He'll come through

Chapter 24 

They had adjacent chairs next to Freddy’s bed, and other than the odd catnap, they spent the night in a bedside vigil. Words couldn’t describe how Lilah felt, so helpless, so frustrated... but having Quinn there did go some way to share the load. They didn’t mention all that had happened previously, but she did snap occasionally at him, which Quinn took in his stride.

There was a staff change over, so both were asked to leave Freddy’s bedside.

                “Let’s go get a coffee, something to eat.” He offered in the corridor outside.

                “You may feel like food, but I am worried out of my skin, I can’t imagine anything worse than eating now.”

Quinn cupped her face in both his hands and smiled at her, “I don’t feel like food either love, but that little boy in there needs you, he needs you strong, and he needs you healthy. When he’s better, and he will get better, you’ll need to feed him again, I might be a novice at this parenting lark, but I know for a fact that that will depend on how strong you are. You’re doing this for him, you hear me?” When she nodded he continued, “And even if it tastes like wet newspaper in your mouth you will eat, because the minute you give up, is the minute I give up, and I can’t do that. Ok? Because I’ve only just found him, and I’m not ready to let him go.”

She tried to smile at his earnest face, seeing the same desperation in it as she felt in her own, and despite it all she loved him more, for saying and doing the right things.  Falling into his arms, she knew that the tight embrace that wrapped her tightly against him was a gesture of comfort for them both. 

Eventually Quinn kissed the top of her head, “come on, let’s get some gruel in the cafeteria. I’ve heard about hospital food.”

He led her there by the hand, then filled a tray with bacon, scrambled eggs and some rather dry looking toast, coffee and orange juice.  Then he guided her to a picnic style table near a window.

Each time Lilah stopped eating, Quinn would place his hand over hers, encouraging her to finish her food. As they walked back to the intensive care unit, they bumped into her parents who were frantically searching for them, trying to find out the news.

Instantly Rose relaxed seeing Quinn with Lilah, all the way home she’d been worried about her daughter coping with all this alone. Tony clapped the other man on the shoulder, mimicking his wife’s relief.  All four sat in the waiting room, her parents listening as Lilah filled them in on the events that had led to them being sat there. She’d barely finished when a nurse came looking for them.

                “Hi, I’m Nadia, I’m looking after Freddy now, he’s quite settled, do you want to come and see him?”  She led Lilah and her mother back through to see the little man, and her mother found it as difficult as her father later did to see the defenceless baby looking so ill.

After an hour, her parents left, they wanted to be helpful, getting clothes, toiletries and food for the two who they knew wouldn’t leave Freddy’s bedside.

For hours they’d sat beside him, various doctors came over, talked, digressed, and then moved on. Quinn’s hand didn’t drop Lilah’s and when she looked tired, he pulled her over so her head rested against him, physically taking the pressure that he couldn’t take for her emotionally.  She was half asleep when the doctor’s rushed over again, helping her to her feet; he reluctantly left the room as she wandered sleepily.

                “What’s happening now?” Lilah asked as she paced the room impatiently, there’s been too much confusion and she feared the unknown. Quinn tried to calm her, but she could see that he was as stressed as her. It was only then that she looked at him, that she saw the effect this was having on him. He was still dressed in the combat trousers that seemed to be his work uniform and a t-shirt, he was unshaven, and there had been dark rings under his eyes before he’d realised the full implications of Freddy’s illness. The small canvas bag he’d brought with him was at his feet, all he’d brought with him.

                “Where were you when Amir got my email?”

He sighed, leaning back against the cheap plastic seat, his hands behind his head, “I’ve been in Morocco, meeting up with the police there, then I had to go to Spain to meet another contact, I was actually in Gibraltar when he called me, so I got a flight from Malaga. It was much easier than it would’ve been from Marrakech. So that was a stroke of luck.”

As she leaned against his chest, he lowered an arm to hold her close, “I was so glad when I saw you walk through that door.” She lifted her head, “even if you do stink!” Laughing she pegged a thumb and finger over her nose, trying to make light of the awful situation.

He grinned, “I don’t think I’ve slept more than eight hours in the last three days, so don’t bemoan me! I’m here!”

She nodded, “I know, and I’m glad.”

Sitting forward Lilah rested her elbows on her knees, and sat her chin in her upturned hands; Quinn ran a hand up and down her spine in an affectionate gesture. “I saw your mother yesterday,” she announced.

His hand stopped dead in its tracks, and the change in atmosphere was palpable, “what?”

Lilah nodded, “I know you weren’t keen, but I didn’t want Freddy to grow up with the same hang ups that you did.” She turned to look back at him; his expression was dark, not betraying any emotion. “You were right though, I’ll concede that.”

Quinn leaned forward to draw level with her, “what happened?” His voice was taught with emotion and she knew he was struggling to keep his control.

