He'll come through

Chapter 20 

                “Am I worth the risk?”

Lilah shrugged, unable to answer, so aware of his proximity, she could almost feel his pounding heart through the scant clothing between them, the one thing she could guarantee was that she trusted Quinn, with her life. Would he deliberately hurt her? She looked at those warm eyes, eyes that already felt like they were undressing her, burrowing through the layers of her defence, and felt a moan escape her lips, she loved him, all she could do was hope that he’d come to love her. Wasn’t it?

Hearing the sounds, a soft half whimper, Quinn knew she’d acquiesced, that she’d finally lowered her defences.  So he dived in like the ravenous man he was.  There was no softness, no tenderness in this kiss; this was a year of longing finally coming to fruition, for both of them. Quinn moved his mouth down to her neck, biting at the soft flesh there as Lilah threw her head back and moaned, meanwhile her hands were tugging at the numerous folds of the toga he was wearing, finally with a satisfied grunt the sheets came loose and she pushed the material away, inch after inch.  Still he kissed her neck, his tongue running along her collar bone, teeth tugging at the delicate straps of her dress.

                “Have I told you how sexy this dress is?” he croaked as he managed to locate the zip hidden under one of her arms. When she nodded, he chuckled against her skin, “but it’s not enough for me to want you to keep it on!”

Within seconds it was pooled around her waist, at the same time she eventually won the battle with the bed sheets. When Quinn lifted his head to look down at her newly exposed body, to drink in every inch of her, Lilah did the same, then gasped. Quinn was completely naked!

Her eyes flashed up to his and a shocked smile spread across her face, “all night?”

                “Commando?” he asked, still happily eyeing her full breasts in a pretty lacy white bra. Reaching to push the dress further down, he mumbled, “it’s quite exhilarating, having the wind blowing around your ‘parts’! But that’s why I was so long coming back from the beer garden. Nothing to hide the effect you have on me!”  As if to prove that it was a constant effect on her, he took her hand and placed it over him, closing his eyes as she circled her fingers around him, and he grew further in response.

                “Shit...” he murmured, “that wasn’t the wisest of moves!” He’d succeeded in pushing the dress over her hips, it was pooled around her feet, and he was now watching her every move. When he could take no more he scooped her up in her arms. “Where’s your bedroom?”

                “Kids!” she gasped. “Not good...”

Dropping her legs he let them slide down his body, loving the feel of her naked against him, but knowing that he couldn’t do more than enjoy just that. He was desperate to lay her out on a comfortable bed, explore every inch of her, and leaning his mouth close to her ear, he told her just that, but he also knew that Maria finding them would complicate her life, and there was something innately wrong with the thought of Freddy waking and him being in bed with Lilah.

                “So what do we do now?” she asked against his lips, her body still appreciating the warmth of his, wriggling like a cat against his hands.

                “Well, for a start you stop rubbing up against me like a rampant dog, or my resolve will weaken, and we don’t want that to happen....do we?”

Lilah shook her head half heartedly, “no...” Her hand snuck back below his waist and he grabbed it before she actually made contact.

                “Right that’s decided, I’m going back to the hotel, I’ll find some decent clothes, you can get dressed, then we can talk, and cuddle, and maybe sleep on the sofa together....and NO more than that. Ok?” He laughed when he saw her distraught face he laughed, “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, hey?”

With a forlorn look and a pouting bottom lip, she started to protest, “But...”

He laid a finger over her lips, “do you want me to let this get out of control? Because it would be the easiest thing to ignore my common sense, hell it is hell trying to stop this. I could very easily clear that kitchen table and spread you out there and have my wicked way with you....but where does that leave us? And what if Maria comes down wanting a drink?”

She nodded annoyed that he was making the sensible decisions that her libido wasn’t allowing her to even contemplate, “I just....”

His mouth covered hers for a moment, then he pulled back, “I can guarantee whatever you’re thinking, I am way further ahead of you. But I’m trying rather unsuccessfully to think of the big picture here.”

