Losers: Part I

“Drinks are up, fuckers!”

I shoved open the backdoor with my foot, my arms full with cups as I emerged into the backyard. Sparks rose into the darkness as Lucas tossed more wood into the fire, the night air potent with the rich scent of smoke. We’d hauled ass to the nearest pizza place, returning to our house with three large pies and an order of hot wings. It felt nice and cool outside so we’d decided to get a fire going and eat in the yard, our folding chairs set up in a circle around the flames.

“For the lady,” I said, passing a drink to Jess as she sat with her feet up in her chair.

“Oh, I’m a lady now, am I?” she said.

Manson reached over from beside her and gave her face a squeeze. “You still hold the official fucktoy title. But I have to say, hearing you laugh like the Joker when Alex’s car got fucked was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard. You’ve earned the honor of being Lady Fucktoy.”

Jason snickered. “It’s a very elevated position.”

Jess shook her head, dramatically rolling her eyes. “God, you’re all terrible.”

“And you like it,” I said, raising my cup in a toast. “Gentlemen — and Lady Fucktoy — I propose a toast. To whatever poor bastards have to try to repair Alex’s Hellcat.”

They laughed as they drank. Jess took a long sip, her eyes widening before she swallowed.

“Damn, this is good,” she said. She looked over at me, nodding as if impressed. “So, you can do more than just tell terrible jokes.”

“My jokes are fantastic,” I said, taking my seat. “Not my fault you don’t understand the highest level of highbrow humor.”

“Truly the highest,” Jason said, laughing when I reached over to smack his arm.

“I’m surrounded by brats,” I said. “Honestly, what have I done to deserve to be surrounded by brats?”

“Can’t do shit about it either,” Lucas said, shaking his head as if he was disgusted. But I could see the mischief in his gaze when he looked at Jess. “You can chase a brat down with a gun and they still won’t submit.”

Jess stuck out her tongue at him across the fire. We dug into the food, holding paper plates and napkins on our laps. Jojo came to beg, of course, resting her head on Manson’s lap with the biggest puppy-dog eyes she could muster.

“You’re a bartender, right?” Jess said, looking at me in between bites of pizza. She lifted her cup and took another sip. “You clearly know how to make a good cocktail.”

“Yep. At Tris,” I said. “It’s a club in Memphis. Can’t say I’m a fan of driving an hour to get there, but the tips are good.”

“What kind of club is it? I can’t really imagine you serving up drinks to honky-tonk.”

“I can get down with all kinds of music,” I said. “But it’s not a country club, no. They play a lot of electronic, and occasionally they’ll put on a metal show. Tris is a little unusual. It’s not exactly a BDSM club, but they do work with the local kink and LGBTQ communities. They’ll hold munches there sometimes, but mostly it’s just a fun place for music. And obviously, the drink selection is superior.”

Jess tipped her head curiously. “Munches? What is that?”

“It’s a gathering for people interested in BDSM,” Manson said. “A way to meet the local community and like-minded people. The first munch Vince and I ever went to was at Tris.” He laughed softly, and I knew even before he said it that he was thinking of how embarrassing that first meeting had been. “We went into it so damn cocky, too. Tris is supposed to be 21+, but we were 18 and snuck in. I don’t think we fooled a single person there.”

“Everyone was side-eying us like we were kids,” I said. The memory still made me cringe, and I wasn’t one to be easily embarrassed. “We thought we were hot shit, big bad dominant dudes.”

“They set us straight pretty damn fast,” Manson said. “The woman who runs the munches pulled us aside and warned us to behave or we’d never set foot there again. She knew we really wanted to learn, but we needed to humble ourselves a bit. We didn’t get to call ourselves Dominant just because we felt like it.”

Mistress Rachel and her husband, Mark, had set us on the right track. It was lucky we’d had someone to call out our bad habits early, before we got too involved in the scene. Someone could have gotten hurt if we’d gone on thinking that all you needed to tie someone up or wield a whip was the desire to do so. It took a hell of a lot more responsibility than mere desire.

“We’ll take you there sometime,” I said, and Jess smiled excitedly. She looked like she’d be right at home in a club, dancing under the neon lights. “I think you’d enjoy it.”

“I love going dancing,” she said. “I feel like I hit every club in Nashville during college.” She looked between us, eyes narrowing slightly as she thought. “Which one of you is the best dancer?”

She looked at Lucas and his expression was completely appalled.

“Me? You think it’s me?” he said, nervously rubbing his hand over the back of his head. “I can’t dance for shit.”

“Have you ever tried?” she said, and he vehemently shook his head again.

Manson was snickering at him. “Closest he’ll come to dancing is a mosh pit.”

“Pft, as if you’re any better,” Lucas said.

Manson innocently put up his hands. “I didn’t say I was better, trust me. I’m happy right there in the pit with you. Sorry, Jess, I’m no good either.”