Lilah sighed, “Your mother loved Freddy though it was obviously a shock. Then your step father arrived.”

                “Don’t call him that! He’s nothing to me Delilah!”

                “OK, well he turned up, told me you were only ever good enough to produce a bastard child. At which point...” she quietened his protests to finish her story. “I took Freddy, called him a pig, your mother weak, and said we’d never darken the doors there again.”

Quinn stood, starting to pace the room angrily, she almost expected to see steam explode from his ears, “you don’t listen to me!”

She stood up in front of him, “NO!” she raised her voice, “you don’t talk to me! You tell me nothing except your demands for a situation. Don’t see my mother, but no explanations, this isn’t the 1940’s, you cannot just control me like that!”

Running his fingers through his hair, he sighed, “My father died when I was fifteen. This prick Gerald arrived on the scene not long after. I joined Sandhurst military college at sixteen, then at my first break for Christmas, I came back home and he was virtually living there. He accused me of taking three hundred pounds out of his wallet. My mother sided with him. It was awful.” He shuddered at the reality of the recollection, “so I paid him back out of my pittance of a pay. Took me a couple of months, and boy did I go without for that.” Turning back to Lilah he pleaded, “I’ve never stolen from anyone.”

She nodded, “I believe that...except for a car and a mobile phone in the African desert!”

“Very true...” he smiled for a moment, “I rarely came home after that. And when she married him...Johnny had just died...I met up with some other ‘loose cannons’ who’d drifted from the military, and we set up a network covering most of Africa and the Middle East. You know the rest.”

Lilah flopped back into a seat, “I know they’ll not see Freddy again. And I’m sorry for doubting you.”

 Sitting down next to her, he smiled a sad smile, “I never thought I’d hear those words coming from your mouth!”

As Lilah raised her hand to play punch his arm, the door opened and the same doctor entered.  Freddy was stable, they’d had to change his meds again, he was still very sick, but he’d survived a huge glitch.

Standing at the foot of the bed watching his small bare chest being pumped up and down by a machine, his arms and legs splayed and lifeless was hard all over again. Lilah felt a whole wave of tears engulf her; she couldn’t bear to think of life without this little bundle. But Quinn was there again, holding her, whispering words of strength to her. Wiping the tears that spilled onto his chest.

                “Come on darling, be strong. You have to!”

She nodded through another wave of silent tears, burrowing further into his chest.

It was the longest day either had ever known, each hour that ticked by was an hour more that he fought. The doctors came in periodically, but since mid afternoon there had been no further drama. Neither had eaten since their early breakfast, and it was now almost midnight.

Hayley was back on this shift, and after being there just a few hours she came back to the bed with a set of keys.

                “There’s a parents wing, somewhere you can get some sleep, shower, whatever. You both need some rest.”

As Lilah made to protest, Quinn placed a finger over her lips to silence her, before smiling at Hayley, “thanks. You’ll call?”

                “If anything changes, immediately. There’s a direct phone in your bedroom. Here’s our number. Call as often as you like, and Lilah, it’s a two minute walk away, ok?”

Lilah nodded through tears, praying that he was going to be there, safe when they returned.

Lilah’s parents had brought a bag earlier, and whilst they wanted desperately to stay, they both appreciated that they could do nothing and it would be more stressful for Lilah and Quinn if they stayed.  As they entered the room, Lilah felt tears start again, and Quinn wiped her tears.

                “Go in there,” he directed her to the bathroom, “shower, and dress in something comfortable, I’ll get us something to eat, to drink. Then I’ll shower and we can sleep. OK?” he could tell it was the furthest thing from her ideal, but she seemed to realise it was something she had to do.

Bless you Mum, she thought as she opened the bag. There was some comfortable loose trousers a few t-shirts, underwear and a bag of toiletries, but she’d also packed a few t-shirts and some shorts and joggers of her Dad’s, which would just about fit, despite their differing build.

She was cross legged on the bed brushing her wet hair when the door opened and Quinn placed a carton of fish and chips in front of her and a bottle of diet coke.

                “Sorry,” he offered pulling his shirt off, then unfastening his trousers, “that was as healthy as it got!”

She smiled tucking in, avoiding him undressing and surprised at her sudden appetite, “my mother’s packed some stuff for you – it’s my Dad’s!”

                “Great!” singling out the joggers and a plain t-shirt, he made for the bathroom.

Lilah had almost wolfed the lot by the time he emerged from the shower, a towel slung low around his hips.

                “These were just for me?” she asked and he laughed.“Yep, I ate mine downstairs.” He stood beside her towelling dry his hair, then started to dress. In the clean clothes he looked fresher and smelled better so she had no qualms about lying beside him in bed. And once she’d called Hayley for an update – there was no change, she settled under the duvet, curled in his arms and slept.