Roachville

The sun had gone down and the moon had come up and it was time to go to Vi’s. I walked to her house because it was only five minutes away and I needed to stretch my legs. Vi lived with her boyfriend Bek and I’d known them for over two years, which was pretty much as long as they’d been together. I had witnessed various stages of their relationship: flirting – settling down – arguments – happy again. They were in a good phase at the moment and it wouldn’t have surprised me if they announced their engagement. The first time I had met them, through work colleagues in the packed garden of The Cadbury, I hadn’t thought much of them. They seemed like an odd couple, Bek being six years younger than Vi. He had spent the evening chatting away about his job and she had barely opened her mouth. She towered over him, even without heels, and her light frame was made all the more fragile when compared to his solid ‘bone structure’. The expression in her green eyes was hard to interpret behind the smoke of all the cigarettes she kept on lighting. Was she shy or just a quiet listener? Her features rarely lit up, so I didn’t try very hard. As for Bek, his own exuberance had turned me into the silent observer. There was no screen of smoke to conceal his narrow blue eyes and his love of food showed plainly in his round face. Both he and Vi wore unremarkable jeans and t-shirt combos, and so there was no way I would have guessed we would be such good friends two years on.

As I got closer to my destination, and just in case some mofo would try to attack me, I practised kung-fu techniques in my head. Shadows were springing out of nowhere and I kept seeing black cats on every street corner.

At Vi and Bek’s, I sank into my designated velvety blue armchair with a glass of red wine in one hand and a joint in the other. Bek and I compared the merits of various martial arts and slagged off people who didn’t believe in Qi. Soon, he was demonstrating the new Tae Kwon Do pattern he had just learnt, placing his feet carefully on the dark carpet. Their lounge looked as if a great war between miniature kingdoms had just taken place. CDs, books and DVDs littered the floor in pretty patterns, while piles of unopened letters formed precarious towers wherever they had been deposited. Loud cooking noises came from the kitchen, where Vi was busying herself. As a rule we shouldn’t have been friends, considering my natural distrust of people over a certain height, but as we’d kept on meeting through common friends, my earlier judgements had started to crumble. Vi became more chatty and Bek less noisy. After a while there were no common friends acting as intermediaries. We got drunk together, we smoked together, we even went camping together. As for Bek’s height, it was average and so my stupid rule didn’t apply to him. Both of them worked in town, Vi as a surveyor for a housing association, while Bek laid low amongst the nameless army of the service sector. He hated it but I believed he was biding his time by plotting the revolution. One drunken night, I pledged my allegiance as faithful lieutenant when the time came.

After a delicious plate of slithery udon noodles, we decided to play Ghettopoly. As in the original Monopoly, I became single-minded and managed to accumulate plenty of crack houses, while Vi spent a lot of time in jail. Through the grey smoke twirling from the fat joints that Bek rolled with the regularity of a Swiss clock, I told them everything about my latest translation, Kenneth Tann and the East Asian woman – although I didn’t make any mention of the earlier erotic dream. Even with close friends, there are boundaries I couldn’t cross. We laughed like idiots at the pet products and pondered about life and the universe and stuff. But just like me, Bek wondered about the lady from Laos.

‘So, will the old bird call you back?’

‘I honestly don’t know.’

‘And do you even care?’ Vi asked from behind a giant glass of white wine.

I tensed for a second. Was she on a mission to scrutinize me today? Or was I just being over-sensitive?

‘That’s a valid question,’ I said.

‘You weirdo!’ She laughed. ‘So what about it? Do you mind if she calls you back? Think about it.’

I sat up straight and tried to concentrate, but it was just a smoky blur. ‘I think so,’ I mumbled.

Vi leant towards me, pushing her light brown hair away from her face. ‘Don’t you think this job sounds a bit dodgy?’

‘I haven’t really analysed it.’

‘That’s exactly it at the moment. You’re letting things happen to you – not really thinking about what things mean.’

‘God, Vi, what’s up with you today?’ I frowned. ‘So what I haven’t thought about it? Don’t you know I need time to internalize things?’

‘Sure, I know that, but you’re just blocking things.’

‘Vi, leave her alone.’ Bek came to the rescue. ‘Tell her about your trip to St-Werburghs.’

‘Yeah, you mentioned a dragon.’ I narrowed my eyes at her.

‘You should definitely go. It’s good for depressed people to go out.’

‘I’m not depressed,’ I growled.

‘Maybe so, but could you make sure you go there? Do it for me please. Apart from the cool setup it’s got some really nice ornaments, including some sort of dragon sculpture that is just absolutely stunning. As soon as I saw it, I thought of you.’

‘Fine, I’ll go, but stop going on about it, okay?’

‘Yes, and now let’s talk about what you could be spending the triple rate money the good-looking Asian dude might pay you.’

‘I never said he was good-looking.’ I giggled at Bek and expelled one long puff of blue smoke.

‘Your face went really serious when you talked about him,’ he replied.

‘You shithead!’ I threw a cushion at him. ‘I would buy books and clothes!’

‘That’s rubbish!’ Bek spat out. ‘I’d get myself some nice silver-plated cables for the sound system.’

‘That’s insane,’ I retorted. ‘And by the way I’ll think about what you said earlier.’ I threw another cushion towards Vi.

‘Cool.’ She ducked, avoiding the soft projectile. ‘So what about me? Don’t you want to guess what I’d spend the money on?’

‘Accessories in purple,’ I ventured.

‘Booze!’ Bek screamed.

And so the careless banter went on for a bit longer under the watchful eyes of quiet Vi.