Nevermore (Crossbreed Series Book 6)

“How long have you been working for Keystone?” Switch asked.

I set the maple bacon in the bottom drawer of the fridge. “Not quite a year.”

After meeting up with Switch at the trailer, I had no choice but to tell him the truth about being a Mage and where I’d been these past few years. Had he been human, I wouldn’t have said a word. But given my father’s associations with Shifters and the fact that Switch’s energy felt stronger than a human’s, I decided it best to give him the truth.

He furrowed his brow. “What were you doing before that?”

Maybe now wasn’t the best time to tell him about the previous five years of my life, when I stalked and murdered men. “I was a scavenger. How long have you been a wolf?”

Switch leaned against the kitchen counter and dipped his chin. “What makes you think I’m a wolf?”

I shut the fridge and gathered up the empty plastic bags. “You just have that look about you.”

He laughed. “What look?”

“Like you want to pee all over everything and mark your territory.”

“Maybe I’m just a regular human being.”

“And maybe you’re full of it.”

He rubbed his hands together slowly, a habit I remembered from long ago. “How much has Crush told you?”

I stepped up to him. “I need to get under the sink.”

He smiled and moved aside.

“Crush told me enough that I realized my entire life has been a lie,” I said, shoving the empty plastic bags into a larger bag beneath the sink. Then I stood up and grabbed a few cans of corn and beans.

Switch opened the overhead cabinet for me. “It’s not like he had a choice. Trusted humans are forbidden from telling anyone else about Breed, and that includes family. Not unless they’re given explicit permission. Are you harping on your old man for not telling you that monsters are real?”

I forced a smile. “Maybe if he had, I wouldn’t have chosen to become one.”

Switch moseyed over to the table and sat down. “It’s not like being a Mage is a curse. You pretty much live forever.” He propped his foot on one of the chairs. “How did a Learner get a job with Keystone? I don’t know much about those organizations, but I didn’t think they hired inexperienced recruits.”

“I know a thing or two about a thing or two.”

I grabbed two bottles of watermelon-flavored water from the fridge and set them on the table. I hadn’t bothered telling Switch I was a crossbreed. We didn’t know each other that well.

“Has my father seen your Yamaha?” I asked, switching subjects. “You know he’s a Harley man.”

“At least I ride a cruiser. Your dad would never let me on the property on a sports bike.” Switch sniffed the water before guzzling it halfway down. A sour look crossed his face, and he shuddered. “Does he drink this swill?”

I sipped my water and enjoyed the fruity flavor. “He’s out of food, so I thought I’d go to the store and buy him some healthy stuff.”

“News flash—flavored water isn’t a food group.”

“It says it has vitamins.”

Switch chortled and looked up at the ceiling, his Adam’s apple jutting out. “Your dad is way past vitamins.”

I reached over and shoved his foot off the chair. “Don’t mention to anyone that you saw me, okay? Crush wants to throw a party and tell everyone at the same time, that way he doesn’t have to deal with gossip or having to explain it more than once.”

When Switch righted his head, all that long, sexy hair fell across half his face. “What kind of party? A still alive party?”

I crossed my legs. “Pretty much.”

“So… what happened to you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

His gaze grew pensive as he folded his arms on the table and leaned in. “Where’s your Creator?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” I got up to put my drink back in the fridge.

He captured my wrist and held me still. “If you have a reason you’re hiding from him, I’ll take care of it.”

If only it were that easy.

I slipped out of his grasp and opened the fridge, setting my drink inside. “There’s nothing to take care of. I came here to make peace with my dad, not to hide.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Staring at the smoked ham on the second shelf, I made up a lie that wasn’t a complete lie. “My life has been pretty crazy lately, and I needed a vacation.”

Switch chuckled and stood up. “You came to the wrong place. Don’t you remember how crazy your life used to be?”

I shut the fridge door and leaned against the sink. “Loud parties, motorcycles at all hours of the night, and my father pointing a gun at someone is a lot less crazier than jumping off an underground bridge to escape Vampires or diving through a window seconds before a bomb explodes.”

Switch locked his fingers behind his neck, his biceps rock hard as he widened his stance. “Remember the time that guy clipped your dad’s mailbox? Jesus.”

“I never heard that story.”

He lowered his arms, amusement dancing in his eyes. “Oh wow. That one is legendary in my old pack. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you.”

“No, you’re telling me or else I’ll slash your tires.”

“Ouch. Like father like daughter.” Switch tapped his chin. “How to word this… I guess you must have been around eight or something. It was back when Crush still had his… problem.”

“It’s okay to say he was an alcoholic. It’s not a family secret.”

Switch shrugged and glanced down at his motorcycle boots. “Anyhow, some asshole tore down the road and took out three mailboxes in the process. Something about him being in a fight with his ex. Your dad witnessed the whole thing while sitting outside, drinking in one of his lawn chairs. He uh…” Switch began laughing, and the more he tried not to, the worse it got. “He was still in his underwear.”

I palmed my face.

“He ran down the road after the guy, and legend has it, the beer was still in his hand.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed too.

“Anyhow, they got into a yelling match about paying for damages. A few neighbors witnessed the whole thing. Man, it’s too bad people didn’t have cell phone cameras back then.”

“What happened? A fistfight?”

“The idiot threw a watering can at Crush’s head. By the time they reached the man’s trailer, your dad was too drunk and tired to brawl with him, so he grabbed the nearest object. I guess there weren’t any bricks or shovels lying around, so he pummeled him with a blow-up shark. The guy grabbed a Hula-Hoop and used it to knock the shark out of Crush’s hands, so that’s when your dad started beating him with a garbage bag. The bag split wide open, and dirty diapers spilled everywhere.”

