Nevermore (Crossbreed Series Book 6)

Wizard tossed me onto the sofa. “She’s funny when she’s drunk.”

I opened my eyes and peered up at the two men.

Crush stroked his goatee and turned away. “I don’t want to see her make it into a habit.”

Wizard grunted as he turned his back. “Me neither. She sang the entire lyrics to ‘American Pie’ on the way home. I think she’s sobered up a little. Especially after throwing up on Route 12.”

“I’m in the room,” I reminded them.

Crush leaned on his cane as he escorted Wizard to the door. “Thanks for helping out.”

“Anytime, old friend. Enjoy the new fixtures in the bathroom.”

Crush swung his cane at Wizard, but he’d already bolted out the door. “Dammit, I told you not to do anything else!” He slammed the door. “Bastard. He can’t just leave well enough alone. Next thing you know, he’ll be laying down wood floors.”

I dizzily sat up. “What do you have against change?”

“I got something against people helping me like I’m some kind of—”

“Person who needs help?” I finished. “They’re not doing it because you’re an invalid. You’ve done a lot over the years to help out your friends. Don’t you think they want to repay you and show the same kindness?”

He limped into the kitchen. The light from the fridge blinked on, casting a white glow on the walls before he slammed the door shut. Crush moved slowly across the shag rug and handed me a giant bottle of electrolytes.

“I’d rather have coffee,” I grumbled.

“You need water. Alcohol dehydrates the body. If you don’t suck down some water now, you’ll regret it in the morning.”

“I’m a Mage.”

He sat down in his chair and dropped the cane. “And that means you still have to deal with gastrointestinal problems like everyone else. I know all about your kind. Drink up.”

I unscrewed the cap and chugged down as much as I could to satisfy the old man. No matter how old you get, your parents never stop being parents.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Bad day.”

He grimaced as he pushed the handle on the recliner and flipped up the footrest. “Next time you have a bad day, come home and I’ll grill some ribs. Nothing makes you forget your troubles like my baby back ribs.”

When I leaned over to set the bottle on the end table, I noticed a shoebox on the floor. “What’s this doing in here?”

“I was just looking through some old stuff.”

I pulled the shoebox onto my lap and grabbed a stack of old pictures. Some were of us, some of Crush in the early days when he was young and nearly unrecognizable, and then there were a few of my mama. I’d never seen any of these before. He had a few photo albums, but most of them were memories of birthdays and Christmases.

“Why do you keep these in a shoebox?”

“In case there’s a fire and I need to get out fast. I put a few of my favorites in there and keep it under the lamp table.”

I held one up and smiled.

Crush looked at it wistfully when I turned to let him see. “That’s my Bonnie Bluebird. She had the most beautiful brown eyes. I wish I had more of your mother, but she never liked having her picture taken. All her albums burned in the fire. Pictures of you, pictures of her—it’s like they were all erased.”

After a long silence, I decided to tell Crush what was really eating away at me. “I went to confront Christian today.”

“Is that so?”

I set down the pictures and reclined my head. “I told him how I feel about him—about us—and what I want.”

“And?”

“I didn’t want to rush him into an answer. I found out he has a history with Lenore that goes way back, but I don’t know the details. To be honest, I don’t care. I just want him to make a choice.”

“Is this what you really want? To be tied down to a Vamp?”

I opened my eyes and held his gaze. “I know you’re not fond of Christian, but you also said I have to make decisions on what makes me happy. I’ve never loved anyone, and maybe that’s my flaw. I have nothing to compare it to. But he makes me happy, and being around him makes me feel human again. I’ve been through a lot, and I’m not the same girl you once knew. I want to be, and sometimes I can still feel her inside me. But I’ve hardened in ways that are terrifying. If I don’t open myself up to this, I don’t know what I’ll become.”

“I know that look. I came back from war the same way, and it was your mother who saved me.”

Crush and I had more in common than I could have ever imagined.

I glanced at another picture. “If he wants to get serious, we have to tell Viktor. I can’t keep my feelings for Christian a secret any longer. Hopefully Viktor will make an exception or pair us with someone else. But if not, we might lose our jobs and get a memory wipe.” A smile touched my lips. “Feel like introducing me to Christian if I forget him?”

“Fat chance.”

“I’ll take that as a yes. Anyhow, if he says he’s not ready to get serious and go public, then we keep what we had a secret and go back to being partners. The past stays in the past.”