Quinn’s hands slid around her and under the lacy waistband of her knickers to cup her buttocks, “you have no idea what I’m fighting with now Blondie.”

Lilah was starting to regain control, and she wriggled her pelvis against his, he was rock hard, “I think I have some idea.”

Shaking his head he dropped a kiss on her forehead, “you are the naughtiest, sexiest woman I have ever met!”

Lifting the sheets he re-tied them haphazardly around his waist, covering at least half of his beautiful body, glancing at her, still dressed only in underwear he gave a knowing shake of the head, “when did I get so moralistic?”

She leaned against the work surface and smiled seductively at him, “you’re a good man Quinn Southland, more is the pity!”

With a groan he dashed out of the door!

When he finally let himself back in he was wearing combats and a t-shirt, this was the Quinn she knew best.   Lilah had showered, cold at first, but now in cotton pyjama’s she was relaxed and back on form.

                “Can I get you a drink?”

Quinn shook his head, “no thanks, I’m back in control now!”

She smiled noting that his hair was damp; he’d needed to calm down too, that pleased her – as long as it wasn’t just her. But without the hot passion things were a little awkward.

                “Come here!” he offered lounging on the sofa; she sat beside him as he’d gestured and allowed him to put an arm around her shoulder, to pull her close.

                “So what do we do now?” She asked looking up at him.

His face broke into a sexy grin, “make out like teenagers and desperately avoid reaching second base?” he followed up his words with a long seductive kiss, full of promise, but nowhere near as desperate as the ones they ‘d shared earlier.

Dragging herself away, she laughed, “or we could talk more.”

Quinn nodded, “but I sense there are a lot of brick walls that we are likely to hit, the future, the past, family...all no go areas, that leaves very little!”

Lilah gulped, she had hoped to broach the future, to get at least some form of verbal commitment from him, a week, a month...anything! But instead they started talking about her time teaching in the local school, how she’d filled the summer since Freddy had come along, and the custody issues she was having with Gavin’s parents over Maria’s future. He nodded along, contributing his thoughts, but there was very little back from him.

After a few drinks, they ended up spooned together on the sofa, her spine pressed against the length of her, both listening to mellow music in the semi-darkness. When his hands ran over her still slightly rounded stomach, he sighed.

                “I wish I’d seen you pregnant.” It was a murmur against her ear, “I bet you looked beautiful, all rounded and curvy...I’m so sad I missed all that.”

                “It wasn’t my fault; I didn’t know where you were.”

He wrapped his arms around her more tightly and whispered again in her ear, “I wasn’t getting at that! I just think you’re so sexy now, but to have seen you with my baby in you... that would have been mind blowing!"

Loving his hands worshipping her so erotically she sighed, “I just felt fat and depressed. But hey, that’s the past.”

Relaxing for a few moments she enjoyed his strong arms around her. “So are you going to see your mother whilst you’re here? I’d love her to meet Freddy.” She finally threw that out there, she knew he’d feel defensive over this topic, but Freddy did deserve to know his other grandmother, that wasn’t Quinn’s choice. She didn’t quite expect him to freeze as he did, and she could tell that he was tempted to push her away, physically and emotionally.

Quinn swallowed a few times before he turned her to face him, “I’m not ready to play happy families Blondie, not with my mother, or anyone else in my family.”

She placed her hands over his, still protectively across her stomach, “Quinn, this isn’t your choice anymore, this is about what’s right for Freddy. Parenting is all about sacrifice. I will be taking him to your mother’s; I just think that you should be part of that. But that’s up to you.”

Silence prevailed and though still entwined, neither spoke eventually drifting off to sleep.

Waking in his arms after the night full of such confliction emotions was surreal, but it was still a place she felt she belonged. She could hear noise upstairs and knew that Maria had woken, Freddy was obviously still asleep. Wriggling out of his arms, she pulled the throw that had covered them the previous evening over him and made her way to the kitchen. By the time Maria found her she was halfway into organising breakfast.

