Our Future

Gabriel left to check on Anna and Sam soon after that. I said I didn’t want to come. Partly because I didn’t want anybody to suspect anything but mostly because Sam didn’t seem too happy with me.

I went back up to the roof. I had yet to eat anything today. Mostly because I felt sick and wasn’t hungry. I sat on the edge of the school roof with my feet hanging off. I blocked out the world with music. It was a windy but sunny day. It felt like this was all a bad dream and that I’d wake up and go to school normally tomorrow. It felt like that when the apocalypse first started, too. It took us a while to get used to our new reality.

Perfect by Simple Plan is running through my headphones.

“Hey, dad look at me

Think back and talk to me

Did I grow up according to the plan?

And do you think I’m wasting my time?

Doing things I wanna do?

But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it

I just wanna make you proud

I’m never gonna be good enough for you

I can’t pretend that I’m alright

And you can’t change me

Cause we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

Now it’s just too late

And we can’t go back

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside

Did you know that you used to be my hero?

All the days you spent with me

Now seem so far away

And it feels like you don’t care anymore

And now I try hard to make it

I just wanna make you proud

I’m never gonna be good enough for you

I can’t stand another fight

And nothing’s alright

Cause we lost it all

Nothing lasts forever

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

Now it’s just too late

And we can’t go back

I’m sorry I can’t be perfect

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said

And nothing’s gonna make this right again, right again

Please don’t turn your back

I can’t believe this is all just a talk to you

But you don’t understand, understand-”

My memories and thoughts cut in at this point and become louder than the music. I can remember my family, my parents and obviously Sam. I haven’t seen my parents in three years, I only now realize how long that is. I wonder where they are and what they’re doing. I wonder if they think we’re alive. That’s if they’re alive. I feel lonely for a moment. Lost.

Somebody grabs me from behind around the neck. I elbow the figure and he falls back. I stand and turn, but its Gabriel oddly enough. I take my earphones out.

“What was that for?” he asks.

“I didn’t know it was you,” I reply turning away to look out across our field.

“What were you doing?” he asks.

I roll my eyes. I suddenly feel sicker and I crouch down with a hand over my mouth.

“Hey, Nathan. You okay?” he asks.

He scared the hell out of me. Emily hates us both. I don’t know what Sam thinks anymore. I don’t know where my parents are or what they’d want me to be doing right now. I’m sick of this. I hate having to be responsible for so many lives. I wish some real adults would take charge. All they do is sit and attempt to find a cure well the living people who are half their age risk their lives to keep them alive. I’m just a kid. Really, I may be nineteen but I’m not ready to raise or run anything. Not something as big as this anyway. I miss when life was simple and all I had to worry about was myself. I was made to grow up too fast because of my circumstances and so were Gabriel, Emily, Hayden, Farren, Hale, Dani, and Rider. We were all kids who were made to take responsibility when the real adults should have stepped up and ran this place. I think it’s amazing it hasn’t fallen apart yet. Maybe we should hide the food so they’ll actually have to find their food for once.

“Nathan?” Gabriel asks nervously as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sick of running this place well the real adults do nothing,” I say under my breath. “I’m sick of being responsible for lives. I’m just sick of it all.”

“I know I’m responsible for Sam. He’s my brother. And you and Anna, you’re my friends. Emily and Arran, too. But what reason do I have to take responsibility for anybody else? I’m nineteen. I should be trying to get into college or university. I know we don’t live in a world where that’s normal anymore but why should I go risk my life for people who I don’t know and don’t do anything for others?” I say slightly louder afterwards.

“Nathan, they’re lazy, stupid, chickens. They’re scared of what they think is out here. Now, out here is scary but with a crossbow or a gun or knife, it’s less scary. And with friends and family it’s less scary. They’re frightened and are too worried about their self-image to admit it. So one we’re braver then they are. And you should risk your life for people who risk it with you, like Hale and Hayden and everybody else who ventures into the outside world with us. The rest believe too much in finding a cure or they might be lying. They might not even be trying to find a cure and just sitting down there because they're scared,” he says sitting down beside me and placing his head on my shoulder.