I threw back my head and sighed. “This is my life.”

Switch grinned and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans, which were slung low on his waist. “They still like to tell that one at barbecues. It’s not so much the fight that gets people going but the walk of shame home in his underwear, the beer still in his hand.”

“Crush is a one of a kind.”

“Yeah, he’s a favorite among the packs. The guys really like him. He sticks up for his friends, and if you ever need anything, Crush is the first one there. He got into a fight with my dad once, and they stopped talking for a few months. When word got out that my dad lost all his money gambling, Crush was the first one who showed up at his doorstep. Not to shame him, but to pay the Packmaster what my father owed so he wouldn’t get kicked out of the pack. I guess Crush could relate to my dad on some level, so he helped him find counseling for his addiction.”

I lowered my eyes, realizing how little I knew about the man who’d raised me. Crush had saved money for my future, sacrificing his own needs. When he thought I was gone, he used that money to help his friends. And here he was, living in a beat-up trailer with the same old furniture. The only new thing was the red pickup truck he’d bought after selling me his blue one. And even that truck wasn’t entirely new. It had a few years on it.

“Do, um… do any of the packs ever help out my dad?”

Switch took a seat and rested his arm on the table. “They try, but Crush won’t take handouts. He’s close with two packs in the territory: my old pack and Ren’s. Crush built that garage himself. Every few years, they try to talk him into letting them pave his driveway. My old Packmaster even offered to upgrade his trailer, but Crush wouldn’t have it. He’s a proud man.”

“Stubborn.”

“Runs in the family.”

We met eyes, and just then a vehicle pulled into the driveway.

Moments later, the door kicked open as loud as a shotgun, and Switch shielded his face with one arm when Crush reached around and grabbed him by the collar.

“Get outta my house, boy!”

“Wait, Daddy. That’s Switch.”

“I know who the hell it is, but did I invite him in here?”

He yanked Switch out of his chair, and even though Switch stood taller, Crush wasn’t intimidated. That was how he earned the nickname Bulldog. “You don’t enter a man’s house without his permission, especially when his little girl is home alone.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Suddenly I felt sixteen again, and the situation struck me as comical. “Let him go,” I insisted. “He knows everything.”

“Good.” Crush shoved Switch in front of the open door and kicked him outside with his boot. “See you at the party tonight.” Then he slammed the door and nonchalantly took off his jacket.

I strode over to the table and began folding my clothes. “You don’t think that was a little harsh?”

“If he knew I was wrong, he’d be knocking on that door. A man who comes sniffing around another man’s house when he’s not home is after only one thing.”

I chortled. “It’s not like that. Besides, it’s not like I can get pregnant. Those days are long gone.”

When I looked up, I saw tears shining in Crush’s blue eyes. He reached out and pulled me into his arms. Crush kissed the top of my head at the sound of Switch’s motorcycle speeding away at full throttle.

I’d never really wanted kids. When I chose to become immortal, I knew I’d be giving up that chance, and I was fine with it. Even now, I didn’t have any regrets until my father pulled me into his arms. It was only then that I realized there was another side to that story.

I’d never give my father grandchildren.

I choked back tears. Not for me but for him. I couldn’t imagine the depth of sorrow he must have felt knowing that his family line ended with me. No sons to carry on his name, no grandchildren to continue the line. I was the last Graves. Suddenly crippled with emotion, I buried my face in his chest, unable to look him in the eye.

“They took that away from you,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

“I’m so sorry.”

He forced me to let go and held me at arm’s length. “What the hell do you have to be sorry about?”

“That I can’t make you a grandpa.”

Just saying the words out loud made me look away. The blows just kept coming with all the new ways I could hurt my father.

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you.”

“No, it’s not. It’s about you too.”

He gave me an incredulous look. “A woman doesn’t have babies for her father. If she chooses to have kids, it’s because she wants them.”

“And I’m a bad person because I never wanted them.” I stepped back and collapsed in the chair, too emotionally spent to stand. “Even if I’d stayed human, I don’t think I would have ever had children unless it was by accident. But I never once considered how it would hurt you.”

When Crush squatted in front of me, one of his knees popped. He put his hands over my legs and looked me square in the eye. “Do you really think I’m grandpa material? I could barely raise one kid without screwing her up. Every bad thing that’s ever happened to you, I blame myself for. I could have done better.”

I essayed a smile and shook my head. “When did we become so sappy? I think we’ve had more crying sessions than a daytime soap opera.”

Crush lowered his head before he looked up at me again. “Don’t regret your decisions because of me. If you ever want kids, you can adopt. Breed orphanages have plenty of beds that are filled up. But if kids aren’t your thing, don’t sweat it. Do you think I’m missing out on some kid looking at me like a crazy old man who just embarrasses him all the time? I don’t need to be a failure in anyone else’s eyes.”

“Is that how you think I look at you?”

“That’s the look you gave me when I showed up for your play in seventh grade. I was clean and sober by then but still managed to fuck it up royally.”

I put my hands on top of his. “You were the only one who stood up and cheered when his kid walked onstage. Maybe I was embarrassed back then, but those moments are how I know you love me. I didn’t appreciate you enough, but I think we’ve covered that ground.”

“Like a steamroller,” he agreed. “You up for a party tonight?”

“Funny you should mention it, because I went shopping and we’re all stocked up on food.”

“We’re gonna need a lot more than a few cans of beans. Come help me unload the truck. I bought enough meat to feed an army.”

“Don’t you mean a pack?”

He patted my knee and stood up. “Hope you’re ready to kick it Shifter style. We don’t party the same as we did in the old days.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I twirled my hair around my finger and summoned a smile. “You strip naked and dance around a bonfire?”

He winked. “Something like that.”