                “What’s he doing sleeping on the sofa?” Maria asked nodding towards the lounge. Despite her words there was no malice in her voice.

                “You remember Quinn? From the station?”

She laughed, “And Grampy’s house, and the cricket, and the party! Of course I know him!”

Lilah nodded knowingly, “well he’s my friend, and actually, he’s Freddy’s Daddy. So he’ll be spending some time here.”

Maria was silent as she accepted the plate of toast, but it was a lot for an almost eight year old to take in. Allowing her that time, Lilah continued to make a pot of coffee and her own porridge.

Eventually Maria spoke, fairly quietly, “so does this mean I can’t come here anymore?”

                “What?” Lilah rushed over to sit beside Maria. “Don’t be ridiculous darling, I love you, we all love you, you know that don’t you?”

                “But won’t you marry him and be a family with Freddy?”

As Lilah started to speak a deep voice cut her off, “Maria! You are more important than anything else. I’m not going to change that. I just want to spend some time with Freddy, and you! Is that ok?”

She looked up at Quinn a contemplative look on her face, “but what if you get married, then I can’t live with you then.”

Quinn chuckled, “we’re not planning to get married chicken, but if we did then you’d be part of that, ok?”

She smiled, “I could be a bridesmaid?”

Her hopeful expression only added to Quinn’s sudden awkwardness, and seeing him squirm only aided Lilah’s perverse pleasure at this situation. Pinning him in a corner hadn’t worked for her, but he couldn’t use the same evasive techniques on a fragile child. And she had no intention of helping him dig out of this hole.

                “We’re not getting married Maria, but if we did, you could be a bridesmaid, I promise.”

                “Mummies and Daddies get married though.”

Quinn was almost purple with frustration, “um...”

It was then that Lilah finally had some guilt over this, so she stepped in, “Look Maria, it’s like Nadia your friend, her Mummy and Daddy are friends, but they don’t live in the same house do they? We’re like that.”

Maria turned to Quinn with a shocked expression, “do you have a boyfriend too then like Nadia’s Daddy?” Quinn spluttered in surprise and Maria added, “She said she’s got two Daddies really!”

Lilah burst into laughter, Quinn’s face was a picture, “bad example! Sorry Maria, we’re just friends darling, Quinn is spending some time here with Freddy before he heads back overseas. Then we’ll be back to normal, ok?”

She ignored Quinn’s desperate looks and finished organising the kitchen, just as Freddy started to cry. Heading to the sanctity of the nursery, she cooed at Freddy as she changed him into a clean nappy and summer clothing for the warm day, then she sat into the rocking chair, settling him close to her and lifting her pyjama top for him to feed. Eyes closed, she relaxed, not wanting to analyse the last few hours in any great depth.

Her eyes snapped open when she sensed a presence in the room, and her eyes focused on Quinn leaning against the doorframe, and indescribable look on his face. As he made to speak she held up a hand to silence him.

                “Please Quinn, don’t say anything. You’ve never made any promises, I get that.”

                “But...” he floundered searching for words.

Lilah sighed, “Don’t think of excuses or try to flower the situation to make me feel better. I’m a big girl Quinn, and I don’t need you sugaring the pill. My eyes are well and truly open. I’ll miss you when you leave, we all will. But I’m not putting my life on hold.” With a wicked smile she twinkled her eyes at him, “and I’m looking forward to later. Maria goes back to school this afternoon, Freddy’s in bed early. We can ‘talk’ more then, we seemed compatible at that last night at least. We’ll cross the bridge of you leaving when we get to it. But until then let’s have fun?”

Looking back down to her son, their son, she smiled, their lust for each other was all she had left. If she and the baby weren’t enough to penetrate his thick stubborn hide, she’d throw everything at him sexually. After all him leaving now would break her, she may as well have a head full of memories to warm her tear-filled lonely night. Because if having her heart, her soul and free reign of her body wasn’t enough, then he didn’t deserve her.