Of Light And Shadows

Jia’s eyes widened and she stood quickly, her cheeks flushing crimson as Lucifer bit down on an irritated growl. Evan looked between them with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“Why would you say that?” Jia gasped.

“What? That you slept with me?” Evander frowned. “We joke about it all the time. I thought you didn’t mind.”

"We joke about it, Evan. You and me. That doesn’t mean you can go using it to your advantage. What if Lucifer and I were together? The only thing you’d achieve if we were is hurting me.” She clenched her fists to stop them trembling.

"Are you together?” he asked with a casual shrug.

“No,” Lucifer answered.

“Then what’s the problem? Don’t overreact, Jia.” The Vampire rolled his eyes in a gesture so unlike her friend that it almost made her back away.

“How do you want me to react?” she asked.

“Not like this.” Evan frowned. “You don’t normally care.”

“You don’t normally bring up that night to win an argument either,” she retorted. “I’ve never been ashamed of how we met until now. You made me sound...easy.”

Evan’s eyes narrowed and Lucifer moved to stand beside Jia, watching cautiously as the Vampire’s temper started to rise.

"I wasn’t the one that got drunk and went home with the first guy she met,” Evan answered, his voice cold and sharp. Jia felt like she’d been slapped in the face.

“That’s enough,” Lucifer warned, anger turning his words to steel. “This visit is over. When you can control your temper we’ll try again.”

Jia couldn’t believe things had escalated so fast. It was like a switch had flicked inside Evan that turned him from the person she knew into somebody else entirely.

“I’ll see you soon, Ev,” she mumbled. As she turned to go he caught her wrist hard enough to hurt. Lucifer moved so fast he seemed to blur, gripping Evan by the throat as Jia’s eyes widened in shock and fear.

“Let go of her or you will lose that arm,” he warned.

She saw the dark shadows rising from his skin, the flickering hellfire in his red eyes and the black horns of his true form and she knew that it was taking everything he had not to kill Evan.

The Vampire bared his teeth and his grip tightened as Lucifer’s wings unfurled. A bone in her forearm cracked and she hissed in pain as Evan’s other hand struck Lucifer hard in the chest. The Demon didn’t even flinch despite the horrible thud of knuckles against his ribs.

His countering strike was instant, vicious and effective. He snapped a fist across Evander’s cheek hard enough to make him let go and the Vampire fell back. Lucifer kicked out his knee, then grabbed his head as he fell and kneed him hard in the face. Evan was unconscious before he hit the ground.

Lucifer took Jia’s uninjured arm and led her out of the room, locking the door behind him before he doubled over and coughed.

She could feel that her wrist was broken but she forgot about it as soon as she saw him wipe his mouth and his hand came away red. Fear quickened her pulse.

“I broke my fingers again. Sellik won’t be pleased.” He straightened up and took her hand carefully, touching the spot where he knew the bone was cracked. “He hurt you,” he growled.

“We knew he might.”

“The only reason he isn’t ash right now is because he’s your friend.”

“I know.” Her brows pulled together. “You’re bleeding again.”

“He punched me in the chest.”

“You didn’t even stagger.”

“He isn’t strong enough to make me step back when I’m like this, even injured.” He gestured at the shadows rising around him like smoke, his wings shifting irritably behind him. Despite the awful situation he was still glorious to look at.

“Why haven’t you changed back yet?”

“Sometimes it takes a moment to calm down.”

“I didn’t expect his temper to switch so quickly.”

“He’s a Vampire. Even those with the most control fall victim to their temper far easier than other species. The things that wouldn’t have irritated him as a human will now make him angry.”

Lucifer sighed and passed his good hand over his eyes, his mouth pressing into a grim line for a moment.

“We can’t blame him for his reactions," he conceded. "As much as I dislike him, he’s still your friend. The things he said were only said because he’s a Vampire. He isn’t himself right now and he may not be for a while.”

Jia watched him for several minutes before she found herself able to answer. When she did it was with tears in her eyes.

“I just wanted him to be okay,” she said quietly. “In the human world he was all I had. Here, I’m all he has. I thought he’d see that and be pleased to see me, not that he’d hurt me on purpose just to get a rise out of you.”

The tears spilled over and Lucifer sighed, reaching out to wipe them from her cheeks with his thumb.

She closed the gap between them and buried her face in his chest, ignoring her broken arm as she hugged him. The adrenaline still coursing through her blood was enough to numb the pain for the moment.

“You’re making a habit of crying on me lately,” he teased, but he folded her into a tight embrace, forgetting the sting in his chest. She appreciated that he took the time to comfort her instead of carting her straight off to the Infirmary.

“I’m sorry that he was trying to make you angry.”