What he said could be true and is true probably.

“Hey, you. Up there! Could you help us?” I hear a man’s voice shout.

I recognize the voice. There’s some age to it but I’m sure of it.

I look at Gabriel and he has this hopeful look on his face.

We race down the ladders to the ground and around to the back field where we heard the voice come from and sure enough there’s my father with Gabriel’s father sitting against the school wall.

“Nathaniel? Is that you? Gabriel, too? Our lucky day isn’t it, Paul?” says my father patting Gabriel’s father on the shoulder.

“Gabriel, did Sam and Anna...?” Gabriel’s father is straining to speak.

“They’re inside. What about Mom?” Gabriel states calmly but quietly.

Gabriel’s father shakes his head and I look at my father and he shakes his head, too.

“Well, it’s nice to have some adults around finally,” I say sarcastically.

“What you mean adults? You and Gab here are adults aren’t you? What are you like twenty-five now?” he says it sarcastically, too.

“We’re only nineteen. And all the adults we know are supposedly trying to find a cure,” says Gabriel in a semi-offended joking voice.

“Yeah, every week me, him and some other teenagers go out to find food and other things. The adults never come downstairs,” I say annoyed.

“Well, how about we worry about that later. Our friend here is injured,” he says nodding toward Gabriel’s Dad.

“Sure,” I say.

“Hey, Nathan. Did Melody...?” my Dad says it slowly as if it might offend me.

“No, she didn’t make it. I had to shot her myself after she demanded I not let her become one of them,” I say neutrally.

Gabriel helps his Dad up and I lead my Dad back to the door. Gabriel is at the rear helping his father.

I wonder if Sam or Anna will remember them. It’s been three years. Anna was three and Sam was six when they last saw each other.

I can feel my Dad watching me. Not the ‘I can’t believe I found my son’ kind of watching. The ‘I suspect something’ watching. I wonder if he saw Gabriel and me. I wonder how well he’ll accept me being gay and having a power. He already knew about Gabriel and he seemed to tolerate being around him. Gabriel’s father had accepted it long ago and didn’t mind it so much now. I hope they would find out when I was ready to tell them. Not like how Emily found out.

I look back at Gabriel nervously as I pull the metal dented door away from its doorway and he stops for a second and I can tell he’s reading my mind. He senses my worry; my fear and blushes in embarrassment, too. I smile at that. We continue inside and bring Gabriel’s Dad into the office to check and see if Cassie is in the nurse’s office. She isn’t so we go check Arran’s room which is where we find her, Emily and Arran.

I and Gabriel both hesitate at the door before knocking.

“Cassie, we’ve got another patient,” I say moving aside so she can see Gabriel and his father.

“I’ll come check on you later,” she says to Arran and then comes out.

Emily doesn’t even look at us.

“I’ll go get Sam and Anna,” I say solemnly.

“Nathan, we’ll be in room 101, okay?” says Cassie.

“Yeah,” I reply.

Gabriel and his father follow her to the first door on the right at the beginning of the hall and oddly enough my Dad follows them slowly. Once he’s inside I knock on Room 102′s door where Sam and Anna spent most of their time seeing as it’s the room they sleep and play in.

Connor answers and opens the door and calls for Sam who appears without fail.

“Go get Anna we found our Dads,” I say quickly.

He runs off excited as I’ve seen him since before the apocalypse started. He comes back pulling Anna along and she has to quicken her pace so she can keep up with his long strides. I lead them back down the hall to room 101. Our Dad is standing back from Cassie, Gabriel and his Dad. Like he doesn’t belong there.

“Dad,” Sam says and our Dad turns at the sound of Sam’s voice.

“Hey, buddy,” he says kneeling down to hug Sam.

Anna runs to her Dad’s bedside and Gabriel lifts her onto the bed so she can sit beside her father.

“He needs rest, if you’re quiet you can stay,” says Cassie after tending to the visible wounds.

Gabriel and I start to leave.