“And that’s not gonna mess with your head?”

I’d been convincing myself that I could compartmentalize my feelings, just as I’d learned to do after escaping Fletcher all those years ago. But part of me wanted to have a good old-fashioned breakdown in the bathroom at the idea of Christian saying no.

I rubbed my face, still feeling the residual effects of the alcohol. “After meeting with Christian, I confronted Lenore.”

“Jesus, girl. You had a busy day.” He tugged a blanket over his lap as if he were getting ready for someone to tell him a juicy campfire story. “Did you kick her ass?”

“As much as that would make your night, no. I handled it like an adult. She needed to know that I’m onto her game.”

“What’s her Breed?”

“Vampire.”

His eyes narrowed. “I want you to be careful with that rattlesnake, Raven. I know you got my fiery blood running through you, but if you can’t match her strength, keep away. The last thing you need is to make enemies with a Vamp.”

“I want nothing more than to have her out of my life, but for now I need her.”

“Does this have to do with the debt?”

I pulled my legs up and continued rummaging through the box. “I’m taking care of everything. I paid General a large advance, and he agreed to leave us alone until Saint Patrick’s Day.”

“What happens then?”

I examined an old ticket stub for a concert. “That’s when I owe him the rest.”

“Or what?”

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

“That’s a lot of money, Cookie. I just don’t see how.”

Crush had no idea how much money we were talking about here. I didn’t want to tell him that General had upped the ante. News like that might give the old man a heart attack or fill him with guilt. I just wanted him to focus on getting better and back to work.

I unfolded my mom’s obituary. Crush kept another one in a photo album, and I’d read it a dozen times. This one looked like his personal copy, the paper yellowed and worn at the edges. It didn’t talk about what school she went to, where she grew up, or her accomplishments in life. It said that her beautiful voice had brought heaven to earth and the world was quieter without her angelic laugh. It mentioned how she gave everyone a second chance—sometimes three. It said that Bonnie knew how to love people the way they needed to be loved and she fought for what mattered. It said her beloved daughter would grow up without ever knowing how beautiful her mama looked dancing under a moonlit sky with stars in her eyes. It said Bonnie made the best lasagna and sometimes called people she loved at godforsaken hours of the night just to tell them she was thinking about them. It said her funeral would be held on a Saturday and everyone was asked to wear blue in her honor. But I was the only one who wore black that day.

I choked on a sob before carefully placing the clipping back in the box. Tears wet my cheeks, but it wasn’t the first time Crush had seen me cry over a box of memories.

“I wish we had video,” he said. “But we just lived in the moment and didn’t think about those things. I wished you could have heard that woman sing.”

“I did. Sometimes her face is fuzzy, but I’ll never forget her voice.”

It wasn’t my mother’s loss I was weeping for. I’d dealt with her death a long time ago. Something else pricked my thoughts like a thorn. “Do you think she hates what I’ve become? Do you think she’s ashamed of me?”

He leaned over and put the box on the floor. “Your mama loves you no matter what. Don’t you ever forget it. She even loved an old drunk like me, and even though we didn’t stay together, we still loved each other. She never took away her love from people who needed it. And right now you need it more than ever.”

“Maybe needing and deserving are two different things.”

He pursed his lips. “Sometimes. But your mama would have moved heaven and earth for you. We both wanted you to have a better life, and that’s why I understood when you turned down my job offer and wanted to get away from the trailer park. You were trying to do what you thought Bonnie would have wanted. But that wasn’t your path, Cookie. Your mama was a smart lady, and if she were still alive, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You’d probably have some high-paying job, be living on the nice side of town. But that’s not how it worked out, and if she’s watching, she understands. She knows what you’ve been through. Your mama had the ability to love the unlovable. So maybe I get why you’re fond of that Vamp.”

That last line made me smile.

Crush patted my hand before leaning back in his chair, almost tipping it over. “Dammit.”

A laugh bubbled out. “You need to go to bed. That can’t be good for your ribs.”

“I’m sleeping right here. It’s easier to get up out of the chair than that bed. It’s all yours.”

“I’m staying on the couch.”

“Good. I could use the company.”

“You old bulldog.”

He chuckled and palmed the remote. “Let’s see if I Love Lucy is on. She reminds me of that sassy little number at the bar earlier.”

“Wouldn’t you rather watch The Golden Girls? They’re more your speed.”

“Keep it up, Raven. Keep it up.”