a while, because when I look to Noah, I find he’s asleep, his hand lying on top of my mattress, at my side.

“Sorry,” I whisper. “I know visiting hours are over.”

“You’ve got the whole room to yourself; they won’t bother you.” She waves a hand, her jacket hanging over her arm. “Besides, I’m off the clock, just wanted to pop in and say goodbye in case I don’t see you tomorrow before you go.”

“Thank you for all you did for me.”

“It was my pleasure. It was nice to see such a loving family, it’s sad how rare that is in here.” She sighs, smiling as she looks over at Noah. “And that man, he didn’t leave your side.”

My stomach sucks in. “He didn’t?”

She shakes her head, staring at him with a motherly notion. “Poor thing only closed his eyes for an hour or two a day the whole time you were unconscious, and even less the last couple days while he was hiding out in the waiting room down the hall. If he wasn’t in that shower, he was right there in that chair, as restless as a kid on Christmas Eve.”

A frown builds along my brow.

“Looks like he’s sleeping just fine.” Her eyes come up to mine, a low gleam within them. “I’ll go before I wake him.”

Nodding, I wave, but as soon as she’s gone, my eyes shift to Noah, to his hand, an inch from meeting my blanket-covered thigh.

I stare at it a moment, at his long fingers, and the slight bend of his knuckles. At the softness of his skin and the veins of his lower forearm as his sleeve pushes up the slightest bit.

I look to his face, to the long lashes lying against his cheek bones. His dark hair pokes out from beneath the hood, and there’s a light stubble on his jaw.

His chest rises and falls with deep full breaths.

I put the earbud back in my ear, and before I know it, morning comes with the seat beside me empty, and a tap on the door.

My eyes open, my smile instant.

“Chase.”

Noah

A little over an hour of my sitting on the curbside bench passes before Ari’s voice reaches me, snapping me from my thoughts, and the moment I turn my head, she appears, her eyes instantly finding mine as if I spoke her name.

“Noah.” The joy in her tone has my pulse jumping, and I can’t help the small smile that appears.

I want to grab her, hug her. I want to hold her.

Instead, I stay sitting, locking my hands together because I don’t trust myself not to reach out. “Juliet.”

Her eyes narrow a little, but then she laughs, and goddamn, it’s so fucking good to hear. She remembers the nickname I gave her that first day.

“You know.” She tips her head. “They talked to us about the danger of stalkers at orientation.”

My nerves spark; my words drawn out. “Did they now?”

“Mm-hm,” she teases. “And you sitting out here is borderline-stalker tendencies.”

I swallow. “What if I said I wasn’t here for you?”

“I’d call you a big fat liar.”

I chuckle, the ease of this conversation settling in a way I can’t explain, but a weight comes with it because while I was sitting here waiting to see her walk out, she should know why else I’d be here on a Sunday afternoon. She came with me so many times. I push the thought aside, and climb to my feet, her chin lifting, so she can keep her eyes on mine. “You’d be right.”

Her lips begin to curve, but she pulls them in, and then she looks behind her, and the warmth brewing in my chest dies on the spot.

Chase steps out with a smile, but the moment he spots me, it falls flat. He looks away a moment, but back the next. “Hey, man.”

Guilt, it’s written all over him, as it should be.

My brain refuses to allow me to respond, but then Cameron and Brady file out, and the roar of an engine revs behind me. Mason pulls up at the curbside.

He quickly jumps out, and the others put the bags into the back as he comes over, Ari still standing on the sidewalk a foot in front of me.

“I called you twice last night.” He glares at me.

My eyes slide to Ari’s, and she drops her chin, nibbling on her lip, and Mason’s eyes narrow, curious.

Everyone climbs into Mason’s Tahoe, but the two of them, and Ari looks to me, the circles beneath her eyes a little lighter today.

“We’re spending the rest of break at the beach house,” she tells me, and my chest tightens.

“Oh yeah?”

She nods.

Come on…

“Are you… do you have plans with your family?”

You are my family.

I shake my head, my pulse quickening, a mixture of emotions flowing through me.

“Oh.” She pauses.

Almost.

“It’s just the five of us staying and we have an extra room if you want to come,” she says, as if I haven’t been there. It kills me, but not as much as the hint of uncertainty in her tone.

In her eyes.

In the way she stands.

I want to wash it all away, to tell her she never has to wonder where I want to be, because the answer is, and always will be, wherever she is.

Right beside her.

But I can’t say that.

So I keep it simple. I keep it us.

“You know the answer to that.”

“Do I?” She laughs, but she has no idea why, and for once, it brings a smile to my face, because while she doesn’t remember, her mind makes the subconscious connection. “Maybe I want to hear it?”

At that, a small smirk builds.

Of course you do, baby.

“Yeah, Juliet,” I tell her. “I’d love to go.”

Her lips press together in a smile, and she gives a curt nod. “Then it looks like it’ll be a full house.”

It takes her a second, but she steps around me, slowly slipping into the front seat, where Mason’s got a couple pillows waiting for her.

He steps beside me. “What kind of girl would invite ‘some guy from the beach she sat and talked to for a minute’ to sleep down the hall from her for two weeks?”

My lungs fill, and I turn to him.

“The kind that remembers a topic from her freshman orientation.”

His brows snap together. “That… that was after she left for the summer. Weeks after.”

A small smile pulls at my lips, and I nod. “I know.”

With that, I move toward my truck, leaving Mason to explain why I didn’t have to run home to grab some things before we make the short trip.

I already packed.