“You can stay if you want to, Gabriel,” says Cassie. She must think she gave off the wrong impression.

“Don’t worry about it. Me and Nathan have things to do anyway,” he says calmly.

I know he wants to get away from them as much as I do. It’s kind of awkward being around them since they barely know us anymore. They’re like complete strangers. Neither I nor Gabriel feels comfortable around them. My Dad seems eager to follow us but he just stands in the doorway like he’s debating whether or not to stay. I and Gabriel are quick about our escape. We escape up the second floor stairs and walk along the hall. To the back entrance that is in about the same condition as the front. Mostly boarded up aside from a bent piece of wrecked door. Gabriel pulls it back and we remerge into the outside world. We climb the ladder back to the roof and sit in the middle of the roof. Away from the edges so no one from below can see us.

We sit leaning against one another’s backs and I can tell Gabriel for the first time in a long while is immersed in his own thoughts instead of others. The silence from him is comforting and it almost feels like I’m alone. Gabriel is probably trying to find a way to break the news to his father that he’s still gay.

You see Gabriel’s father accepted that his son was going through a phase but after three years Gabriel knows who he is and that he likes me. If his father didn’t accept him, tension was going to rise in his family. I think he eventually gave up and just decided he’d tell him straight out and whatever his father responded with he would accept.

I feel the weight on my back disappear and feel his arms wrap around my neck in embrace.

“What are we going to tell them?” he asks it slowly and cautiously.

“The truth but only when we’re both ready,” I reply.

He leans his head against mine.

“Good plan, better than lying or anything else,” he whispers in my ear. “I wish people would just accept us. What’s different about us aside from our sexuality? It’s not like were harming the world or forcing anybody to do anything. We’re just as normal as the next people,” he says quietly.

“There’s no such thing as normal or perfect. Everybody sees something as weird or odd, different,” I reply.

He pulls me down so were laying on the roof. The gravel is uncomfortable to lie on but I just swipe it aside and lean my head against my hand which is held up by my arm. Gabriel lies beside me using his arms for a pillow. His eyes are closed as if he’s trying to sleep.

I wonder why I didn’t predict my father’s arrival. Maybe it was because it was debatable about whether they’d run into us or not.

My back starts to hurt and I figure it’s because I’m lying on a hard surface but soon I feel something ripping out of my back through my shirt and sweater as if it’s trying to free itself.

I grunt and Gabriel’s eyes snap open.

“What is it?” he asks.

I slowly sit up holding my side and take off my sweater. There are bulges under my plaid t-shirt. I slowly undo the buttons and pull off my shirt. Gabriel cocks his head to the side as if he is trying to see my back. I don’t want to look back at first because the look on his face is both worrisome and curious.

I turn slowly and get smacked in the face by a feathery wing. They’re black as the midnight sky.

Gabriel reaches out and touches one of them.

“Do you think you can fly?” he asks still looking like he can’t believe it.

My wings shrink away in shyness from Gabriel; it must be a reaction to the fact that I don’t want to try flying.

I shrug. He crawls closer and brushes his hand through the feathers. The wings flap slowly in response.

“Do you think it’s a side effect?” he asks.

I don’t know and I don’t know what to say.

“Can you make them retract? Cause if not you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do,” says Gabriel concerned.

I try and concentrate on making the wings smaller and I can feel them trying to push themselves back into my back.

Gabriel calms down. I throw my shirt back on embarrassed. His eyes are starring at the ground in embarrassment.

“It would be cool if you could fly,” he whispers looking nervously between me and the ground.

“I’m scared I’ll fall and hurt myself,” I whisper starring at the ground.

I know that makes me seem like a chicken but from here to the ground is a long drop. Anybody would die if they jumped and didn’t have the proper equipment.

“Don’t you wonder why we have powers and you have wings? Why we managed to meet?” says Gabriel looking into my eyes hoping for an honest answer.

“Yeah, but it’s not like we can go ask our Dads if they have powers. If they don’t they’ll think we’re crazy and I don’t want that. It’s bad enough already the way it is,” I reply.