“Aw, you’ve just never tried,” she said. “We’ll get you both on the dance floor when we go to Tris.”

Not if we went to Tris — when. I shot a quick glance at Jason, and as he returned the look, I knew he’d caught it too.

“What about you, Jason?” she said, and he gave her a cocky smirk after he’d sipped his drink.

“I’m the best dancer,” he said, and not a single one of us denied it. “And I actually enjoy it.”

Jess glanced at me next, and I quickly shook my head. “Nope, not me. I’m a musician, not a dancer.”

“Oh, a musician?” Jess leaned back in surprise. “Another hidden talent from you?”

“I’m full of them.” I gave her a wink as I got out of my seat. “Give me a minute.”

I went back inside and up to the attic, retrieving Miss Daisy from her case and bringing her outside. Jess’s mouth dropped open when I returned.

“Oh my God — is that fiddle?” she exclaimed.

“This is Miss Daisy,” I said, holding out the instrument so she could see it. “She’s been in the family awhile, as you can see…” I pointed to all the little drawings and stickers on the lower bout, including the simple daisies drawn on with a marker. “My sister, Mary, got ahold of it when we were kids and left her mark. I think it adds character.”

“I had no idea you could play,” she said.

“How else do you think I seduced this charming gentleman?” I said, motioning toward Jason as I sat down again. “I played him the song of my people and he simply couldn’t resist me.” Jason almost choked on his drink, sputtering as he tried to stop his laughter.

“The song of your people?” Jess arched an eyebrow at me. “And what would that be, exactly?”

I held up my hand for perfect silence. I tucked the instrument beneath my chin, positioned my fingers as I lifted the bow…

And began to play the Benny Hill theme.

They all burst out laughing. But that wasn’t the only song in my repertoire. I transitioned to the Charlie Daniels Band, and Jess got out of her seat, holding her drink in one hand as she danced around the fire. She pulled Manson out of his chair and he gave her a twirl before he caught her close in his arms. Jason clapped to the tune as they danced, and even Lucas still had a smile on his face as he watched them.

Nights where we got to let loose and enjoy each other’s company were too few and far between. But Jess had snapped all of us out of our heads. She’d made us adjust our reality and try something new. She even managed to get Lucas out of his seat for a dance, albeit briefly.

She eventually stumbled into Jason’s lap, laughing drunkenly as she rested her head on his shoulder. I switched it up again and slowed the pace to something calm and mellow. That was one of my favorite things about music — how it could tug people’s emotions and change the mood with only a few notes. Between my slow pull on the strings, the crackling fire, and the alcohol, I could tell everyone was beginning to tire.

As the fire died down, Jess yawned and stretched in Jason’s arms.

“I think that’s a sign, boys,” he said, helping Jess to her feet with an arm around her waist. “It’s probably time to tuck in.”

Manson nodded as he got out of his seat, pausing to stretch. Lucas buried the last smoldering coals, and Jess blinked up at me sleepily, her head resting against Jason’s chest.

“You’re sleeping right here with us tonight,” I said, leaning down to kiss her soft lips, then Jason’s. She looked so comfortable in his arms, stifling a yawn behind her hand. Manson came up alongside her, taking her hand as it lowered and kissing her knuckles. She smiled, humming a drunk little tune as she trudged up the back steps.

Then Lucas swooped up behind her, snatching her from between Manson and Jason and scooping her into his arms. She gasped, her eyes going wide as she looked up at him.

“I’m not going to watch you trip and fall flat on your face trying to get upstairs,” he said. “I’m carrying you to bed.”

“My bed is the biggest,” I called to Lucas as Manson opened the door for him to carry Jess inside. “Everybody can pile in.”

“I’m going to be sweating my ass off with all you fucks,” Jason said, but he was a sucker for cuddling and wouldn’t have it any other way.

It took a while for everyone to shower and get into bed in various states of undress. Jess was swaddled in one of my shirts, and figuring out where she fit into this cuddlefest took another ten minutes of shifting around and swearing at each other. Eventually we settled in, with Jess in between Manson and Jason, and Lucas and me on either side.

“You’d better not kick me in your sleep this time,” Lucas grumbled, even as he wrapped his arms around Manson’s chest and rested his head against his back. We shoved away the blankets, our combined body heat more than enough to keep us warm. I’d always been a night owl and was used to staying up late, but even if I wasn’t tired, I still didn’t want to miss the opportunity to cuddle up in bed. I missed it too much on the nights I was gone.

Jason sighed against me, and I looked down to find him already drifting off to sleep. He was usually tossing and turning for hours. But Jess’s arm was thrown over his back, her long nails slowly scratching soothing circles on his skin.

Soon enough, I was the last one left awake. But part of me felt like it was worth staying awake just to see all of us so close.

After everything that had happened over these past few weeks, it was nice to feel at peace.