I Have Friends In Both Places

Atlas glanced over at Alijah as he pretended to read from a book that he hadn’t actually been reading for the past thirty minutes. From his relaxed position in the chair, Atlas knew Alijah wouldn’t be able to see Atlas glancing over every now and then, but it startled him a bit when the older boy moved to adjust his position.

Atlas was conflicted. It had officially been two months since he had been in hell while only one month of that, he was awake. He thought that after a while, his slight feelings about Alijah would leave. Like how fucking cute he was sitting with his legs thrown over the side of the chair while he reached up every now and then to bite at his nails – a habit Atlas had found a bit gross but understood as a slight tick of Alijah’s – or highlight a line from the book. Alijah was so beautiful, and Atlas hated how his heart beat a little bit harder when the boy looked over at him during meetings or while they were just together. Atlas cursed his vessel every time, but he had learned that the others thought his heart beat faster out of fear, as they were able to hear it as well.

Lele was the only one who knew the truth, and Atlas hadn’t even told him. After appearing in Atlas’s room while the boy was completely naked as he tried to shimmy underwear up his legs after a shower, Lele had proclaimed that he had officially seen entirely too much of Atlas and that he needed to hear all about his feeling for Alijah that second. Atlas had managed to pull on a pair of sweatpants before he was dragged to the bed and forced to sit down and spill everything. Lele had told him that since he was an incubus, he could sense when someone liked another person romantically or sexually and use it to his advantage, especially when it was toward him.

So, after a long night of too much bantering and mumbling, Atlas came to terms with the fact that he had feelings towards Alijah, feelings he didn’t want. Atlas was raised to hate Alijah, to hate everything about Hell. Atlas was taught that the demons were there to corrupt and destroy out of spite, but it wasn’t like that. Hell was growing on the boy, and he was scared, terrified, more so. He didn’t understand why he always messed up. He broke every rule he was supposed to follow. It’s why he ended up here in the first place, but now, now he was falling for this boy with dumb hair, and dumb smile, and dumb green eyes, and a dumb taste in fashion, and who was Atlas kidding? Alijah was perfect in every way.

So, Atlas’s heart almost jumped out of his chest when he realized he had zoned out, and Alijah was staring right back at him, the stupid kind of smirk on his lips that Atlas had recognized as the ‘I just caught you while you were staring and now you’re silently freaking out because you don’t know what the question I just asked you was, but you don’t want me to know that you were zoning out’ kind of smirk, and dammit, it was just as beautiful as the rest of him.

Alijah saved Atlas the embarrassment of having to ask what the question was by repeating himself. “Do I have food on my face or something? You seem to be staring pretty intently.”

Atlas fumbled over his words for a second before speaking in a semi-normal tone that totally wasn’t an octave higher than his normal voice. “No, no, you’re fine. I just zoned out for a minute, y’know, just forgot that I was, uh reading.”

Alijah laughed a bit and nodded his head in an ‘I know you’re lying but I won’t point it out’ kind of way. Alijah had a lot of specific gestures to him, Atlas noticed.

Alijah looked back at his book and began reading again before letting out a loud sigh, placing it down on the coffee table beside him. He then sat in his chair the correct way and turned to Atlas. “What’s wrong?” Atlas hummed questioningly. “Why are you scared of me?”

Atlas shook his head slowly. “I’m- I’m not scared of you, Alijah.”

“Then why does your heart pick up whenever I look at you? Why do you look like you’re constantly on edge whenever you come near me? Why do you constantly look at me like I’m about to attack you? I’m not a bad guy, Atlas.” Alijah’s voice slowly rose a bit as he got worked up, his temper flaring.

Atlas shook his head some more and stared at the ground. “It’s nothing, Alijah. Just drop it, please. I’m not scared of you.” Why did this have to happen to him, he thought to himself. Why does he always have to face his fears like this? Why did Alijah even have to bring up the thought of it?

“I’m trying so hard to be nice to you and get you to warm up to me. I’m bringing Galen up here, I’ve provided you with everything you’ve needed, and I’ve tried to become your friend, but all you do is ignore me or act like you’re absolutely terrified of me. I just- why? What do I have to do?” Alijah was yelling at this point, standing from his seat and he pulled at his hair a bit.

Atlas’s temper flared, and he closed his eyes as he yelled out. “I’m not terrified of you! I’m terrified of my feelings for you!” As he realized what he said, he immediately closed his eyes and covered his face. “Oh my god, forget you heard that. Forget you heard that. Please.”

All motion stopped in the room besides Atlas’s heaving breaths from trying to hold himself back from throwing the table out of anger. He always messed up, or that’s what he thought.

The clicking of Alijah’s heels could be heard on the hardwood floors, and Atlas didn’t want to look back up. He felt Alijah’s hands grab his and pull them away from his face. “Say it again, Atlas.”

Atlas shook his head and closed his eyes. “No. I’m not saying it. I’m not saying anything.”

Alijah laughed a bit before swallowing harshly. “Please, just say it again.”

“I like you, Alijah. Like, I like you, and that’s such a dumb thing to say, but I’m absolutely terrified because I’m not supposed to like you.” Atlas shook his head and looked up at Alijah, tears filling eyes as his anger subsided.

Alijah smiled a bit. “Why are you not supposed to?”

“Because I am- well, was – an angel. You’re everything they’re against, and I’ve been breaking so many rules, and I just keep breaking more and more, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Alijah grabbed Atlas’s hands. “Sometimes you just have to break the rules, and I think you should break this one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I would just like to have dinner with you, but this time as a date.”

Atlas laughed a bit and shook his head. “Why would you want to do that?”

Alijah raised his eyebrows. “Are you serious?”

Atlas nodded as if the question was obvious. “Yeah, why would you want to do that? Pity? Because I really don’t want your pity date.”

“Atlas Axel, you’re a complete dumbass. I like you, too. Was I really not obvious?” Alijah laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

Atlas raised his head and stared at Alijah, his eyes glittering at how happy the boy looked. “You can’t be serious.”

Alijah’s laughs fell to slight giggles as he responded. “But I am, and I would love to have dinner with you. Tonight.”

Atlas fiddled with his hands and nodded. “Uh, yeah, yeah. We can do that. Definitely.”

“Cool.” Alijah grinned and let go of Atlas’s hands. “I’ll meet you outside your room later.”

And then Alijah walked out, and Atlas stared at the ground for a few minutes before letting out a loud “yes” and falling back onto the chair. He closed his eyes and smiled happily only to jump back up and run to Lele’s room, knowing he would need help.