“I think we should. It would explain a lot to us and might help us rebuild our relationship with them,” Gabriel says quietly.

I look out at the setting sun.

“Do you think that’s why Sam is unhappy with me? Cause he keeps seeing the future but worries if he tells me I’ll think he’s crazy?” I whisper.

“It’s a possibility. I don’t know what other reason he’d have to be upset. Anna might have a power, too. I never thought about that. I hope she doesn’t. Some people’s thoughts are scary,” he replies quietly.

“Who’s?” I ask.

“Farren’s for one. While we were in the alley he kept imagining he was going to shoot Emily and he doesn’t like that we brought her here even though she wasn’t bit. He thinks she’s a threat. Arran’s thoughts before he met Emily were pretty dark, too. He kept imagining how Quinn died. It was what he thought about most of the time. The rest of the time he, kept thinking tomorrow maybe I’ll wake up and this will all be gone. It’s terrifying knowing what people are thinking,” he says the last part with a gulp.

“Knowing the future is terrifying, too. Gabriel, “I reply.

“When did you start seeing the future? I think I could always read minds. Whether I defined them as voices and thought I was going crazy or knew I could read minds is another matter,” he whispers.

“I don’t know. I’ve had these visions for a long time. Now whether I comprehended them as dreams, seizures or visions is another matter,” I say. “What if it’s our mothers who had the powers and not our fathers? I really don’t want them to think we’re crazy, Gabriel.”

“I’d like to think if our mothers were the ones who had the powers that they would have told our fathers,” he replies.

“Everyone has secrets, Gabriel. Maybe the powers were theirs,” I comment.

A banging sound startles us and we slowly rise. I near the edge where the ladder is and slowly descend, Gabriel follows. When we reach the first level of the roof I look over the fenced edge and see a woman banging on the door with another sitting up against the wall.

Gabriel climbs over the fences and drops and I follow. The woman that was banging is now turned in our direction and holding us at gun point. The gun is a pistol, most likely a glock .22 or something similar. Gabriel pulls out his .44 magnum and points it directly at her in return.

“Who are you?” she asks.

The woman now that I have a better view has copperish-blond hair, similar to Gabriel’s. And the woman up against the wall has brown, hazelnut hair similar to Sam’s.

“We run the survivor’s group that lives inside of this school. Who are you?” he says with a threatening tone.

“Put the gun away, Grace. Are you blind or do you not recognize your own son?” says the woman lying against the wall. “Both of you. Tell them, Nathaniel. ”

“Dad said you were dead,” says Gabriel still holding the gun only feet from the copper-haired woman’s forehead.

At this point I don’t know who to believe. My father or the woman sitting in front of me. I stand my ground waiting for a reply to Gabriel’s statement.

“Does he know that or think it?” says the hazelnut woman in a hoarse voice.

I narrow my eyes.

“Prove it. Prove you’re our mothers,” I say slowly.

In this world, trust has become scarce. Gabriel is one of the few I trust, along with Sam, Anna and the others I venture into the world with every week. When you meet someone who seems to know you, you’re supposed to make them prove it because otherwise you could be endangering many. Dad had proved himself by voice and knowledge and so had Gabriel’s father when he asked about Sam and Anna. Just because they’re my parents doesn’t mean that their trustworthy, people can change in three years, who knows what their capable of and what they’ve done to survive.

“Your Birthday is November 10th, 2084. His is November 15th, 2084,” says the hazelnut woman.

“Tell us something nobody else could know,” says Gabriel grimly narrowing his eyes.

Gabriel and the copper-haired woman are still holding each other at gun point.

The metal door starts prying away from the frame and my Dad appears once he’s crawled out.

“What’s all the noise about?” he asks.

“Landon,” calls the hazelnut woman.

My father turns his head.

“They claim to be our mothers. You said they were dead. Did you see them die or do you just think they’re dead?” says Gabriel between raged breathes.

“They’re dead, alright. I and Paul had to shoot them ourselves. Who the hell are you and how do you know my son and his friend?” my father’s voice rises with anger and sorrow.