“Don’t apologise for him, Jia. This is my fault. I understand what happens to people when they go through this sort of change.” He pulled back but didn’t let go of her.

It was strange, looking up at him with his glowing eyes and the smooth black horns. His wings shifted again, the silken limbs brushing against one of her arms. She wondered what it would be like to sink her fingers into the downy feathers when she wasn’t hurt.

“I should have known it was too soon,” he continued. “I just didn’t want to see the look on your face when I told you it would be another few days.” His brows pulled together. “I made a mistake and you got hurt because of it.”

“Trust you to find a way to make this your fault,” she said gently. “You can’t shoulder the blame for everything, you know.” She looked down at his tie, fixing it for him as she found a way to voice the question in her head.

The sting of her broken forearm reminded her that this wasn’t a dream. Evan had really said those horrible things and Lucifer was really holding her in his true form. He still had his arms around her waist.

“Louie?”

“Yes?”

“Was I wrong for spending the night with Evan when we met?” Her cheeks burned and she felt shame coil unpleasantly in her gut.

Lucifer lifted her chin with one finger of his uninjured hand, making her meet his gaze. Lit up like they were, the eyes of his true self seemed almost bottomless and mesmerising sparks snapped through the flickering hellfire.

“Not in the slightest,” he said sincerely. “You have every right to do whatever you wish with whoever you feel like.”

“Then why do I feel so ashamed?”

“He was just lashing out because he doesn’t know how to process the anger that comes with what he is now. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Looking up at him then, with his red eyes bright and gentle and his hand at her waist, she felt the urge to stretch up on her toes and kiss him. It took her by surprise.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said softly.

“How?”

“I can see it in your eyes.” The hand under her chin moved to her cheek. “Now probably isn’t the best time. Both of us are hurt and I can taste my own blood.”

She felt her cheeks get red and he smiled. As he did his true form disappeared, leaving her with the warm red eyes and high cheekbones she was used to.

“How are you so calm?” she asked softly. “You’re talking about it like it’s no big deal.” His head tilted, his smile turning crooked.

“Talking about what?”

“Nothing,” she mumbled.

“You act like you’ve never been kissed before.” Hearing him say it out loud like that made her eyes widen and forced her to look away. He chuckled. “You’re always so quick to blush.”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“Make fun of you?” He sounded genuinely surprised. “You think this is a joke?” She looked back at him, frowning.

“Why else would you pretend you want to kiss me?”

“Pretend?” His head tilted. “Jia, I’m not pretending.”

“Sure you are,” she shrugged, scowling. “You’re just acting this way to make me feel better after Evander upset me because you think it’s what I want.”

The pain in her arm was overshadowed by the ache in her chest. She hadn’t realised how much she wanted it to be real.

“Is that what you really think?”

“It’s the truth.” He watched her for a long moment.

“I want nothing more than to prove you wrong right now,” Lucifer said. The sincerity in his face made her heart thud harder and for a moment she thought he might do it, but then he stepped back and let go of her, letting the moment pass them by.

“To kiss you now would be a terrible idea for many reasons.” He looked away. “The most glaringly obvious of which is the fact that you have feelings for someone else.” She opened her mouth to speak but he turned away, walking back towards the stairs.

“Louie, wait.” He stopped. His head turned a fraction, showing her the side of his face. “You think I have feelings for Evander?”

Did she? She was physically attracted to him and he meant a lot to her, but could she equate that to having real feelings for him?

She’d always accepted that Hannah was the one he wanted. She relied on him to bring her happiness when her life got too hard but beyond that she hadn’t thought about it.

“Of course you do. Why else would you be so affected by his hurtful comments?” That carefully reserved tone was back, betraying nothing of Lucifer’s feelings.

“He’s my best friend. That’s all.”

“And what am I?” He still didn’t turn to look at her. “Am I like my brothers to you?”

“I...” She faltered.

When she was around Mammon and Bell she felt safe and secure and warm. She felt like they were the older brothers she’d never had. She could say anything, do any stupid thing and never get embarrassed, because she knew they’d be there doing or saying the stupid thing with her. She never wanted to kiss either of them.

Lucifer had always been the one to tell them off and shake his head at their stupidity. When his brothers slouched away complaining he’d allow himself to laugh and shoot her that mischievous grin she loved so much.

She didn’t feel like he was a brother to her, but somehow he was just as important. She didn’t know where he fit into her life, exactly, but she couldn’t be without him.

“Well?” he asked, turning to her at last. “What am I to you, Jia?”

“...I don’t know yet.” He nodded, staying silent for a moment before he held his hand out to her. She saw more blood staining his lips.

“Come on.” She let him guide her up the stairs, feeling the stab of her broken arm now that her adrenaline had faded. She held it close to her body until they reached the Infirmary. Lucifer didn’t say anything else as they walked.